Moroccan divorced

[Kissablestyles 1]

Hi Guys! Trying to make this long story as short as possible. 27 yo man from the Rif in Morocco married a 20 year older woman and recently now divorced she went back to her ex husband she left him for. Now he's stuck here, working has all his papers, but is conditional green card. My question is that I know how these countries are and dated islamic men before. He's here, we dated, we talk everyday. I'm afraid with his conditions removed he's looking for someone to take her spot. He did his homework, I'm sure and has enough evidence to support to USCIS that the marriage was bonfide. I'm going to be 35, I have no children and have never been married. I'm willing to convert, given that I can be convinced. He tells me to learn islam on my own time as well which do. The things I try and ask about makes no sense to him and he can't explain. I understand the Hijab, the modesty, the fact that the trinity seems blasphemous in Islam vs Christianity. But I'm someone who is open to try to understand but I think he lacks in religion. Not following anything but prayers. He doesn't eat pork but does everything else haram. 

 

I consider myself an extremely smart person who worked in law enforcement for a long time and dealth with a lot of scams. I know there's a double standard when it comes to women coming for marriages vs men. Phillapeno women are almost always approved but at the same point they aren't the working, they are home cooking and cleaning, less likely to leave their husbands when they try and fight so hard to come to this great country. The men who come here send money back home part of the diaspora. Eventually, like one poster mentioned, they bring their "real" wife here from their country. They are less likely to leave, grateful to be here, and know nothing of our laws and customs. If he cheats your suck, if he hits you your stuck. Why bring shame to your family and his ? This is the attitude among most I have encountered. I have never been with anyone who is in this situation before. I've kind of made up my mind but I need to know, from other people who have similar experiences, good or bad. What would you do ?

[dzmichellebkt 22]

Hi. It sounds like you have a lot of soul searching to do and that this answers aren't going to come from here. First, don't convert because somebody has to convince you. Second, if you do marry, ask yourself at what level of Iman (faith) you want this man to be that you marry. And finally, if he was truly in a bonafide marriage and isn't trying to marry you to make it easier on himself, them let him remove conditions on his own and then entertain the idea of marriage. If he's dating you without a chaperone and is doing other things that are forbidden in Islam, then sounds like he needs to do some soul searching too. If you want to become Muslim then learn about the religion on your own and come to Islam for yourself. If you base your marriage off of conversion alone, it won't work. There's also two sides to every story. Good luck! 

Edited January 5, 2021 by dzmichellebkt

[RJandHamid 1,129]

I guess I'm not really understanding your question/post. I'm married to a Moroccan man, and while he fits some of the cultural stereotypes that we often see on these forums, not all Moroccan people are the same. You don't need to covert if you don't want to, there are plenty of Muslims who are married to non-muslims. Yes, many Moroccans will send money home, because the US dollar can go very far in Morocco, and he probably wants to provide a more comfortable life for his parents/family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as the terms of the amount and frequency of money sent are discussed and agreed on by the couple. Not really sure what you are talking about regarding family shame. It sounds like you are looking to confirm any possible suspicions or fears you may have, which unfortunately we can't really help you with because we don't really know the full situation.

 

He can remove conditions on his green card and even potentially become a US citizen all on his own. You won't really be able to "help" him in this regard. Maybe take a little more time getting to know this man, and definitely take your time deciding if you really want to convert or not. Don't convert just to please another person.

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, dzmichellebkt said:

Hi. It sounds like you have a lot of soil searching to do and that this answers aren't going to come from here. First, don't convert because somebody has to convince you. Second, if you do marry, ask yourself at what level of Iman (faith) you want this man to be that you marry. And finally, if he was truly in a bonafide marriage and isn't trying to marry you to make it easier on himself, them let him remove conditions on his own and then entertain the idea of marriage. If he's dating you without a chaperone and is doing other things that are forbidden in Islam, then sounds like he needs to do some soul searching too. If you want to become Muslim then learn about the religion on your own and come to Islam for yourself. If you base your marriage off of conversion alone, it won't work. There's also two sides to every story. Good luck! 

Thank you for your kind words, it is that which I struggle. Someone born in Islam faith, you are born and bred with it, you know it inside and out. Same as Christians. So for someone to convert, like myself, I need to know more of this religion, things I do not understand but the basics I do. I recently bought "The Prophet" the historical tellings of the life of Mohammed. I would never convert for a relationship but because I decide to do so. however, the red flags are there and he wants to spend so much time with me it scares me. I told him we need to slow down since we are in America everything goes here. I don't feel comfortable going so fast, he flipped out on text and said horrible mean things to me. I've never been spoken to that way by any man, muslim or not.  It's not looking good for us, I told him he should have removed the pictures of his ex wife who looks like she could have been his mother but was clearly his ticket to the US.

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, RJandHamid said:

I guess I'm not really understanding your question/post. I'm married to a Moroccan man, and while he fits some of the cultural stereotypes that we often see on these forums, not all Moroccan people are the same. You don't need to covert if you don't want to, there are plenty of Muslims who are married to non-muslims. Yes, many Moroccans will send money home, because the US dollar can go very far in Morocco, and he probably wants to provide a more comfortable life for his parents/family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as the terms of the amount and frequency of money sent are discussed and agreed on by the couple. Not really sure what you are talking about regarding family shame. It sounds like you are looking to confirm any possible suspicions or fears you may have, which unfortunately we can't really help you with because we don't really know the full situation.

 

He can remove conditions on his green card and even potentially become a US citizen all on his own. You won't really be able to "help" him in this regard. Maybe take a little more time getting to know this man, and definitely take your time deciding if you really want to convert or not. Don't convert just to please another person.

The only reason I would convert would be due to the fact he would want children raised Islamic. As he respected the ex wife staying Christian, I think it could be confusing to a child to raise with both faiths. So for me converting, I think it would be imperative to have a normal family life as well as the importance of family and religion.  Something most Americans lack.

2 minutes ago, RJandHamid said:

I guess I'm not really understanding your question/post. I'm married to a Moroccan man, and while he fits some of the cultural stereotypes that we often see on these forums, not all Moroccan people are the same. You don't need to covert if you don't want to, there are plenty of Muslims who are married to non-muslims. Yes, many Moroccans will send money home, because the US dollar can go very far in Morocco, and he probably wants to provide a more comfortable life for his parents/family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as the terms of the amount and frequency of money sent are discussed and agreed on by the couple. Not really sure what you are talking about regarding family shame. It sounds like you are looking to confirm any possible suspicions or fears you may have, which unfortunately we can't really help you with because we don't really know the full situation.

 

He can remove conditions on his green card and even potentially become a US citizen all on his own. You won't really be able to "help" him in this regard. Maybe take a little more time getting to know this man, and definitely take your time deciding if you really want to convert or not. Don't convert just to please another person.

Thank you as well for your kind words

[JeanneAdil 6,307]

He's already in the US?   and came on what visa ?

if he married a USC ,  and had proper fiancee or spouse visa ,,  he doesn't have to marry you to be legal

 

You don't need to convert to Marry.  In Morocco under their Islamic laws ,  Muslim man can marry Muslim,  Christain (like me) or Jew 

it's good to understand the religion so you know what to expect during Ramadan and other religious holidays but not necessary to change your religion and views.

 

 

we are now almost 11 years married and doing good / only problem we have is i am not a Moroccan cook and he doesn't like American food much but i cook sometimes and he cooks other times

 

you are in the US so he abuses ,  you call 911/ he cheats,  kick him out / you are not in his country under Islamic laws

 

and BTW there are a lot who divorce in Morocco itself as they don't date and when marry , they know little about the person and divorce is easy to get in that country

 

Get to know him before u decide one way or the other

 

when he can travel back to Morocco (with green card) go with him  and see how he treats the women in his family / you'll be pleasently surprised 

Edited January 5, 2021 by JeanneAdil

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

He's already in the US?   and came on what visa ?

if he married a USC ,  and had proper fiancee or spouse visa ,,  he doesn't have to marry you to be legal

 

You don't need to convert to Marry.  In Morocco under their Islamic laws ,  muslim man can marry Muslim,  Christain (like me) or Jew 

it's good to understand the religion so you know what to expect during Ramadan and other religious holidays but not necessary to change your religion and views.

 

'

we are now almost 11 years married and doing good / only problem we have is i am not a Moroccan cook and he doesn't like American food much but i cook sometimes and he cooks other times

 

you are in the US so he abuses ,  you call 911/ he cheats,  kick him out / you are not in his country under Islamic lawshe 

he 

and BTW there are a lot who divorce in Morocco itself as they don't date and when marry , they know little about the person and divorce is easy to get in that country

Hi JeanneAdil, 

Thank you for your advice, these are things I do know ,I did a lot of research I previously dated an Albanian for 2 1/2 years only to find from multiple Albanians they always mostly bring someone back home and we are looked as starter wives, or starter girlfriends so they can be ready and know how to please their wife back home when they become citizens. Yes, he was on a k-1, they were together 5 years 3 in Morocco with joint accounts and a flat/apt. He covered his bases and has all the paperwork to prove bonafide. So I don't think it will be an issue keeping him here, however,  I don't know. This is my first time dating someone who's conditional green car will expire in 1 year. At that point, after speaking with an immigration lawyer, he should be fine considering he has the documentation to back up the bonafide marriage. Thats the beautiful thing I see with most Moroccan's alike many people who practice Islam-they will not force conversion. However, I'm looking at it from a much more cultural aspect than just for "him". For example, I want children and I need to do that soon but I don't want to do it with someone who's looking for an ANCHOR baby

[Kissablestyles 1]

6 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

He's already in the US?   and came on what visa ?

if he married a USC ,  and had proper fiancee or spouse visa ,,  he doesn't have to marry you to be legal

 

You don't need to convert to Marry.  In Morocco under their Islamic laws ,  muslim man can marry Muslim,  Christain (like me) or Jew 

it's good to understand the religion so you know what to expect during Ramadan and other religious holidays but not necessary to change your religion and views.

 

'

we are now almost 11 years married and doing good / only problem we have is i am not a Moroccan cook and he doesn't like American food much but i cook sometimes and he cooks other times

 

you are in the US so he abuses ,  you call 911/ he cheats,  kick him out / you are not in his country under Islamic lawshe 

he 

and BTW there are a lot who divorce in Morocco itself as they don't date and when marry , they know little about the person and divorce is easy to get in that country

Their food is quite amazing and he can cook which is good too, something you don't find with many men in the USA.

[JeanneAdil 6,307]

14 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

Thank you for your kind words, it is that which I struggle. Someone born in Islam faith, you are born and bred with it, you know it inside and out. Same as Christians. So for someone to convert, like myself, I need to know more of this religion, things I do not understand but the basics I do. I recently bought "The Prophet" the historical tellings of the life of Mohammed. I would never convert for a relationship but because I decide to do so. however, the red flags are there and he wants to spend so much time with me it scares me. I told him we need to slow down since we are in America everything goes here. I don't feel comfortable going so fast, he flipped out on text and said horrible mean things to me. I've never been spoken to that way by any man, muslim or not.  It's not looking good for us, I told him he should have removed the pictures of his ex wife who looks like she could have been his mother but was clearly his ticket to the US.

Verbal abuse ??? no way do you have to put up with that

that alone tells you something is not good  

Let your head do the talking here not the heart

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

Verbal abuse ??? no way do you have to put up with that

that alone tells you something is not good  

Let your head do the talking here not the heart

Yep, because I decided to slow things down break it off and become friends, he went psycho calling me names, saying all American women are the same, I was just like his ex wife, and he sees why my ex's broke up with me. He truly hopes I find the help I need stuff like that....

[JeanneAdil 6,307]

2 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

Yep, because I decided to slow things down break it off and become friends, he went psycho calling me names, saying all American women are the same, I was just like his ex wife, and he sees why my ex's broke up with me. He truly hopes I find the help I need stuff like that....

I would not think this is a good relationship 

and you don't need a man to have a child 

I know the drs are expensive but so aren't men

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

I would not think this is a good relationship 

and you don't need a man to have a child 

I know the drs are expensive but so aren't men

I'm just afraid of raising a child on my own. I do not have the help from family which is why I waited this long to find a right partner. The problem is I don't think anyone is "right" it's what you are willing to deal with. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own. Sure friends and I joke about sperm clinics and honestly thought about it but it's not my faith, beliefs, or anything else other than wanting a child to be set up to live a good life with both parents. Which is why I feel I need more time to know him. To see what his agenda holds, and what his plans are with me. I think maybe I should tell him if he is serious we can not have sex until we are married and that will be that.

[Kissablestyles 1]

26 minutes ago, RJandHamid said:

I guess I'm not really understanding your question/post. I'm married to a Moroccan man, and while he fits some of the cultural stereotypes that we often see on these forums, not all Moroccan people are the same. You don't need to covert if you don't want to, there are plenty of Muslims who are married to non-muslims. Yes, many Moroccans will send money home, because the US dollar can go very far in Morocco, and he probably wants to provide a more comfortable life for his parents/family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as the terms of the amount and frequency of money sent are discussed and agreed on by the couple. Not really sure what you are talking about regarding family shame. It sounds like you are looking to confirm any possible suspicions or fears you may have, which unfortunately we can't really help you with because we don't really know the full situation.

 

He can remove conditions on his green card and even potentially become a US citizen all on his own. You won't really be able to "help" him in this regard. Maybe take a little more time getting to know this man, and definitely take your time deciding if you really want to convert or not. Don't convert just to please another person.

Does it help if I tell you I spoke to his now ex wife? I'm an open book I can tell you anything that would help with your suggestion.

[JeanneAdil 6,307]

2 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

I'm just afraid of raising a child on my own. I do not have the help from family which is why I waited this long to find a right partner. The problem is I don't think anyone is "right" it's what you are willing to deal with. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own. Sure friends and I joke about sperm clinics and honestly thought about it but it's not my faith, beliefs, or anything else other than wanting a child to be set up to live a good life with both parents. Which is why I feel I need more time to know him. To see what his agenda holds, and what his plans are with me. I think maybe I should tell him if he is serious we can not have sex until we are married and that will be that.

Why not the truth?   Tell him he is abusive and you won't put up with that 

[Kissablestyles 1]

1 minute ago, JeanneAdil said:

Why not the truth?   Tell him he is abusive and you won't put up with that 

I did and he played it off like he's emotional because he quit smoking (I told him I don't like it) and partly because I broke it off with him. What does any rejected man do when they are being rejected? I would assume it's a natural reaction