Sad Journey

[cebuanagirl 0]

Hello everyone, just signed up a while ago in this site, i really need everybody's opinion regarding my concerns. First of all, I came from the other country, and frankly i prayed that i could meet a good husband someday and to make to stories short, found one and am very sure he is the one. Until we meet personally in our country and find him a nice guy. So now, we processed the fiancee visa and coming here in the US. My intention to marry him is honestly pure and serious, and very glad that I found my soulmate, frankly, I didn't rush into this thing, i mean in the married life but here I am now! hehe we get married within 3 months, i've been here for 8 months now. When I got here i expect differently, and found out his true color. Within this time since I got here I told him, I wanna work so that i can help for us, and until now, couldn't work. I feel so trap, I feel like a slave, and i didn't even ask him before that we need to process my immigration, i was just observing him what he's gonna do and until time my patience is gone, for 8 months, finally, i ask him please help me, i want to work so that I can help us financially. I don't understand my husband told me that I don't want to process co'z he's afraid if am gonna work, am gonna leave him as other did, God almighty! frankly, why am gonna leave without a reason. I used to work as a graphic artist for 6 plus years, was happy and contented eventhough is not that much. Frankly, i feel pitty for him because his life is very screwed up but i am so hurting too of what he said sometimes...

Another thing is, I plan not to get pregnant yet especially, we are in trouble financially, in short we are not ready, i ask the clinic last time that give me birth control please, and when i came back again, the doctor said to me, the practitioner given you a wrong pills, you are now pregnant, i was so shocked, I ask myself, i've been depressed and trap all the time and now am pregnant, i'm in serious trouble and have a hard time also to be with my husband's attitude sometimes, I donno what to do, i tried to plan to abort but I can't afford, I am so afraid that God punish me if am going to abort. We've been to the marriage counseling I told to the counselor everything, and she told my husband, so defensive, very screwed up and he deceive me..... that time i was decided to leave him but he's crying a lot and told he going to die if am leaving and i felt pitty.

So until now, my visa is expired already and we didn't even start sending the AOS to the immigration. And eventhough sometimes I lost faith, but deep inside my heart, shouting for help to God, and i pray that God could give me strength to face this trials of mine, and frankly, I can't do it by myself.

So anybody can write me and give me some opinions? your opinion is a very big help for me..........

Thank you so much to stop reading this....... thank you soo much in advance for those who share their opinions....

Take care and God bless,

Dayskie

Edited August 23, 2007 by cebuanagirl

[jburge97 0]

Having read your post, I feel so bad for you. This guy is not treating you the way you deserve at all. Honestly, it sounds like emotional abuse is what he is doing to you. If you want to leave him, know that you are not responsible for him, and that threats that he will die if you leave him are most likely empty threats. And again, it's not your responsibility. He is a grown man, isn't he? If you are considering staying with him, insist that you continue counseling, that he files your AOS, and that he allows you to work. Give him a time line to show that he follows through with your demands, and if he doesn't, don't feel bad for leaving him. You tried and he made his choice.

As for your pregnancy, there might be medical help to be had even if you don't have insurance. A place like Catholic Charities might be able to help you both with medical and legal issues. All I can say is that the God I believe in would understand and forgive whatever choice I made under such circumstances. That is because in my opinion, God is loving and caring, not mean and punishing. Anyway, if you decide to have the child, that means that you have another person to care for as well, and you don't want your child to grow up in an abusive environment. Therefore, if your husband doesn't shape up, you have every right to move on with your life. One day you will find a good husband who will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck!

[Sand 5]

Hi,

i am so sorry to hear about ur story, And sorry to say its ur fault as his fault too. when u decided to get married u looked at ur heart and u iignored ur mind, u dint give urself time to think if he's the real one u looking for or not! anyways this is to late to take about it special now ! u going soon to be a mother. and u should to take care of urself and ur lil baby, but this cant take him away from this round ! he's wrong too, i know people need help and as i read he's short with money, and i see there's no problem to help him to support ur family and to look to better life, and about what he said that je afraid thatif u worked u will leave him sorry to say this is silly. ask him if his fingers looks like each other? for sure not. as a people if he had a bad past he not suppose to count u with that past and we know the past is pass and we are here now with different people .. and not bad to sit with him and to explain to him things should to be explain before. and dont forget u are a slave nope!! the United State Of America, protect everybody if man or woman, i mean he cant hurt u, otherwise he will spend the rest of his life in the jail, and he will lose a honest woman loved him from her soul and she put him first in her life and le will lose his lil baby too !!! he need to back to his mind and to think right !! try to take to him and dont make urself mad or dont make him mad the marriage life is. to understand each other. and to love each other not to hate, and i am sure u are so lovely person because u loved him and who love cant hate.. please feel free to write for us more about whats going on with ur life and make as as a family to you .. Oh wait let me add something..dont worry about ur K-3 visa important u entered U.S ligale that mean u still have the time to continue ur journey !!

take care of urself and ur lil baby .... here's my email.. lol_lel_lal@yahoo.com

[David-and-Mae 15]

I'm really, really sorry about what happened to you. Frankly, you should really know what you want and what you want to do. Do you want to stick with him or are you willing to give up your life here in the US and just go home? I've read here in visajourney (I just couldn't find the topic) that you can adjust your status on your own if your husband is abusive - be it physically or emotinally. It was mentioned too when I attended a seminar during the K1 visa process that you can do something in case the marriage didn't work out and the spouse is not treating you right. I really couldn't give you a good advice, but an empathy. If you can seek help from a Filipino Community, I'm sure they will help you.

Good luck to you and God bless!

[vsmtghdy 2]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot and will not tell you what to do about your pregnancy, that should be yours and your husband's decision. But if you say that you are financially constraint right now, there are agencies/charities (like NGO's) that can help you with your pregnancy (take care of you). You need to look for one near your area. Or you can also call the nearest Philippine Consulate in your area. You had attended the CFO Seminar, so I think you have the copy/numbers of where to call and also the NSO numbers/emails, so they can help you. I wish and pray for you and your baby's health.

You mentioned you want to work but you also mentioned that you had not filed for AOS yet and your visa has expired? That means you're out of status right now. If you haven't applied for AOS and EAD, then you cannot work even if you want to. You have to have a work permit (EAD) and you need that AOS because of your visa status so you can legally stay here in the US. You have to reason out with your husband that you both need to apply for your AOS (which is quite expensive: $1010).

Where in the US are you right now? And where in Cebu are you from?

Re-think of your priorities and what you really want. We (VJ) can give you advises but in the end, what will matter is your decision. Whatever your decision is, be strong and never loose FAITH. God Bless.

Edited August 23, 2007 by vsmtghdy

[Jaseball 0]

I read this post and frankly you need to watch out for yourself and your future. If you have this child you will be tied to the father forever through the child. If your husband is so insecure he doesn't want you to work and if you have financial troubles without a child, what sort of future and life could you provide for the child? What sort of financial support could you receive from the father?

A relationship is based off trust, respect, working towards common goals, being there for someone when times are tough, and many other aspects you don't appear to have in this current situation.

Feeling pity or being sorry for the man is the ultimate sign a woman is losing respect for her partner. Without respect it means you will start to hate the guy more and more and with a child and being forced to stay home you will soon grow resentful and truly feel trapped.

If the pregnancy is less than 3 months and if your own moral values allow it I would consider an abortion.

What are you to this man? What does he expect out of you? If the guy is so insecure he wants to get you pregnant and keep you locked up at home you need to be a little afraid and watch out for your own safety.

Does he expect you to just cook, clean, provide sexual comfort? If he got divorced or had women leave him before it is fairly obvious it is because of how he treats them and his pattern of behavior.

I don't know the full story or his side, but if what you say is true I don't know if you really want to bring this man's child into the world because it's chances of a good life would be limited. You may want to consider contacting family and friends, get a divorce, and start clean if the relationship is as bad as you make it sound.

[SM&LP 0]

cebuanagirl,

Please do not abort that baby. You are bless by God for having the chance to conceive life, and that baby is the fruit of the love you both have. It is hard for you to recognize it now, but you know how much you love him. There is a project called "The Gabriel Project", it is from the Catholic Church, I only have for now the email and the phone for Tulsa, there might be one where you are, try to search a Catholic Church or Parish in your area. What I have now is this number: 918 307 4961, fax 918 294 0920 gabrielproject@gmail.com

Concerning with the K3 do not worry, u have to applied for the AOS, but you are still legally here is you married him in that period of 90 days.

I know sand has gave you his email, but just in case here is mine: lpgandarab@hotmail.com.

God bless you and He is blessing you, remember that.

[Ladylethal 12]

What I don't understand is how a doctor would give you "wrong" birth control pills.

[Paulily 0]

I'm so sorry and I felt sad after reading your story. I know you had a very good intention of coming here and marrying your husband. Continue to pray and be strong ask God the wisdom for the decision you need. Try to check any Filipino community group in your area that could help or christian group.

If you like you can try this numbers I remember they gave this in CFO seminar:

NDV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Info on shelter/legal assistance: 1-800-787-3224

Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse (CORA)

1633 Bayshore Highway, Suite 280 Burlingame, CA 94010

Office: (650) 652-0800

fax: (650) 652-0808

Legal Information Line: (650) 259-8136

USCIS (Immigration) Call Center: 1-800-375-5283

Our prayers are with you and hope you will do the right thing with God's guidance.

Paul & Lily

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Concerning with the K3 do not worry, u have to applied for the AOS, but you are still legally here is you married him in that period of 90 days.

This is incorrect. The OP appears to have arrived on a K-1, from what I read.

we get married within 3 months

and ending the marriage at this point would cause her issues with the immigration process that would require a lawyer to unravel.

A consultation with Catholic Human Charities might be wise to see if there is anyone who could refer her to a lawyer that would provide pro bono services.

[SM&LP 0]

cebuanagirl,

I called Women for faith & family (a Catholic org) and they provide me with this one, it is BIRTHRIGHT International, you can check their website, http://www.birthright.org/htmpages/index.htm, their phone number is 1 800 550 4900.

[cebuanagirl 0]

I read this post and frankly you need to watch out for yourself and your future. If you have this child you will be tied to the father forever through the child. If your husband is so insecure he doesn't want you to work and if you have financial troubles without a child, what sort of future and life could you provide for the child? What sort of financial support could you receive from the father?

A relationship is based off trust, respect, working towards common goals, being there for someone when times are tough, and many other aspects you don't appear to have in this current situation.

Feeling pity or being sorry for the man is the ultimate sign a woman is losing respect for her partner. Without respect it means you will start to hate the guy more and more and with a child and being forced to stay home you will soon grow resentful and truly feel trapped.

If the pregnancy is less than 3 months and if your own moral values allow it I would consider an abortion.

What are you to this man? What does he expect out of you? If the guy is so insecure he wants to get you pregnant and keep you locked up at home you need to be a little afraid and watch out for your own safety.

Does he expect you to just cook, clean, provide sexual comfort? If he got divorced or had women leave him before it is fairly obvious it is because of how he treats them and his pattern of behavior.

I don't know the full story or his side, but if what you say is true I don't know if you really want to bring this man's child into the world because it's chances of a good life would be limited. You may want to consider contacting family and friends, get a divorce, and start clean if the relationship is as bad as you make it sound.

Hello, i am so happy to found this site, so far, i got 7 replies. And thanks so much for you, I am so glad now, for your questions, I am pregnant almost 2 months, and honestly, im talking the truth here, anyway, i didn't know really, he didn't told me before that he is married twice I am the third wife of his life. Ohhh God!!!! i am so tired of having sex everyday, and sometimes we argue because i am so tired and he said, i feel single again because we don't have sex.... i really think he is marrying me for sex? i find him a maniac and his friend told him also that he is maniac. That's true, am thinking too that ohhh noo, am gonna tied to this man forever because of this child.....can i ask a question for you? if am gonna leave him now, is there any place that I can go to? because i don't have place to go here..... thanks a lot......

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Was there an agreement between the two of you about working prior to you coming here?

I'm sorry for the conflict you are in.

It seems a lot of conflicts in these USC/foreign spouse marriages come down to expectations not being talked about and agreed upon.

[Jaseball 0]

Hello, i am so happy to found this site, so far, i got 7 replies. And thanks so much for you, I am so glad now, for your questions, I am pregnant almost 2 months, and honestly, im talking the truth here, anyway, i didn't know really, he didn't told me before that he is married twice I am the third wife of his life. Ohhh God!!!! i am so tired of having sex everyday, and sometimes we argue because i am so tired and he said, i feel single again because we don't have sex.... i really think he is marrying me for sex? i find him a maniac and his friend told him also that he is maniac. That's true, am thinking too that ohhh noo, am gonna tied to this man forever because of this child.....can i ask a question for you? if am gonna leave him now, is there any place that I can go to? because i don't have place to go here..... thanks a lot......

Before you take any drastic action you need to calmly think about your options and what you really want to do in every single instance.

1) Is the marriage salvageable? Do you still love this man and could you work things out?

2) Are you going to have this baby? I'm not going to bring up religion or abortion rights or anything here. Does your husband know you are pregnant and how does he feel about having a child?

It may be a good idea to contact those support numbers the others have posted, so you can ask questions and hear other advice options.

I don't think flat out running out of the situation into a temporary place would be the best move. You are still legally married and you are pregnant. Perhaps when the guy initiates sex today you can stop him and have a talk. Unless you are in physical danger staying there and firmly deciding what is best for you, your husband, and the life growing in you before you take any drastic steps would be the smart thing to do.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

You can go to a woman's shelter. Do a search for shelters in your area.

Also consider calling the Red Cross or Salvation area or any local social service group. They can put you in touch with people/agencies that will be able to offer you advise and assistance.