Bilingual relationships

[Henia 11]

Hi

I am as well as many here in a multi-lingual relationship. (as well as a translator) and I am interested in the dynamics of relationships where you speak a different mother tongue to your partner. As I'm guessing that quite a few people on here might be in this situation, I thought I'd use this forum to do some research.

If you have had an experience of being in a bilingual relationship, I'd love to hear from you. In particular I'm looking for answers to these questions:

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Or any other comments on anything you feel is relevant would be gratefully received.

[Fuzzness 2]

Karen wants me to teach her french. That's about it. I am more fluent in english than my own original language so there is no language barrier.

[JoeMama 0]

I'll be happy to answer the questions. Good ideas on these

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why? I choose to communicate in her language. Though she can read English fine and has an understanding of English if spoken slow, I found it easier for us to communicate in Russian because I really wanted to speak what I could not speak here on a daily basis for my own practice.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue? To me yes. Learning to speak Russian has been an equalizer where I live. I love speaking it to those who always assume that I automatically speak Spanish when they approach me. I will add that learning Spanish would probably be a hell of a lot easier to learn. I started with Russian, I wish to finish learning it

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When? Only in Russian-speaking countries sometimes. The language is spoken from further back in the mouth. Not from the front of the mouth. If the accent isn't hit right on the word, it's lost to the wind. But it adds more to learning the language for me.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier? Just the phrasing. I tend to put words in the order as if they were in English. Sometimes it comes out a little jumbled. But still understood as anyone that is fairly foreign within a country which English is not their native language.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language? I don't argue. It's a waste of time for me. I don't even do that in my own native language of English.

[Henia 11]

Thank you for Joseph for replying. Very informative. BTW just love the avatar... and you two seem like a such a lovely couple!

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why? My partner's. We met in Mexico and at at that time, he didn't speak a word of English.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue? Personally, yes. Speaking Spanish has been the thing that has gotten me jobs. Of course, I'm qualified for the jobs, but if I'm competing with a monolingual person, I'm the one chosen.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When? Of course, but at this point it's not about the language. I feel frustrated and misunderstood when dealing with English speakers as well. It's not the language barrier with y husband, it's just typical that, as a man, he needs more time to come around to my way of thinking.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier? I'm generally used to it, but ocassionally I'm just TIRED and wish I could explain myself in English. Other than that, never. I don't feel there's a barrier.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?After years of arguing in Spanish, I'm now ill-equipped to argue in English!

[sandy cheeks 0]

Hi

I am as well as many here in a multi-lingual relationship. (as well as a translator) and I am interested in the dynamics of relationships where you speak a different mother tongue to your partner. As I'm guessing that quite a few people on here might be in this situation, I thought I'd use this forum to do some research.

If you have had an experience of being in a bilingual relationship, I'd love to hear from you. In particular I'm looking for answers to these questions:

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Or any other comments on anything you feel is relevant would be gratefully received.

Hi.

My mother language is not german but I grew up there and the language I speak with my husband is english.

To be honest with you I don't really know why we speak english and not german even though he can speak a little german and we met in germany. I guess it's because I spoke better english than he did german when we first met.

The positiv part of it is that I learned to speak/write/understand english so much better in the last few years just from speaking it. But we started to speak german a few month ago and my husband is even taking it in college as a major, just so he can learn it and finally speak to my family. They don't really speak english.

Some times I am a little frustrated when I'm trying to tell him something and I just can't think of that "one word"... Monst of the times I just say screw it and forget about it.

I don't feel a language barrier anymore (... well, except when happens what I said in the last sentence). When there is something that I don't understand, like specific words, I just ask him and he explains it to me. At the beginning I felt stupide asking but that's the only way to learn!!!

Well, it might sound stupide but we don't really fight... (which is a good thing I guess )

Hope that helps you a little bit...

[pedroh 21]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Edited August 12, 2007 by pedroh

[JoeMama 0]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh, you're much smarter than to think all of us American-born citizens don't think because you don't speak English, that we think you don't respect God, the Constitution, or this country. To be honest, I've never seen more cars with rosaries hanging from a car mirror than in a Mexican's car. I know respect for God is there. Now, think back to before the protests that occured last year. Being Hispanic was not a bad thing being portrayed in the news. What has really made a mess of things and/or fueled xenophobic behavior such as you speak about, was when we had illegal aliens taking to American streets demanding to be made citizens. It trivialized all those people that came here long ago from all countries, who waited, worked hard, and earned their citizenship. Unfortunately, because the large majority of illegals here in the US are from Mexico, the rest of the Hispanic culture has gotten thrown into one big bowl to create the xenophobia you're referring. The recent events of those illegals killing and raping the college didn't help anything at all either. Acts of violence, on behalf of any illegals in this country, don't do ANY ethnic group any favors.

[keltic 1]

my hubby speaks 4 languages, his mother language being dutch... i am not fluent in any other language than english, altho i took german thru highschool and my 2nd year of college... that does help me with understanding some of dutch since there are many similarities

my daughter and i are eager to learn whatever he will teach us in other languages... we have bought the rosetta stone DVD set to help as well... and i love that he speaks dutch to our 4 1/2 month old son...

the only time i get frustrated in any way, is that i cant clearly communicate with his mother... she is such a nice woman and i would love to be able to just chat with her... as it is now, we both have to rely on Tobe to help us out

i *have* learned several choice dutch curses from when he gets upset tho!

[JoeMama 0]

i *have* learned several choice dutch curses from when he gets upset tho!

Those are the best ones to learn in ANY language! She heard me using the word "titties" when I was excited about something and said, "That's titties!". She says it all the time now

Edited August 13, 2007 by JoeMama

[pedroh 21]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh, you're much smarter than to think all of us American-born citizens don't think because you don't speak English, that we think you don't respect God, the Constitution, or this country. To be honest, I've never seen more cars with rosaries hanging from a car mirror than in a Mexican's car. I know respect for God is there. Now, think back to before the protests that occured last year. Being Hispanic was not a bad thing being portrayed in the news. What has really made a mess of things and/or fueled xenophobic behavior such as you speak about, was when we had illegal aliens taking to American streets demanding to be made citizens. It trivialized all those people that came here long ago from all countries, who waited, worked hard, and earned their citizenship. Unfortunately, because the large majority of illegals here in the US are from Mexico, the rest of the Hispanic culture has gotten thrown into one big bowl to create the xenophobia you're referring. The recent events of those illegals killing and raping the college didn't help anything at all either. Acts of violence, on behalf of any illegals in this country, don't do ANY ethnic group any favors.

if they had told me 'hey don't speak spanish' (which still is fukcin ridiculous) I would have said, ok.. no biggie, i know your ignorant azz thinks im talking sh!t about you.. but they did it while i was away and gave us no explanation, until my boss told me (she didn't do it, someone tipped the office general manager), that's what's fukced up.. oh but that doesn't end there.. they'll hear from me.. i have to speak to the spanish customers, but i can't speak spanish to the other coworker which by the way is still finishing my training... #######...

Edited August 13, 2007 by pedroh

[Elphie 0]

Hi

I am as well as many here in a multi-lingual relationship. (as well as a translator) and I am interested in the dynamics of relationships where you speak a different mother tongue to your partner. As I'm guessing that quite a few people on here might be in this situation, I thought I'd use this forum to do some research.

If you have had an experience of being in a bilingual relationship, I'd love to hear from you. In particular I'm looking for answers to these questions:

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Or any other comments on anything you feel is relevant would be gratefully received.

My husband speaks Romanian and he can speak and write/type english very well now. When we first met, he was shy about talking in english and he had some pretty entertaining ways of spelling things.

We spoke in english b/c I didn't know any Romanian. I feel the positive side of not speaking the same language is he has a beautiful accent. I love hearing him talk and he feels the same about me.

I don't really feel misunderstood, but sometimes I do have to explain what certain words mean.

I felt the language barrier the most when I went to Romania and met his family. The only family members that spoke english were Angi's cousin and his mother so I didn't get to do a lot of talking with his family b/c they would ask Angi a question and he would have to translate.

We haven't really had an argument but when I was in Romania and heard Angi and his mother talking, sometimes with how the language sounds, it seems they are arguing and when I would ask Angi about it, he would just laugh.

[kitkat1 5]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

We speak primarily English because it's his only opportunity to practice it (since we are currently living in his country)

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Not so much about speaking different languages, but more in respect to Spanish in general -- Spanish has a lot more endearing terms such as "honey" or "sweetie" than English and I like those!

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Often, when I just cannot find the right word to express what I want to express!

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

With him, not many. With his family, A LOT because they talk very fast and don't really choose their words carefully and I hate to have to ask for clarification.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Not nearly as hard as I thought. Somehow, when arguing words just come flying out of my mouth in Spanish - kind of like when people are able to overcome their fear of speaking a foreign language after they've had a few beers!

Or any other comments on anything you feel is relevant would be gratefully received.

If one partner is not fluent or close to fluent, it can lead to very serious misunderstandings (obviously). I have no idea how my fiance and I communicated when we first met, when he did not speak any English and my Spanish was more or less pathetic.

[monnik 0]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why? In my language-English. Because he speaks much better English than I speak Arabic. English is our only common language.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue? Sure. Of course there is the opportunity to learn the other's language. I am learning more and more Arabic every day. His brothers help me a lot to pronoune words correctly and they are all speaking much better English now. One of his brothers was doing very poorly in his English classes, but since school has been out, he has been practicing and he speaks and understands much more. I am so excited for him to start school in September so that he can show off.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When? I guess it would be in times like others have said - when I feel like I am not making my point. Or when using expressions or words that have a bad connotation in one language and not in another. Example: Are you crazy? (meaning, no way! or that's not even close) in English crazy can mean silly or weird or funny. In Arabic, it translates to institutionalizeable (if that makes sense) . Not crazy in a lighthearted way, so it may be taken as an insult.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier? When I answered the phone once, I tried my best to say he's not here and thank you. I did ok, I guess, but later my BIL came home and his friend had asked him why was their younger brother answering the phone - did they leave him home by hisself? (the youngest bro has a speech impediment) I think the combination of my accent, poor grammar, and my repitition of the word "what" made it very hard to understand me. I felt useless.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language? All arguing is done in English. Otherwise, I have an excuse to refuse to pay attention. Even if I understand. Ok- that is only half true. We wouldn't be able to have a regular discussion (not just chitchat) in Arabic, so I definitely am not able to argue with him in his language. That may change one day, though.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

English is an acquired language for both of us. It is the only common language we both speak so it is how we communicate. We speak our native tongues (German and Amharic) when talking to our families. We are speaking native tongues to our daughter in our home and English outside the home - we want her to grow up knowing all three languages. And maybe we'll pick up a piece or two of each other's native language in the process...

Edited August 13, 2007 by Mr. Big Dog