Men and women accused of abuse, beneficiary now in VAWA

[verysadguy 170]

As suggested by a platinum member...

If you are a man or woman accused of being an abuser, but you feel you were not an abuser please describe your situation. How your relationship fell apart, how you broke up, what you believe led your spouse/lover to claim VAWA, what you did if anything.

[verysadguy 170]

As suggested by a platinum member...

If you are a man or woman accused of being an abuser, but you feel you were not an abuser please describe your situation. How your relationship fell apart, how you broke up, what you believe led your spouse/lover to claim VAWA, what you did if anything.

FYI, I sponsored a woman who turns out lied to me for a year and a half every single day prior to marriage. She had a lover behind everyone's back. I found out one week in to the marriage. I tried everything to save my marriage but also protect my finances and the child we conceived. My new wife lied to me everyday for 6 months. She bit me and scratched me. I never laid a finger on her, never called her a name. I simply caught her cheating and lying and found hundreds of pieces of evidence showing the scam. I had to divorce her.

Of course she was shocked and depressed over being caught and the divorce and having to leave the house and her child behind. I know she only came to USA for a green card, not for true love. She only wanted my money. Does she have PTSD? Probably because of divorce, but not because of abuse. She was caught red handed.

I pulled support at the very beginning. I sent evidence in to ICE and USCIS. I believe I am the victim of a sham marriage and a false and fraudulent VAWA claim

People say I should let it go, it is her claim to prove. However, as I've said many times, I am protecting my child as much as possible from a sociopathic liar. That is my story.

Any other victims of a false or fraudulent VAWA claim? Please add your story and outcome.

[Brian1967## 119]

Very sad guy how do you really find out a VAWA claim is follows against you? I would love to know I have heard it is impossible to really know.

Very sad guy how do you really find out a VAWA claim is follows against you? I would love to know I have heard it is impossible to really know.

[verysadguy 170]

Very sad guy how do you really find out a VAWA claim is follows against you? I would love to know I have heard it is impossible to really know.

Very sad guy how do you really find out a VAWA claim is follows against you? I would love to know I have heard it is impossible to really know.

Her attorney revealed it in court. Also, both times I went to USCIS they told me they couldn't tell me anything about my wife's case that it was now "confidential."

Pretty obvious don't you think?

Her attorney also turned over one of her relative's affidavit that was so full of lies it was incredible. How low will some people stoop? Lying to federal agents? Seriously? Stupid!!!

[Brian1967## 119]

Well for my wife they also said they could not talk about because to me. I guess that police report I gave to the fraud officer will stop any claims of abuse on her part, my immigrant spouse was labeled the aggressor here in Kansas. Even a i751 based on abuse will be tough.

[Caryh 5,206]

Her attorney revealed it in court. Also, both times I went to USCIS they told me they couldn't tell me anything about my wife's case that it was now "confidential."

They wouldn't talk to me about my wife's AOS case either. We're together and there was never any pulling of the I-864, but it was her case so I was not allowed to ask questions except when she was there and she said I was her interpreter. I know many people think the AOS is filed jointly, but in reality its the immigrant doing the filing, and the spouse is just saying they agree to support this person. All cases are confidential, so there's nothing new there. While you were petitioning her, then it was your case, so you could interact and find information during that part of the process. As to everything else, you're locked out without explicit permission of the filer of the case.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

I do not know if my soon to be ex is applying for VAWA, but the facts all point to that she will. As you may have read in my locked post, she ended up filing for a protective order AFTER we had a bad argument and I bought her a ticket back to her country. We had been together in the USA for almost 6 months, but the last week per the protective order affidavit I BECAME a CONTROLLING, ABUSIVE MONSTER?!@#$% It still hurts to think about it, but I am working my way out of that hole. No abuse was ever confirmed via a police, hospital or other third party reports even after a false DV call was made to our residence to remove her. The protective order was granted.

It is sad to see how easy it is for many to take that route. File a protective order, in her case - since physical abuse can not be confirmed, claim mental abuse, go see a psych for 6+ sessions, get an evaluation that "proves" mental abuse, have a number of friends and family LIE and back your abuse claims via affidavits, write a personal affidavit claiming how she was abused, controlled and her ticket is stamped. That is what appears she will attempt from reading how others have gone thru the VAWA process, but most were really victimized and have documentation from third parties to prove the abuse, not personal/family affidavits. The interesting part is how she may now be able to receive public assistance and in the end becomes a burden to the state, which is a key factor in deciding if a USC can sponsor an individual..ironic no?

Thank GOD I know I did not abuse her, mentally or physically and have not been charged or arrested for the false DV call that was made. I suppose I have saved a lot of money, although my future employment pool may have taken a big hit. I am still employed, healthy, free and sooner or later back to my usual positive self. I do take note of the many cases of false abuse accusations, that are far more complicated, complex and involved than mine and keep that in mind - I could have been in a worse situation.

What I learned is that communication is key, but the proper type. More is NOT always better! Also, I think there should be a requirement for people to go to some type of counseling once married and in the USA. They could discuss the adjustment period, nuances, how to cope and whatnot related to these type of relationships, provide contacts for local groups of other visa immigrants. Whatever you may think, once you LIVE with another person things do change, it is almost natural and with one person being from another country it does compound the situation at times.

As for what I will do such as providing facts, reports to the USCIS in an attempt to prevent her from obtaining her VISA. I have thought about it, but will not. I have a police report that indicates no violence or abuse was seen, detected or backed by evidence and a protective order affidavit that claims physical abuse of all types including hitting her with a laptop two days in a row, INCLUDING the SAME day the police came to our residence. Some say her intent and how we met is not a fraud case, but one NEVER knows another persons TRUE intentions until the relationship sours, as in my case. Claiming ABUSE of any type that never occurred is lying and fraudulent if using that to obtain a visa.

Happy New Year to all, this site was and is of great assistance to me although my "journey" has ended!

[Sandra G. 5,020]

I am old fashioned and I still believe people should date 2/3 years MINIMUM, and then get married, see each other as much they can. I would say 90% of the abuse, scam posted here in the VJ the couples saw each other 2/3 times, or they had a 4/7months relationship and got married, and others the wife/husband came to the US after 1 year abroad waiting for the CR1 visa. I think the chance to be scammed /abused by someone you had a long relationship and saw each other often is very small.Considering my experience handling immigration cases all people scammed/abused they saw each other maximum 4/5 times before getting married or had a short relationship before getting married. It takes time to know each other.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

One more thing..I DO NOT mean to or am inferring that I was an innocent bystander. It took the two of us to make it fail, but accusing me of abuse did not equate to or come close to any of the errors I did commit. Making those accusations are a very dirty tactic to attempt to obtain her visa. Sadly our system allows them to be filed, maybe not approved, but at least filed and resources wasted working on it.

[Caryh 5,206]

One more thing..I DO NOT mean to or am inferring that I was an innocent bystander. It took the two of us to make it fail, but accusing me of abuse did not equate to or come close to any of the errors I did commit. Making those accusations are a very dirty tactic to attempt to obtain her visa. Sadly our system allows them to be filed, maybe not approved, but at least filed and resources wasted working on it.

She already got the visa, its the green card she wants now.

The system certainly works pretty ugly now. But as I've said before, What could be a better system? You need to protect those who are abused, but just the action of protecting them, leaves the system wide open to being used with false allegations. Even in citizen to citizen divorces, one of the most common ways to get ahead in the case is to file a false abuse claim. Try to crack down on false cases and you end up scaring away those that actually need the protection. If people were not what they are, none of this would be needed.

[verysadguy 170]

I am old fashioned and I still believe people should date 2/3 years MINIMUM, and then get married, see each other as much they can. I would say 90% of the abuse, scam posted here in the VJ the couples saw each other 2/3 times, or they had a 4/7months relationship and got married, and others the wife/husband came to the US after 1 year abroad waiting for the CR1 visa. I think the chance to be scammed /abused by someone you had a long relationship and saw each other often is very small.Considering my experience handling immigration cases all people scammed/abused they saw each other maximum 4/5 times before getting married or had a short relationship before getting married. It takes time to know each other.

I agree with sandranj, but just for the record I knew my ex-wife for 8 years, I went to see her several times, and knew all her family. Her sociopathic behavior was so skillful and her lies so extensive no one knew about her secret relationship. She told everyone that guy was long gone because she didn't want to be judged. She was even lying to her lover. And she has subsequently lied extensively to the authorities.

To caryh's post, my ex is proof the system lets people get away with some really disgusting lies. All thanks to VAWA. She is living the life of Reilly, working, making money, falsifying her tax returns, and screwing her supporter. Isn't America great? Again abuse is disgusting, but the burden of proof and the rules of evidence need to apply to the USCIS portion of VAWA. It is a gaping hole in the US Justice system that is being leveraged to every possible advantage by foreigners trying to find the eTicket to the USA and its benefits.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

In this response I am directly referring to the process of granting a restraining/protective orders. I am talking about how lies, fraud, perjury is BLATANTLY IGNORED = which equates to MY freedom, rights also being IGNORED.

The judges, court system needs to be moved away from the "preponderance of evidence" and required to use the "clear and convincing evidence" guidelines. The former allows for perjury, false accusations and lies to be ignored and basically ALLOWED as the TRUTH. To those that may state making the guidelines more stringent will scare away those that are truly abused, I say they were not abused. God bless and protect those that are. Just like, I did not abuse her and KNOW I DID not, I am still fighting to alter the ruling by appealing. I do so because I know I am innocent, although I was not as soon as the temporary/emergency protective order was granted. I thought my rights were to be "innocent until proven guilty"?!

The facts in my case:

1) False DV call made to retrieve my wife from the house. False, cause no evidence of abuse was found and no subsequent charges, followup, investigation, arrest done or attempted by her or the investigator, police.

2) No police, hospital or other third party report indicating there were signs of abuse, bruising or what-not, even after she was taken from the residence by the police.(Bear in mind I was accused of hitting, punching, kicking, pushing her against the wall and striking her with a laptop 3 days out of 7 days. The last day of the abuse was the same day the police took her.)

3) All of the accusations and alleged abuse happened the last week out of us being together for 6 months in the USA..the LAST WEEK and "corroborated" cross-examination.

4) The motive of obtaining her green card, residency was stated, although ignored by the judge. The TRUE motive for the abuse allegations.

5) A few vm's with swears, f-bombs left the night after she left. No threats of harm were stated, none. This is the ONLY "reason" why I think the judge ruled in her favor, but really how many people would be in jail or otherwise prosecuted if an emotional outburst were construed as a threat. Does an emotional outburst = to imminent, future danger, harm?!

Did my lawyer properly present my case, I think he did his best, but the judge had her mind set.

The fact is the basis of the initial order request was full of lies and once "shown" as such in court ignored, as if PERJURY does not matter. Why have on the forms they complete "you attest to this being the truth...and swear to it in lieu of being charged with PERJURY", or something similar and yet it is allowed?!

My case is NOTHING compared to other people that have far worst rulings. Think about this if my case is granted, when will an order be denied, it would appear only if the petitioner cancels the order. So one as a citizen, the alleged abuser, again is in fact NOT "INNOCENT UNTIL FOUND GUILTY" and that protects my RIGHTS, FREEDOM?!

[verysadguy 170]

I read you loud and clean ir0n, I was in much the same boat. One difference is I never laid a hand on her and never dropped any F bombs, but I'm sure she probably said I did. She told everyone she was scared of me. Outside of the lies I've discussed many times, I agree with you ir0n. The justice system for VAWA petitions is disgustingly one sided. They claim is is helping victims of abuse but the logic is flawed. For large numbers of USC men and women the numbers are clear for VAWA. But for the 10 or 12 thousand or so VAWA petitions through USCIS, I continue to contend that fraud is through the roof simply because the claimants get a "get out of jail free card" on their visa, on their fees, on their work permits, and have a cake walk for evidence. Yes, I know there is a lot of paperwork and a long waiting time, but it is still bereft of real evidentiary rules. The psyc evals are a joke in my opinion, and not looking at hard evidence often available via the petitioner is simply making the USC's the real victims. I'm out $100k on my situation.

You want women to be safe from DV when it comes to claims through USCIS? Just send them home, it will be faster and cheaper. And geez would the scams drop quickly!!! Could you imagine if the high fraud countries caught wind of the USA tossing the rotten fish back? "Hey, they're sending Cousin Fraudster home! I'd better stop webcamming with the 50 guys I'm gunning for now!"

Hey, I think DV is as disgusting as the next guy, I dealt with it professionally for 22 years. But I hated the lying conniving personality disorders that often were behind the false claims. That is just as criminal and damaging as the abusers! I saw bipolars, borderlines, passive-aggressives, histrionics you name it. Schizophrenics, too. The scary thing is I'M A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL with extensive training and my wife even fooled me!!! There are some freakin' pros out there scamming US citizens who aren't even fractionally educated or trained as I am. Scary $hit man...the good old USofA giving away stuff for free...I am voting republican for the rest of my life even if the candidates suck swamp mud.

I'm a US citizen and I've been screwed! Justice my butt. My VAWA case went from a perversion of justice to a miscarriage of justice to an absolute abortion of justice. Such a joke. USCIS at almost every level has just pathetically wilted. And the bizarre thing is I sponsor H1-B and out of country scientists to come here and work! And the level of scrutiny is microscopic, and these are MBA's and engineers and doctors and rocket scientists. Give me a break USCIS? You go through good hard working educated contributors with a fine tooth comb, but the harlots and liars just fill out a few forms, get a psyc evaluation, wait a few extra months but in the meantime get food stamps and work permits. Please. Something just isn't right with VAWA.

[John J 10]

I read you loud and clean ir0n, I was in much the same boat. One difference is I never laid a hand on her and never dropped any F bombs, but I'm sure she probably said I did. She told everyone she was scared of me. Outside of the lies I've discussed many times, I agree with you ir0n. The justice system for VAWA petitions is disgustingly one sided. They claim is is helping victims of abuse but the logic is flawed. For large numbers of USC men and women the numbers are clear for VAWA. But for the 10 or 12 thousand or so VAWA petitions through USCIS, I continue to contend that fraud is through the roof simply because the claimants get a "get out of jail free card" on their visa, on their fees, on their work permits, and have a cake walk for evidence. Yes, I know there is a lot of paperwork and a long waiting time, but it is still bereft of real evidentiary rules. The psyc evals are a joke in my opinion, and not looking at hard evidence often available via the petitioner is simply making the USC's the real victims. I'm out $100k on my situation.

You want women to be safe from DV when it comes to claims through USCIS? Just send them home, it will be faster and cheaper. And geez would the scams drop quickly!!! Could you imagine if the high fraud countries caught wind of the USA tossing the rotten fish back? "Hey, they're sending Cousin Fraudster home! I'd better stop webcamming with the 50 guys I'm gunning for now!"

Hey, I think DV is as disgusting as the next guy, I dealt with it professionally for 22 years. But I hated the lying conniving personality disorders that often were behind the false claims. That is just as criminal and damaging as the abusers! I saw bipolars, borderlines, passive-aggressives, histrionics you name it. Schizophrenics, too. The scary thing is I'M A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL with extensive training and my wife even fooled me!!! There are some freakin' pros out there scamming US citizens who aren't even fractionally educated or trained as I am. Scary $hit man...the good old USofA giving away stuff for free...I am voting republican for the rest of my life even if the candidates suck swamp mud.

I'm a US citizen and I've been screwed! Justice my butt. My VAWA case went from a perversion of justice to a miscarriage of justice to an absolute abortion of justice. Such a joke. USCIS at almost every level has just pathetically wilted. And the bizarre thing is I sponsor H1-B and out of country scientists to come here and work! And the level of scrutiny is microscopic, and these are MBA's and engineers and doctors and rocket scientists. Give me a break USCIS? You go through good hard working educated contributors with a fine tooth comb, but the harlots and liars just fill out a few forms, get a psyc evaluation, wait a few extra months but in the meantime get food stamps and work permits. Please. Something just isn't right with VAWA.

I believe my wife has borderline and she is very, very good at gaslighting.

Not to rock the boat but another idea is that any USC that brings a foreign spouse here and the spouse turns out to be a greencard scammer then the scammer goes home and the USC goes to jail. After all the USC brought the scammer here. That might be very harsh but it would probably change many things.

[belinda63 2,981]

I don't have experience with an immigrant scammer, but I do have experience with abuse. My first husband could put on a personality that would charm you to no end. For a period of time he could act like the best, most caring person in the world. My parents still prefer him over me, their natural child. It was only after you got to know him really well and saw him in bad situations that his true side began to come out. I remember how he charmed the court and got everything he wanted with his lies and stories but one day we were present while the attorneys were talking and he lost his temper and almost hit me. Immediately he regained his composure an became the charming man again. Another time he was giving testimony by phone and thought I was talking. He ripped the "female voice talking over me" a new a**hole because he thought it was me. It was the domestic relations commissioner and if he had been there in person it would have been straight to jail for him.

Moral of the story. you can think you know someone well but until you have seen them in a bad situation and how they react you don't really know them.