My marriage failed.. :( need advice

[MrMadCat 18]

Hi all,

I never thought I'd be posting here. When I married my wife back in May last year, I thought it would last forever. It didn't. I am a Brit that married a USC and did get my conditional greencard, but a month after I got a job and my greencard, my mother got sick in England and was dying,so I returned home within 24 hours (she died 3 days later). During this time, my marriage was falling apart. I was getting zero support from my USC wife, and after my mum died she was more interested in filing joint tax returns (money related obviously) and wanted my SSN. I was so heartbroken because it was the toughest time of my life, and to get an email wanting my SSN when my mum just died for tax related stuff was extremely painful, but the marriage had been going downhill for months at that point. I left nearly all my stuff back at her home because I had every intention to come but, but now I don't. It sucks because I gave my whole life up and immigrated to USA on VWP (couldn't go home to see my mum or anything during that time) to BE with my wife. Now that I ended it after she wasn't there for me at the hardest time of my life, well, we want a divorce. The thing is though, I am still very angry towards her. I know I am responsible for making the choice to be with her in US, but I am mad that all that was done for almost nothing. I get to see my mum TWICE, 2 days, just before she dies and I just can't forgive my wife for not doing the right thing and being there for me, considering I gave up every day of my life for her while in the US?

Anyway, she said she wants to be wiped clean and to annul our marriage. At first I was like..ummm..what? Then I just ignored her, hard to talk to someone you feel ripped your life apart (I'm living in overcrowded conditions right now due to not expecting to have to relive my life back here.)

Now she wants to send me papers for a no-fault divorce. Remember, I'm in England, she's in US. I don't want to go back to US or anything so how does this process work? She sends papers and I just sign them and send it back? There's also the issue of separation. I have read online that in nearly all states a no-fault divorce requires at least separation for at least 6 months. Um well it's been about a month since I left her. Should I just tell her to send my stuff back and we will deal with a divorce after? Like first step, I want my stuff back, and second step, we can divorce. She wants to send the no fault divorce papers for me to sign with my stuff, but I don't wan tto say "yeah ok" when it might cost her money to send them in the first place. I just want this to be done with I don't wanna be married to a woman who doesn't love me or hasn't loved me for a while now. I also have NO money to spend, I am financially crippled now.

So what's the next step? Please help.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

Hi all,

I never thought I'd be posting here. When I married my wife back in May last year, I thought it would last forever. It didn't. I am a Brit that married a USC and did get my conditional greencard, but a month after I got a job and my greencard, my mother got sick in England and was dying,so I returned home within 24 hours (she died 3 days later). During this time, my marriage was falling apart. I was getting zero support from my USC wife, and after my mum died she was more interested in filing joint tax returns (money related obviously) and wanted my SSN. I was so heartbroken because it was the toughest time of my life, and to get an email wanting my SSN when my mum just died for tax related stuff was extremely painful, but the marriage had been going downhill for months at that point. I left nearly all my stuff back at her home because I had every intention to come but, but now I don't. It sucks because I gave my whole life up and immigrated to USA on VWP (couldn't go home to see my mum or anything during that time) to BE with my wife. Now that I ended it after she wasn't there for me at the hardest time of my life, well, we want a divorce. The thing is though, I am still very angry towards her. I know I am responsible for making the choice to be with her in US, but I am mad that all that was done for almost nothing. I get to see my mum TWICE, 2 days, just before she dies and I just can't forgive my wife for not doing the right thing and being there for me, considering I gave up every day of my life for her while in the US?

Anyway, she said she wants to be wiped clean and to annul our marriage. At first I was like..ummm..what? Then I just ignored her, hard to talk to someone you feel ripped your life apart (I'm living in overcrowded conditions right now due to not expecting to have to relive my life back here.)

Now she wants to send me papers for a no-fault divorce. Remember, I'm in England, she's in US. I don't want to go back to US or anything so how does this process work? She sends papers and I just sign them and send it back? There's also the issue of separation. I have read online that in nearly all states a no-fault divorce requires at least separation for at least 6 months. Um well it's been about a month since I left her. Should I just tell her to send my stuff back and we will deal with a divorce after? Like first step, I want my stuff back, and second step, we can divorce. She wants to send the no fault divorce papers for me to sign with my stuff, but I don't wan tto say "yeah ok" when it might cost her money to send them in the first place. I just want this to be done with I don't wanna be married to a woman who doesn't love me or hasn't loved me for a while now. I also have NO money to spend, I am financially crippled now.

So what's the next step? Please help.

The marriage is over. Why do you care when you sign the papers? What does your financial situation have to do with it? She will send your things with the divorce papers to sign and then you will be free of her. End of Story.

[chrismanilyn 4]

State to state divorce law can vary...from "waiting times" to who can file and for what basis, etc. IF there's something to fight over (property, children, etc.), then you need to engage legal counsel in the state/county that she will file in. If there's nothing really to fight over, let her spend the $'s to hire the lawyer and just sign what she sends you. Of course, there's all sorts of disclaimers with this advice, but having been through divorce in the US, if the parties can work out the splitting of assets, and as long as children are not involved, it's best to just work it out without lawyers...there's a lot of common sense in the divorce settlement documents that lawyers hope you will just fight over.

Frankly, if it's just "your stuff"...let it all go and sign whatever she sends you. Sounds like you have a blessing in disguise if she has really treated you this way...go find a better one! :-)

[bsd058 296]

May want to talk to a lawyer about the laws pertaining to this. Don't want to mess it up. especially when there's it's international law that is the matter, here. Sometimes your actions can create a legal estoppel and you can't change the past. Better to do it right than to do it quickly. Talk to a lawyer.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you two. I hope you both find real happiness.

FYI - Same exact situation happened to me. Married my wife, moved out west, couldn't get home until a week before my mom's death. It's tough. Just don't give up. The pain is still there, but it gets easier. People told me that before, but I didn't believe them. But it's true.

Edited February 7, 2013 by bsd058

[ndu26 114]

so sorry to hear this. wishing you the best in your decisions.

[MrMadCat 18]

Hey guys thanks for your reply. Yes I know the marriage is over, to someone who stated the obvious. It's not like I said I was going to contest it and make it uber complicated, I just wondered how a no-fault divorce works internationally with divorce, since I thought there could be problems that pop up due to the whole separation thing. As for financial stuff, if due to it being an international divorce it gets complicated, I have absolutely no fees or funds to put into it to move it along, so that will be her problem if she wants a speedy divorce. As for everyone else who gave advice, thank you. I'm very thankful. I guess I will just let her send the papers and see how it works out, I'll sign then send back, and if it goes wrong and they want to mess about over there then there's not much I can do.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

Hey guys thanks for your reply. Yes I know the marriage is over, to someone who stated the obvious. It's not like I said I was going to contest it and make it uber complicated, I just wondered how a no-fault divorce works internationally with divorce, since I thought there could be problems that pop up due to the whole separation thing. As for financial stuff, if due to it being an international divorce it gets complicated, I have absolutely no fees or funds to put into it to move it along, so that will be her problem if she wants a speedy divorce. As for everyone else who gave advice, thank you. I'm very thankful. I guess I will just let her send the papers and see how it works out, I'll sign then send back, and if it goes wrong and they want to mess about over there then there's not much I can do.

Very good thinking.

[Villanelle 4,121]

Divorce laws vary by state. According to your icon you list your local office as PA. For PA if you have mutual consent divorce all thats required is that both parties sign a paper saying they wish to be divorced, they submit it to the court and 90 days later the court divorces them. Its that simple. In your papers you submit it lists how things are going to be divided.(like youre responsible for X bill and shes responsible for Y bill, she gets the car, you get the yacht) Or it will say something like all assets/property have been divided already, the parties have no joint debts etc.

So you need to speak with her and decide what you want to do. If you want her to send you all your stuff first, have her send all your stuff first. Or have her send all your stuff with the papers. Or sign the papers and trust that shes going to send you your stuff afterwards.

If you dont sign the mutual consent papers-

You have to live apart for 1 year before the divorce can be granted on the grounds of 'fault'. She can file now, but it wont be granted for 1 year. Or 2 years for the grounds of Irretrievable Breakdown.

(this is only if you live in PA- or rather she lives in PA. You must file for divorce based on where you live.)

[MrMadCat 18]

Thanks capri, that's exactly what I wanted to know, I have talked to her and she is going to send them with my stuff. Can't wait to be out of this marriage and I think she too, so it should hopefully be a simple process.

[TBoneTX 43,411]

Good luck to you, amigo. Be sure that you get at least one and preferably two certified duplicates of the eventual divorce certificate.

[Benediction 15]

So sorry to hear this my friend. Bless you both...

[sherryandyashpal 7]

Thanks capri, that's exactly what I wanted to know, I have talked to her and she is going to send them with my stuff. Can't wait to be out of this marriage and I think she too, so it should hopefully be a simple process.

Sorry to hear abt your situation and abt your mom, hope all will go smoothly whatever you decide.