Did she just want a green card? Money?

[chaoticlogic 27]

Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals. Nor do I need the money. I told her I would only get married when I was ready.

Since then, she informed me that she will be leaving California “soon” (presumably back to Houston) to marry someone who “loves” her and will do “anything” for her.

You answered your own questions. You did the right thing. I'm sorry things happened the way they did, but you made the right decision.

[Tom1440 12]

Leaving it alone means someone else is being scammed.

and if all this time with you, she has had in mind to marry another if you didn't come thru?????

this is actually fraud

Agreed. Complete fraud. However, I'm a bit torn. Although I'm not bitter about how/why it ended, should I go and "harm" someone else (which I'm sure she and her family will say). Or just move on and live my life. If I were to witness a robbery in-progress (or any other crime), I would definitely report it. Not sure about this fraud thing. What if this other guy was willing to commit fraud with her?

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

poster - seems like you had your answer from the start. go with your gut feeling to save yourself. She is not consistent.

[kkjiang 11]

doesnt this sound jus like a one side story? Kinda unfair to make comments like this.

[Essiej 42]

I think you are totally right about ending this relationship. To even start a relation with asking to pay to get married is a no-go.

What I am wondering though, u have been together for a while, their must have been some fun and compassion in their?

How was she during that? Or did you always had the idea that even then she just wanted to get married?

[Fan_Dancer 171]

Wonder what her side is.

I don't think almost two years of dating is too few for a marriage. I also don't think a preup is ok. The goods belong to you and your family, and she is to be a part of that family. If my husband had asked me for one, I would have signed it, but it would have created a ridge between us.

Edited July 19, 2015 by Fan_Dancer

[kkjiang 11]

Wonder what her side is.

I don't think almost two years of dating is too few for a marriage. I also don't think a preup is ok. The goods belong to you and your family, and she is to be a part of that family. If my husband had asked me for one, I would have signed it, but it would have created a ridge between us.

True!

2 years is not short in anyone's life. It is unfair to jus ask her to compromise things for this marriage.

wanting to get green card should not put her in a weak role in this relationship like she doesnt deserve to be treated as a family

after spent 2 years with her, still not trusting her should not only be her issue.

any girl in a relationship would say: I am worth more than all the money u have.

It always takes two.

Edited July 19, 2015 by kkjiang

[Tom1440 12]

doesnt this sound jus like a one side story? Kinda unfair to make comments like this.

Yes, it is my side and I'm sure her side will sound different. However, I am fully capable of being objective and stating the facts. Here are the facts :

• When we first started dating, she wanted to get married to keep her here in the U.S. and pay cheaper tuition. International students pay higher tuition.
• She offered me $30,000 if the relationship doesn't work out and we divorce. If the relationship works, the money would be marital property. She said we would have a legitimate marriage, just not in the normal order of dating to marriage. In this case, she said we would be married first to continue dating.
• I objected and said no, not for me. I make that amount of money in less than a year without any legal obligations.
• She wanted to continue dating and going to school to maintain her status.
• When she pressured me to get married again, I told her we need to end things because she wanted something I couldn't give her. I told her it was unfair of me to waste her time. She refused and wanted to continue dating without pressuring me.
• Pressure continued because her parents in Vietnam wanted her to get her paperwork by any means possible.
• There were arguments, some of which were my fault.
• Her brother is in the process of filing for an F-1 visa, so she feels the need to change her status.
• I was willing to get married if she would sign a prenuptial agreement so I can protect family assets.
• According to her, she felt betrayed and insulted by the idea.
• The assets are not mine. They are my parents' property although I hold them. They will eventually be distributed to siblings.
• My parents have to say in how they want to distribute their property, not me.

These are the facts not opinions.

[Tom1440 12]

Wonder what her side is.

I don't think almost two years of dating is too few for a marriage. I also don't think a preup is ok. The goods belong to you and your family, and she is to be a part of that family. If my husband had asked me for one, I would have signed it, but it would have created a ridge between us.

True!

2 years is not short in anyone's life. It is unfair to jus ask her to compromise things for this marriage.

wanting to get green card should not put her in a weak role in this relationship like she doesnt deserve to be treated as a family

after spent 2 years with her, still not trusting her should not only be her issue.

any girl in a relationship would say: I am worth more than all the money u have.

It always takes two.

Do you have any right to tell another person how to distribute their money? Especially if they work tirelessly for what they have? I think not. It's not my money. I have no say in what happens to it and how it gets used. If my parents decided not to give me $0 and give it all to my brother or sister, that is their choice, NOT MINE. Make sense?

How would you like it if someone told you how to spend your hard earned money?

Edited July 19, 2015 by Tom1440

[kkjiang 11]

why would u even need a yes from your parents for you to get married?

[Tom1440 12]

why would u even need a yes from your parents for you to get married?

HAHAHAHA. Who said I need a yes from my parents to get married? Show me where I said that?

[kkjiang 11]

then why would u keep talking about what ur parents want and their money and assets?

u believe u will get a divorce or u jus simply dun believe her or in this relationship, and that is why u insist on signing up a preup.

cant u see where it went wrong in ur relationship?

[Tom1440 12]

then why would u keep talking about what ur parents want and their money and assets?

u believe u will get a divorce or u jus simply dun believe her or in this relationship, and that is why u insist on signing up a preup.

cant u see where it went wrong in ur relationship?

Oh I see. You simply imply things without understanding the facts. You feel you're entitled to family inheritances just because you're a member of a family. Read again my friend before making assumptions. I am holding my family assets which are not mine. In order to protect my parents interests, a prenup is required.

[kkjiang 11]

Oh I see. You simply imply things without understanding the facts. You feel you're entitled to family inheritances just because you're a member of a family. Read again my friend before making assumptions. I am holding my family assets which are not mine. In order to protect my parents interests, a prenup is required.

well, if u insist.

like I said, it always takes two.

[rhein 451]

My questions are:

1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?

2. Does she seem to want my family’s money?

3. Was I right or wrong for ending the relationship?

Answers:

1) Yes. Obviously.

2) Yes. Obviously.

3) Absolutely right, unless you are a masochist.