Pinay wife doesn't want to help pay bills

[Lee&Ana 88]

If my husband charged me for driving lessons, that conversation will end quick too. Maybe I should charge him for the cooking and cleaning I do around the house. But thank god we're not that petty.

I didn't charge her for driving lessons. We didn't get to that point. What I was referring to is that cars aren't free. Even if a car is paid off, there is gas, registration, insurance and other operating costs. If I added my wife to my insurance policy, the premium will double. There is nothing free in America or anywhere. If someone is in a partnership with another person, the expenses are shared. Not necessarily 50/50, but there has to be some contribution.

As far as the cooking/cleaning, did you help pay the immigration expenses? If not, your husband was already charged for them(lol).

Might I politely inquire as to you and your husband's age?

My guess is that she was keeping her money close to her chest because once she goes back home, there's no coming back. She might use that money to start a small business or open a sari-sari store or whatever. She did buy just a one-way ticket, right?

I think you are right on the money with this statement

[jg121783 3,907]

I am fortunate that my wife tries every chance she gets to save me money. Both times I went to visit her I heard the phrase "that is too expensive" from her every time I tried to buy her something. I can't believe the wedding she put together for us by herself with $1000 I sent her. She tells me almost every day that she can't wait to get here and get a job and help me save money so we can buy a house. She is going to school right now while she waits for her visa (only cost me $20 to enroll her). Maybe it is because of what she went through before I met her. When I first met her she was working mostly 12 hour days 6 days a week in a factory for not very much money. Before that she worked overseas away from her family and son for 2 years. In other words she is used to working hard to survive. I think it is fair that if she is working when she gets here she can send some money to her family but we have agreed that will not get in the way of paying our living expenses or our savings goals (unless there is an emergency). I don't know your wife's past work experiences or what agreements if any you two had before she got here so I will not try to judge your situation either way. That is just my situation. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited July 23, 2016 by jg121783

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

I have a similar experience, she is very frugal, I wish I was as aware of costs as she is. I never question her judgement in financial things. She also keeps her siblings at bay too.

[Lee&Ana 88]

I am fortunate that my wife tries every chance she gets to save me money. Both times I went to visit her I heard the phrase "that is too expensive" from her every time I tried to buy her something. I can't believe the wedding she put together for us by herself with $1000 I sent her. She tells me almost every day that she can't wait to get here and get a job and help me save money so we can buy a house. She is going to school right now while she waits for her visa (only cost me $20 to enroll her). Maybe it is because of what she went through before I met her. When I first met her she was working mostly 12 hour days 6 days a week in a factory for not very much money. Before that she worked overseas away from her family and son for 2 years. In other words she is used to working hard to survive. I think it is fair that if she is working when she gets here she can send some money to her family but we have agreed that will not get in the way of paying our living expenses or our savings goals (unless there is an emergency). I don't know your wife's past work experiences or what agreements if any you two had before she got here so I will not try to judge your situation either way. That is just my situation. I wish you the best of luck.

We had all those discussions prior to her coming here. My wife worked 5-7 days a week, 8 hours a day for 4000 pesos a month. She has things that she would never dream of. I was totally honest wife her about everything. There were no surprises for her in regards to me or our living situation. The problem is they can tell you what you want to hear and then change everything when they come to the USA.

I even paid for my sister in law to go to college for a year, because my in laws wouldn't pay. The sister in law stole money from my wife and her own family and ran off with a 23 year old guy(she was 16) and is probably pregnant now.

She ran the same line with me about wanting to work to "help pay the bills". Once she started working, she kept the money for herself. She got mad when I made her buy her own iPhone instead of using what I wanted to buy her.

If my wife doesn't get enough hours at work, the attitude and silent treatment come out to play. That was my birthday present this year was silent treatment and 3 days of her laying in bed. If she gets too much work, she complains.

She sent quite a bit of money to her family for the rice farm because the sister stole the rice farm money as I mentioned earlier. I didn't object.

All I have heard about since April is she wants to go to the Philippines and is only worries about her "spending money"

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

You may wish to consider divorce, it seems you are at an impasse

[Greenbaum 12,258]

If she doesn't get an epiphany soon I'd get a good lawyer at make her go away. You don't need the headache. There is someone out there for each of us. Try again when you are ready. I wouldn't trade my filipina for all the tea in china. Don't ever give up.

[SennaBrigante 92]

ame="Lee&Ana" post="8235176" timestamp="1469237982"]

didn't charge her for driving lessons. We didn't get to that point. What I was referring to is that cars aren't free. Even if a car is paid off, there is gas, registration, insurance and other operating costs. If I added my wife to my insurance policy, the premium will double. There is nothing free in America or anywhere. If someone is in a partnership with another person, the expenses are shared. No necessarily 50/50, but there has to be some contribution.

As far as the cooking/cleaning, did you help pay the immigration expenses? If not, your husband was already charged for them(lol).

Might I politely inquire as to you and your husband's age?

I think you are right on the money with this statement

Actually, I paid for half of my immigration expenses and I'm paying for my ROC myself. I am 31 and he is 35. And I will never charge him for things I do for him out of love. He'll teach me to drive if I asked without putting a price tag on it.

I know of some couples who split things down to the last penny and that's fine, as long as both of them agree to that. From what you're sharing with us, it seems that she has different views on how to use her money. That's fine too. Agree to disagree, divorce her and do away with all that stress.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

You really have reached that point you need to consider divorce, especially if she is as unhappy as you seem to ne

[Lee&Ana 88]

Actually, I paid for half of my immigration expenses and I'm paying for my ROC myself. I am 31 and he is 35. And I will never charge him for things I do for him out of love. He'll teach me to drive if I asked without putting a price tag on it.

I know of some couples who split things down to the last penny and that's fine, as long as both of them agree to that. From what you're sharing with us, it seems that she has different views on how to use her money. That's fine too. Agree to disagree, divorce her and do away with all that stress.

That is fantastic that you paid for 1/2 of your immigration expenses. Sounds like a good partnership. That is a totally different story. My wife couldn't even pay for her luggage to come here.

[Greenbaum 12,258]

I gave my wife a $1,000 to set up a loan business and from the earnings she paid for most of her documents/interview fees/medical and other incidentals for her and her two kids. I never thought the loan sharking business was that profitable but she ran that sucker with a tight fist. In the end before she left I think she had 3 customer's out of about 40 that didn't pay and I think they purposely stiffed her because she was leaving. She has a brother who is on a security detail for one of the mayors and he packs some heat. He just so happens to live in the city where one of the nonpayers moved to. They soon found out that they can run but they can't hide. I think the weapon in his belt caused a commotion because in a few hours he/she was delivering the money that he/she owed.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Cool story

[john_and_marlene 162]

He'll teach me to drive if I asked without putting a price tag on it.

My wife asked me why I paid for driving school rather than just teaching her myself. I told her that I didn't want to teach her because I loved her--let the driving instructor deal with the stress and we could just stay happy with each other.

[Greenbaum 12,258]

That is a great suggestion.

I did both but if I had to do over I send to driving school exclusively. So much stress that's added to your life.

Practicing in a school parking lot on the weekend with her is not that stressful but get on the road that's a different ball game.

[AP&AD 8]

For us, I saved some money before coming here in the US that we both agreed I can spend however I like. I didn't get to save much (in US standards) because I paid for my medical and visa. We discussed finances before even sending out the K-1 petition and have agreed to have an allowance based system monthly for both of us wherein we can spend it however we like no questions asked; I think this was because I worried too much that I wouldn't be able to work for a couple of months while waiting for my EAD. He keeps reminding me that his money is OUR money now, but it just feels very different for me to be suddenly dependent on someone else financially. We have also set some financial goals like saving for emergency fund (priority), and saving for a home to retire to in the Phils; this gives us something to both work on wherein it would make me feel I am also contributing financially since he won't let me pay for any of the bills. I think it's because sometimes he feels so guilty for taking me away from a very good job, my family, and friends.

We also lived together in the Phils for quite some time before moving here so we're familiar with each other's bad habits and weaknesses. In the Phils, I was the one working and paying all the bills lol. The key for us is always remembering that we love each other and that we always have the other's best interest at heart.

[Dustin and Janen 86]

I view marriage as a partnership and all assets are shared. My wife and I have joint accounts that we deposit to and spend from. It was a little rocky at first since both of us were spending and I was only used to just me spending, but we solved that with a budget. Now we use software called YNAB to track income, expenses, and our budget. If one of us needs to spend beyond our personal monthly allowance we have a talk to see where that money will come from (savings, or another budget category). It's not perfect and sometimes we spend too much without that talk, but we are working on getting better at that. It lifted a lot of the burden from me of keeping track of our joint finances and eliminated the need for her to ask me if she could buy something (I didn't like that question).

My wife had a lot of things to learn when she got here. Driving was one of those things and one of the biggest nightmares for me. It was nearly 2 years of me driving her to and from work making my commute 1 hour instead of 10 mins. We spent a lot of money on driving school and I came close to many heart attacks, but I'm happy to report that she passed the test a few months ago and landed a new job that pays pretty well and she loves. I've made it a point to help and teach my wife the things she may not have known from her life in PH. I provided support and encourage she needed in tough times, like when she was trying to get a new job and was not having any luck and when she didn't pass the driver's license exam. So, to me the couple years of discomfort were worth it.

I recommend the book, The Obstacle Is the Way, for anyone that is facing obstacles or trails (so everyone) to get a different perspective on facing life challenges and why they are actually good! Marrying someone from a different culture is not an easy thing and I know my wife and I still have a long road ahead.