Your Horoscope

[wioombeen 0]

Aries March 21 - April 19

Your drinking is beginning to drive your friends and loved ones away from you, making you wish you'd thought of it much earlier.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

It's useless to sit at home and wish that a crazed masked murderer would take a welding torch and slaughter your town's sexually active teens when you own a perfectly good welder's torch yourself.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You finally seem to be cured of your blatantly self-destructive tendencies, but you can't shake the feeling that two legs are twice as many as a person really needs.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You've thought about trying online dating, but you can't help noticing that the Personal Of The Day is always the same person, who, despite being attractive and interesting, somehow still can't get a date.

Leo July 23 - August 22

You'll finally clear up your years-long nightmare of health care paperwork and insurance confusion when you realize that heroin is available without a prescription.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

The tension will mount slowly over the next few days as the needle touching the surface of your eyeball begins to press slowly but inexorably harder.

Libra September 23 - October 23

You can never remember if, when meeting new business associates, you're supposed to give your name and shake hands firmly while looking them in the eye, or break their collarbones with the edge of your hand and run away to study woodworking in New Hampshire under an assumed name.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

Your career as a professional gold-digger gets off to a bad start when the construction workers you're attracted to are found to lack diggable gold.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

You'll be wandering the streets, lost in thought, pondering the missing factors in your million-dollar plan, when suddenly it will hit you: the cross-town A63 express bus.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You've tried analyzing them through mass spectrometry, centrifuging them to separate their component elements, and searching everywhere inside them, but you still just don't understand women.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

You would in fact leave for Canada right this minute if it didn't mean leaving the only nation on earth with the vision to teach squirrels to water-ski.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The nation's leading cosmetic, pharmaceutical, and helmet-testing technicians will all take a moment this week to wonder what they did before they captured you.

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You finally seem to be cured of your blatantly self-destructive tendencies, but you can't shake the feeling that two legs are twice as many as a person really needs.

Self-destructive tendencies and two legs are twice as many as i really need well i can relate to the first part, i was like that as a child ...... but the thought of trying to get around on one leg well i just havent quite mastered that yet :lol:

Maria

Edited July 28, 2007 by MariaDane

[Eka_&_Pyrrhic 0]

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The nation's leading cosmetic, pharmaceutical, and helmet-testing technicians will all take a moment this week to wonder what they did before they captured you.

That's so mean.

~ Eka

[babyandherboy 0]

Virgo August 23 - September 22

The tension will mount slowly over the next few days as the needle touching the surface of your eyeball begins to press slowly but inexorably harder.

Isn't it good to be a Virgo . . . I wonder what happens next? hahaha

[raymaga 25]

Aries March 21 - April 19

Your drinking is beginning to drive your friends and loved ones away from you, making you wish you'd thought of it much earlier.

It hasn't driven my 19-year-old out of our house yet!!!!! I think she needs to spend more time around us!!!!!!

[~Nini~ 2]

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The nation's leading cosmetic, pharmaceutical, and helmet-testing technicians will all take a moment this week to wonder what they did before they captured you.

That's so mean.

~ Eka

Man, us Pisces need to stick together, what with those predictions.

[LiszyandKenny 5]

HA ! I am Aries and I don't even drink !!

[Peggy 1]

I am Cancer

[Cassandra+Yuibi 0]

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You've thought about trying online dating, but you can't help noticing that the Personal Of The Day is always the same person, who, despite being attractive and interesting, somehow still can't get a date.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Yay! over-the-counter heroin! Woohoo!

[Lovetoteach 53]

Pisces

[Sinergy 3]

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The nation's leading cosmetic, pharmaceutical, and helmet-testing technicians will all take a moment this week to wonder what they did before they captured you.

That's so mean.

~ Eka

Man, us Pisces need to stick together, what with those predictions.

I agree

that was the meanest horoscope ive ever had LOL

[Mags 112]

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The nation's leading cosmetic, pharmaceutical, and helmet-testing technicians will all take a moment this week to wonder what they did before they captured you.

Lovely!

[Marilyn. 340]

It's useless to sit at home and wish that a crazed masked murderer would take a welding torch and slaughter your town's sexually active teens when you own a perfectly good welder's torch yourself.

:blink: