Sad Journey

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Look into VAWA you may qualify.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hello, i am so happy to found this site, so far, i got 7 replies. And thanks so much for you, I am so glad now, for your questions, I am pregnant almost 2 months, and honestly, im talking the truth here, anyway, i didn't know really, he didn't told me before that he is married twice I am the third wife of his life. Ohhh God!!!! i am so tired of having sex everyday, and sometimes we argue because i am so tired and he said, i feel single again because we don't have sex.... i really think he is marrying me for sex? i find him a maniac and his friend told him also that he is maniac. That's true, am thinking too that ohhh noo, am gonna tied to this man forever because of this child.....can i ask a question for you? if am gonna leave him now, is there any place that I can go to? because i don't have place to go here..... thanks a lot......

Before you take any drastic action you need to calmly think about your options and what you really want to do in every single instance.

1) Is the marriage salvageable? Do you still love this man and could you work things out?

2) Are you going to have this baby? I'm not going to bring up religion or abortion rights or anything here. Does your husband know you are pregnant and how does he feel about having a child?

It may be a good idea to contact those support numbers the others have posted, so you can ask questions and hear other advice options.

I don't think flat out running out of the situation into a temporary place would be the best move. You are still legally married and you are pregnant. Perhaps when the guy initiates sex today you can stop him and have a talk. Unless you are in physical danger staying there and firmly deciding what is best for you, your husband, and the life growing in you before you take any drastic steps would be the smart thing to do.

Are you serious?????

Any man that argues because his wife doesn't feel like having sex upon his whim, is not a person with whom anyone can reason, in my opinion. It sounds as if he treats her like goods and chattel.

cebu,

Please speak with someone at a women's resource center about your options.

[Jaseball 0]

Yes I'm serious. She has no family or friends over here and probably limited resources. Just because her husband whines or complains or cries about sex she is in no way obligated to comply with his demands.

If the man is in any way abusive, could harm her, or she is in danger she should leave immediately.

However, running out the door to a woman's shelter doesn't eliminate the fact she is still married and carrying a child or the fact that she could go to sleep in a strange place and wake up no better off than the night before.

If the relationship is hopeless, she needs to get a divorce and figure out the best way to accomplish this.

She needs to decide if she wants to keep the child and carry to term.

She should probably talk to the husband and make him understand crying or freaking out isn't helping and list out what she expects in both the relationship and child.

The guy is involved with her life regardless of what she chooses for now and dealing with him if she is not in danger is best, since she will have to deal with him anyways later on.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Yes I'm serious. She has no family or friends over here and probably limited resources. Just because her husband whines or complains or cries about sex she is in no way obligated to comply with his demands.

If the man is in any way abusive, could harm her, or she is in danger she should leave immediately.

However, running out the door to a woman's shelter doesn't eliminate the fact she is still married and carrying a child or the fact that she could go to sleep in a strange place and wake up no better off than the night before.

If the relationship is hopeless, she needs to get a divorce and figure out the best way to accomplish this.

She needs to decide if she wants to keep the child and carry to term.

She should probably talk to the husband and make him understand crying or freaking out isn't helping and list out what she expects in both the relationship and child.

The guy is involved with her life regardless of what she chooses for now and dealing with him if she is not in danger is best, since she will have to deal with him anyways later on.

Here are the reasons why what you write is insane:

.... I found out his true color.

.... I feel so trap

.... I feel like a slave

.......he don't want to process co'z he's afraid if am gonna work, am gonna leave him as other did

.... We've been to the marriage counseling I told to the counselor everything, and she told my husband, so defensive, very screwed up and he deceive me.

.... that time i was decided to leave him but he's crying a lot and told he going to die if am leaving and i felt pitty.

...... my visa is expired already and we didn't even start sending the AOS to the immigration

....he didn't told me before that he is married twice I am the third wife of his life

...i am so tired of having sex everyday, and sometimes we argue because i am so tired and he said, i feel single again because we don't have sex....

can't you see when a woman is being objectified? Stop!@!

cebu....in my opinion this is abuse. Please seek help.

Edited August 23, 2007 by diadromous mermaid

[Jaseball 0]

This isn't like she can run off to her mother or siblings or friends. She probably can't just buy a plane ticket and return home. My point is she is in a difficult place and she needs to make some decisions on what is best for her life. Why not stay at her home, decide what to do, then take the action. What does running off to a shelter do for her?

I'm not advising her to stay with the guy and make it work. I'm saying she has just as much of a right to stay there and boot him out.

He got divorced 2x and she's the third wife? Doesn't that fact come up in the interview process? Wouldn't his application be flagged if he omitted his previous marriages or is the USCIS process that shoddy that they would miss such a glaring omission?

What would I do if I were her and thinking about the long range solution? Exactly what I posted. I'd refrain from being emotional and decide divorce or try to work it out. I'd decide if I wanted to keep the baby. Without making those two critical decisions all you are doing is changing the environment.

If the guy tries to initiate sex she tells him to stop and tells him he should go sleep on a couch or get a hotel room and she isn't interested.

This isn't the 1960's where women are helpless creatures being dominated by men. It's 2007 and frankly this woman can stand on her own feet, stay in her own house, divorce the guy, get an abortion, or keep the child and get support - whatever she wants to do is within her power. She probably just doesn't realize how protected she is here. If the guy freaks or gets abusive, neighbors or 911 and he can go to jail.

[Sand 5]

hope she still okay ! .. by the way where do u live in USA? i mean in which state ?

[G_and_S 0]

I agree with what Jaseball said. The fact that her husband had been divorced twice should have been brought up during the interview. Well...if you are really tired of that kind of life, you should decide what to do soon...before it is gonna be too late.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

This isn't the 1960's where women are helpless creatures being dominated by men. It's 2007 and frankly this woman can stand on her own feet, stay in her own house, divorce the guy, get an abortion, or keep the child and get support - whatever she wants to do is within her power. She probably just doesn't realize how protected she is here. If the guy freaks or gets abusive, neighbors or 911 and he can go to jail.

My goodness, you must be living in a bubble! If you peruse this very new foprum on VJ, you'll see lots of cases of abuse.....stemming from, yes, believe it or not, "women being dominated by men".

And, this is one clear case.... Here is more she shares with us

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry1144181

Staying in the house might be a possibility...but I seriously doubt he'd just throw up the towel walk out and continue to pay the mortgage.

Edited August 24, 2007 by diadromous mermaid

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

She says she didn't intend to stay when she first came to the US, so chances are she has some sort of life back at home. I'd say her chances are slim to nil in getting legal status in the US. She'd need to have this husband of hers fill out the paperwork and spend cash to get her status. She'd need strong evidence of abuse to apply for it on her own.

She really needs to contact someone (a real person) who can direct her to the resources that are available to her and probably a counselor at a shelter wouldn't be a bad place to start.

[Sand 5]

i hope everythign going okay with her?!!!

[lirachadsbaby 0]

the hell with your husband! im so sorry to say that but it's not fair for u to be treated like that. he doesnt trust u. he's making your life and the new life in you miserable.

our fellows here gave the contact numbers or agencies that may help you. pls do something for u and ur baby.

[Sand 5]

that so sad!

[Hamster Mom 0]

I do believe she was badly abused. She is very qualified to apply I-360 right now to get green card on her own without noticing her husband