Wife with green card wants to leave and go home (divorce)

[Mr. Musty 0]

I am US CItizen

Wife is Japanese

Arrived 7 months ago. Married 5.

Received her green card.

We get in fights all the time. Now she wants to leave and go back home. What do I do? Please help.

[rhein 451]

Do you love her? How about going to counseling?

[aaron2020 11,651]

Are you asking for relationship advice? Or an immigration issue?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

As this is an immigration forum I will answer in regards to immigration. She can retain her GC but unless she returns before a year is up they will revoke her LPR status (without a re-entry permit, 2 years with a re-entry permit).

she can return the GC to the US embassy in Japan when she returns to give up her LPR status. This will cancel any responsibilities under the I-864.

Divorce wise, your state laws will determine whether you can both just sign a piece of paper, or whether there are other requirements before you can divorce (a separation period for example). Talk to her about mailing her the divorce paperwork, or signing it before she leaves.

Either pay for her one-way flight home, or don't. Up to you. Personally I would drive her to the nearest USCIS and give up the GC (though I'd be a little worried they thought you were making her) and then drive her to the airport where you'd bought her a ticket home.

[Jahwaree 83]

Do you love each other ? compromise is the name of the game especially with 2 different cultures, try counselling, and remember why you all

wanted to be together in the first place, try harder talk to her outsied the home at the park, coffee shop, treat her like a date it takes 3

[Mr. Musty 0]

Yes. I'm sorry, I meant it in the immigration aspect. Since I've never been divorced nor thought about it, I don't know where to start. And especially since she is an immigrant with a green card. I live in Michigan so I will need to research that on my own, I guess. Unless someone here knows. I know nothing about what to do, what to sign, where to go, do you need a lawyer, how are assets split up on a < 1 year marriage? All the details that make it more difficult.

We still love each other very much. But we just get in fights all the time and it's been very negative and taking its toll. I don't want to split up. I want to work things out.

I am actually already seeing a therapist. She refuses to see one or go to counseling with me. Which is a problem.

We are doing our best to make it work and we do remember why we care about each other, but it's just so volatile sometimes. It casts a shadow on what wer're trying to build. And I fear it will tear us down.

I am just looking for suggestions and information on the process in case it needs to be done. It was really bad yesterday, hence the posting. She was packing bags and asking for a ticket. Not anymore now.

I thank you all for your responses.

[Moomin 292]

Ofcourse is could just be that you aren't meant to be. But speaking from experience, it takes quite some time to adjust. I've never packed my suitcases or threatened to leave however I've felt that I didn't belong every- and anytime things were going not that great. I still feel that way more than a year after arriving because there are cultural differences no matter where in the world the forign fiance(e) or spouse originates from(I'm the foreign spouse btw). Supporting each other definitely helps but it's tough when arguing.

Have you tried to ask each other if you could imagine life without each other and what you'd be doing? If you come to the conclusion that you're not willing to part ways, then you need to get back on the same path. And if you can't do that without professional help, it's not like giving up by inviting someone in to help you.

My family dog used to act up before any human was able to detect a ligtning. 5 minutes before, he'd be in a corner trying to climb the walls. We didn't understand it before the thunder started and then the lightning. He felt the static electricity in the air before the rest of us. We eventually learnt to look at the behaviour and caught most of it before he went crazy. My point is that you can do the same before you both become offensive and before you both start wearing a heavy armour and always be in defense mode. Catch it before you end up arguing, fighting or yelling on a daily basis. Right now, my husband asks me about 10 times a day what mood I'm in. It seems silly however it does seem to work better. He's interested in the answer because he's not interested in fighting and not having asked : ). I have no-one to blame if I'm not honest when he's asking.

That being said - if you head for divorce, there's a 60 days cooling off period before divorce is ranted is Michigan if it's a no-fault divorce. Here's a somewhat simple faq; http://michiganlegalhelp.org/self-help-tools/family/i-need-divorce-and-i-do-not-have-minor-children but please consult with a lawyer if you want specific questions answered. WHen divorce is final, she can leave the US(or before) and either abandon her residency or hand in the greencard at a US embassy in her home country.

Edited November 19, 2012 by moomin