Petitioning a child who's born out of wedlock

[ihavenoregrets174 0]

Hi guys, real important question, if anyone ever had similar experience please help! 
Long story short, I am an American citizen, currently married and have 2 grown ups. However, I had this child in China (who's currently a Chinese citizen with an F1 visa in the States), who was born in 2005, out of wedlock, and just turned 20, my only connection to him was the fact that my name was on his birth certificate. I felt sorry for this kid since I never really gave him anything, and now that he's in the States, I am considering to give him a green card or possible citizenship as something that could really help him and his mom.

 

However, the complicated part is that, I am afraid if I petition for him, by going through those public, complex legal processes, my wife and kids may find out one day by many ways.  I surely don't want this to happen, so I'm thinking if anyone ever did something like that and could share their experience with me. 

I've already talked to some attourneys, however, none of them really gave me a clear answer. From what I know by now, the dangerous part is one of the forms which I had to show that I have enough money to raise this child. I don't really want to submit my tax and income forms to USCIS becuase I think it could be pretty dangerous (some of which are linked with my wife) so I am thinking if there is anyways, during the petition process that I could just show the money in my bank account to avoid connections with my wife's properties and finance. 

Again, if someone had gone through this already, please help!!!

[Lil bear 4,520]

Moved to Bringing Family member of USC to America as this  reflects the situation for OP 

[OldUser 9,877]

Essentially you're asking how to petition a son so that your wife doesn't know about it?

 

It's a bad idea in general. 

 

You'll be receiving letters from USCIS, you'll have to disclose your income information and taxes as part of your process for son. Agents even may knock on your door to ask few questions (rare, but happens).

 

No wonder lawyers aren't giving you a clear answer, it would be very unethical and unprofessional. And nobody can give you any assurances it wouldn't be known to your wife and kids.

Edited June 30 by OldUser

[appleblossom 4,400]

Shame you didn’t support the child earlier in life, that would have made a difference. Did you not pay child support at all? See this for info on how your son would be a USC already if so - https://www.uscis.gov/policy-manual/volume-12-part-h-chapter-3

 

If not, then you’d need to petition him for a green card, but as said above, it would be pretty risky if you don’t want to risk your wife finding out. The documents required are set out here (steps 5 & 7) https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/the-immigrant-visa-process/step-1-submit-a-petition/step-2-begin-nvc-processing.html

[Boiler 47,455]

Are you a USC

Have you always been a USC

Have you petitioned anyone

Have you done a DNA test

[JeanneAdil 7,078]

You want him to say in the USA but you don't want to acknowledge him?

That is so unfair and hurtful

 

If i was the child ,  i would be crushed

 

Acknowledge him to family  / accept him as family

and provide DNA , if asked

 

the reward is worth it

[OldUser 9,877]

1 hour ago, JeanneAdil said:

You want him to say in the USA but you don't want to acknowledge him?

That is so unfair and hurtful

 

If i was the child ,  i would be crushed

 

Acknowledge him to family  / accept him as family

and provide DNA , if asked

 

the reward is worth it

I don't think OP's wife or children know about this other child. OP's current marriage may break as well as he may alienate his other children. I'm not sure this is a reward to be honest.

[Boiler 47,455]

First thing he needs to find out is if he is the father, everything else may be moot

[OldUser 9,877]

11 minutes ago, Boiler said:

First thing he needs to find out is if he is the father, everything else may be moot

OP said his name was on child's birth certificate?

[Boiler 47,455]

Exactly presumably entered by the Mother

[OldUser 9,877]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Exactly presumably entered by the Mother

This is a possibility for sure. Perhaps OP was cornered by ex? E.g. file a case for son else we talk to current family?

[KMG 221]

15 hours ago, ihavenoregrets174 said:

Hi guys, real important question, if anyone ever had similar experience please help! 
Long story short, I am an American citizen, currently married and have 2 grown ups. However, I had this child in China (who's currently a Chinese citizen with an F1 visa in the States), who was born in 2005, out of wedlock, and just turned 20, my only connection to him was the fact that my name was on his birth certificate. I felt sorry for this kid since I never really gave him anything, and now that he's in the States, I am considering to give him a green card or possible citizenship as something that could really help him and his mom.

 

However, the complicated part is that, I am afraid if I petition for him, by going through those public, complex legal processes, my wife and kids may find out one day by many ways.  I surely don't want this to happen, so I'm thinking if anyone ever did something like that and could share their experience with me. 

I've already talked to some attourneys, however, none of them really gave me a clear answer. From what I know by now, the dangerous part is one of the forms which I had to show that I have enough money to raise this child. I don't really want to submit my tax and income forms to USCIS becuase I think it could be pretty dangerous (some of which are linked with my wife) so I am thinking if there is anyways, during the petition process that I could just show the money in my bank account to avoid connections with my wife's properties and finance. 

Again, if someone had gone through this already, please help!!!

You have to submit financial documents to USCIS. It's part of the process- no way around it, and your wife has to be involved in the documents. Unfornate that this has been kept secret from your family.  As said above was a DNA test invovled? Sounds like you are confident he is your son. There is no way to go through this process "secretly".

[JeanneAdil 7,078]

4 hours ago, OldUser said:

I don't think OP's wife or children know about this other child. OP's current marriage may break as well as he may alienate his other children. I'm not sure this is a reward to be honest.

, my wife and kids may find out one day by many ways.  I surely don't want this to happen, so I'm thinking if anyone ever did something like that and could share their experience with me. 

 

He says they don't know
 

[OldUser 9,877]

4 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

, my wife and kids may find out one day by many ways.  I surely don't want this to happen, so I'm thinking if anyone ever did something like that and could share their experience with me. 

 

He says they don't know
 

But you said acknowledging the out of wedlock son will give him some reward. Most likely it will give divorce and strained relationships with his kids. What reward are you talking about? This is my point.

The reason I said "I don't think..." is to provide a polite reply, not because I wasn't sure.

Edited June 30 by OldUser

[JeanneAdil 7,078]

On 6/30/2025 at 3:37 PM, OldUser said:

But you said acknowledging the out of wedlock son will give him some reward. Most likely it will give divorce and strained relationships with his kids. What reward are you talking about? This is my point.

The reason I said "I don't think..." is to provide a polite reply, not because I wasn't sure.

His obligation to the child he has abandoned 

Kids don't forget and neither does a parent 

 

and wife may be more forgiving than he can imagine