No time for wedding?

[Honey_B 9]

Hi everyone,

My fiance is a musician, guitarist in two bands that each tour europe one to three times a year. I have met him on tour and learned to trust him, I see him fairly often considering the long distance and accepted that being with him means living with the tours, music being a priority. It feels tough sometimes, but I try to support his dream as much as I can, he is the man of my dreams and the most supporting and trustworthy person

Our NOA2 will hopefully arrive in october/november (that is 7 to 8 months in tsc). I did a little bit of research about the embassy and other people's experiences, and figured my interview will likely be up to three months after that, so maybe in february. We are planning possible visits until february and hope for the best, yet there is a huge issue - he will be on tour multiple times from march/april until october, and he might only be in the US for two months in total in between those tours

I can't imagine myself entering the US on my visa, getting married within the first couple weeks and having to say goodbye almost right after. I also can't imagine myself waiting in germany for his tours to end (even if I came with him for a week or two here and there), on top of that they extend the six month period for entering the US after getting the visa approved.

I feel disappointed, flying back and forth, the uncertainty and waiting for so long has been very hard for me. I feel scared about our future and so dependent, I feel like my life is completely being planned around the visa and his plans. I couldn't make him cancel a tour (it wouldn't feel right and it might not be possible in the firtst place) and I feel so panicked right now that I don't even know how to talk to him.

Does anyone have some calming words, advice, or maybe even similar experiences with their partners?

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I could see some potential issues. He must be in the usa for your interview once you AOS. You won't be able to drive or work until you have your EAD so will you be comfortable being home alone in a new country without him?

[TBoneTX 43,418]

Duplicate thread removed from other forum. Please post just once on a single topic.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

Honestly if that's his life, him being gone for a good long time will become a normal part of your life as well.

For the first good while, you will be dependent. You can always ask for an extension on your NOA2 (up to a year) and wait for longer to get your interview scheduled so it's after his touring in October and then come then, but you're still looking at having to wait alone for the most part.


But still, just as a number one worry, if his music is his priority and you know this and have accepted this, will you be okay being fully dependent on him when you're here and be okay when he goes off on tour for 6-7 months at a time? Chances are your life will continue to be around his plans.

A second thing you may want to consider is that you won't be able to go around and tour with him the entire time once you can (because you can't before AP or green card), because you need to stay in the US for MOST of the year (7 out of 12 months generally) or else you will lose your green card because you're not "maintaining status" in the US.

I'm curious on what you're expecting from the relationship once you're married. Do you want him to stop touring? Did you plan to tour with him? Are you okay being alone in a new place because you can't tour with him?

I see the situation being a lot harder than normal ones because in your case, you're going to marry someone who intends on going off for 7 months to tour. I guess you could use the whole cliche of "Well it's one of the sacrifices of being married to a musician".


Either way, I'd talk to him. So many people say how they want to express themselves to their loved ones and tell other people their lifes story and then wonder why their loved ones are confused and don't understand why topics arise or conflict happens.

If you're going to be in a marriage with ANYONE who is gone 7 months out of the year, you will need to put communication as your top priority. It's the only thing you will have. Communication and personal strength will be the number one things. Some people simply -can't- do it, just as some people may love their spouse but can't handle moving to the US and end up leaving them because they couldn't handle the change. It's a thing, don't be ashamed if you're worried, but make sure your talk to your fiance about these worries or you'll have more worries in the future.

Edit: Also, it's not six months to enter from your visa approval. Your visa will expire six months from when you complete your MEDICAL appointment. A lot of people have thought it was from the approval date, only to receive a visa with one month left because they had done their medical VERY early on. I believe this just happened a couple of months ago on VJ.

Example: My fiance's medical was August 18th, therefore his visa will expire Feburary 18 2016. His interview isn't until September 22nd, when he's approved, the visa expiration will still be 18FEB2016.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Ash.1101

[Honey_B 9]

Thank you for your answers!

I have visited the US a lot in our relationship. I am spending the rest of the summer there right now, have my own friends, volunteer at an animal shelter and spend time with his family by myself as well. So feeling alone is not the issue, I feel almost just as much at home. I don't expect him to stop touring once we get married either. This situation is an unusual one because of the strict time frame of the visa. This is what worries me a lot, his tours interfering with our marriage plans, and I am extremely nervous about talking to him because it would either mean he cancels/shortens tours and disappoints his band mates, managers etc, or I will have to stay in germany for way longer that I expected

The interview is something that didn't even come to my mind yet.

Edited August 25, 2015 by JDaisy

[Saskatchewanian 0]

I could see some potential issues. He must be in the usa for your interview once you AOS. You won't be able to drive or work until you have your EAD so will you be comfortable being home alone in a new country without him?

Why can't you drive until EAD?

[Ash.1101 1,755]

The time frame of the visa can be worked around though. You can ask for an extension for your NOA2 to make it last up to a year. That'd give you guys more time to schedule your medical and interview, to where it's possible that you can just get married in October, while that sucks, it depends on what you both want.

A lot of people end up having to do quickly weddings mainly because of having to come in so quickly. There was a thread a few months ago asking if people considered a civil marriage at the court house their real anniversary date or the day they had their actual formal wedding the date of their anniversary. A lot of them said they viewed their formal wedding which wasn't until months if not a year later, as their real wedding date.

So this is a fairly common thing, but again, it depends on what you both want, which is something you'll want to talk to him about. While it's hard to have some conversations, they really are needed and remember though, he can also make his own choices, if he chooses to change the tour around so ya'll can get married and him not leave shortly later, he made that choice, but sometimes over all, you have to make a little bit of a sacrifice, which from the looks of it one or your WILL do, but until you talk to him you won't know what will happen.

And remember, like someone else said, he'll need to be in the states for your AOS interview. Also you have your own interview and medical that you'll have to do, and THOSE schedules will really be the defining moment as to when you come into the states. The NOA2 is simply the approval of the forms, you have a lot more hand in choosing the timeframe you'll be coming here on with the scheduling of your medical and interview.


If you'll be fine here on your own, then I say go for the quicky wedding and have a larger more formal one later. The only thing you'll have to worry about then will be to make sure he's there in the states for the AOS interview.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Why can't you drive until EAD?

Some states give a hard time getting a licence until you have that.

[Saskatchewanian 0]

Some states give a hard time getting a licence until you have that.

I just assumed I'd be able to drive so that's definitely something I better look into. Thank you

[Pythos1 24]

Get married in Las Vegas. Take your paperwork in to the courthouse or wherever they hand out the marriage licenses, then go down to a wedding chapel and get married. It is a same-day event in Las Vegas.

Edit: If you plan a big wedding event, and Las Vegas doesn't fit your desires, still get married in Las Vegas for the timing of it since it's a real wedding. Then do your big splashy wedding later. You'll have the marriage done within the time-frame allotted, and you'll have your splashy wedding when the calendar better suits you.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Pythos1

[KayDeeCee 4,892]

You will have a 90 day window once you enter with the K-1 to get married. You can do this at the courthouse without planning a wedding ceremony. Then you will need to stay in the US until you file for AOS and receive AP or your green card.

About half of K-1 AOS cases do not have an interview, but if you did happen to get one, he would have to attend.

Your other option is to ditch the K-1 route, get married when you can/want to and then file for a spousal visa. He can be on tour while you are waiting for that to process. When you enter the US with a CR-1, you will become a permanent resident upon entry and be able to work and travel right away.

[D.Ba 85]

As far as the wedding is concerned, as a German you are familiar with the concept of "two weddings" - civil and church. To me it's the most normal thing in the world to do the courthouse as a very small event and have the big party/church or "free" wedding later. I know Americans find it strange, but I heard that lots of K1s do it, just because the timeframe is so tight to plan a big event. Why don't you get married at the JoP quickly after entering and plan the "real" event for a later date?

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On the other topic

Transborderwife - but why would you need a licence; I understand that you can drive 90 days on your national/international licence from your home country.

[raven52 233]

Just an observation,

""A great answer offered by Ash.1101!"

[Darnell 8,478]

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On the other topic

Transborderwife - but why would you need a licence; I understand that you can drive 90 days on your national/international licence from your home country.

That's allowed for ESTA/VWP folk and some B2 folk. Yer not gonna be one of those. When/if you get pulled over for some traffic or speeding violation, you might get lucky within that 90 day period if the traffic officer is clueless about the visa foil in yer passport.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Darnell

[Udella&Wiz 325]

To the OP - air your concerns with your fiancé, perhaps he hasn't thought timelines through either. Having to deal with immigration takes some planning and he'll have to accommodate that in his plans, after-all - he is the sponsor. You mentioned you feel nervous talking about your concerns with him, don't be - you're getting married.

I don't see your situation as any different then someone whose American spouse is deployed shortly after they arrive. Remember that you will not be able to immediately travel until you at least have AP while waiting for the 2 yr greencard. Clearly your grasp of the English language is perfect so you won't encounter issues there with everyday life.

Visiting is quite different then living here, alone for periods as you indicated, knowing you can't leave until immigration allows you.