Failed Marriage/Marriage Fraud Suspected

[aNEWchapter 1]

Abuse is a terrible thing that no person should experience. But Marriage fraud is a separate issue. Its unfortunate the OP doesn't want to respond further because I feel like the original post is actually NOT helpful at all. And I believe she genuinely wanted to be. The post makes sweeping and negative generalizations about Moroccan men, but offers no insight as to the "red flags" she encountered, or the "intuition" she wishes she'd listened to in regard to the "fraud" part of the relationship. Those things would be productive and possibly helpful, as opposed to insulting to the many American women here happily married to good, sincere Moroccan men.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I just don't like when people blame or stereotype an entire group, instead of blaming the individual people actually involved. Its like people saying Muslims have very "high instances" of terrorism because of the stories they've seen in the news about Muslim terrorists. Its ridiculous!

I am sorry for the pain the OP must be going through. Heartbreak and betrayal are some of the most painful experiences there are - its like dying a slow painful death, but being forced to keep living. Its terrible. I empathize. But I just think most people in love are so swooned, that generic "fraud warnings" and negative generalizations, born of personal hurt, will always fall on deaf ears and are counter-productive. That include the generic warnings of the US State Department. Specific personal instances of suspicious "fraud" behavior being described, and/or specific foreboding intuative thoughts a person had, might resonate and prove helpful. Maybe.

People are not prone to fraud because of their country of origin, or level of poverty - people are prone to fraud because of their lack of a moral compass...and that's really what all men and women should be "aware of" in any relationship....not the country their loved one comes from.

Thank you for your feedback. Adams/Michelle

Edited December 5, 2012 by Forgivingascammer

[aNEWchapter 1]

I will force my daughter/s to read "Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft, before I will let them marry. This book opened my eyes on so many levels to subtleties and patterns that I didn't use to recognize. It helped me see the faulty train of thought I had before in judging people. These abusers and users are clever. They are masters at manipulation. They may have even lied to themselves so much that they actually believe some of the bull that comes out of their mouths. Once you know what to look for though, its just about impossible to miss.

No one falls in love with the nasty side of a man/woman-- the abuser knows how to lay on the sweetness when being sweet gets him/her what he/she wants. I think that reading a book such as the one above can help you spot such a personality even from a distance relationship. Its not foolproof, and the newborn love can definitely make judgement cloudy.

Thank you so very much for this information. Michelle

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Someone please tell me what is a troll when referring to it here in VJ?

Destiny - Troll: In Internet slang, a troll (play /ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is someone who posts inflammatory,[1] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[2] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[3] The noun troll may refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."

While the word troll and its associated verb trolling are associated with Internet discourse, media attention in recent years has made such labels subjective, with trolling describing intentionally provocative actions and harassment outside of an online context. For example, mass media has used troll to describe "a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families."

[Sandra G. 5,021]

We know there are several Countries to get a visa to Usa is damn hard because of the number of scammers and Maroccan is part of the list.

[Tracy Lyn 3]

I agree Morocco has a high rate of fraud. There are many countries tho that are rated highly, Morocco is just one of them. I do think you got a bad man. He may have been really trying to have a marriage with you but was unable to control his temper and of course the secretive way he acted was bad too. I am so sorry that you were abused and hurt by him. This happens in every culture and religion and it is never to be excused. I know of many couples that are or have been in Moroccan/American fraud relationships and I know of a coupe abusers as well. I wish you could post more about what red flags you had and what intuition you felt and ignored. This would be helpful to many women.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I agree Morocco has a high rate of fraud. There are many countries tho that are rated highly, Morocco is just one of them. I do think you got a bad man. He may have been really trying to have a marriage with you but was unable to control his temper and of course the secretive way he acted was bad too. I am so sorry that you were abused and hurt by him. This happens in every culture and religion and it is never to be excused. I know of many couples that are or have been in Moroccan/American fraud relationships and I know of a coupe abusers as well. I wish you could post more about what red flags you had and what intuition you felt and ignored. This would be helpful to many women.

First off why is Morocco known as a high risk country? There is a reason for that. Secondly there are major differences on how other cultures and religions perceive a woman's role in marriage and life for that matter. Islam along with MENA culture has about zero in common with the secular West. I mean let's call a horse a horse.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Bad_Daddy

[Tracy Lyn 3]

First off why is Morocco known as a high risk country? There is a reason for that. Secondly there are major differences on how other cultures and religions perceive a woman's role in marriage and life for that matter. Islam along with MENA culture has about zero in common with the secular West. I mean let's call a horse a horse.

Islam actually says to treat the women kindly and not to beat her or hit her. So yeah they have many things in common with the "secular west"

I am not sure what you are trying to say exactly. The idea that violence should never be tolerated is one that is worldwide. It is not a western idea exclusively. Just because she married a Moroccan man does not mean he has the right to beat her. I am confused with what you are trying to say.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Islam actually says to treat the women kindly and not to beat her or hit her. So yeah they have many things in common with the "secular west"

No they do not have much in common, and only a person who fell off yesterday's boxcar would buy into that.

I am not sure what you are trying to say exactly. The idea that violence should never be tolerated is one that is worldwide. It is not a western idea exclusively. Just because she married a Moroccan man does not mean he has the right to beat her. I am confused with what you are trying to say.

Agreed. No person has the right to hit another person unless it is in self defense.

[mounir412 101]

I am sorry that has happened to you

[Mithra 1,185]

What Islam says and what some so-called Muslims do are two different things. Also, MENA culture usually dictates behavior moreso than Islam.

I don't think anyone is saying he had the right to beat his wife.

Islam actually says to treat the women kindly and not to beat her or hit her. So yeah they have many things in common with the "secular west"

I am not sure what you are trying to say exactly. The idea that violence should never be tolerated is one that is worldwide. It is not a western idea exclusively. Just because she married a Moroccan man does not mean he has the right to beat her. I am confused with what you are trying to say.

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

First off why is Morocco known as a high risk country? There is a reason for that. Secondly there are major differences on how other cultures and religions perceive a woman's role in marriage and life for that matter. Islam along with MENA culture has about zero in common with the secular West. I mean let's call a horse a horse.

Don't be a troll. There are plenty of secular Muslims, but they either live in cultures that are secular or wish they did. I agree with Mithra that it is more about culture than religion. If you live in a traditional society, you are probably going to have traditional values. For example (albeit an extreme one): FGM - a North African practice - not an Islamic practice.

I'm not arguing live and let live here. Any culture that allows or does nothing to challenge abuse is wrong and must be reformed, preferably by the more enlightened members of said culture because they are more likely to have an impact.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Sarah and Adnan

[Ontarkie 13,941]

Closed for review

[Kathryn41 3,205]

After review this thread will remain closed. The OP offered a post based upon personal experience as a warning for others who may be involved with someone from what is considered a high fraud country by the US government. She did not post to be judged nor to have the thread turn into a debate about the social and religious environments that are involved. She does not need to share with anyone 'how her relationship began' as if it were a topic of casual conversation. As the OP has explained her situation and offered her words of caution, and as the topic now seems to be straying 'off course' it will remain closed to further discussion. If the OP wishes to restart this topic for discussion, she may without prejudice - but only she has that right.