Roman Catholic wedding- Please help

[pattyandvern 282]

Hello. (Not sure if I am writing at right place, if not Please move this thread)

we are K1 February 2017 Filers and I am beneficiary. I am catholic and he is not, but he is Christian and was baptised. We are planning to get married in catholic church, but we have some issues. I am currently in my country and he is in USA, but he is working temporarily in other corner of States every year for about 4 months (summer camp, that is how we met), and we are planning that after I get my visa I will join him there and we would love to get married there, at camp, because it is tradition that people who met there always are getting married there and it is our special place. But I don't know how to set everything, since I am the one who is catholic and I am not even there. I wrote email to the closest parish and I am waiting for the answer but in the meantime I decided to ask, maybe some of You had that kind of wedding and can give me advice. My biggest questions are:

1. Do I need any paperwork from my country? I believe I would have to get my baptism certificate but anything else? Any certificate from my parish that I am catholic? Any letter from my pastor? And should I translate it in the office or can I do it myself?

2. Do we have to make any test or pre-marriage course at the parish? How long usually this kind of course is in USA? And what kind of things they are asking there, what we have to prove to be "accepted" by the parish as candidates to become marriage?

3. Do you think it would be possible for me to set everything online/by phone, I can't afford to go to USA only to talk with the priest about my wedding and my fiance lives in other corner and he is not even catholic, so he asked me to set everything by myself and he have other wedding stuff on his shoulders. 

 

We are hoping that I will come to USA by the end of June and want to get married at Sep 2, so we will only have 2 months to make everything ready, I hope at least it would be possible to save the date at church, since on their website it say that couples should contact the parish six months before and that is what I did. If it wont be possible than we will have simple custom ceremony and church wedding later...

[m8cl 5]

How about a civil wedding first then you can have your church wedding when you get here so you have time to prepare.

[pattyandvern 282]

I was thinking about that, and if we will have to, than we will do it that way. But than we would have to move back to where he lives and our goal is to make a reception for family and friends at the camp, I am planning to make my family to come to the wedding from my country. My family from Poland is very religious and I would love to have them on my church wedding, I don't think also that they would be able to afford to come two times for my wedding, for sure not all of them... we have a perfect place for reception, with accomodation for guests, small beach, its like a resort, which is at camp that I mentioned before. Where we would live later is in the country, there is not so many cool places for wedding reception in the neighbourhood and it is far away. That is why I was hoping to have church wedding in september so everybody will be happy.

[Roger & Grace 198]

We might do the same, get the civil wedding over, so everything is legal. (This also allows us to get the AOS adjustment of status, done asap green card she can look for work faster get settled as a USA citizen etc...) And it also allows time to take a marriage course together if your church wants it as well.   

 

That way, couples can take the "stress of planning the wedding," like where to have it, who to invite, and save money to do it right as you both want to, at a better time.  

 

A church or religious wedding is a celebration within your faith and with others to celebrate with you (as a Christian/ Catholic/ whatever denomination for instance) in that bond of Gods promises for your marriage.  Like all your time invested to get your K-1 visa dream spouse here, it should not be taken lightly.  

 

I wish everyone great success in your marriage and life! I know if you share the same faith and practice it together, your bond will be stronger! 

[cdneh 3,112]

If you filed in February,  arriving in June might be on the optimistic side.

[yuna628 9,547]

15 minutes ago, pattyandvern said:

I was thinking about that, and if we will have to, than we will do it that way. But than we would have to move back to where he lives and our goal is to make a reception for family and friends at the camp, I am planning to make my family to come to the wedding from my country. My family from Poland is very religious and I would love to have them on my church wedding, I don't think also that they would be able to afford to come two times for my wedding, for sure not all of them... we have a perfect place for reception, with accomodation for guests, small beach, its like a resort, which is at camp that I mentioned before. Where we would live later is in the country, there is not so many cool places for wedding reception in the neighbourhood and it is far away. That is why I was hoping to have church wedding in september so everybody will be happy.

I think in this case a civil wedding at a courthouse is going to be better in the long run, and then plan for the 'big one' later. Then when you have time to prepare better and coordinate with flights with family and the church/venue of your choice you can have a regular wedding in front of everyone. I know you want to please everyone, but unfortunately with K1s you just can't. You need to honor the terms of the K1 and focus on getting your status sorted first. I think you will find it a lot less stressful on you both that way. Yes that means they'll miss out on the civil ceremony, but you will be no less married - which is very important in the eyes of the law and protecting your status here. It means that you can work on the big details and making a truly special religious ceremony that everyone can take part in later.

 

We didn't have a do-over wedding, but if we had decided to go with a church wedding it wouldn't be avoidable. The logistics of planning our wedding was very difficult and required gambling that I would recommend no one to do - it grows bigger if you get many more factors like the church and a larger venue involved. There's simply not a lot of room to coordinate all that. There is also no guarantee of having a K1 by September either.

[pattyandvern 282]

Yes, I know that coming in June is very optimistic. But I really hope it will happen. Thank You for all responses. It helped me to look at the case little colder and I think you are right. Maybe it will be more responsible to just make simple wedding at camp, maybe even my family would come, and than next year make one more in church, than we will have whole year to prepare the right way and do it responsibly. I cant rely on luck in this case and wedding is a big deal, if a big delay happen in CSC than we will have a big problem. It is not easy to make all of this change now... all my big wedding dream is falling aparat now.

[Pee&Eee 70]

Hi we are in the same situation as you are. But in our case we are both Catholics and we plan to do the court wedding first. We clearly understand the factors you have listed because we discussed all of those things before deciding that it will be best to be legally married before the church wedding. We have spoken to the priest in the church that we hope to be married and all all he asked for was that our baptism certificates not older than 6 months. Because of the timeline of K1 we plan to fix the date of our church wedding date after the legal marriage. Also we have to a marriage prep called Pre-Cana but the time frame varies from Parish to Parish. If you have any further questions please fell free to ask us.

Eri&Pri

[Kosi Wahala 153]

5 hours ago, m8cl said:

How about a civil wedding first then you can have your church wedding when you get here so you have time to prepare.

She would have to get her bishop's permission to marry outside the Church, and wouldn't receive it for a civil wedding. 

I would suggest you speak to your priest, or the priest of the parish closest to where you intend to marry. Yes. You will need your documents from your home parish. Pre-Cana preparation, here in the U.S. can run as long as six-months. Often there is a retreat involved, as well. 

PM me if you'd like to know more. 

[Kosi Wahala 153]

Also, if you decide to marry outside the Church, first, most priests will require you to go through Pre-Cana before convalidating your marriage. FYI - there are considerations concerning state of grace and reception of the Holy Eucharist, until you have your marriage regularized. 
We just completed our Pre-Cana for the convalidation of our marriage - Again, you can PM me if you wish.

[llaz 232]

My fiancee and I are both Catholic, and we are getting married in my (to be our) parish here in my home town. I was actually thinking about a civil ceremony first but Monsignor and RCIA Director both encouraged us to do the religious ceremony instead and agreed to have patience with us and understood the situation after I explained to them. Now I feel it will be a little more difficult because you are the Catholic and you are outside of the United States but that doesn't mean that the parish you messaged wont understand and help you out. 

 

1. Do I need any paperwork from my country? I believe I would have to get my baptism certificate but anything else? Any certificate from my parish that I am catholic? Any letter from my pastor? And should I translate it in the office or can I do it myself? Bring your original baptism certificate for sure. I would ask the parish and priest what else you need.

2. Do we have to make any test or pre-marriage course at the parish? How long usually this kind of course is in USA? And what kind of things they are asking there, what we have to prove to be "accepted" by the parish as candidates to become marriage? Typically yes, there are pre marriage courses (and a test). Our there are 3 courses that we must take each are a few hours long or an afternoon. The director and Monsignor both stated again that even if we have to do these courses after we are married thats fine. Our parish requires 6 months of attendance to be married in the church. But again I would message them and not see if they would be willing to work with you on this. 

3. Do you think it would be possible for me to set everything online/by phone, I can't afford to go to USA only to talk with the priest about my wedding and my fiance lives in other corner and he is not even catholic, so he asked me to set everything by myself and he have other wedding stuff on his shoulders. I am not sure, but that would be something that would vary from parish to parish.

Sorry know that I wasn't able to answer all of your questions in full but I REALLY think you should get a hold of a priest nearby where you will be living in the US before you decide on how you should marry (civilly or religiously). 

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

My fiance and I are also both Catholic and will have a Catholic ceremony and only a Catholic ceremony. (BTW, it's kinda awesome to see so many Catholic couples on VJ!)

 

I have an AWESOME (yet little quirky) priest who is very understanding about our situation. I think that is key... find a good, solid, yet compassionate priest who will be flexible with the two of you. Also, I'm sure that the pastor will explain this to you and maybe you know this already but since only one of you is Catholic, your ceremony will only be a Liturgy of the Word - not a full Mass (if you don't understand the difference, just ask me).

 

Just a side note, you might want to prepare your fiance for what is expected in a Catholic marriage - not just the ceremony. When you marry in the Church, you and your fiance agree to live your marriage according to the teachings of the Church. He might not know, understand, or agree with what that means. In that case, will he be comfortable in a Catholic ceremony? If neither of you are comfortable, is a Catholic ceremony the best option for you? (I was a religious sister, i.e. nun, for many years - I have a lot of theological formation. Feel free to ask me anything!)

 

1. Do I need any paperwork from my country? I believe I would have to get my baptism certificate but anything else? Any certificate from my parish that I am catholic? Any letter from my pastor? And should I translate it in the office or can I do it myself? Definitely your original, sealed certificate, recently issued. The reason is that when a Catholic marries within the Church, the priest sends notification to the parish letting them know the person was married. The marriage is noted in the records and any time a certificate is requested, the marriage is noted on the certificate. As far as needing any other letter, you shouldn't. The Church considers you "Catholic" if you were baptized in the Church. You're never unCatholic - although one is either a Catholic in good standing or not. The priest should discuss that with you.

2. Do we have to make any test or pre-marriage course at the parish? How long usually this kind of course is in USA? And what kind of things they are asking there, what we have to prove to be "accepted" by the parish as candidates to become marriage? This varies from diocese to diocese. Where I live (I am the US citizen) we need to complete a compatibility survey, pre-marriage course, meet with the priest, and complete NFP courses (Natural Family Planning). These aren't a "test" per say, but they do help the priest counsel you in areas that might need to be addressed. You and your fiance should be talking about things such as: what will your faith look like in practice? Will you remain Catholic? Will you raise your children Catholic? (if the answer is no to this one, you cannot marry in the Church) Have you discussed how many children you will have? These and a few others are critical areas the Church wants to make sure couples discuss BEFORE walking down the aisle. The diocese (as with all US dioceses) requires 6 months preparation. Again, find a priest who can work with you. We are beginning the process now, even while he is still in India. I found an online marriage preparation course approved by my archdiocese. Check to make sure it is approved where your fiance lives. Catholic marriage prep online We also completed the survey online and I discussed it with my pastor then I will discuss with my fiance. We were 100% on board with Catholic teaching so we had no issues at all.

3. Do you think it would be possible for me to set everything online/by phone, I can't afford to go to USA only to talk with the priest about my wedding and my fiance lives in other corner and he is not even catholic, so he asked me to set everything by myself and he have other wedding stuff on his shoulders. I would contact the parish near where he currently lives and start there. If that doesn't work, look up other parishes in the area. Perhaps call the diocese office and tell them your situation and ask them to set you up with a priest who can work with your situation. Someone mentioned previously and I second their comment - if you have a civil marriage before getting married in the Church, just be aware that your marriage is considered invalid and illicit - meaning you cannot receive Holy Communion until you have your marriage in the Church as the Church doesn't recognize a civil marriage ceremony. If that is something that matters to you... The Church has a very high opinion of marriage and considers it something sacred, not just fluffy and romantic so marriage preparation and ceremonies are taken seriously.

 

I am more than happy to message you about it, if you wish.

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

Oh...another note. I understand him not wanting to take on the responsibility of contacting the parish... however, I hope he realizes that he will be required to participate in the marriage preparation courses. I'm sure you knew that but I wanted to make sure

 

Good luck!

[Kosi Wahala 153]

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony, last September, in Nigeria. I came home to the U.S. in October and met with my pastor. The first order of business was receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Since we are still awaiting my husband's CR1 visa, we began pre-Cana prep via FaceTime with my pastor, while my husband has been studying the Catechism in Nigeria. I have been able to receive the Holy Eucharist, as we have been living as brother and sister (i.e. apart) all this time.

I will be returning to Nigeria for Holy Week - my husband will be received into the Church at Easter Vigil, and we'll have our marriage convalidated on Easter Monday. ?

I wonder, OP, has your husband ever been to Mass with you? Might he consider becoming Catholic? My husband grew up attending several evangelical churches in Nigeria - and he said, not long into his study of the catechism, "This is the very doctrine and tradition I have been searching for, for a long time!" I cannot wait for that day when I am able to kneel beside my husband and receive holy communion! That is going to be a blessed day, for sure. 

May God bless you, and may He always be at the center of your marriages. 

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

10 minutes ago, Kosi Wahala said:

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony, last September, in Nigeria. I came home to the U.S. in October and met with my pastor. The first order of business was receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Since we are still awaiting my husband's CR1 visa, we began pre-Cana prep via FaceTime with my pastor, while my husband has been studying the Catechism in Nigeria. I have been able to receive the Holy Eucharist, as we have been living as brother and sister (i.e. apart) all this time.

I will be returning to Nigeria for Holy Week - my husband will be received into the Church at Easter Vigil, and we'll have our marriage convalidated on Easter Monday. ?

I wonder, OP, has your husband ever been to Mass with you? Might he consider becoming Catholic? My husband grew up attending several evangelical churches in Nigeria - and he said, not long into his study of the catechism, "This is the very doctrine and tradition I have been searching for, for a long time!" I cannot wait for that day when I am able to kneel beside my husband and receive holy communion! That is going to be a blessed day, for sure. 

May God bless you, and may He always be at the center of your marriages. 

What a beautiful story!! I love it!

 

Congratulations on your marriage! And best wishes on your new life together!