Nothing Ventured, nothing gained.

[Possiblymaybe 371]

Pete, it's possible that I'm a hopeless optimist, but I think you're jumping the gun. What's the rush in filing for divorce and cancelling the visa process? I think you are overly concerned with protecting yourself from looking foolish in the end. The visa process cannot continue without your cooperation through the NVC stage, so I'd hold off on notifying them at the moment.

She's been MIA for less than a week, and it all started the day after the I-130 approval. Personally, I think she's freaking out. Everything you two have talked and dreamed about for the last year is turning into the reality of leaving her family and friends and everything familiar to her. It's scary. Based on the timeline you provided, you rushed into a marriage. Don't be so anxious to rush into a divorce.

I agree with Operator. I'd jump on a plane and have some face-to-face discussions about your relationship, feelings, fears, and what the future holds for the two of you. You can cancel the petition later. You can divorce later. But the only chance you have to save this marriage is now. Invest in one more round-trip ticket before walking away.

[LittleFox 7]

I agree with jenafid and Operator. Don't jump too fast on hopeless conclusions.

Visit your wife as soon as possible to discuss with her. Moreover, spending time together will provide to both of you reassurance and hope.

Distance is hard on couples and the Visa process is a real emotional roller coaster.

[Diana and Chris 25]

As a beneficiary, and having left everything I knew for my husband, I know how hard it can be so I'll say: Give her a prudent amount of time.

I think she just had a reality check, and needs time to process it for a bit. And no, giving your wife money doesn't necessarily mean she was using you.

[Jon in RC 6]

which province or city she resides in? You can spend some money to hire a private investigator who have Chinese operation to vet her out and get a true picture of her background. You should be able to find one in Southern California with immigrant communities. Have you met her parents? If this is a scam you were unlikely to meet her family members. The iPhone bit is not that out of norm for YCG's. Some of them are really materialistic. good Luck.

[Livelyjo 15]

So sorry for this. If you know for sure she was using you for papers divorce.
What if she is going through something crazy and is freaking out at the thought of moving to a new place away from what she has known all her life. Thats a big step for anyone and scary too.

Before you submit divorce or cancel the petition I would find out what is really going on with her.

Best of luck!

[Sam and Fen 41]

Personally I don't think you are being scammed. If that were the case she would go threw the process and come here.

IPhone is a standard issue for Chinese women and it is not uncommon to pay a dowry for a bride in China.

There is something else going on that she is not telling you, maybe her family is against it or she is just plain scared to leave everything she knows.

I would wait a few weeks before doing anything. JMO.

[Hollyday 122]

If she was scamming for money only i don't think she'd rush into marriage and filing for the visa. It can be done without it - like by saying you need to give the bride's mother a gift before you actually get married. Which is not unheard of in some cultures.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you but at least give it a little time before you file for divorce, maybe she's worried about leaving her family and country and needs a little space/time to think? Maybe her family are putting pressure on her? If you have contact with her through her friend then maybe not all is lost.

[Lenzwei 14]

Thank you everyone for the sanity check.

A little more background which may help clarify. She works for her sister's dye distribution company. Her sister can't keep any new employees more than a couple of days. They quit and say, "too much job!" Much work as she says. She works seven days a week normally 9-11 hours per day. So maybe her sister is laying a guilt trip on her about leaving. My wife has said about her sister that, "she not smile often." : )

I spoke with her good friend this morning, (I think if it were a scam she wouldn't answer the phone), she said my wife's phone is still powered off so she is going to take the subway (1&1/2hours) to her home this weekend and basically plead my case to her. Her friend said this morning that she is sure my wife is loyal to me, but she doesn't know what the problem is. Her friend told me that I am a good man, which I appreciate very much and she is sure that my wife will be happy with me in the states. So she will email me Sunday night with either good news that she'll begin communicating or bad news that a divorce is pending. I'm lucky that she and I have such a good friend.

[twopeepsaz 3]

Pete, it's possible that I'm a hopeless optimist, but I think you're jumping the gun. What's the rush in filing for divorce and cancelling the visa process? I think you are overly concerned with protecting yourself from looking foolish in the end. The visa process cannot continue without your cooperation through the NVC stage, so I'd hold off on notifying them at the moment.

I can't do anything but add to what jenafid said. I would give it time and make sure. In my heart, I hope that it works out for you and she just got the jitters.

[Browneyes86 4]

sorry to hear this and wish you a good news

[Avery Cates 1,141]

No harm in waiting another couple days, but I wouldn't send any more money or gifts over there.

[Lenzwei 14]

Yes. Time will tell. We'll see soon enough.

[Karee 4,189]

Powered off phone is a deal breaker. She's hiding something or she doesn't want to talk to you. Cut your losses and move on.

[Lenzwei 14]

I did not meet her mother, but did meet her other sister and nephew. Although who knows? I didn't ask for an ID.