Please please help me - should we abandon everything and leave the US?

[marthasofi 8]

Thank you so much for your time to even reading this. I'm a mother trying to do my best for my family and also apologize for my poor English. I'm very tired, confused and discouraged. Living in Vancouver, WA state for the time being.

I was born Peruvian. My first marriage (with a US citizen) occurred years ago and we divorced amicably, of course I left the house for him because in my heart I wanted to move back to Peru. I gained citizenship. I then met my husband (Peruvian citizen) while in Peru and had our Benny (3 years old). My son didn't qualify for automatic citizenship because of my ignorance, I didn't know I had to gather 5 years "residing" in the USA prior to giving birth to him. All of this happened while I was working for the same company as in 2018 located in Vancouver WA, worked (still working) many years with them and while they accepted me to work remotely, they'd eventually request for me to be back "physically" in the office. I petitioned my son (3 year old) and my husband (37) and we are all here now in the US (we arrived April 26th)... But this weights heavy in our hearts, they both don't speak the language, they have no friends and prices are so expensive, I can not live off with the money my employer is paying right now, of course it was good money for Peru but not here much, more than half of what I make a month goes to rent. We went to a dealership and got a sedan car that we need to make payments on, plus a 12-month lease just a couple of weeks ago. My mom wants to come help, but she is only in a tourist visa, she wants to be here for 3 to 5 months to help us, what if they reject her at all at port of entry, with how I see how things are evolving?

 

So, here is where I please ask you for your kind advice/suggestions...

– What would be the legal consequences of leaving the US right now?

– Should we wait some months and start the process for my son's citizenship before leaving?

– What about my husband? He is waiting for biometrics appointment? Not sure when he can receive the actual card as I see everybody mentioning processing times are rough? And even if he receives it, when he applied for IR1 at embassy, his Tourist visa got revoked. Any chance for him ever coming back to the US after this fiasco I have caused for him? He is a type 1 diabetic and I made him quit a fantastic job as project manager of government bids over in Peru to come here, he felt I made the right decision for the family and clearly I didn't, I have failed them, I didn't expect for prices to be so high plus health insurance omg...

 

I feel like a failure, I am guilty of this... but I also feel like moving back to Peru would be the best for our emotional and financial health. THANK YOU all so much. I'm sorry.

[OldUser 9,349]

I'm really really sorry about your situation. I think this decision is very important and has long term consequences. Your family are the only ones who can decide what's right or wrong for your happiness.

 

From immigration standpoint, if your husband and son leave now, they'll abandon their adjustment of status (is that what they have pending?)

However, if they arrived on tourist visas on April 26, 2025 this year and immediately applied for adjustment - that's really bad. You can't come on tourist visa with intention of adjusting.

 

Can you tell us more about what petitions are pending?

Edited May 12 by OldUser

[Vickys_Mom 256]

Don't feel guilty.  You need to do what's best for your family.  Gather the information you can and make a good decision.  But don't make one based on guilt.

 

Regards,

Vicky's Mom

[OldUser 9,349]

12 minutes ago, Vickys_Mom said:

Don't feel guilty.  You need to do what's best for your family.  Gather the information you can and make a good decision.  But don't make one based on guilt.

 

Regards,

Vicky's Mom

Agreed. Majority of immigrants experience financial issues and other difficulties adjusting their lives after coming to the US.

But usually this only lasts a few years, after which life gets much better.

[W199 455]

If you want to stay in the USA, then sounds like you need to wait for your husband to get work authorization and get a job. Then again you need to factor in day care, and one of you needs to get a job that has good healthcare insurance.

 

With your husband unable to work, I don't see how your mother coming over is going to help. Seems like it will just be an expense. 

 

There may be different kinds of public and private assistance that you may be eligible for, you will need to research that, for example "food stamps/SNAP".  You should research and investigate all of that and create a budge.  Maybe you need a financial advisor to help create a budget and financial plan.

 

In the end you need a budget and plan that won't bankrupt you. You need to work out the numbers,

 

Remember, if you move back to Peru, as an American citizen you still need to pay taxes on any income you earn worldwide.

 

[Lemonslice 5,172]

Which visa did your husband use to enter the USA?  IR1?  If so, he is allowed to work.  He will probably need to visit the SSA office to get his SSN card though.  

 

I am sure this is a huge change in your lives, but it has only been 3 weeks... you might want want to discuss why you decided to move to the US and see if the benefits are still there.  You do not need to stay, or stay forever, but you might want to try a bit longer to get over the initial adjustment period.  Many libraries/YMCA/Community centers have programs for new comers: English discussion groups, play groups, story time... you can see what is available in your community.  Best of luck!

[jan22 3,161]

If your son entered the US on an immigrant visa (IR-2), in the physical custody of the American citizen parent (you), and is residing with you in the US — he is now a US citizen under the Child Citizenship Act of 2000.  You can take evidence of his entry as a US permanent resident and a completed passport application to a passport acceptance office and get him a US passport.  Please do this for him before you make any decision about or take action toward leaving the US.

[Ontarkie 14,902]

You mentioned an IR1 visa for your husband and probably IR2 for your child. As mentioned by Jan22 your son is now a USC he just needs to get his passport. 

Your husband is allowed to work right now, if he came in on an IR1 visa. The stamp in his passport is his temporary card. If you decide to give up and move back to Peru he would give up his permanent residency. 

For your mom, she can come visit. Do not say help take care of your son as that would fall under babysitting and not allowed as a visitor. She can be a Grandmother and spoil and spend time with her grandchild. What she does during that time does not matter. But she cannot be a babysitter as that would be taking a job and not allowed.

 

So on to your expenses. You are living in one of the most expensive places to live in the US. If once your husband finds work (once he gets his SSN) and things are still too tight. Looking into moving, the US a big country,  there are so many places that the wages better match the cost of living. 

 

My son moved to Washington, because he was enticed by the wages there. Sadly being young and dumb he forgot the cost of living is at least 3 times the amount of living in Arkansas. He has to have roommates just to keep a roof over his head. 

 

Since you pretty much just got back to the US and the shock of the cost of living and wages just hit you. Take your time, once your spouse finds work, re-examine the costs and make a plan to either find a better paying job, or better job and location. Weather that means leaving the state you're in right now or just moving around in that state that works better for you. 

Edited May 14 by Ontarkie

[Ontarkie 14,902]

~~Thread moved to Moving to the US and Your New Life, from Bringing Family of USC- as the OP is dealing with culture shock after moving her family to the US.~~

[W199 455]

And for another example of public/private assistance, every State has an affordable housing program, either for renting or buying.  In my area, for a family of 3, the max income to qualify for affordable housing is about $70K. 

[marthasofi 8]

On 5/12/2025 at 11:49 AM, OldUser said:

I'm really really sorry about your situation. I think this decision is very important and has long term consequences. Your family are the only ones who can decide what's right or wrong for your happiness.

 

From immigration standpoint, if your husband and son leave now, they'll abandon their adjustment of status (is that what they have pending?)

However, if they arrived on tourist visas on April 26, 2025 this year and immediately applied for adjustment - that's really bad. You can't come on tourist visa with intention of adjusting.

 

Can you tell us more about what petitions are pending?

My son was here earlier, so he already had his biometrics done and his physical permanent residence card is here. Now my husband is waiting for biometrics appointment and hopefully his green card soon.
I have applied for them both when we were all in Peru, they got processed and accepted through the Consulate in Lima and got their passports stamped there too. I hope this helps clarify? Thank you so much for replying to me!

Edited May 19 by marthasofi

[marthasofi 8]

On 5/12/2025 at 3:56 PM, W199 said:

If you want to stay in the USA, then sounds like you need to wait for your husband to get work authorization and get a job. Then again you need to factor in day care, and one of you needs to get a job that has good healthcare insurance.

 

With your husband unable to work, I don't see how your mother coming over is going to help. Seems like it will just be an expense. 

 

There may be different kinds of public and private assistance that you may be eligible for, you will need to research that, for example "food stamps/SNAP".  You should research and investigate all of that and create a budge.  Maybe you need a financial advisor to help create a budget and financial plan.

 

In the end you need a budget and plan that won't bankrupt you. You need to work out the numbers,

 

Remember, if you move back to Peru, as an American citizen you still need to pay taxes on any income you earn worldwide.

 

Thank you so much for your feedback! I was not aware about taxes... I was heavily taxed both in Peru and USA last year.

[marthasofi 8]

On 5/12/2025 at 10:45 PM, Lemonslice said:

Which visa did your husband use to enter the USA?  IR1?  If so, he is allowed to work.  He will probably need to visit the SSA office to get his SSN card though.  

 

I am sure this is a huge change in your lives, but it has only been 3 weeks... you might want want to discuss why you decided to move to the US and see if the benefits are still there.  You do not need to stay, or stay forever, but you might want to try a bit longer to get over the initial adjustment period.  Many libraries/YMCA/Community centers have programs for new comers: English discussion groups, play groups, story time... you can see what is available in your community.  Best of luck!

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, I'm trying my best and putting a smile on every day... Thank you!

[Crazy Cat 43,990]

47 minutes ago, marthasofi said:

My son was here earlier, so he already had his biometrics done and his physical permanent residence card is here. Now my husband is waiting for biometrics appointment and hopefully his green card soon.
I have applied for them both when we were all in Peru, they got processed and accepted through the Consulate in Lima and got their passports stamped there too. I hope this helps clarify? Thank you so much for replying to me!

Why would your husband need a biometrics appointment? Something is not adding up.  Did he come to the US via a spousal visa or a tourist visa?  Just trying to get an accurate picture of what the situation is.

Edited May 19 by Crazy Cat

[W199 455]

6 hours ago, marthasofi said:

Thank you so much for your feedback! I was not aware about taxes... I was heavily taxed both in Peru and USA last year.

I hope you took the foreign tax credit.