Trust in a Relationship....

[almaty 19]

blind trust in anyone or anything is a recipe for ........

Edited August 27, 2007 by almaty

[one...two...tree 2,762]

blind trust in anyone or anyhting is a recipe for ........

Like Dubbya and Alberto.

[AtlantiCat 0]

"Honey, do these pants make my butt look fat?"

"How's that pasta? As good as your mom's?"

"Do you find that girl attractive?"

"How do you like that shirt I got you?"

"Is there anything about me you would want to change?"

Why do men seem to think that women are going to ask these questions and not expect an honest answer? If I ask any question, any question at all, of my mate, I expect an honest answer. I don't expect something flattering because I don't want to be lied to for any reason. If my butt, not the pants, make my butt look fat, tell me the pants have no effect. If the pasta could be better, tell me how you think it could be improved. I find other men attractive and I expect my man to find other women attractive. We're getting married, not buried!

Guys, instead of "little white lies," how about some honest feedback and constructive criticism? Do you think the sauce would be better if I added a dash of worcestershire sauce? Would you like to join me in a workout regimen? I have the receipt, return the shirt if you won't wear it.

We can't predict your minds as you can't predict ours. How about some honest communication to clarify things instead of saying what you think we want to hear?

blind trust in anyone or anyhting is a recipe for ........

Religion?

Edited August 27, 2007 by AtlantiCat

[Jaseball 0]

"Honey, do these pants make my butt look fat?"

"How's that pasta? As good as your mom's?"

"Do you find that girl attractive?"

"How do you like that shirt I got you?"

"Is there anything about me you would want to change?"

Why do men seem to think that women are going to ask these questions and not expect an honest answer? If I ask any question, any question at all, of my mate, I expect an honest answer. I don't expect something flattering because I don't want to be lied to for any reason. If my butt, not the pants, make my butt look fat, tell me the pants have no effect. If the pasta could be better, tell me how you think it could be improved. I find other men attractive and I expect my man to find other women attractive. We're getting married, not buried!

Guys, instead of "little white lies," how about some honest feedback and constructive criticism? Do you think the sauce would be better if I added a dash of worcestershire sauce? Would you like to join me in a workout regimen? I have the receipt, return the shirt if you won't wear it.

We can't predict your minds as you can't predict ours. How about some honest communication to clarify things instead of saying what you think we want to hear?

You're kidding right? I've dated plenty of women and faced those types of situations too many times to remember and if you think open and honest answers are the way to go here you are the one who is deluded.

Women ask these questions as a test. They are seeking support and are seeing just how creative their guy can be with their answer. Watch you guy the next time you toss a question like that. He'll probably tense up, sweat a bit or if he is smooth and prepared he'll smile sweetly and either tell a joke or say something you want to hear.

I don't want to derail the original topic. My point was there are some topics, lies, issues, that are deal breakers the first time they happen because they show a severe flaw in the relationship or significant other.

There are other times like this where white lies smooth over possible pointless conflicts and instead of having a spat and feel bad, you can both have a good laugh and go make sweet, sweet love.

Personally I even try to avoid white lies. I'm more of the joking, avoidance, bounce back the question type because that way you still defuse the situation and didn't even tell a white lie.

[Sister Fracas 5]

blind trust in anyone or anyhting is a recipe for ........

Religion?

lol

[Nessa 23]

Why do men seem to think that women are going to ask these questions and not expect an honest answer? If I ask any question, any question at all, of my mate, I expect an honest answer. I don't expect something flattering because I don't want to be lied to for any reason. If my butt, not the pants, make my butt look fat, tell me the pants have no effect. If the pasta could be better, tell me how you think it could be improved. I find other men attractive and I expect my man to find other women attractive. We're getting married, not buried!

Guys, instead of "little white lies," how about some honest feedback and constructive criticism? Do you think the sauce would be better if I added a dash of worcestershire sauce? Would you like to join me in a workout regimen? I have the receipt, return the shirt if you won't wear it.

We can't predict your minds as you can't predict ours. How about some honest communication to clarify things instead of saying what you think we want to hear?

You're kidding right? I've dated plenty of women and faced those types of situations too many times to remember and if you think open and honest answers are the way to go here you are the one who is deluded.

Women ask these questions as a test. They are seeking support and are seeing just how creative their guy can be with their answer. Watch you guy the next time you toss a question like that. He'll probably tense up, sweat a bit or if he is smooth and prepared he'll smile sweetly and either tell a joke or say something you want to hear.

I don't want to derail the original topic. My point was there are some topics, lies, issues, that are deal breakers the first time they happen because they show a severe flaw in the relationship or significant other.

There are other times like this where white lies smooth over possible pointless conflicts and instead of having a spat and feel bad, you can both have a good laugh and go make sweet, sweet love.

Personally I even try to avoid white lies. I'm more of the joking, avoidance, bounce back the question type because that way you still defuse the situation and didn't even tell a white lie.

I don't agree with you. With that said, I'll take your post as your personal opinion, after all, you haven't dated every woman in the world to say for sure that women ask these questions as a test. Some do, I'm sure, some don't.

I don't expect my husband to tell me I look fat, ever, so yeah, some white lies are always welcome. But I really appreciate after I cook something that he suggest for me to do this or that to improve, because if he doesn't say such I'll keep cooking that way, that tastes good to me and he'll have to eat it. And I prefer to cook something not only for my taste, but that he truly enjoys it.

[AtlantiCat 0]

"Honey, do these pants make my butt look fat?"

"How's that pasta? As good as your mom's?"

"Do you find that girl attractive?"

"How do you like that shirt I got you?"

"Is there anything about me you would want to change?"

Why do men seem to think that women are going to ask these questions and not expect an honest answer? If I ask any question, any question at all, of my mate, I expect an honest answer. I don't expect something flattering because I don't want to be lied to for any reason. If my butt, not the pants, make my butt look fat, tell me the pants have no effect. If the pasta could be better, tell me how you think it could be improved. I find other men attractive and I expect my man to find other women attractive. We're getting married, not buried!

Guys, instead of "little white lies," how about some honest feedback and constructive criticism? Do you think the sauce would be better if I added a dash of worcestershire sauce? Would you like to join me in a workout regimen? I have the receipt, return the shirt if you won't wear it.

We can't predict your minds as you can't predict ours. How about some honest communication to clarify things instead of saying what you think we want to hear?

You're kidding right? I've dated plenty of women and faced those types of situations too many times to remember and if you think open and honest answers are the way to go here you are the one who is deluded.

Women ask these questions as a test. They are seeking support and are seeing just how creative their guy can be with their answer. Watch you guy the next time you toss a question like that. He'll probably tense up, sweat a bit or if he is smooth and prepared he'll smile sweetly and either tell a joke or say something you want to hear.

I don't want to derail the original topic. My point was there are some topics, lies, issues, that are deal breakers the first time they happen because they show a severe flaw in the relationship or significant other.

There are other times like this where white lies smooth over possible pointless conflicts and instead of having a spat and feel bad, you can both have a good laugh and go make sweet, sweet love.

Personally I even try to avoid white lies. I'm more of the joking, avoidance, bounce back the question type because that way you still defuse the situation and didn't even tell a white lie.

Perhaps you've dated the wrong type of women or perhaps I'm just different from the norm. I never ask those types of questions without expecting an honest answer. Period. I'm not interested in testing my man because I know perfectly well that he supports me and furthermore I know the limits of his creativity. My only point was never assume that just because you "think" that's the way women work means that it is either 1) true, or 2) universal. I'm just not interested in any sort of lie, large black or little white, and my man knows this and doesn't tell me things I want to hear if he doesn't believe them. That's called having an honest relationship. I wouldn't have it any other way. B)

Edited August 27, 2007 by AtlantiCat

[Jaseball 0]

It definitely is a personal opinion based off my own experiences and life lessons. There are hundreds of ways to answer that can be customized to the person you are dealing with and their personality. I've never had success with 100% honest answers to those types of questions posed by a girlfriend and I also don't believe spilling your guts as a guy is a good move, especially in a marriage.

Life becomes too routine and people get stuck in a rut. I believe it is highly important for couples to maintain a level of mystery, intimacy, and playfulness with each other, especially as the relationship goes past that 5-7 year mark.

Also, I've never met any woman who will sit there and admit they test men, either with those types of questions or with trying to control some other aspect, such as throwing a fit when you want to spend time with a male friend drinking, turning a cold shoulder, withholding affection, etc.

The women I've known always test me. Sometimes I'll see it and reverse it on them by being playful, however if they really go nuts or out of line I'll call them on their actions, tell them I don't play those games or accept being treated with disrespect and walk away.

Most women I know will push on their men because they like to see their men have a backbone and push back.

[Fandango 1,440]

"Honey, do these pants make my butt look fat?"

"How's that pasta? As good as your mom's?"

"Do you find that girl attractive?"

"How do you like that shirt I got you?"

"Is there anything about me you would want to change?"

Why do men seem to think that women are going to ask these questions and not expect an honest answer? If I ask any question, any question at all, of my mate, I expect an honest answer. I don't expect something flattering because I don't want to be lied to for any reason. If my butt, not the pants, make my butt look fat, tell me the pants have no effect. If the pasta could be better, tell me how you think it could be improved. I find other men attractive and I expect my man to find other women attractive. We're getting married, not buried!

Guys, instead of "little white lies," how about some honest feedback and constructive criticism? Do you think the sauce would be better if I added a dash of worcestershire sauce? Would you like to join me in a workout regimen? I have the receipt, return the shirt if you won't wear it.

We can't predict your minds as you can't predict ours. How about some honest communication to clarify things instead of saying what you think we want to hear?

AMEN!

I totally hear ya woman. If I wear an outfit that looks like #######, I EXPECT my man to tell me.

I just typed this in the poll I made on the subject.

But you're absolutely right....if a question is asked, then it should be honestly answered. Don't pacify me, be straight with me!

Most women I know will push on their men because they like to see their men have a backbone and push back.

Then why advocate pacifying those types of women?

[rika60607 215]

Hmmm.... not many people marry someone they do not trust at all. Although some people do marry even if they do not trust their SO completely.

I think it is a bit childish (teenager-ish?) to say they you trust your SO completely, 100%, unless you know your SO for more than 10 years or have been married/living together for more than 6-7 years. And according to your experience your SO never lied to you.

Otherwise, what is your trust based on? Love is blind, lovers tend to "turn a blind eye" when their loved one "may be" lying to them.

Most people lie, if not to their SO, then to others... doctors, employers, IRS, telemarketers... I don't know. Most people lie to someone occasionally.

(Hello? I would love to discuss switching to your phone company, but I am busy right now (watching TV hehe))

It is a good predictor that if your SO lies to others (not you!), then eventually he/she will lie to you (likely same kind of lie, ie from totally horrible black lie to withholding of truth and on to the white lies).

So, assuming you agree that SO lying to others (not you) is a good predictor of future behavior towards YOU, how many still completely trust their SO?

And if yes, WHY?

How important is trust to you in a relationship? Could you marry your SO while thinking (s)he's a liar?

For me, if I didn't trust D with my life, we wouldn't be getting married. Hell, we wouldn't be in an LDR. It's the foundation for everything, and without trust, there's nothing.

It boggles my mind how people will sell themselves short and marry people that they don't trust at all.

What about you?

[Jaseball 0]

So what you ladies are telling me is the best policy is 100% direct, brutal truth in every single situation.

If you ask a questions like "Do these pants make my butt look fat?" the correct answer would be something like, "Wow, yeah, for some reason those pants makes your butt look huge."

Then you'll smile sweetly and say, "Thanks honey! I just wanted your 100% honest opinion!"

This is why long ago I stopped asking advice on women from female friends. They had my best interest at heart, they truly told me what they believed, however applying some of their suggestions was a sure way to get slaughtered.

The only way a guy gets good relationship advice is from another guy who is successful with women of all types, not from other women. Advice from mom, sisters, etc., is usually the worst advice of all.

As for the above stereotypical question about pants and fat butts here are some safe answers:

"I think X pant/skirt/shorts actually goes better with that blouse and highlights your eyes."

"You know how uncontrollable I get when you wear tight fitting clothes. We have to leave in 10 minutes and I don't have time now to ravage you for hours."

Neither of these answers contains a lie, makes the woman feel desirable, and disables the question in a clever or funny way, which works many times better than even the typical generic white lie, "Nothing makes you look fat," or something to that effect.

[Lilith** 0]

If you ask a questions like "Do these pants make my butt look fat?" the correct answer would be something like, "Wow, yeah, for some reason those pants makes your butt look huge."

Then you'll smile sweetly and say, "Thanks honey! I just wanted your 100% honest opinion!"

Well I always thought it was only women who don't actually have big butts that ask this kind of question.....I mean if you have a big butt you don't need your man to tell you it isn't so, I have a mirror and use it

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Actually, when I ask a question like "how does this look" , etc. I WANT an honest answer. I depend on my partner to advise me where I might be too close to an issue to make a 'safe' decision for myself. If it looks bad, please, tell me before I go out in public and embarrass myself! If you don't like something I make, then let me know so I won't make it again or find some way to make it differently that you DO like. Sure, if a woman is attractive, say so - I know you aren't blind; I will probably agree - or maybe not and then we can discuss our different views on beauty. I am confident enough in myself that I am not threatened by another woman's beauty - and I may even admire her myself. I promise, I will never ask you what about me you would like to change nor will I ask you to change something that is part of you. I accept you as you are, and appreciate that you accept me as I am. Honesty is a part of trust as well - you don't need to be brutal; you can be honest and kind at the same time.

Edited August 27, 2007 by Kathryn41

[TracyTN 237]

I never ask my hubby questions like that - I don't want to put him in the position where he'd think he might hurt my feelings by being honest. I'm usually so critical of myself, I don't need a sounding board.

[almaty 19]

some people do not want to hear the truth...they would rather live in their fantasy world of the relationship