Sad News..But a new beginning

[kingneptune1 6]

As others have said, develop a lasting relationship this time... go there and meet her family... spend at least a month with her... keep constant communication either by chat, skype, or even emails or snail mail... since you have two years until you can file for another K1, use the time to get to know her more... if it is a serious commitment and you feel that she is really "the one," the relationship should be nurtured and you shouldn't rush. I met my fiancee on Friendster in 2008 and I filed my K1 in February 2014... up to that point I have met her 3 times and have developed a long and lasting relationship with her kids and her family. Before she even got here last November almost all my friends knew of her and even before we got married in January this year, it feels as if we have known each other forever and have developed a long and lasting commitment to each other. I can't speak for other countries but that is what you get with majority of women from the Philippines.

Use the time to get to know her more. The more you know each other, the less likely either of you will be tempted to "fool around." If two years is too long for you to wait, I am sure you can marry her there and file for CR-1 instead.

In any case, good luck and I hope you have better luck this time around!

As someone mentioned earlier, you are too focused on finding a wife, as if it is something to be selected and purchased at a car lot. The good thing is that you love the Phillipines, meaning you wouldn't mind living there for an extended period, right? Why don't you find a city in the Phillipines you like and just live like a local, meet the locals, develop real friendships and see what goes from there. Maybe you will find someone genuine by being immersed in the culture as opposed to swooping in for short periods and leaving. Stay away from the dating sites because in your case it is a means for someone to defraud you unfortunately, as I suspect you have a good heart which makes it easy for manipulative people to take advantage of you...anyway, I am rambling. Just be careful. Try something different. Good luck, and sorry about what happened.

Thanks again for advice,....just to give you a little more history, this isnt quite the hit-and-run situation it may seem. We actually had a very relationship. We chatted on skype, fb, and viber and spoke on the phone everyday since the day we met. We mailed gifts back and forth. I spent a few weeks in the phils meeting her family and friends and spending a wonderful time together. I spent time with her 2 year old daughter and stood by and supported her mother as she contracted meningitis and died shortly thereafter. The passion and everyday communication continued till almost the very end. I started noticing a drastic change in her roughly a month before the final visa steps. It can happen to anyone, anywhere. Nothing exclusive to the Philippines. As for this new still-developing relationship, I happened to meet this woman through another friend of mine, not looking anything but someone to chat with, and things started to develop from there. She is actually a school teacher working under contract in Kuwait, she'll be returning to the phils in Sept. So, again not rushing into anything. Just want to know my options in case things get that far. Dont want to get too deep in if there is no hope of getting her over here.

[JCV 5]

Hi everyone,

I've been to this site so many times since I started my journey and it has been invaluable and I once again thank everyone for their support.

To make a very long story short,,,after a lengthy and sometimes painful 15 months spent to get my fiance here, i was shocked and saddened to hear her confess that she was unfaithful and fell in love with another man in the Phils. I'll spare you the gory details but suffice to say there was a great deal of lies and deceit involved. What made it even sadder is we had finally crossed the finish line. She had finally received her visa and just needed CFO sticker and get on the plane. I caught wind of the affair about a month before her last trip to manila to get the visa. I could tell she had lost interest and the love was gone, she was just going through the motions..,maybe in case it didn't work out with her new bf, I'm not sure. So...a year and half of total devotion of my life to this relationship and bringing her here all down the drain, just like that. Not to mention a few hard earned dollars burned as well.

Before I ask my next questions...a word of advice to potential suitors of a foreigner: I stumbled into a skype conversation between my fiance and another visa applicant she met at the embassy one day. This woman went on to coach my fiance on the fact that even if she had her boyfriend there, she should still come to the states, and once she got here and got her green card, she could leave me and bring her bf here. She even went on to tell her she could chat with him while I was at work. Just tell him to be patient and wait for her. Nice huh? I feel really bad for the poor guy that petitioned the visa for that monster...SO, JUST BE CAREFUL.

OK..enough of that, My heart is strong and I'm moving on, searching for true love. My question today is, I've met someone I am very interested in, from the same vicinity as my x-fiance. If things go well and after some time we get serious enough, what are my chances of petitioning for another k-1 visa. It would be my third, My x-wife (married for 7 years), my x-fiance (never used the visa), and my new love. I hate to get too involved if there is no chance. Also, would it maybe be easier to marry in the Philippines..then bring her here eventually? I also thought if I should maybe contact the embassy and explained what happened to this last one, to avoid maybe having to explain it in the future if the need arises.

As always, thank you for your advice and support

Damn... I am sorry to hear this. At least you found out now rather than marrying her and finding out later though, right?

Good luck in the future, i am sure it will all work out

[e24 6]

Sorry to hear that. Long distance relationship is really hard. If you like our culture there are many filipinos in the USA. I'm just saying that you might find the right person for you without going through the visa processing and waiting. Good luck

[Villanelle 4,121]

Eh. I think we all as faulty human beings read a post and cant help but apply our own twist to it. We all see what we want to and pick up on different things. Which in some cases is great because it can give a different perspective and in other cases its not so great because its just us projecting our own fears and issues into a situation where it doesnt belong.

After reading all 3 pages- Neptune seems to have a pretty solid head on his shoulders. He didnt ask his question about filing another K petition because hes looking to file one tomorrow (!) He just doesnt want to start down a road that going to be a dead end. Totally reasonable and responsible thing to do if you ask me. Its like getting on birth control even if you are not sexually active yet. Because you know- one day, when the moment is right you want to be ready. (or for the older men out there- using once a day cialis, I think thats actually the tag line in the commercial I stole, I hope I dont have to pay them...)

But anyway after all the back and forth about the topic, Neptune can get another K visa if thats the path he chooses or he can get a CR or an IR visa if he decides to marry instead of an engagement. Its his choice. Just different paperwork. Nothing will be closed off to him. So what if he has to file a form that says he had multiple Ks? Theres forms for everything. Not a big deal.

As for the whole aspect of try another culture or region? Ummm. Lets not be silly m'kay?. People are people. Period.

Doesnt matter where they are from love is love. Feelings are feelings. Its not that complicated. Has nothing to do with eye color, hair color, race, religion, hemisphere, altitude, height, weight, blood type- nada.

---

On a related note. Have you ever wondered why the conditional card from USCIS is for 2 years? Do you just think they just pulled that number out of a hat? Our government is a strong believer in math, science, data- etc. And while psychology is a eh subject on these boards- studies have shown that the average adult relationship remains in that enamored in the clouds in love haze phase for apx 2 years. Some people call it the newlywed phase or the honeymoon phase. After your head comes back down from the clouds- the love isnt gone. How awful that would be if it was. But you are no longer in a cloud and you have to work at it. For some people its too much. They prefer the cloud. Like the almost Mrs Neptune. She moved on to another cloud rather then living on the ground with Mr Neptune and building a home grounded in a steady foundation of love.

Hopefully he can find another woman who is the one for him and is ready and able to come back down to earth with him for the rest of their lives.

[VOL 425]

Sorry to hear that. Long distance relationship is really hard. If you like our culture there are many filipinos in the USA. I'm just saying that you might find the right person for you without going through the visa processing and waiting. Good luck

Once they get Americanized then they are just like any other girls here, Nothing really special about them and they have lost their natural innocence and charm.........

[pdking5000 56]

Once they get Americanized then they are just like any other girls here, Nothing really special about them and they have lost their natural innocence and charm.........

Shots fired

[kingneptune1 6]

This reply to my post simply blew my mind. Well said, well worded, touching, and 100% correct. Thank you Damara, for taking the time to write this.

Eh. I think we all as faulty human beings read a post and cant help but apply our own twist to it. We all see what we want to and pick up on different things. Which in some cases is great because it can give a different perspective and in other cases its not so great because its just us projecting our own fears and issues into a situation where it doesnt belong.

After reading all 3 pages- Neptune seems to have a pretty solid head on his shoulders. He didnt ask his question about filing another K petition because hes looking to file one tomorrow (!) He just doesnt want to start down a road that going to be a dead end. Totally reasonable and responsible thing to do if you ask me. Its like getting on birth control even if you are not sexually active yet. Because you know- one day, when the moment is right you want to be ready. (or for the older men out there- using once a day cialis, I think thats actually the tag line in the commercial I stole, I hope I dont have to pay them...)

But anyway after all the back and forth about the topic, Neptune can get another K visa if thats the path he chooses or he can get a CR or an IR visa if he decides to marry instead of an engagement. Its his choice. Just different paperwork. Nothing will be closed off to him. So what if he has to file a form that says he had multiple Ks? Theres forms for everything. Not a big deal.

As for the whole aspect of try another culture or region? Ummm. Lets not be silly m'kay?. People are people. Period.

Doesnt matter where they are from love is love. Feelings are feelings. Its not that complicated. Has nothing to do with eye color, hair color, race, religion, hemisphere, altitude, height, weight, blood type- nada.

---

On a related note. Have you ever wondered why the conditional card from USCIS is for 2 years? Do you just think they just pulled that number out of a hat? Our government is a strong believer in math, science, data- etc. And while psychology is a eh subject on these boards- studies have shown that the average adult relationship remains in that enamored in the clouds in love haze phase for apx 2 years. Some people call it the newlywed phase or the honeymoon phase. After your head comes back down from the clouds- the love isnt gone. How awful that would be if it was. But you are no longer in a cloud and you have to work at it. For some people its too much. They prefer the cloud. Like the almost Mrs Neptune. She moved on to another cloud rather then living on the ground with Mr Neptune and building a home grounded in a steady foundation of love.

Hopefully he can find another woman who is the one for him and is ready and able to come back down to earth with him for the rest of their lives.

[kingneptune1 6]

So...on the way home from work today, I get a very interesting phone call from a very nice lady at the US Embassy in Manila. She tells me they read my recent post here on VJ, and at this time would I like to close the case. I of course said yes. She also said they had confirmed that my X-fiance was still in the country and hadnt attempted to leave. She told me to just email a signed letter from me confirming my decision and they will close the case and request her to return the visa them. I thought this was great, Now I'll have a paper trail with them and a record of what actually happened, in case again I get serious with someone. God works in strange ways but he seems to know what he's doing. He likes to test us..but our strength in life faith in love will always shine through. Its part of the big plan...this wasn't meant to be and it was better to find out now than later, as a couple of posters have touched on. Better days are ahead, there is no doubt in my mind, This was for a reason..it wasnt right yet. My time will come, along with the happiness and love I've earned from the pain and grief I've endured. Damara put a fantastic perspective on this whole thing above.. thanks again everyone. Hopefully I can use my experiences to help others here.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

I recommend patronizing one of the more upscale bride shops next time you're over there, and pay for the extended warranty.

[raven52 233]

OP, I know what you are saying about the Philippines, and Filipino women, as there just does not seem to be any comparison, as far as the "assets" you mention, about the Philippines and their women.

I am married to a woman from there and we are fine, BUT, I hear too much of this kind of thing happening in the Phils. It is just too many stories on here like yours and from the Phils.

I had a friend get his 2nd K-1 recently, no problem.,.,.,.,but I would not want to go past 3.,.,hhahahhaah!

Just like you, I love the country, and its people, but I am really worried about the southern islands, as "radical Muslims" are becoming a real problem in places like Mindanao, and other islands. I think this is a real problem.,.,.,.and this country's policies, seem to embolden "radical Muslims" every where around the world.

[VOL 425]

So...on the way home from work today, I get a very interesting phone call from a very nice lady at the US Embassy in Manila. She tells me they read my recent post here on VJ, and at this time would I like to close the case. I of course said yes. She also said they had confirmed that my X-fiance was still in the country and hadnt attempted to leave. .

Are you saying the US Embassy in Manila has confirmed that your x is still in Philippines?

[kingneptune1 6]

Are you saying the US Embassy in Manila has confirmed that your x is still in Philippines?

yes

[kingneptune1 6]

this...sums it up very well:

"Some people call it the newlywed phase or the honeymoon phase. After your head comes back down from the clouds- the love isnt gone. How awful that would be if it was. But you are no longer in a cloud and you have to work at it. For some people its too much. They prefer the cloud. Like the almost Mrs Neptune. She moved on to another cloud rather then living on the ground with Mr Neptune and building a home grounded in a steady foundation of love.

Hopefully he can find another woman who is the one for him and is ready and able to come back down to earth with him for the rest of their lives."

[VOL 425]

yes

How would they know? PNP maybe able to secure if someone is still in the Philippines, But there is really no way for the US Embassy to know the immigration or current status of citizens of the Philippines, She couild of take a plane trip to Singapore how would the US embassy know that?

[milimelo 4,205]

How would they know? PNP maybe able to secure if someone is still in the Philippines, But there is really no way for the US Embassy to know the immigration or current status of citizens of the Philippines, She couild of take a plane trip to Singapore how would the US embassy know that?

The embassy probably got in touch with CBP and knows she hasn't used her US visa (you know, POE entry). She's of course free to travel anywhere else she wants, but she won't be coming to the US.