Moving out sooner!

[JayJay 4]

Just thought I'd give you guys a detailed and more descriptive update, since you've been our guiding light through both the immigration situation and our lives in general (I've been able to say "I know we're here in this place, but look - 60 people have left these lovely messages for us... ). I've updated my little ticker accordingly!

Ok, so we knew it would be a bad weekend. It always is a bad weekend - the weekend before last we were shouted at whenever we came out of the room we live in, so last weekend we stayed in the room..only to find that wasn't good enough either (sheesh!).

This weekend I had an inkling that things would take a turn for the worse, and they did...

This morning, the MIL had what I can only describe as an unholy descent into the 7th level of Hell in the kitchen...totally flipped in a matter of seconds and although Ben handled the situation well, and was very calm, he was treated appallingly. REALLY appallingly - won't go into that much further...

That, coupled with the fact that a week ago, (I found out today) she actually managed to break her knuckle by hitting our pet kitten so hard, led us to reconsider staying there for three more weeks and instead arrange to move out next weekend instead...so that's what we did!

Means everything's a mad rush now - getting the bills sorted with the gas, electricity and water people, getting the 'phone line and TV set up etc, but it's a do-able period of time, and to be honest, I'd rather move out and live by candlelight, sleep on a box and play board games than stay in the house we're in a second longer! I just hope she doesn't do anything to my Green Card, when it arrives. My goodness, this has been a ride and a half for the last few months....7 days, and then it's over.

Luckily I'm at my friend Em's place over the road right now. We "turbo-packed" a lot of things this morning. Ben had finally had it, and finally stood up for himself, me and our little family (including our little Daisy - cat), after many, many years of this kind of abusive behaviour. Finally, we can be honest about it to each other, and to others, because that's the thing with abuse - it continues as long as you say nothing. Now the fear or saying something has been removed, and both of us (despite the temporarily insane (even more so!) situation), have found our voices and are feeling much calmer, and better.

Luckily family members know what is happening, and what's been happening in the last few months. They're not surprised by it at all, which is sad, but revealing and quite comforting in a way.

Now the only questions is this: what shall we do for the next week? We could stay here, at Em's, or brave it out over there...only problem being that Ben (and me, and the cat) are now being punished for standing up and now bending over and taking it....by removal of any privileges and human rights, including using the bathroom, and drinking water, which is a problem...heh.

My God, you guys must think this whole situation is nuts! Well actually... suppose it is *red-faced guffaw*

Edited April 8, 2006 by JayJay

[Welshcookie 17]

OMFG!!!!

I would not consider going back there for even a day!

I am soooo glad you have your own place to go to now.....good on ya both....

I had a feeling about my avatar choice today......

[blackbettie 0]

That, coupled with the fact that a week ago, (I found out today) she actually managed to break her knuckle by hitting our pet kitten so hard, led us to reconsider staying there for three more weeks and instead arrange to move out next weekend instead...so that's what we did![/color]

Jeez, glad you're out there. Brave decision also. But more than right and about time too, from what I read.

Sandra

[Fandango 1,439]

omG that sounds insane JayJay....you cannot go to that house for another second!

Congrats to your hubby for finally standing up for himself...that's no small feat & you must be soooo immensely proud of him!

As far as your GC, can you not put in a change of addy before it gets sent? Or is it en-route?

[JayJay 4]

I think it's en-route...'they' told us not to change the addy until it arrives. Hope she doesn't cut it up! :D (Mentioned that to Ben and he said "...she'd better not!")

And yup, I am immensely proud of Ben. He almost got castrated for it! Luckily once we're out, we aint coming back...and he'll NEVER have to go through this again, for as long as he lives. For that, I am grateful and thankful.

Edited April 8, 2006 by JayJay

[MichelleandCraig 1]

awww JayJay...how awful!! Like the rest, I'm SO glad you're able to get out of there..and just think..not to just some other place, but your very OWN new place..it's all got to be SO exciting, and at just the right time too!(not that you wouldn't have wanted to go before, but seems NECESSARY now!! All the very best to you; you're one of my favorite VJ'ers!!! M & C

[j&js 0]

Glad you are getting out of that crazy place! Congrats on standing up for yourself. Good luck in your new place

[Fandango 1,439]

I think it's en-route...'they' told us not to change the addy until it arrives. Hope she doesn't cut it up! :D (Mentioned that to Ben and he said "...she'd better not!")

And yup, I am immensely proud of Ben. He almost got castrated for it! Luckily once we're out, we aint coming back...and he'll NEVER have to go through this again, for as long as he lives. For that, I am grateful and thankful.

Can you not secretly go to the mailbox before the mil does?

[JayJay 4]

Unfortunately the mail arrives at 1pm, while I'm at work...

So I just have to hope!

[usarandyo 0]

Oh boy oh day! What that woman needs is a good rap along side her head. Someone knock the snot out of her and tell her she opens her mouth again there is more of that coming!

I mean damn... It is good to hear someone finally took a stand but... how the hell can anyone allow someone to treat them that way?!?!

I guess it is just something that my mind just can not understand.

Best of luck to you and your little family!!!

[luvaLimey 0]

She hit your kitty?

How awful! I'm glad you're moving out. If it was me, I'd stay out of that place for good. I don't know how long you can intrude on your friend's hospitality though. You've got a new place lined up, right?

[Itsmeitsmeitsree! 0]

My mother-out-law (what else could an ex-mother-in-law be??) was almost exactly as you described, but more with the emotional and mental abuse. It was one of the major reasons that my first marriage broke up.

Take it from me, from someone who's been in your shoes, please get out and stay out as soon as you can. Support your husband in every effort he makes to oppose her. He may at times feel torn between you and her, so be supportive and understanding. Your marriage will suffer if he doesn't "rise up" and protect himself, you, and your marriage. And it will only get way worse if he doesn't do in NOW, before you have children. Children change the equation that isn't even fathomable for you both at this point.

Be strong and hang in there. Know that with him making these efforts, it's a very good sign that he cares about you and that he values your marriage above all else. Let him know that you realize and appreciate this!

Thanks for sharing this situation with us all. Hugs to you and your husband, and to Daisy! (There is a grey tabby here named Emma who sends best wishes to her too!)

Becky

Edited April 8, 2006 by Itsmeitsmeitsree!

[JayJay 4]

Thank you Becky - what a cutie!

You understand exactly what we're up against, then - luckily we have a place - we were meant to be moving in 3 weeks, but now we've changed it to next Saturday - so we'll be in our own house at that point. It's just "what to do?" in the interim, ya know? Em's kindly offered us her spare room, which is nice - so I'm wondering if Ben wants to do that. He must be very tired right now, I think, after this morning's shenannigans.

She has a very weird and very controlling relationship with her Grandaughter which is being curtailed as we speak - and as for our children:- we decided a few months ago that any kind of visitation woud be strictly supervised by us. I won't go into it any further than that, but suffice-it-to-say, at this point, he doesn't want to see her any more. And I can't say I blame him at all...sad, but true - unfortunately it's one of those terribly abusive "come here so I can slap you harder", screwed up situations.... All you can do in a situation like that is get the person help, and mainatin a safe emotional distance...

[Mina76 0]

JayJay I'am so sorry to hear about your situation and how uncomfortable your MIL (horrible, horrible woman!) is making you and your hubby and your little kitten to live there

Good thing you are moving out and hopefully you will not have to see much of her after that! I hope you will soon be at peace in your new home

Mina

[almaty 19]

damn Jay, i am sorry for you and ben..being in this hell....your MIL is a 1st class certified cruel chopf##k