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Filed: Timeline

Hello Everyone

I im from uk and i need you guys help and advice, my fiance bring me usa under k1 visa, he was my dream man and he was the person who i thought i can spend my life with, we had almost 2 year online relationship, i been in usa with him past 2 months and i got my ssn, but the problem is he's not the person who i loved online, he's not the person who i dreamed about and he isn ot the person who i can spend my life with, he's totaly change and opposite as he used to be online, he lies, he cheat, he treat me like ######, he abuse me and all time he ignored me. he spend most of time with his friends and at home on tv or computer. At home i clean his home, i wash dishes, i do laundry etc but he just lay down and watch tv or play games, but its not enough, everytime we go into any kind argue or anykind disagree he scream at me and ask me to pack my ###### and leave his house. He still have strong relationship with her ex wife, he always run to her and sometime sleep at her house too, its hurt me alot and Its happend constantly and now im sick of it, i dunno what to do, before move here i give up on my job, i sell my appartment, i sell every lil and big thing i ever have had, i dont have anyone who can help me, i dont have parents either i have any kind support, Money i ever had i spend on him and on my k1 visa. now i dont know where to turn, dont know how to where to began again, when i moved here i had alot of dreams, plans, wishes and expectations but i can't understand such a lil thing of life. please help me.

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I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

First of all, you need to decide if you want to go home to the UK or if you want to try to make a go of it in the States. If you want to go back to the UK, you should optimally leave before your 90 days on the K-1 visa are up to avoid accruing unlawful presence, which could jeopardize your ability to use VWP or obtain future visas.

If you want to try to stay in the States...first of all, are you married yet? I believe you'd have to have married to qualify for VAWA relief. There is a way you can attempt to stay in the States if you have been subjected to abuse by the USC who sponsored you. You'd have to file form I-360 with USCIS to start.

There are very few, if any people, on VJ who have any experience with that kind of situation. There is another lady from the UK going through a similar situation in the K-3 forum, and there was another post-er, Shona, who was trying it, but she hasn't posted in a long time. I would advise you to seek legal help first or, if you can't afford it, contact a charity that works with immigrants, like the American Friends Service Committees. They will be able to point you in the right direction.

If you consider seeking relief as an abused immigrant, you should know that you'll need some supporting documentation of the abuse, like police reports, testimony from a counselor or an abused women's shelter, something like that. So if you have any such documentation or will have it in the future, make sure you save it.

Best of luck to you.


Abby (U.S.) and Ewen (Scotland): We laughed. We cried. Our witness didn't speak English. Happily married (finally), 27 December 2006.

Latest news: Green card received 16 April 2007. USCIS-free until 3 January 2009! Eligible to naturalize 3 April 2010.

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all the mud in this town, all the dirt in this world

none of it sticks on you, you shake it off

'cause you're better than that, and you don't need it

there's nothing wrong with you

--Neil Finn

On second thought, let us not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place.

--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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All right, you know what? I don't give a flying ** if this person is a troll or not. If it is, well, fine, I wasted five minutes of my life posting some helpful information. If it's not, this is obviously someone in a bad situation who could use some compassion and assistance.

I'm really sick of the current VJ attitude of "troll until proven otherwise." People have been really harsh towards some post-ers who are new and finding themselves in difficult or exotic circumstances. We've got to keep in mind that we don't know if someone is b.s.-ing us or telling the truth...and if it's the latter, we don't want to scare them off, or other post-ers or lurkers who might be in similar situations, by curtly dismissing them as trolls.


Abby (U.S.) and Ewen (Scotland): We laughed. We cried. Our witness didn't speak English. Happily married (finally), 27 December 2006.

Latest news: Green card received 16 April 2007. USCIS-free until 3 January 2009! Eligible to naturalize 3 April 2010.

Click on the "timeline" link at the left to view our timeline. And don't forget to update yours!

The London Interviews Thread: Wait times, interview dates, and chitchat for all visa types

The London Waivers Thread: For I-601 or I-212 applicants in London (UK, Ireland, and Scandinavia)

The London Graduates Thread: Moving stateside, AOS, and OT for London applicants and petitioners

all the mud in this town, all the dirt in this world

none of it sticks on you, you shake it off

'cause you're better than that, and you don't need it

there's nothing wrong with you

--Neil Finn

On second thought, let us not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place.

--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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All right, you know what? I don't give a flying ** if this person is a troll or not. If it is, well, fine, I wasted five minutes of my life posting some helpful information. If it's not, this is obviously someone in a bad situation who could use some compassion and assistance.

I'm really sick of the current VJ attitude of "troll until proven otherwise." People have been really harsh towards some post-ers who are new and finding themselves in difficult or exotic circumstances. We've got to keep in mind that we don't know if someone is b.s.-ing us or telling the truth...and if it's the latter, we don't want to scare them off, or other post-ers or lurkers who might be in similar situations, by curtly dismissing them as trolls.

Very well said Pax.......................... :thumbs:


Amanda-England (Yorkshire)- Mark-USA(Michigan)

April/04/2005- Visa journey began!!

We did both K3 & CR1 visa's, got both!!- I returned to England for my CR1 interview after first arriving on a K3 visa!!

May/25th 2006- Green card arrives in the mail................YAY!!

19th June 2006 I Had to go to the Social Security Office to get my number, the DS-230 didnt work for me!!

26-June-2006- Social Security# arrived in the mail....YAY!!

Feb 2008 lift conditions <<<reminder to self!!<<<< went to England for a visit instead, no rush right, 90 days is a long time,LOL

Removing Conditions Begins

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Pax..you are a better than me on this...


Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

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Filed: Country: England
Timeline

Regarding trollness...I've been burned by offering advice and condolences and telling people not to jump to conclusions when they thought someone was a troll and indeed turned out to be, so in these kind of situations, I just keep my mouth shut.

There isn't any advice I can offer anyway. If the situation is real, or even if it's not, good luck is all I can say.


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All right, you know what? I don't give a flying ** if this person is a troll or not. If it is, well, fine, I wasted five minutes of my life posting some helpful information. If it's not, this is obviously someone in a bad situation who could use some compassion and assistance.

I'm really sick of the current VJ attitude of "troll until proven otherwise." People have been really harsh towards some post-ers who are new and finding themselves in difficult or exotic circumstances. We've got to keep in mind that we don't know if someone is b.s.-ing us or telling the truth...and if it's the latter, we don't want to scare them off, or other post-ers or lurkers who might be in similar situations, by curtly dismissing them as trolls.

I agree.

And if you think it *might* be a wind up, just don't reply and spare yourself the 'grief' later.


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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline
I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

First of all, you need to decide if you want to go home to the UK or if you want to try to make a go of it in the States. If you want to go back to the UK, you should optimally leave before your 90 days on the K-1 visa are up to avoid accruing unlawful presence, which could jeopardize your ability to use VWP or obtain future visas.

If you want to try to stay in the States...first of all, are you married yet? I believe you'd have to have married to qualify for VAWA relief. There is a way you can attempt to stay in the States if you have been subjected to abuse by the USC who sponsored you. You'd have to file form I-360 with USCIS to start.

There are very few, if any people, on VJ who have any experience with that kind of situation. There is another lady from the UK going through a similar situation in the K-3 forum, and there was another post-er, Shona, who was trying it, but she hasn't posted in a long time. I would advise you to seek legal help first or, if you can't afford it, contact a charity that works with immigrants, like the American Friends Service Committees. They will be able to point you in the right direction.

If you consider seeking relief as an abused immigrant, you should know that you'll need some supporting documentation of the abuse, like police reports, testimony from a counselor or an abused women's shelter, something like that. So if you have any such documentation or will have it in the future, make sure you save it.

Best of luck to you.

Great advice. Whether the OP is a troll or not it could help someone.


*January 24 2006 - mailed in I129-F petition

*January 25 2006 - I129-F received at CSC

*January 30 2006 - packet returned.....arggggggggg we forgot one signature!!

*January 31 2006 - sent I129-F back to the CSC, hope we did not forget anything else

*February 1 2006 - I129-F received at CSC again

*February 3 2006 - NOA1

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*May 17 2006 - Case left NVC today!!

*May 30 2006 - Received Packet 3 from Vancouver!

*May 30 2006 - Faxed back Packet 3!!

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*June 28 2006 - GOT THE VISA!!!*June 30 2006 - Moving day!

*July 3 2006 - Home at last!!

*July 28 2006 - married!

*September 13 2006 - Mailed AOS/EAD package

*September 25 2006 - Received NOA for AOS/EAD

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*October 19 2006 - Transferred to CSC!

*October 26 2006 - Received by CSC

*October 27 2006 - Touched

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*November 3 2006- and another touch

*November 7 2006- touched

*November 7 2006 - My case approved, still waiting for kids!

*November 8 2006 - Touched my case again

*November 13 2006 - Greencard arrived...yeah I can work!

*November 14 2006 - Touched my case again

*January 2007 - RFE for kids Greencard.

*February 2007 - kids medical and sent in RFE

*February 2007 - Received kids greencards

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Hong Kong
Timeline
All right, you know what? I don't give a flying ** if this person is a troll or not. If it is, well, fine, I wasted five minutes of my life posting some helpful information. If it's not, this is obviously someone in a bad situation who could use some compassion and assistance.

I'm really sick of the current VJ attitude of "troll until proven otherwise." People have been really harsh towards some post-ers who are new and finding themselves in difficult or exotic circumstances. We've got to keep in mind that we don't know if someone is b.s.-ing us or telling the truth...and if it's the latter, we don't want to scare them off, or other post-ers or lurkers who might be in similar situations, by curtly dismissing them as trolls.

:thumbs:


Scott - So. California, Lai - Hong Kong

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

well, I highly doubt it is a Troll, but by their use of the English language, I highly doubt they're from the UK . I think this person is obviously a VJ member coming on under an assumed name for annomity.

To the OP.

Sometimes people only see of their partner what they want to see. focusing on just being together and not really getting to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Did he spend alot of time on the computer with you when you were apart? Might be something that he's just used to doing after all those years with an online relationship. Has he ever been violent or abusive to you before? Not neccesarily physically. but name calling or what have you.

Living & being with someone on a daily basis takes some adjustments on both parts. Even more so if they've been on their own for a long time and used to doing things their way.

Did you talk to him BEFORE you moved here about what it would be liked to be together? Some of the challenges you would face ? Such as hanging out with old friends, time spent apart, family time, what role his ex wife would play in your relationship? How much time he would spend watching TV , playing games, hobbies, sports etc... I really think ALOT of people don't even consider this stuff before they get to the states and then it becomes a huge problem.

Have you sat down and talked to him and told him how you feel when he yells and screams at you, or spends so much time doing other things without you? Sometimes people don't realize how much they are hurting you. Sit him down and talk to him. Not when there's distractions like his favorite TV show on or Sports or something. You need his full attention. And if it starts to become a shouting match then tell him that its time for a break , that your not going to listen to any screaming and that you'll continue the conversation when things are more rational.

Being how you've only been here 2 months, I'm sure you probably don't have any Employment to give you some of your own spending money. Maybe you could do some volunteering or something that would give you some feeling of accomplishment. I volunteer at our Air Force AreoSpace Museum and its really helped me. I don't get paid wages, but it gets me out of the house, around other people so I can develop my own support system & group of friends. Plus it keeps my work skills up to date so when I do find a job, I won't feel so uneasy.

Have you considered getting a hobby of your own? I scrapbook and that keeps me pretty busy too. Course my hubby has to pay for the supplies until I can get my own job, But he doesn't mind and actually was the one to suggest I get a hobby of my own.

Anyways, Good luck. 2 months really isn't very long . Try to work thru things.


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Filed: Timeline

Why not make a go of things in America? Since you have nothing waiting for you back home, just marry the guy, try to work things out, and if it doesn't work, leave his happy ### & take half his stuff :P And file for that VAWA thing.

In the meantime, make some friends of your own. Join a club, get out of the house...

But if the wierd abuse continues, you need to document it (someone here already said it)....why not start a journal??? It could be very soothing & cathartic as well as having some sort of daily record of what's happening.

I know I'm being flippant here, but you've come this far....it's prolly horrible advice, but if you've left/sold everything you had, how are you going to start over at home? And you should try to stick it out with your man until you're absolutely sure things are beyond repair.

Edited by LisaD

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All right, you know what? I don't give a flying ** if this person is a troll or not. If it is, well, fine, I wasted five minutes of my life posting some helpful information. If it's not, this is obviously someone in a bad situation who could use some compassion and assistance.

I'm really sick of the current VJ attitude of "troll until proven otherwise." People have been really harsh towards some post-ers who are new and finding themselves in difficult or exotic circumstances. We've got to keep in mind that we don't know if someone is b.s.-ing us or telling the truth...and if it's the latter, we don't want to scare them off, or other post-ers or lurkers who might be in similar situations, by curtly dismissing them as trolls.

I agree with you 100%


Paul and I met on the Bazaar on the 14th January (he joined my progressive rock forum that day)

July 3rd he flew to England to meet me

We fell in love while he drove all over the place coz I cannot read maps (we were supposed to go to Ingleton - but touched Darlington 4 times, Pierce Bridge 6 times, Scotch Corner twice and Bernard Castle twice and we never did make it to Ingleton)

It has been so long and so much has happened in between...

Arrived in Houston on October 29th 2006

Married 17th November 2006

Lost my father 8th January 2007 (all dates are a blur after this)

Conditional Green Card dated 24th October 2007

I-751 posted on 6th August 2009

Received on 7th August 2009 in VT

Melo's Prog Bazaar

CTTE

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