Domestic Violence

[Felix 1 0]

I made a post a few weeks a go, but due to the fact that I still have domestic violence charges pending in a civil and criminal court (second degree assault), I requested that the moderators take down the posts. I have been in an abusive relationship, where my wife and my mother inlaw feel they own my life. A relationship shrouded in lies and deceit. So many stories and pretense prior to moving to the US and getting married, but after moving here, my wife decided to show her true colors , knowing that we were married and there was little i could do. When she was 5 months pregnant we had a minor disagreement over using her car to work, she refused, I also asked if she could drop me off at the bus top which was far from home, the disagreement led to her asking me to leave her house. Not wanting to argue with a pregnant woman, i left the house for a few days, , prior to this, we had a joint account together (though she had several other accounts), when i tried to make a withdrawal, i realized she had withdrawn all we had in the account, I could not afford a hotel and ended up sleeping in a rental car. Her mum was also abusive and held the view that i should never have a say in my household. We had a baby earlier in the year and her mum literally moved into the house we shared. When the baby was only 4 weeks old, she and her mum decided that the baby cried a bit too much and wanted my opinion about giving the baby rice cereal to knock her off to sleep. I was hesitant at first, but i requested we ask the pediatrician. Her mum would have none of that. I found out later that they were serving my poor 4 week old rice cereal. One Saturday morning, i finally saw her with the rice cereal, i reached out to get the cereal from her , the bottle fell on the floor, so i poured it away in the sink. An exchange of harsh words followed, where she called me harsh names, reminding me she brought me from the bushes of Africa. She left me at home later that day and went for a Ball, where she had pictures of her dancing the night away with her friends, while i was home nursing my poor baby. She came back at around 1 am to meet the baby sound asleep.

I also discovered that her mum was advising her to wash her vaginal fluids , mixed with honey and other concoctions, i was not aware of into my juice and food, kept exclusively for me in the fridge. The discovery about what she and her mum were doing came to me as a shock, i had to seek counselling. When i tried to reach out to her church about the issue, the following monday, she would not have any of it. When i went to work that Monday Morning,she went to the court to get a restraining/ protective order to remove me from the house and stop me from seeing my baby. I left the house, went to court a week after and the judge dismissed her allegations as false and struck out the protective order. She appealed this decision and asked that the case be tried again at a higher court. She also got the state to charge me for second degree assault, which carried a 10 year jail sentence. When she got the restraining order she cleared our joint accounst as second time, with held, about 4500 of our joint tax returns and confisticated my international passport and all proof of my immigration to the US, except my GC and social security.

Since this happened, i have only seen my baby twice, as she has made it impossible fro me to see her, all my attempts to see the baby are frequently postponed. Recently , her lawyers contacted me and promised to drop all charges, if i can give her 100% legal and physical custody of my baby ad pay over $500 in child support every month.

This has taken its toll on me, this is truly a wife from Hell, when i met her, i thought she was the woman of my dreams, she has truly turned out to be the opposite.

An advice for immigrants who leave promising careers and private lives to move to the states, not all that glitters is Gold, i now wish i never met her in the first place. Maybe all this would have been avoided. I will not be giving up the fight to stay in my baby's life.

[Karee 4,189]

I made a post a few weeks a go, but due to the fact that I still have domestic violence charges pending in a civil and criminal court (second degree assault), I requested that the moderators take down the posts. I have been in an abusive relationship, where my wife and my mother inlaw feel they own my life. A relationship shrouded in lies and deceit. So many stories and pretense prior to moving to the US and getting married, but after moving here, my wife decided to show her true colors , knowing that we were married and there was little i could do. When she was 5 months pregnant we had a minor disagreement over using her car to work, she refused, I also asked if she could drop me off at the bus top which was far from home, the disagreement led to her asking me to leave her house. Not wanting to argue with a pregnant woman, i left the house for a few days, , prior to this, we had a joint account together (though she had several other accounts), when i tried to make a withdrawal, i realized she had withdrawn all we had in the account, I could not afford a hotel and ended up sleeping in a rental car. Her mum was also abusive and held the view that i should never have a say in my household. We had a baby earlier in the year and her mum literally moved into the house we shared. When the baby was only 4 weeks old, she and her mum decided that the baby cried a bit too much and wanted my opinion about giving the baby rice cereal to knock her off to sleep. I was hesitant at first, but i requested we ask the pediatrician. Her mum would have none of that. I found out later that they were serving my poor 4 week old rice cereal. One Saturday morning, i finally saw her with the rice cereal, i reached out to get the cereal from her , the bottle fell on the floor, so i poured it away in the sink. An exchange of harsh words followed, where she called me harsh names, reminding me she brought me from the bushes of Africa. She left me at home later that day and went for a Ball, where she had pictures of her dancing the night away with her friends, while i was home nursing my poor baby. She came back at around 1 am to meet the baby sound asleep.

I also discovered that her mum was advising her to wash her vaginal fluids , mixed with honey and other concoctions, i was not aware of into my juice and food, kept exclusively for me in the fridge. The discovery about what she and her mum were doing came to me as a shock, i had to seek counselling. When i tried to reach out to her church about the issue, the following monday, she would not have any of it. When i went to work that Monday Morning,she went to the court to get a restraining/ protective order to remove me from the house and stop me from seeing my baby. I left the house, went to court a week after and the judge dismissed her allegations as false and struck out the protective order. She appealed this decision and asked that the case be tried again at a higher court. She also got the state to charge me for second degree assault, which carried a 10 year jail sentence. When she got the restraining order she cleared our joint accounst as second time, with held, about 4500 of our joint tax returns and confisticated my international passport and all proof of my immigration to the US, except my GC and social security.

Since this happened, i have only seen my baby twice, as she has made it impossible fro me to see her, all my attempts to see the baby are frequently postponed. Recently , her lawyers contacted me and promised to drop all charges, if i can give her 100% legal and physical custody of my baby ad pay over $500 in child support every month.

This has taken its toll on me, this is truly a wife from Hell, when i met her, i thought she was the woman of my dreams, she has truly turned out to be the opposite.

An advice for immigrants who leave promising careers and private lives to move to the states, not all that glitters is Gold, i now wish i never met her in the first place. Maybe all this would have been avoided. I will not be giving up the fight to stay in my baby's life.

Not trying to be rude, but is there a question that needs answering in there?

[VOL 425]

I have know a few guys who moved back to their home country in order to not have to pay child support.

[Felix 1 0]

Child Support is not an issue for me, I have been supporting the child since birth and i still do till date. Are you suggesting i move back and give up custody of my baby?

Edited June 11, 2014 by Felix 1

[Ihavequestions 419]

On the advice of my pediatrician, I started giving my 9 lb. 12 oz. son rice cereal in a bottle at four weeks old. Sorry, but that's not abuse.

If the state has decided to file charges, there's quite likely little she can do about dropping them. Do you have a lawyer?

[TBoneTX 43,401]

Two off-topic posts and one accusatory post have been removed. Post constructively or don't post. Perhaps the OP has one or more specific questions that he can clarify.

[Hypnos 6,576]

Divorce and move on.

Seek primary custody of your children, if that's something you wish to have. Unfortunately there is a sizable pro-mother bias in the family courts of many western countries, including the US, so you really have to be a terrible mother before the courts will award custody to the father.

Good luck.

[Felix 1 0]

Despite all that has happened, it is not my intention to ever take the baby away from the Mother. I wish to have joint custody and yes we are heading towards a divorce. Thanks T bone, my question to every one in this forum is basically what needs to be done immigration wise. I only have my 2 year GC which expires early next year.I dont have copies of my immigration forms and docs, nor do i have my passport, where do i start from if i really want to stay back to be part of my daughter life. Should i do an info pass appointment to update USCIS on what is going on? Yes I have a lawyer , but the fees are really excessive. I hope you guys might be able to give good opinions on what i can do next.

[Hypnos 6,576]

When your divorce is final you will be able to file for RoC with a divorce waiver; you would be required to show that you entered into the marriage in good faith.

[Caryh 5,206]

You can get a court order if needed to be allowed to enter the home to get your personal possessions. A sheriff will accompany you at a set time. You may be able to go to your local law enforcement office and ask if an officer can accompany you to remove personal possessions from the marital home which you are not be allowed access to.

[DJ&L 83]

Paragraphs are your friend.

[Felix 1 0]

At the moment no court order is preventing me from collecting my items. The protective order she filed was dismissed. I went to the house with 2 cops, after the dismissal , but she refused to allow me in, when they told her she had no right to refuse me entry, she said she owned the house. I told the cops, i will just get my things and leave.Now she is asking for a separation agreement and i dont know how long that might drag on?

With Paragraphs

I made a post a few weeks a go, but due to the fact that I still have domestic violence charges pending in a civil and criminal court (second degree assault), I requested that the moderators take down the posts.

I have been in an abusive relationship, where my wife and my mother inlaw feel they own my life. A relationship shrouded in lies and deceit. So many stories and pretense prior to moving to the US and getting married, but after moving here, my wife decided to show her true colors , knowing that we were married and there was little i could do.

When she was 5 months pregnant we had a minor disagreement over using her car to work, she refused, I also asked if she could drop me off at the bus top which was far from home, the disagreement led to her asking me to leave her house.

Not wanting to argue with a pregnant woman, i left the house for a few days, , prior to this, we had a joint account together (though she had several other accounts), when i tried to make a withdrawal, i realized she had withdrawn all we had in the account, I could not afford a hotel and ended up sleeping in a rental car.

Her mum was also abusive and held the view that i should never have a say in my household. We had a baby earlier in the year and her mum literally moved into the house we shared.

When the baby was only 4 weeks old, she and her mum decided that the baby cried a bit too much and wanted my opinion about giving the baby rice cereal to knock her off to sleep. I was hesitant at first, but i requested we ask the pediatrician. Her mum would have none of that. I found out later that they were serving my poor 4 week old rice cereal. One Saturday morning, i finally saw her with the rice cereal, i reached out to get the cereal from her , the bottle fell on the floor, so i poured it away in the sink. An exchange of harsh words followed, where she called me harsh names, reminding me she brought me from the bushes of Africa. She left me at home later that day and went for a Ball, where she had pictures of her dancing the night away with her friends, while i was home nursing my poor baby. She came back at around 1 am to meet the baby sound asleep.

I also discovered that her mum was advising her to wash her vaginal fluids , mixed with honey and other concoctions, i was not aware of into my juice and food, kept exclusively for me in the fridge.

The discovery about what she and her mum were doing came to me as a shock, i had to seek counselling. When i tried to reach out to her church about the issue, the following monday, she would not have any of it. When i went to work that Monday Morning,she went to the court to get a restraining/ protective order to remove me from the house and stop me from seeing my baby. I left the house, went to court a week after and the judge dismissed her allegations as false and struck out the protective order.

She appealed this decision and asked that the case be tried again at a higher court. She also got the state to charge me for second degree assault, which carried a 10 year jail sentence. When she got the restraining order she cleared our joint accounst as second time, with held, about 4500 of our joint tax returns and confisticated my international passport and all proof of my immigration to the US, except my GC and social security.

Since this happened, i have only seen my baby twice, as she has made it impossible fro me to see her, all my attempts to see the baby are frequently postponed. Recently , her lawyers contacted me and promised to drop all charges, if i can give her 100% legal and physical custody of my baby ad pay over $500 in child support every month.

This has taken its toll on me, this is truly a wife from Hell, when i met her, i thought she was the woman of my dreams, she has truly turned out to be the opposite.

An advice for immigrants who leave promising careers and private lives to move to the states, not all that glitters is Gold, i now wish i never met her in the first place. Maybe all this would have been avoided. I will not be giving up the fight to stay in my baby's life.

[Sirliner 26]

Divorce and move on.

Seek primary custody of your children, if that's something you wish to have. Unfortunately there is a sizable pro-mother bias in the family courts of many western countries, including the US, so you really have to be a terrible mother before the courts will award custody to the father.

Good luck.

Agree. This is exactly what you need to focus on. Get the divorce as quickly as possible and end the drama.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

@Felix: I don't have any smart advice to you, except what others said. File for divorce and be done with that. It is not clear to me what happened when the cops went with you to the house and she wouldn't let you in saying it is her house. Besides the cops telling her that she has to let you in, what happened? Did she let you in? If so, did you gather your documents (joint bank statements, any pictures together, joint car/health insurance, electric/phone/TV bill...anything). If you couldn't enter, you've gotta try and try and try with cops and get these. Because when you'll be divorced, you'll be able to file for ROC with a waiver (for your 10 year GC) but you'll have to prove USCIS that yes, your marriage was really a bona fide marriage, and not just for you to gain immigration benefits. And if you have no proofs, your ROC will be denied and you'll have to go back home, wherever that is. Now, I wonder of another option, less appealing though. Can you divorce, obtain joint custody, or at least x % of visits/parentalhood (don't know how this works to be honest), abandon your GC, move back home and occasionally come back to the US on a tourist visa (or under VWP if your country has that option) to visit your daughter and maybe as she gets older even be able to take her a week or two "vacation" time back at your home country. I know this is probably the last thing you want to consider, since it sounds like you want to stay in the US, but in case your ROC does not go through, or you will not even be able to file due to lack of documents for proving bona fide marriage.

Good luck, pal! I am very very sorry for you. Whenever I hear these, I tend to think these are just horror stories, or made up stories, and then I come up here this thread, and see how so many people get either ripped off, or simply their marriage does not even survive a spark. It is terrible...it really is...I wish you the very VERY best!!!!

[Felix 1 0]

Thanks for the response.

After the protective order was squashed,i went back home with the cops and as i said earlier, all my documents were all gone, including my international passport. All efforts to retrieve them proved impossible. Apart from pictures, chat messages, i have nothing else to show. I even had to reapply to the registry for our marriage license, which she also with held. She also closed our joint account, but i am thinking that i could go back to the branch to demand they give me a final statement , since was a signatory. Its a tough situation and i don't know what to do.