Abusive relationship

[JoyNaomi 0]

Hi, I have a few questions about a situation I'm involved in. I'm American, 21 years old, and I've been married almost 2 years to a foreigner. Recently, I moved across the country to get away from him because it became an enormously abusive relationship. I went to the police and gave them hypothetical situations and they basically told me if I've got no proof I'm screwed. And they kind of dismissed me. So I decided not to report it on several occasions.

Right now, I really want to have a divorce from him because I want to have nothing to do with him anymore. Also, because he worked and I went to school, I am struggling financially to take care of myself. If we divorce, I know I can qualify for food stamps as well as additional benefits because I'm a student who doesn't make much money.

Anyway, the point is that I've asked for a divorce several times and he does nothing but send threatening texts to me, without promise of granting me a divorce. I can't file myself because I have to be a resident of the state I file in for 6 months, but I only just relocated. And if that wasnt enough, our bank won't even let me take my name off our account unless he agrees and is in a branch at the same time as me signing off on it.

I don't know how or what to do or what steps I should take to get this situation solved. I am beyond overwhelmed and I feel like I've gone through 50 years of abuse even though I'm only 21.

Does anyone have any advice? Like anything at all?

Thanks.

[NikLR 13,227]

Start a new bank account.

Inform the old bank manager that you're being domestically abused and want to remove your name from the account and if they won't do it, then you'll no longer bank with them.

Wait until you can file for divorce, then do so.

Pick your chin up, and move on with life. You can do it!

[JoyNaomi 0]

Thanks for your advice it's so appreciated ?

And what will filing for divorce do to his status as a resident? Since he has US residence through marriage with me. It won't change my decision to file for divorce, just curious.

[JoyNaomi 0]

Also how this can solve the situation since I don't have much money and he's not collaborating filing the papers at all and in terms of his 3 years green card will this be used against him? Because I wish I had a weapon or file for fraud with uscis what he did to me and how I was handled by him and thank you for the kind words

[Boiler 45,668]

What fraud?

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Moved from Off Topic to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

He is not obliged to collaborate with you; as he already has a greencard, there is little you can do to him in terms of immigration. You mention fraud, but so far, you have not said anything about immigration fraud- abuse is horrible, but it is not immigration fraud, unless you have some proof he married you soley for the greencard.

[JoyNaomi 0]

I was assuming it was fraud because of the timeframe in which the abuse began. Like maybe the marriage wasn't real for him, but that it was for his papers. I'm not trying to screw anyone over, I'm just trying to separate out lives, even if they have to be involved. That's what I meant. Not intentionally trying to do anything.

[Boiler 45,668]

You are stuck with the I 864 not otherwise there seems nothing particular to do with immigration.

Divorce when you can and move on.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I was assuming it was fraud because of the timeframe in which the abuse began. Like maybe the marriage wasn't real for him, but that it was for his papers. I'm not trying to screw anyone over, I'm just trying to separate out lives, even if they have to be involved. That's what I meant. Not intentionally trying to do anything.

Abuse doesn't equal fraud. Domestic violence and abuse often stems from a mental illness or perhaps a substance abuse issue. Chances are he would likely abuse someone from his home country had he married them.

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

On the bright side - as it's been a short marriage, and I'm assuming as you did not mention it, there are no kids, then I'm hoping this should be a straight forward divorce with no Maintenance and no complications.

I hear what you say about the police, but the more practical approach may be to follow the modern no-fault divorce and close this chapter as soon as possible.

[JoyNaomi 0]

Look I am not saying that violence is fraudulent behavior. I was meaning that because of how soon it started, maybe he was not who he said he was, or pretended to be in the beginning. Because he wanted my cooperation in his getting a green card.

Regardless of my opinion, I'm not an expert, was just saying what I thought his behavior meant. Honestly I'm not looking for someone to explain the difference between abuse and fraud. I know that they are different. I was needing a solution to this very big problem. But from what I have been seeing there's nothing I can do until I have the state residency/money to file. So who knows when that'll be.

Thanks

[JoyNaomi 0]

Lauren and Kevin,

My last response was for the comment above yours. You're right we have no kids so hopefully when I actually can file it'll be quick and easy. That's good to hear

[Villanelle 4,122]

Oh dear.

First I want to say you are a tremendously strong young woman for picking yourself up and getting yourself out of there. Moving out and across the country no less! Bravo. That took guts. Lots of them. And a huge amount of strength. So youve got it in you. Which is why the rest of your story... well whats going on girl? where did that ferocious woman go?

Hi, I have a few questions about a situation I'm involved in. I'm American, 21 years old, and I've been married almost 2 years to a foreigner. Recently, I moved across the country to get away from him because it became an enormously abusive relationship. I went to the police and gave them hypothetical situations and they basically told me if I've got no proof I'm screwed. And they kind of dismissed me. So I decided not to report it on several occasions.

Dear- police reports arent always made to 'convict' somebody. They are made to document events. They dont always result in charges or arrests. But if someone hurts you or is harassing you- you report it to the police and get a record of it.

Right now, I really want to have a divorce from him because I want to have nothing to do with him anymore. Also, because he worked and I went to school, I am struggling financially to take care of myself. If we divorce, I know I can qualify for food stamps as well as additional benefits because I'm a student who doesn't make much money.

Very true. Did you look this up or go down to the Social Service office? Go to the Social Service office and apply for help. Just because you are technically 'married' does not mean you dont qualify if you are separated and he lives in another state. If you are a victim of DV totally different rules apply. (see why its so important to report things whether its prosecuted or not?) You can still report harassing texts to your local police.

Anyway, the point is that I've asked for a divorce several times and he does nothing but send threatening texts to me, without promise of granting me a divorce.

Stop ASKING for a divorce. Divorce does not have to be MUTUAL> do you know how crazy that would be if both people had to agree to it? I mean really think about it. One person has to file and say I want out. The other person cant force them to stay married. You can argue about how petty things will be split but there is NO you must stay. A judge will determine how your belongings are split if you cant decide so there really is nothing to argue about anyway.

I can't file myself because I have to be a resident of the state I file in for 6 months, but I only just relocated. And if that wasnt enough, our bank won't even let me take my name off our account unless he agrees and is in a branch at the same time as me signing off on it.

This is odd. It sounds like you are not really on the account as an account holder but maybe just an authorized user? So it wasnt a 'joint account'? Maybe you just had limited permissions? Something not quite right about that. But again not very odd in an abusive relationship. Abusers usually exert control over many things like money. Go in in person as suggested and speak to a manager and find out exactly how you are on the account.

I don't know how or what to do or what steps I should take to get this situation solved. I am beyond overwhelmed and I feel like I've gone through 50 years of abuse even though I'm only 21.
Does anyone have any advice? Like anything at all?
Thanks.

in terms of his 3 years green card will this be used against him? Because I wish I had a weapon or file for fraud with uscis what he did to me and how I was handled by him and thank you for the kind words

In terms of GCs and USCIS/fraud- others already addressed the fraud angle. What was not mentioned is the DV (domestic violence) angle. A GC holder convicted of certain offenses can be stripped of their GC by an Immigration Judge. This includes DV offenses.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Look I am not saying that violence is fraudulent behavior. I was meaning that because of how soon it started, maybe he was not who he said he was, or pretended to be in the beginning. Because he wanted my cooperation in his getting a green card.

Regardless of my opinion, I'm not an expert, was just saying what I thought his behavior meant. Honestly I'm not looking for someone to explain the difference between abuse and fraud. I know that they are different. I was needing a solution to this very big problem. But from what I have been seeing there's nothing I can do until I have the state residency/money to file. So who knows when that'll be.

Thanks

From your profile it says you're in Maryland. You'll need 1 years residency before you can file. You also need to be separated for a year so time is of the essence anyways.