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Beauty for Ashes

Met someone

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I met a Moroccan man. He is a US citizen with 2 kids and my age and he likes me. Nothing has happened yet but he told me he wants to start dating me and cares for me. This is after 4 solid years with a man that I brought over here who abused the ####### out of me who I recently had to go through hell to divorce....I have had sex one time in over a year...so you can imagine how much pain is stored up inside me. He hasnt dated (the moroccan man) in 2 years !

Did I mention that he came over here with the lottery and was used by a Moroccan woman for papers?She met him over here and after they had 2 kids, told him she never loved him and just wanted citizenship.. ..

I wrote him a poem. ..nothing has happened yet but hes very sweet and seems to want to just spend time with me talking and sharing our lives...Who knows if anything will happen? Anything at all. I am just glad I didnt kill myself over my ex because he sure made me feel horrible....

Wish me luck..

Heres the poem I wrote him....

morphine

And I saw you

In the glimpse of a photograph

And all the lies I told myself were shattered

Your lips, softer than the darkest sleep with morphine

And eyes that pierce me and tease me and say

Hey lonely girl

Your broken body

I know you are not what you were when you were young

But I can take you there baby

I can give you my own morphine

The moroccan brand

And kiss away your terror

The nights you lay alone and the days you cried

Will float away somewhere far

Like a drug induced sleep

And the scars, my baby.. I will kiss them you seem to say to me

And take you somewhere darker and softer..than either of us wanted or imagined

Love is not quite what I feel for you.. although it might come, on softer steps

Its a dark hallway

a moroccan night

jasmine in the air

its your kiss

Yours hands in my hair, casawi

I want to get drunk on your scent and hold your hands and be on my kneess

and be drunk your your morphine...the man with his feet propped against the wall....the man who I missed but did not know him

give me your shoulder

and I will hold on tight my darling

give me your mouth and I will bury it in my cold longing Irish skin

dance with me, between the breaths..and the moments I steal from you to be with you

My obsession...my morphine....with brown eyes that drug me....and a face that sends me somewhere far away..

I adore you..

My morphine..my shoulder

Edited by Beauty for Ashes

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Well... piercing brown eyes and already-a-citizen aside, maybe you should give yourself some time to fully get over what just ended before you start something new. Rebound relationships don't have such a great success rate. Nothing wrong with being friends, I guess... but what's the rush to get your still-healing heart all tangled up again so quickly ?

HAHAHHA

I thought it was ridiculous too..

Well heres the back story.

About 3 years ago, he decided to stop ( the man I married) have any affection towards me and any time I would reach to touch him told me I was ugly, didnt love me and woulc cheat on me. Started telling people he was single just about every single place he went. In a span of 3 years, I have had sex I think maybe 4 times? Refused to divorce me as I sobbed....beat the living ###### out of me untii my mother threatened him with cops..

I dont even really know this guy.. I am just making ###### up in my mind and shared it with you because the absolute horror of being a sexually loving and passionate woman and being used, abused and neglected and then screwed for a greencard almost caused me to take my life. I am glad I can have ANY FEELINGS towards ANY MAN much less a cat, just amazed me. I havent even been on a date.. I think I am just imagining all kinds of things

I think once, if ever I have loving sex with SOMEONE NOT HELL BENT ON EITHER TAKING CITIZENSHIP OR A GREENCARD FROM ME, Ill have a quiet epiphany!

#justsharingmyridiculousnessafteryearsofnosexandaffectionandbeingusedforagreencard!

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Well... piercing brown eyes and already-a-citizen aside, maybe you should give yourself some time to fully get over what just ended before you start something new. Rebound relationships don't have such a great success rate. Nothing wrong with being friends, I guess... but what's the rush to get your still-healing heart all tangled up again so quickly ?

By the way you are RIGHT and I am very sure this is not going anywhere. I just write things I imagine in my mind.. ( And as you can see my imagination is pretty damn fertile by the way...I am just trying to somehow piece back the pieces of my life together. Its nice for ANYONE to care about you after so many years of abuse and maltreatment.

I met him at the hospital in the waiting room waiting for an IV treatment for my illness. He has auto immune too and takes a similar medicine... Hes just a really nice guy and I thought the whole situation was very ironic

I still love my ex and I dont know if i will EVER recover from what happened. Its so hard when you really love someone and they just used you. My health is just so poor right now and my heart is so broken. My face swells from my kidneys. My walking is labored. My lungs fail. I lost my smile, my sparkle, my dreams. I even stopped writing. Morphine and another short story are really my first ventures in years...The reality is I might just be too sick to EVER have a life again... I used to be a vibrant, happy person when I first went to see my ex and after the things he did, which I would have NEVER believed another human being could do to another person, my health imploded. I got my house back. Hes much quieter now. I guess the rage of using another person coupled with the tears in my eyes, wanting to escape for the last 3 years unleashed the nasty in him. I dont know if I will ever let the rage out inside.. But the fact that I see any kind of glimmer of sex, hope, rebirth or survival is what kills me. How much time is appropriate to grieve. I went through the unthinkable four years ago and I havent heard the words I love you or had my hand held in as long. I can honestly tell you, I dont remember the last time my hand was held or my face was kissed. I havent had a kiss on the lips in 2 years..I think its ok if I dream about something...I think its ok if I let that pain go....

Edited by Beauty for Ashes

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There is no set time period for grieving - sometimes it takes a while. But a good sign that you're healing is when you no longer think of that guy every day, and what he did to you and how he ruined your life.


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It's time to start dating when you don't Have inside you feelings and anger toward your ex husband anymore.You don't have to forgive him,but you have to forget tho. Once you look inside yourself and see a person ready to date then go out there to fish. After a while if you think he is the one take some time, at least 2 years to think to get married again,in the meantime have fun!. I just noticed that most of the people date 1 year or not even,see each other 2,3 times and get married I feel disturbing that. Some couples dated 2 years or more and sometimes ended in divorce but of course the chances will increase to know the person better if you date the person 1 year or 2 and see the person often.I don't understand why people rush to get married with someone they barelly see or know them,but in your case when you feel ready to date then go to date and take your time .Find out how involved this guy is in his children lives,how often he sees them,because if he is not a good father he can't be a good person.

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I agree with WOM about giving yourself some time. From what you've shared in this forum, the men you get involved with aren't good for you and the commom denominator in each relationship is you. Give yourself time to discover why you keep choosing toxic men. Having citizenship doesn't mean the guy can't be toxic or a user. I don't know if you're in therapy but maybe it would do some good to help find out what pattern you're following in choosing men? And I don't mean MENA guys, in general. Just because you haven't had a healthy and loving relationship in years doesn't mean you're 100 percent over it and ready to move on. Sad to say but the chances of a new relationship being healthy this soon are very slim. I wouldn't even advise you to have dinner or casual sex at this point. A sex toy would serve you better if sex is what you need. I'm saying this as someone who cares. I'd hate to see you travel down the same road you've been traveling down.

Ugh typos, please excuse. This phone kinda sucks sometimes. :)

Oh you are totally right.. and I cannot see myself seriously dating this guy, I think I am just trying to forget what happened to me..

The whole sex toy would work out if it could cook for me :whistle:

It's time to start dating when you don't Have inside you feelings and anger toward your ex husband anymore.You don't have to forgive him,but you have to forget tho. Once you look inside yourself and see a person ready to date then go out there to fish. After a while if you think he is the one take some time, at least 2 years to think to get married again,in the meantime have fun!. I just noticed that most of the people date 1 year or not even,see each other 2,3 times and get married I feel disturbing that. Some couples dated 2 years or more and sometimes ended in divorce but of course the chances will increase to know the person better if you date the person 1 year or 2 and see the person often.I don't understand why people rush to get married with someone they barelly see or know them,but in your case when you feel ready to date then go to date and take your time .Find out how involved this guy is in his children lives,how often he sees them,because if he is not a good father he can't be a good person.

I cannot see myself getting married again. I would like to go out to "dinner" sometime with someone who cared about me and spent time with me.

I am very very very very hurt by my ex but now its more I just want to forget

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Learn to enjoy life again on your own or with very good friends and family. There is so much for a singleton to do and enjoy. As much as you have seen the sham and ugly side of life, there is still so much beauty around to see and enjoy on your own. Depending on whats out there, join some groups like choirs, dancing classes, art or whatever takes your fancy. Embrace the single life and have fun,fun, fun. Along with it will come happiness, laughter and everything else. (F) (F) (F)


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Learn to enjoy life again on your own or with very good friends and family. There is so much for a singleton to do and enjoy. As much as you have seen the sham and ugly side of life, there is still so much beauty around to see and enjoy on your own. Depending on whats out there, join some groups like choirs, dancing classes, art or whatever takes your fancy. Embrace the single life and have fun,fun, fun. Along with it will come happiness, laughter and everything else. (F) (F) (F)

I miss being innocent... and just believing in the best of people...

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I miss being innocent... and just believing in the best of people...

You're really brave to share such details, may this experience makes you stronger, and just to remind you that nobody on earth is protected from experiencing times of heartaches and sorrow, i pray for your health to improve as well as your emotions, it's just a phase, and as long as you share your feelings with positive people you can heal and have your vitality back, you seem to be a person of integrity and values. The last time i had physical intimacy was with my wife in Dec 2010, we've been maintaining long distance marriage/relationship since then. We both will keep you in our prayers, stay strong.

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Kat, you're not allowed to date anyone who has not been thoroughly vetted by the VJ MENA crew.

It's for your own good.

:innocent:

Do I have to set up phone interviews?

Kat, you have been through He!!. All the advice I would like to give is do what makes you happy. Life is to short. Just take your time, (baby steps) Wish you all the best.

Meriem (F)

Thank you honey. I havent dont ANYTHING yet. Maybe that is why I came here to talk about it. I am not like these girls who got hurt who got right on the internet and flew somewhere. Seriously, I havent had a deep longing kiss in 5 years.

I was a very decent friend and wife to my ex and he did get papers from me and stability. I am sad I did not get anything in return but I am not mad at him..

I just want to find my own little piece of the sky after more than 4 years of crying..

You're really brave to share such details, may this experience makes you stronger, and just to remind you that nobody on earth is protected from experiencing times of heartaches and sorrow, i pray for your health to improve as well as your emotions, it's just a phase, and as long as you share your feelings with positive people you can heal and have your vitality back, you seem to be a person of integrity and values. The last time i had physical intimacy was with my wife in Dec 2010, we've been maintaining long distance marriage/relationship since then. We both will keep you in our prayers, stay strong.

I dont know if its bravery or if I am just returning to the scene of the crime to understand myself and my heart a whole lot better.. Strange I know...Necessary, YES...Normal.. I dont know what normal is anymore!

Kat, you're not allowed to date anyone who has not been thoroughly vetted by the VJ MENA crew.

It's for your own good.

:innocent:

Dont offer because Ill put your #### on skype!

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I agree with WOM about giving yourself some time. From what you've shared in this forum, the men you get involved with aren't good for you and the commom denominator in each relationship is you. Give yourself time to discover why you keep choosing toxic men. Having citizenship doesn't mean the guy can't be toxic or a user. I don't know if you're in therapy but maybe it would do some good to help find out what pattern you're following in choosing men? And I don't mean MENA guys, in general. Just because you haven't had a healthy and loving relationship in years doesn't mean you're 100 percent over it and ready to move on. Sad to say but the chances of a new relationship being healthy this soon are very slim. I wouldn't even advise you to have dinner or casual sex at this point. A sex toy would serve you better if sex is what you need. I'm saying this as someone who cares. I'd hate to see you travel down the same road you've been traveling down.

Ugh typos, please excuse. This phone kinda sucks sometimes. :)

And I really agree with you.. The last super great relationship I had was with an Algerian 7 years ago but for family reasons he had to go home and broke up...Its not a nationality thing. I just find myself attracted and comfortable with North African people.. I am sure I am NOT ALONE here...I dont want to be racist against them because I was hurt but I dont need to be a fetishist about either like Mithra says LOL

If the sex toy cooks, Ill consider it

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