Same-Sex AOS Interview Concerns

[nyc87 0]

Hi everyone,

My partner and I have our AOS interview coming up in NYC next week. I've been reading this (great!) forum in preparation and although I was super confident about our case, I'm now a little concerned! Here is our situation:

We've been together for three years (started out as roommates actually!) and hence have been living together the whole time. We got married last year in November and had a small ceremony at City Hall with a couple of our friends (we are homebodies and not the type of people who want anything fancy ) We have a lot of evidence together, including our apartment lease, joint bank accounts, joint investment account, joint health insurance, tax return, renters insurance, credit card, 401k beneficiary, travel itineraries, hundreds of pictures, etc. etc. I think we really have a lot of good evidence.

The thing that has me concerned now is that we basically married in secret without telling our families. Both our families know we are together and I have visited his several times. But, and let's put it like that, they are still new to the idea of same-sex marriage and definitely would not have liked the idea of us getting married. My parents don't know anyone who is gay (except me, who came out really late) so this is all very new to them. We thought it would be better not to tell them and tell them later, when they are "ready". If this was the right decision - I don't know. I do think we are both adults and can make decisions without our parents and we both preferred not to tell them because we knew it wouldn't end well.

I am now wondering if this not-telling our families could be a problem. In my opinion it shouldn't be as we have a good explanation! But I do see that officers like to ask questions about each other's families so I want to be prepared...

If it makes a difference, I'm here on an H1b with several years left.

What do you all think?

[uniquelyJo 34]

I really don't think it would be an issue, because for one your families know that you are a couple, that isn't a secret so you aren't trying to hide the fact you are in a relationship. I can't see how your family not knowing that you have legally married would have any great impact on your case. Both your families know each of you so even if the question comes up about how well you know each others family you aren't lying when you answer the questions because you do know them and they know yall.

[GurkenSalat 48]

No question about our families even came up in our interview. And anyway, an IO with half a brain would understand why you wouldn't want to tell your families about getting married. It's something people can get a bit touchy about, even more so when you are "non-traditional".

What I'm saying (in way too many words) is, you should be fine.

[kkjiang 11]

I guess there wont be an issue as long as ur marriage is genuine. I have a gay couple friends went in n out in 10 mins for their interview and got approved on the spot.

[andfp 14]

Telling the truth is always the key.

I'm in the same situation. Both of our families does not know our marriage. Perhaps he personally knows my dad (who thinks he's a friend and came to visit me from colombia) and I know his mother who only thinks we are boyfriends. So if the question ever comes up all that we could say is the truth and we'll be fine plus just like you we have tons of bonafide evidence.

Please keep me posted how did your interview went Would really appreciate since I'm a same-sex marriage too.

[methold 10]

Same-sex marriage here too!

Our families know about our marriage but i don't think in your case it would be a problem that they don't know about your marriage. If it would be a heterosexual marriage maybe it would be a little weird not to tell your family about your marriage.

I'm from Turkey and in east Turkey there are still families they kill their sons because they are gay. Thank god my family is modern and open minded but if the question comes you can just say you didn't tell them because they would never accept your marriage. Or just you don't want to rush to tell them about your marriage but in the future eventually you will.

[kkjiang 11]

actually in the US, I doubt that they will ever deny ur application based on ur parents opinions or whether or not they know your married.

U should be fine, jus like I never even thought about I will be trapped when they ask me if my parents know my marriage during the interview. Its never the issue of the whole situation.

Marriage is always jus about you and your spouse.

[Xanax 349]

They did not ask any questions pertaining to our parents at our interview. I still have never met my Step-MIL and probably never will, the rest of DH's family is all but cut off, also.

[zuluweta 250]

Hi everyone,

My partner and I have our AOS interview coming up in NYC next week. I've been reading this (great!) forum in preparation and although I was super confident about our case, I'm now a little concerned! Here is our situation:

We've been together for three years (started out as roommates actually!) and hence have been living together the whole time. We got married last year in November and had a small ceremony at City Hall with a couple of our friends (we are homebodies and not the type of people who want anything fancy ) We have a lot of evidence together, including our apartment lease, joint bank accounts, joint investment account, joint health insurance, tax return, renters insurance, credit card, 401k beneficiary, travel itineraries, hundreds of pictures, etc. etc. I think we really have a lot of good evidence.

The thing that has me concerned now is that we basically married in secret without telling our families. Both our families know we are together and I have visited his several times. But, and let's put it like that, they are still new to the idea of same-sex marriage and definitely would not have liked the idea of us getting married. My parents don't know anyone who is gay (except me, who came out really late) so this is all very new to them. We thought it would be better not to tell them and tell them later, when they are "ready". If this was the right decision - I don't know. I do think we are both adults and can make decisions without our parents and we both preferred not to tell them because we knew it wouldn't end well.

I am now wondering if this not-telling our families could be a problem. In my opinion it shouldn't be as we have a good explanation! But I do see that officers like to ask questions about each other's families so I want to be prepared...

If it makes a difference, I'm here on an H1b with several years left.

What do you all think?

If they ask you why your families were not at the wedding (no pictures of them), tell the immigration officer who will interview you the truth, just like how you explained it above.

I'm also in a same-sex marriage and at the green card interview, I was asked if our respective parents have met us and I had to show a picture of us with my parents and his parents and I had to explain who the people in the pictures were, which ones were my parents, when was the picture taken, etcetera.

So if you do get asked why your families were not in the wedding pictures, just tell the truth. The truth seems believable anyway and makes sense. Good luck!

[mmsk 9]

don't mention or provide information. just answer the question the officer will ask. for example, if the officer ask you have you met your partner parents? if you did meet them say yes, if you didn't meet them say no. if the officer ask you if both your parents know about the marriage. then explain to him or her the situation. don't be the one who will start this conversation.BOTH OF YOU SHOULD SAY THE SAME THING IF THEY WILL ASK YOU IF YOUR PARENTS KNOW ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE OR NOT.

I had two interviews for my I485. i found out that some officer like to see many documents to approve your marriage. other officer like to ask questions about your daily life ( what did you do last night, or weekend? where did you meet? which holiday you celebrate?, etc). they may separate you from each other or interview both of you at the same time. having a big weeding or small weeding is not an issue at all. My wife and I had no weeding ceremony and it was not a problem in both interviews.

Be prepared for any question. talk with your partner about the gift you exchange, what did you do for birthday, anniversary, etc.

.

Finally, your marriage is real so don't worry about anything. Good luck

[nyc87 0]

Thanks guys for all the encouraging words! I definitely feel better and am more confident about our interview now Of course I will write here how everything went.

Also, I found some interesting statistics on the USCIS website regarding adjustment of status applications. Looking at the most recent data, it looks like in the NYC office 18% of all I-485 are denied (http://www.uscis.gov/tools/reports-studies/immigration-forms-data/data-set-form-i-485-application-adjustment-status). Holy cow, that seems really high!? It's almost every 5th application. Most other offices have much lower denial rates. I wonder what is going on in New York, are they just tougher here? More fraud?

[NancyNguyen 1,657]

Please check these questions below.

Development of Your Relationship

• When and where did you meet for the first time?
  
• Could you please describe the first meeting?
  
• Did you make arrangements to meet again?
  
• Did you exchange phone numbers and/or email addresses?
  
• When did you meet next?
  
• Where were you living at the time? Where was your spouse living?
  
• What did the two of you have in common?
  
• Where did you go for the dates?
  
• When did your relationship turn romantic?
  
• Who proposed to whom?
  
• Why did you decide to have a long (or short) engagement?
  
• How long was it before you decided to get married?
  
• When did you decide to get married?
  
• Did you live together before marriage?
  
• Did your parents approve of the match? Why or why not?
  

You and your spouse

• What is your name, address and date of birth?
  
• What is the name, address and date of birth of your spouse?
  
• What did you do for your spouse's last birthday?
  
• What did you give each other for your last birthdays?
  
• How often and what time do you call each other by phone?
  
• Which holidays do you celebrate together?
  
• What activities did you do together the last time you visited each other?
  
• Which of your financial matters are shared, or who supports the other financially?
  
• Do you and/or your spouse have any scars or tattoos? If yes, where on the body?
  
• Where do you work?
  
• What time do you or your spouse arrive home (whoever is working)?
  
• What are your working hours?
  
• What is your annual salary?
  
• Where does your spouse work?
  
• What are your spouse's working hours?
  
• What days of the week does your spouse work?
  
• What is your phone number at work?
  
• What is your spouse's phone number at work?
  
• Do you know your spouse's salary? If yes, how much is it?
  
• Do you and/or your spouse attend regular religious services? Where?
  
• Do you have any joint bank accounts? Where? What kind of accounts (checking, savings, money market etc)?
  
• Are both of you listed on the account? As proof, do you have a bank letter or cancelled checks?
  
• Who takes care of paying the bills?
  
• What religious holidays do you celebrate together?
  
• What is the most important holiday of the year in your household? Where do you typically celebrate it?
  
• What did the two of you do last New Year's Eve? Fourth of July? Thanksgiving? Christmas?
  
• How did you celebrate your most recent wedding anniversary?
  
• Have you and your spouse gone to see a movie (or any other form of entertainment) lately? When and what did you see?
  
• When was your last vacation? Did you and your spouse go anywhere together at that time?
  
• When did your spouse take a vacation last time from work?
  
• When was the last vacation you and your spouse took together?
  
• Where did you go? How did you get there? Could you please describe in detail?
  
• Do you have the photos from your last vacation together?
  
• Did you file a joint tax return this year? Can I see the copy of it?
  
• Do you jointly own any property? If yes, can I see the copies of the documents?
  
• Do you have an insurance policy listing your spouse as the beneficiary? If yes, can I see copy of the same?
  
• Do you have any utility bills where both of you are listed together?
  
• Do you have receipts from items you have purchased together?
  
• What other documentation do you have to prove that you are living together as a married couple?
  
• What did you do for Christmas, New Year, your anniversary? Did you exchange gifts? If so, what kind of gift?

Wedding

• Where was the wedding held?
  
• How did you and your spouse get to the church, temple, mosque, gurudwara, courthouse etc?
  
• How many people attended your wedding?
  
• Who were the witnesses to the ceremony?
  
• Did each of your parents attend the wedding?
  
• What kind of cake or other food was served?
  
• Did you serve the liquor? What kind?
  
• Did anyone get drunk or otherwise embarrass themselves at the reception? Who? Describe.
  
• How late did the guests stay at the wedding?
  
• Did you exchange wedding rings? Did you and your spouse purchase them together or separately?
  
• Was there music or other entertainment?
  
• Who were the bridesmaids/groomsmen?
  
• Did you have a reception after the ceremony?
  
• If you didn't have a reception, what did you do after the wedding ceremony?
  
• Where was the reception held?
  
• Could you please describe the reception?
  
• Could you please show me any photos of the wedding ceremony and/or reception?
  
• Did the bride change clothes for the reception?
  
• What time did you and the [bride or groom] leave the reception?
  
• Did you go on a honeymoon? When did you leave? How did you get there? Where did you go? For how long? What airlines?
  
• Where did you live after the wedding?
  

Relatives

• Do you know your spouse's family members? Which ones?
  
• Have you met each other's parents?
  
• When did you see them last time? For how long? Where?
  
• Do you buy gifts for your in-laws on important holidays? Do they buy gifts for you?
  
• Which other members of your spouse's family do you see frequently? When was the last time you saw them? What did you do together?
  
• How often do you see each other's parents?
  
• How do each of you get along with your parents-in-law?
  

Children

• How many children do you have?
  
• What are the names, birth dates and birth place (hospital name, city) of each child?
  
• Which children were normal delivery and which ones were c-section?
  
• What is the name of your child's best friend?
  
• Who prepares and packs the lunch for your children?
  
• What is your usual babysitter's name? What are the day care timings?
  
• What is the name of your child's teacher?
  
• Who picks up the children at school?
  
• What are their least favorite foods?
  
• Which children (if any) still use a car seat?
  
• What are the favorite toys/activities of your children?
  
• If your spouse has children from a previous marriage, what are their names, ages, where they live, and where they go to school, if applicable?
  

House

• Could you please describe the place where you lived right after the marriage? No. of bedrooms and bathrooms; furnishings; color of walls, floor coverings, appliances, etc; type of air conditioning (window or central), heating (gas or electrical), etc; number of telephones, TV sets etc.
  
• Do you live in a home (single family, condominium, townhouse) or apartment? How much is the mortgage or rent? Who pays it?
  
• Who cleans the house?
  
• What are the garbage pick up days?
  
• Do you write checks for paying the bills or online billing?
  
• What color are the curtains in your house?
  
• What type of curtains or window coverings are in your living room? What color?
  
• Who gets up first? At what time?
  
• Do you set up the alarm clock to get up in the morning?
  
• What do each of you eat for breakfast?
  
• How many staircases are in your house?
  
• Is there a carpet in your front hallway? What color?
  
• Do you have any pets? Which ones (such as dog, cat, fish etc.)? Who feeds it? Who walks it or cleans its cage, kitty litter box etc?
  
• How many sinks, toilets, and showers are there in your house/apartment in total?
  
• Is your sofa a regular one or does it have a pull-out bed? If later, have you ever had guests sleep there?
  
• Where did you get the furniture? Was the furniture already there, did you buy it, was it a gift, or did it come from you, or your spouse's previous residence?
  
• How was the furniture transported to the house?
  

Technology

• Who keeps the garage door opener in the car?
  
• How many remote controls are there in your house?
  
• How many cars do you have?
  
• Do you have a garage? How many cars fit into it? Who parks in it? Do you use a garage door opener?
  
• How many telephones are in your house? Where are they?
  
• Do both of you have cell phones? Do you have a family plan on the phones?
  
• Does your phone have an answering machine? Who checks the messages?
  
• Do you have a VCR? What brand? Do you use it only to watch videos, or do you record any TV shows?
  
• Do you have a DVD player? What brand?
  
• Where do you rent movies from?
  
• Does your spouse listen to the radio? What station?
  
• Do you have cable TV or satellite dish?
  
• Who is the cable/dish provider in your house?
  
• Does your spouse listen to music? What kind of equipment does he/she have such as walkman, iPod etc?
  
• How many TV sets are in your house? In which rooms?
  
• Do you watch TV shows together, or separately?
  
• Name one TV show that you always watch together.
  
• Do you have a still camera? Is that a digital camera or the one with the roll?
  
• Who uses the camera most often?
  
• Who takes pictures at important family occasions or during sightseeing?
  
• Do you have a camcorder? What brand is it?
  

Kitchen

• Who goes grocery shopping? Where? How often? How do you get there?
  
• What color are the kitchen curtains?
  
• Who makes breakfast?
  
• What does your spouse drink in the morning? (Such as coffee, tea, milk etc.) If so, does he/she use cream and/or sugar?
  
• What is your spouse's most (or least) favorite food?
  
• Is there a particular food that you eat every week? What is it?
  
• What are your favorite foods and who cooks what?
  
• Do you have a barbecue grill? Do you use it? Is it gas or charcoal?
  
• Who does most of the cooking?
  
• How many times a week on average do you eat out?
  
• What is your special restaurant?
  
• Where is the garbage kept in the kitchen?
  

Bedroom

• What size is your bed (twin, queen, king)?
  
• Do you have a regular mattress, futon, or waterbed?
  
• Who sleeps on each side of the bed?
  
• Do either of you read or watch television before going to sleep?
  
• Do you have lamps next to your bed?
  
• Have you ever had an argument that resulted in one of you sleeping in another room? Who, and which room?
  
• What kind of birth control do you use? What brand do you use?
  
• When was your wife's last menstrual period?
  
• Do you leave any lights on when you go to sleep at night?
  
• How many windows are there in your bedroom?
  
• Where do you keep your toothbrushes?
  
• Does your spouse use a regular toothbrush or an electrical one?
  
• What kind of toothpaste, soap, and shampoo do each of you use?
  
• Where do you keep your clothes? Where does your spouse keep his/her clothes?
  
• What color are your spouse's pajamas?
  
• What is your favorite position (missionary, doggy, cow girl etc)?
  
• Where are the bathroom towels kept?
  
• Where do you keep the dirty clothes?
  

Just before the interview

• Did you or your spouse go to work yesterday?
  
• If so, at what time did you and/or spouse leave the house and return?
  
• Did you eat dinner together last night? What did you have?
  
• Did anyone else have dinner with you last night?
  
• Who cooked the dinner last night? What time was dinner served?
  
• Did you watch TV after dinner? What shows did you watch?
  
• Who went to bed first?
  
• At what time did you go to bed?
  
• Did you have the AC, fan or heater on?
  
• Who woke up first this morning? Did an alarm clock go off?
  
• Did you or your spouse take a shower this morning?
  
• Did you have breakfast? Where and what did you eat?
  
• Did you come to the interview together? Who drove?