AOS and Staying supportive

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

I know this has been asked many times and my husband always said “it wouldn’t happen to him” which I knew it would not be the case as he gave up everything to marry me and come here. 
We were married a few weeks ago and his family from the UK came to visit and just left for back home. 
He comes from a very big family and they were able to spend time with us and it was a phenomenal time to say the least. 
I came home from work Monday and he was crying. 
I think he finally realized that his parents will not be here to watch Hannah grow up or that we can not just simply visit them anytime. 
I feel absolutely awful that I did not see this coming nor did not stay home from work after they left. 
I ended up staying home with him the rest of the day and we went out that night to spend some alone time together. 
It’s been a few days now and he continues to say his life is with me here but was just upset to see his family go back home. 
He admits to being homesick now and we can finally talk about it. 
I’ve not seen him upset again since but 
is there anything that I can do to help him adjust or what have others done to get through this? 
I told him that I’d happily move to the UK with him if that’s something he wants to do In the future. 
It breaks my heart to see him so torn and if there’s anything I can do to help than I’m all ears. 
Thanks for listening 

Sarah 
 

[Deagle 494]

I know how he feels, it is hard no doubt. 

Luckily technology is very advanced now and you can talk and see the person you want anywhere in the world. I always video call my family member and we chat and laugh and kind of hang out together through calls and video calls. I visit them once a year or so. Maybe he can always video call his family and chat with them. The good thing is that you understand his feelings, maybe you can join him in the video calls with his family so he can feel that you and them are the same somehow.

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

1 minute ago, Deagle said:

I know how he feels, it is hard no doubt. 

Luckily technology is very advanced now and you can talk and see the person you want anywhere in the world. I always video call my family member and we chat and laugh and kind of hang out together through calls and video calls. I visit them once a year or so. Maybe he can always video call his family and chat with them. The good thing is that you understand his feelings, maybe you can join him in the video calls with his family so he can feel that you and them are the same somehow.

we do try to do “face time” once a week with his family and when I met them in person it was as if I knew them for years. 
I am very close to his parents and they are amazing. 
I thank you for the advice. I think making sure we continue to do this and/or more often is a must.
Your absolutely right. Thank You 😊 

[SuznAaron 121]

13 minutes ago, Sarah n Ryan said:

I know this has been asked many times and my husband always said “it wouldn’t happen to him” which I knew it would not be the case as he gave up everything to marry me and come here. 
We were married a few weeks ago and his family from the UK came to visit and just left for back home. 
He comes from a very big family and they were able to spend time with us and it was a phenomenal time to say the least. 
I came home from work Monday and he was crying. 
I think he finally realized that his parents will not be here to watch Hannah grow up or that we can not just simply visit them anytime. 
I feel absolutely awful that I did not see this coming nor did not stay home from work after they left. 
I ended up staying home with him the rest of the day and we went out that night to spend some alone time together. 
It’s been a few days now and he continues to say his life is with me here but was just upset to see his family go back home. 
He admits to being homesick now and we can finally talk about it. 
I’ve not seen him upset again since but 
is there anything that I can do to help him adjust or what have others done to get through this? 
I told him that I’d happily move to the UK with him if that’s something he wants to do In the future. 
It breaks my heart to see him so torn and if there’s anything I can do to help than I’m all ears. 
Thanks for listening 

Sarah 
 

Sarah I am so sorry! My husband is missing his oldest daughters wedding this week so I understand completely. Adjustment is hard and some days will be worse than others. We found a website to buy food common to Ireland (and UK). That has helped some to have "normal" food for him. Do what you can to prepare to travel over every year. Once my husband can travel we will be going back for visits. Just know it will take time. Be as supportive as you can. Best to you both!

[USS_Voyager 1,971]

Self-deleted

Edited November 20, 2019 by USS_Voyager

[USS_Voyager 1,971]

The 4 Stages

Honeymoon

During this period, the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light. For example, in moving to a new country, an individual might love the new food, the pace of life, and the locals' habits. During the first few weeks, most people are fascinated by the new culture. They associate with nationals who speak their language, and who are polite to the foreigners. Like most honeymoon periods, this stage eventually ends.^[7]

Negotiation

After some time (usually around three months, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude. Language barriers, stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, food accessibility and quality may heighten the sense of disconnection from the surroundings.^[8]

While being transferred into a different environment puts special pressure on communication skills, there are practical difficulties to overcome, such as circadian rhythm disruption that often leads to insomnia and daylight drowsiness; adaptation of gut flora to different bacteria levels and concentrations in food and water; difficulty in seeking treatment for illness, as medicines may have different names from the native country's and the same active ingredients might be hard to recognize.

Still, the most important change in the period is communication: People adjusting to a new culture often feel lonely and homesick because they are not yet used to the new environment and meet people with whom they are not familiar every day. The language barrier may become a major obstacle in creating new relationships: special attention must be paid to one's and others' culture-specific body language signs, linguistic faux pas, conversation tone, linguistic nuances and customs, and false friends.

In the case of students studying abroad, some develop additional symptoms of loneliness that ultimately affect their lifestyles as a whole. Due to the strain of living in a different country without parental support, international students often feel anxious and feel more pressure while adjusting to new cultures—even more so when the cultural distances are wide, as patterns of logic and speech are different and a special emphasis is put on rhetoric.

Adjustment

Again, after some time (usually 6 to 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal". One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture and begins to accept the culture's ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced.^[9]

Adaptation

In the mastery stage individuals are able to participate fully and comfortably in the host culture. Mastery does not mean total conversion; people often keep many traits from their earlier culture, such as accents and languages. It is often referred to as the bicultural stage.

Edited November 20, 2019 by USS_Voyager

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

@USS_Voyager This is quite interesting and good reading. Is this a book or audio that we can read? 

[bandito 24]

10 minutes ago, Sarah n Ryan said:

@USS_Voyager This is quite interesting and good reading. Is this a book or audio that we can read? 

It's from this wikipedia article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

 

[USS_Voyager 1,971]

1 minute ago, Sarah n Ryan said:

@USS_Voyager This is quite interesting and good reading. Is this a book or audio that we can read? 

Let me look around and I will post if I find a book that would be a good read. Many moons ago, I started my journey to the US as a foreign exchange student. We had some classes and training before we left, and this was talked about extensively. The different stages and how you might feel and how all of that is normal and it will pass, blah blah blah... It is very well-known in the international student circle. 

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

35 minutes ago, SuznAaron said:

52 minutes ago, Sarah n Ryan said:

 

Sarah I am so sorry! My husband is missing his oldest daughters wedding this week so I understand completely. Adjustment is hard and some days will be worse than others. W

I’m sorry too. I can relate as he missed his brothers wedding recently. Not his daughters but definitely was not easy on him.  
His parents brought over some tea and local food from the UK as well. 
He visited the US for many years for months at a time but this time was “different”. And it was. 
I am trying now to plan for us to visit next year as I too wish we had his family and mine. Wish you both the best as well ! 
 

[Zoeeeeeee 795]

I get it. 

 

Today I started feeling stressed as Saturday is the last day I can drive on my UK license (and I’m driving a 100 mile round trip to a dog rescue every day and will likely still need to next week 😫)...

 

Whilst in the supermarket, I decided I needed a sugar-fix to de-stress...I then spent 10 minutes examining random biscuits and not knowing which ones contained eggs or milk or honey, until I ended up giving up and feeling even more miserable!

 

Little things make me feel emotional - but then I got to wake up to a hug from my fiancé this morning, so there are definite highs as well! 

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

1 hour ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

I get it. 

I’m sorry @Zoeeeeeee  I see Ryan struggle with the same thing in terms of food. 
The food situation is similar but very different. He is the same with ingredients and the supermarket.  
Ex. One would think eggs is eggs but UK n US have much different controls on ingredients.  
The US is much more lenient IMO and sugar is in everything. I never noticed this until recently. Shoot, we have sugar in our bread. I had no idea. 😂
I took off work today so we can go shopping for groceries and start on Christmas so hopefully I can help.   
I couldn’t imagine eating something “normal” and than it tastes so different. 

We just got him the PG tea. Its amazing and I’m not a huge tea fan.( I probably shouldn’t have admitted this on a UK forum 😜) and a glass kettle this week. 
No matter how similar the US n UK are there are still differences and a transition. 

I definitely can see the highs n lows with Ryan. I can’t relate but I know what you described Ryan goes through as well. 

Good to hear that your in the states now and together. 🙏