Refusal to file ROC- What should she do ?

[JR loves JR 196]

She needs to file for ROC before her conditional green card expires. I'm pretty confident that there's no grace period after expiration to file. She should do this as soon as possible

[pch1 64]

Everyone here just gave their opinions on what to do and they are right. Two options are before her, first one which you say "Impossible" which is for her to go back home...Yeah, knowing she is married and even if divorced is not taking lightly in India and some how maybe shameful...The other option is to report him to the police for domestic abuse and violence, have everything documented from any injuries, move to a battered women shelter and yes, she will need a lawyer...Is there any other way? I really doubt it...Its time for her to stop this " I love him" stuff and save herself before its too late.

Good luck to her.

Edited May 20, 2016 by pch1

[Amadia 711]

He has beaten her ? Well then she needs to get out of there for her safety immediately and go to a shelter.

They will advice her in pro bono attorneys and will be helpful with other issues as well.

She needs to file a police report that he beat her (after she moves to a shelter). Period.

She needs to stop being wishy washy about leaving him and stop hoping he will change, he won't but he will

get worse. What else has to happen before she will take some action ?!

She needs someone who can help her to empower herself and stop being his door mat. Shelter is that place to start with.

Shelters are anonymous and he won't know where she went so he can't hurt her anymore. Then the lawyer and police take it from there.

Choice to get the ball rolling is up to her. Hope she does it today.

I agree with you 2000% but you must also know that, from a very early age, girls growing up in India are taught to be submissive and subservient to their marital husbands. Indian girls are married off as young as 8yrs old to very grown and experienced men! So I can understand exactly WHY she would feel "love" and commitment to her abusive husband because that was the way she was taught to be. She would not think that she is being his doormat nor would she look at his abusive behaviour as bad. She would think that she triggered the violence against her and would blame herself; not see HIM as being the problem.

To the OP:

Essentially, you must encourage her to go to the police....you do not need VJ for this...it should have come naturally to you to advise her of this. Don't you have a wife? Sister? Niece? If their husbands beat them and treat them like dirt, would you post on VJ seeking advice?? No....you need to help her get out of this situation. You mention it to the police if she clearly is too scared or incapable of doing so. Ppl seek help without openly seeking help --- if that makes sense.

I just pray that she gets out of this rotten marriage and don't wanna think she did it only for the purpose of immigration benefits. There are so many of us globally who are fighting the immigration monster just to be with our spouse and here ppl are just throwing it away....Like some1 advised ---> she needs to seek legal advice and get divorced, apply for her ROC as a divorcee.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Amadia

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I agree with you 2000% but you must also know that, from a very early age, girls growing up in India are taught to be submissive and subservient to their marital husbands. Indian girls are married off as young as 8yrs old to very grown and experienced men! So I can understand exactly WHY she would feel "love" and commitment to her abusive husband because that was the way she was taught to be. She would not think that she is being his doormat nor would she look at his abusive behaviour as bad. She would think that she triggered the violence against her and would blame herself; not see HIM as being the problem.

To the OP:

Essentially, you must encourage her to go to the police....you do not need VJ for this...it should have come naturally to you to advise her of this. Don't you have a wife? Sister? Niece? If their husbands beat them and treat them like dirt, would you post on VJ seeking advice?? No....you need to help her get out of this situation. You mention it to the police if she clearly is too scared or incapable of doing so. Ppl seek help without openly seeking help --- if that makes sense.

I just pray that she gets out of this rotten marriage and don't wanna think she did it only for the purpose of immigration benefits. There are so many of us globally who are fighting the immigration monster just to be with our spouse and here ppl are just throwing it away....Like some1 advised ---> she needs to seek legal advice and get divorced, apply for her ROC as a divorcee.

Yes, of course I understand the cultural issue and that is precisely why I said she needs someone to help empower her, such as

professional guidance from a shelter.

Just because someone grows up having been groomed to fit the doormat description does by no means indicate it has to be a permanent

mindset and once someone is helped to that point the sky is the limit.

It is perfectly alright for OP to come here and ask for advice in regards to the friend's immigration status.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Counseling?

Her options are:

- Divorce and remove conditions on her own.

- Return to her country to family and friends that will help her.

Everything else is marriage related and she would most likely need to seek advice from a counselor. Or lawyer depending on her decision.

Thank u for helping. I told her all this.

He has beaten her ? Well then she needs to get out of there for her safety immediately and go to a shelter.

They will advice her in pro bono attorneys and will be helpful with other issues as well.

She needs to file a police report that he beat her (after she moves to a shelter). Period.

She needs to stop being wishy washy about leaving him and stop hoping he will change, he won't but he will

get worse. What else has to happen before she will take some action ?!

She needs someone who can help her to empower herself and stop being his door mat. Shelter is that place to start with.

Shelters are anonymous and he won't know where she went so he can't hurt her anymore. Then the lawyer and police take it from there.

Choice to get the ball rolling is up to her. Hope she does it today.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Yes. He started to beat her now. First, he only bother Her but in last week he raised hand on her two times. I told her all what you suggest for her. She is going to ask him what he wants otherwise she is going to put step forward. She has joint family. She told me yesterday his father in law said that they will not apply for her for roc. I think they are doing this that because she has been married for 3 years now but she has no baby. She told me many times that her husbands family never say something wrong for her second number sister in law(husband's brother's wife). She has two baby in two year. They are used to bother her (husband's brother's wife) first number sister in law. May be because she had no baby before. Now she has a baby after about ten years. So they are happy with her now I think. But now they bother to my friend may be because she has no baby that's why they want to sent back her to India and do not want to apply for her roc.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Another domestic abuse situation. Get to safety, contact a lawyer for options. I think you said he took all her documents away from her. I'd be worried that he might destroy them. Listen to others on this post about ROC options. I don't see this as a marriage that can be saved. I have personal experiences of living with an abusive person. Personally, I would have run to the police and had him arrested. Maybe beating is acceptable in other places but it is not in the U.S.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Thank u for your response. Yes you are right. He can do anything.It is a very big step for Indian girls to take action against their husband or family. You can see in India for husbands to beat their wives. It's not a big deal.

She will have no life if she moves to India after marriage you are your husbands there is even a city for widows... Once husband dies you cannot remarry...She would be best off getting help here in the states.

So sorry for your friend

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Yes. You are right. Everyone will finger on her that she has lived for two year with her husband in USA. In India,everyone will think her husband sent back her to India because she would not good, even though she is innocent. There will be question Chen on her, and it will be for a life. She will be insulted by people that she is bad.

Call 911 for spousal abuse and ask to be placed in shelter

the police can get her personal items like green card and SS card and clothing out when they come

how long was she been married? is the green card 2 or 10 years?

she can also go to local churches and organization (list can be found in Sunday newspaper) for help and counseling

if she is also in California =, tell her not to be afraid of getting help as there are many ways that state helps displaced women

give her our best wishes and prayers

Call 911 for spousal abuse and ask to be placed in shelter

the police can get her personal items like green card and SS card and clothing out when they come

how long was she been married? is the green card 2 or 10 years?

she can also go to local churches and organization (list can be found in Sunday newspaper) for help and counseling

if she is also in California =, tell her not to be afraid of getting help as there are many ways that state helps displaced women

give her our best wishes and prayers

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Thank u for suggesting right way. She has Been married for three years now. She is here in USA now about for two years. She has cri visa. After about a month her cri visa will expire. Yes she is in california. I told all this, and I told her everyone wishes for you and prayer for you. She get very happy to heard this.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Yes you are right. There will be hard punishment for her in India by Indian people. They will not let her live or die. I told her it is time to rais step forward. Yes. She needs to take action against her husband now because there is no another way.

She needs to file for ROC before her conditional green card expires. I'm pretty confident that there's no grace period after expiration to file. She should do this as soon as possible

Thank u for giving this information. I really did not know about it. Thank for help us in the right time.

Everyone here just gave their opinions on what to do and they are right. Two options are before her, first one which you say "Impossible" which is for her to go back home...Yeah, knowing she is married and even if divorced is not taking lightly in India and some how maybe shameful...The other option is to report him to the police for domestic abuse and violence, have everything documented from any injuries, move to a battered women shelter and yes, she will need a lawyer...Is there any other way? I really doubt it...Its time for her to stop this " I love him" stuff and save herself before its too late.

Good luck to her.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Thank u for your help. Yes. U r right it's time to take step forward. I told her all that.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

I agree with you 2000% but you must also know that, from a very early age, girls growing up in India are taught to be submissive and subservient to their marital husbands. Indian girls are married off as young as 8yrs old to very grown and experienced men! So I can understand exactly WHY she would feel "love" and commitment to her abusive husband because that was the way she was taught to be. She would not think that she is being his doormat nor would she look at his abusive behaviour as bad. She would think that she triggered the violence against her and would blame herself; not see HIM as being the problem.

To the OP:

Essentially, you must encourage her to go to the police....you do not need VJ for this...it should have come naturally to you to advise her of this. Don't you have a wife? Sister? Niece? If their husbands beat them and treat them like dirt, would you post on VJ seeking advice?? No....you need to help her get out of this situation. You mention it to the police if she clearly is too scared or incapable of doing so. Ppl seek help without openly seeking help --- if that makes sense.

I just pray that she gets out of this rotten marriage and don't wanna think she did it only for the purpose of immigration benefits. There are so many of us globally who are fighting the immigration monster just to be with our spouse and here ppl are just throwing it away....Like some1 advised ---> she needs to seek legal advice and get divorced, apply for her ROC as a divorcee.

[rajvinder kaur 6]

Thank u for help. As I know you know the Indian culture better than why u think I should not post Her problem here. What's wrong with it. It s a good sight, and first I got help from visa journey for me than why I can not get help from visa journey for my friend. I encouraged her to get to take the police help. How can I help her if I do not know what is good for her and what is bad for her to do. You can see here people are helping me to what she needs to do. I do not know much about immigration. As u can understand better how it is hard for Indian girls to take action against their husband or family. It is really a big step we need to think about it and my one wrong information can spoil her life. If I were a same problem with my sister or niece than yes I were be Here to get help form visa journey. By the way, I have no wife. I have a husband, and see how could I get your help without visa journey. You only helped me because of visa journey. Thank u for your help. I really need help all of you.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Did she get her visa before 2nd anniversary of their marriage? Just make sure if she has a 10yr GC or 2yr GC