Anyone Denied CFO Every Went to Other CFO?

[Caryh 5,206]

We appreciate everyone advice and suggestions. We won't stop, but as I said before "it is hard to change a kitten into a lion".

This counselor was very hard on my fiancée. Not just about the age difference, but about my previous marriages.

She started out by asking her why she wanted to be with an old man? Because he's a wonderful man, and I love him

What about his other marriages--meaning that there must be something wrong with me. We've talked about those, and I'm confident that won't be a problem. We've lived together for a year and a half and I know its a good marriage this time for him and I.

That I must be a bad or evil man. Remember, my fiancée and I have lived together for over a year and a half, and if I really was a bad man, she would know it.

What are you going to do when he is old and sick and have to take care of him? I'll take care of him because I love him, and he means the world to me.

And more questions like this.

She started off attacking her and NEVER quit. With the counselor's attitude and after saying that she would NEVER let her daughters be with an old man, my fiancée NEVER had a chance.

As I also said, too bad that there other options or ways to complain this type of treatment.

Not answering is where her problem came in. You've got a list of the hard questions they may throw at her again. Practice them, work on responses that feel right for her. My wife is also shy, and she got the he's divorced question. She got the he's older question, but not as large a gap as you. She got other questions that she could have viewed as being attacked, but in reality they're all just questions. There are not attacks unless you wish them to be so. Every question your wife was asked, my wife and I had talked about between each other long before we even thought about a CFO interview. The age difference of almost 17 years bothered me but didn't bother her at all. She told me if it doesn't bother her, why should it bother me? She was right and I haven't really thought twice about since. You wife doesn't need to be a lion, my wife isn't, except with family, but these are legit questions she should have already thought about and had answers for.

[Texsinbad 6]

Being questioned is one thing, and being attacked is another. The counselor had her mind made up before she started.

Yes, my fiancée and I had discussed some "hard" questions, but since she had a fairly easy Visa Interview, she was not mentally prepared for being attacked so hard and relentless.

From some comments here, it seems easy for others to second guess when they weren't there and don't know how difficult it can be for someone not use to speaking up.

She did try to talk to the counselor, but the counselor wouldn't listen and said she didn't have time because she had another session to do.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Your fiancee is not the first to be "pressed hard" at CFO, and won't be the last.

Many us that haven been down this road so "have been there", like you I was sitting out front during the process.

The issue isn't about having answers or not having answers to the questions - it's all about attitude and how your fiancee acts.

You got lots of good suggests from folks ~

[sweet cakes 326]

What your fiancee needs is encouragement and positivity, especially from you ... Sounds like even you are convinced that she would never ever have the confidence to face up and respond to the CFO counselor's questions & statements. Hank is right. The suggestions given here are good (if not the best) for your issue & however, you look at it, there's no other way going about it. She can't leave PI with that precious CFO sticker.

Keep the focus, honey! Why sound negative in front of the last hurdle?

[Texsinbad 6]

My fiancée visa arrived 8 days after her interview, but since she was denied at the CFO, it doesn't matter. We expected other problems like RFE for wrong size passport photos; disapprove my waiver request (had 2 previous I-129F petitions; problems with the Visa Interview, but never problems with the CFO.

Short story was that my fiancée was bullied by the counselor about our age difference and my previous marriages regardless that we have lived together for over a year and a half in the Philippines. My fiancée is shy and hesitant about confrontations.

She is trying to get up the courage to the CFO and try again, but is concerned that the outcome will be the same. Our lives and future are in limbo because the counselors at the CFO want to play God and control other people's lives and future.

For those who haven't been to the CFO, be prepared to have your relationship severely questioned and challenged.

[Emcee624 0]

But you have already admitted that your fiance is timid. She should learn to stand up for herself and for you. If she can't even speak and defend herself from CFO officers, what more if she sets foot in another land? You can't always be by her side. Survival of the fittest.

[sweet cakes 326]

Are you asking for a VJer's opinion or advice?

*Opinion: Not sure if it's just me ... But here are my opinions to your CFO story: Unbelievable! / Seriously?! / It's either one of you or both of you gave up.

*Advice: Try and try again... What else could you lose by going to a CFO seminar the second or third or Nth time around? Yep, that precious opportunity to be with your loved one. If your fiancee is really prepared to live her life with you, why can't she go there again and face her fears? Why can't she just say to the CFO counselor that she has already accepted everything about you? and that there's nothing that can stop her to spend the rest of her life with you?

Ohh yes, there is! Her FEAR ... Seriously, sweety! Go encourage her! I'm not sure if I read all your posts, but were you with her during the CFO seminar? I know you can't go inside, but maybe it might make a difference if you're in close proximity to her.

Edited October 24, 2013 by sweet_cheeks

[biaobiao 40]

i hope your fiance will have the courage to try again and not lose hope. it is just CFO. the visa is already available. goodluck

[Chez&Rick 11]

CFO counselors are just doing their job. They will not put your fiancé through it, if it is not needed. I know some with same case as yours passed the CFO, they(beneficiaries) just have the courage to prove that they know they rights and will not be abused in America.

If she already felt shy and intimidated by the counselor, how much more in America where people are known to be straightforward and blunt.

I hope that in her second try she will get approved.

Edited October 24, 2013 by RickandChez

[clairegie 265]

Sorry to hear you are having problems with CFO. You can use her experience to practice for her next attempt to get that sticker. Ask her what questions or opinions they gave and try to role play and be mean to her. I believe that eventually she will toughen up. She shouldn't allow them to shame her because of age difference or that you had previous marriages. You two aren't doing anything wrong or immoral so she should answer them chin up and proudly say those things don't matter because you two truly love each other.

[Hank_ 9,173]

This is asking the same question as in your previous topic you started. And as said before -

MOST of the issue your wife is having with CFO looks back at her in the mirror every morning, it also appears some of the issue is sitting across from her during morning coffee.

CFO isn't a nightmare for everyone, only those that are shy, hesitant, meek.... well this is just repeating myself.

You are not going to get new "magical" answers, you will get the same responses as you got in your previous topic on CFO. Go back and read it.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/460612-anyone-denied-cfo-every-went-to-other-cfo/?p=6588835

Posted 17 October 2013 - 05:58 AM

After my fiancée was denied the CFO in Manila today, she was wondering if anyone has ever been denied at one CFO and went to the other CFO and got approved?

Yesterday, Oct 16th, we were so happy because she had her Visa Interview and was approved. Today was a very sad day after going to the Manila CFO and being denied. They didn't like our age difference.

Edited October 24, 2013 by Hank_

[Hank_ 9,173]

BUMP!

[Mr&MrsA 9]

Try again, You are almost at the finish line..you just cant afford to go back. CFO Cebu resumes on Oct 24,2013. (well, if that will make a difference for her to face a different set of counselors)

[Ryan H 3,791]

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