Cheating Husband

[BSquared 9]

Hi everyone,

I was hoping someone could help here...

I have a friend who is doing her ROC in August 2013 and she has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her since early 2011 (he set up a private email address and hooked up with people).

She lives in North Carolina and the law there says that they must go through a year's separation prior to getting a divorce. Does anyone know is there is a way around this since she has proof of his cheating?

Aren't there only 2 boxes on the form for ROC; married & divorced? Can she check married and if he doesn't show up, due to the separation, will she be penalized? What options does she have?

Other details:

1. She has been living in the US for several year and they have been together since 2009.

2. Her chances of having an interview are high as she overstayed her J Visa prior to the two of them marrying.

Thanks in advance!

[TBoneTX 43,061]

*** Thread moved from ROC forum to Effects of Major Changes forum, as more appropriate location for this topic. ***

[VanessaTony 3,567]

She should find out what is required to start the "separation period" or what is determined as part of the separation period (perhaps the cheating will be counted as an emotional separation but I doubt it). I suggest she see a family law attorney for that. Honestly that part she needs help with.

In regards to immigration, if she files as married and he doesn't come to the interview she could be denied... but what she SHOULD do is ask at the interview to change it to a divorce/waiver filing and she will get an RFE for the decree and she will reply to the RFE with the decree when she gets it.

Basically move on with her life and file for divorce asap (if that is her choice). Immigration should be fine as long as she has the proof of bonafide marriage stuff (prior to the separation/divorce).

[AF-Wife 181]

If your divorce is based on adultery, you don't have to be separated for a certain amount of time. She just needs to make sure to have proof when thu have to go infront of the judge, a lot of people try this route, even of there was no cheating, to get divorced faster. Also, the official separation begins when she or he moves out. Good luck!

[BSquared 9]

If your divorce is based on adultery, you don't have to be separated for a certain amount of time. She just needs to make sure to have proof when thu have to go infront of the judge, a lot of people try this route, even of there was no cheating, to get divorced faster. Also, the official separation begins when she or he moves out. Good luck!

Does this apply is NC specifically or in any state? Is there a way to look this up or simply to consult a lawyer..? (Also, this is in regards to my & Benjamin's friend.) Thank you for your help. :-)

[BSquared 9]

She should find out what is required to start the "separation period" or what is determined as part of the separation period (perhaps the cheating will be counted as an emotional separation but I doubt it). I suggest she see a family law attorney for that. Honestly that part she needs help with.

In regards to immigration, if she files as married and he doesn't come to the interview she could be denied... but what she SHOULD do is ask at the interview to change it to a divorce/waiver filing and she will get an RFE for the decree and she will reply to the RFE with the decree when she gets it.

Basically move on with her life and file for divorce asap (if that is her choice). Immigration should be fine as long as she has the proof of bonafide marriage stuff (prior to the separation/divorce).

I warned her that if she marked married and he didn't show she could be denied; thank you for the additional information pertaining to the RFE. How long would she have to reply to the RFE and submit the decree? She does want a divorce, she just wasn't sure how she could pass her interview if she wasn't officially divorced this time next year.

Thanks so much for your help.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I warned her that if she marked married and he didn't show she could be denied; thank you for the additional information pertaining to the RFE. How long would she have to reply to the RFE and submit the decree? She does want a divorce, she just wasn't sure how she could pass her interview if she wasn't officially divorced this time next year.

Thanks so much for your help.

It's unlikely she would be denied, but it's still possible. Here's a memo about it: http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/2009/i-751_Filed_%20Prior_Termination_3apr09.pdf

she would have 87 days from the RFE to supply it. If she doesn't have it in time she would be denied and sent before an immigration judge who would order USCIS to wait until the decree is available and then process her ROC once it's available. Not really as scary as it sounds (so I'm told).

she should be okay as long as she has relationship evidence and all that. She's not the first, nor the last to be in this position.

[Operator 1,925]

Regarding the grounds for divorce in NC (Where I live and have been divorced)

You do not need to be separated for one year but rather you can get divorced if you live separate and apart for one year. Most go this way because its easy.

Below is NC general statute regarding grounds: Check out #6

§ 50‑7. Grounds for divorce from bed and board.

The court may grant divorces from bed and board on application of the party injured, made as by law provided, in the following cases if either party:

(1) Abandons his or her family.

(2) Maliciously turns the other out of doors.

(3) By cruel or barbarous treatment endangers the life of the other. In addition, the court may grant the victim of such treatment the remedies available under G.S. 50B‑1, et seq.

(4) Offers such indignities to the person of the other as to render his or her condition intolerable and life burdensome.

(5) Becomes an excessive user of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and the life of that spouse burdensome.

(6) Commits adultery. <a name="HistoryNote">(1871‑2, c. 193, s. 36; Code, s. 1286; Rev., s. 1562; C.S., s. 1660; 1967, c. 1152, s. 7; 1971, c. 1185, s. 22; 1979, c. 561, s. 5; 1985, c. 574, ss. 1, 2.)

[AF-Wife 181]

Does this apply is NC specifically or in any state? Is there a way to look this up or simply to consult a lawyer..? (Also, this is in regards to my & Benjamin's friend.) Thank you for your help. :-)

It's always somebody's friend but it doesn't matter. The poster above provided you information. as far as i know, divorcing on adultery (if you have grounds) is faster in any state. Just make sure to provide evidence. Your friend can hire a lawyer or do it herself. Doesn't matter .... I've seen people divorcing based on adultery and they did it without a lawyer, it's not much harder than filling out immigration paperwork. But that really only works if they don't fight about kids or money.

[BSquared 9]

It's always somebody's friend but it doesn't matter. The poster above provided you information. as far as i know, divorcing on adultery (if you have grounds) is faster in any state. Just make sure to provide evidence. Your friend can hire a lawyer or do it herself. Doesn't matter .... I've seen people divorcing based on adultery and they did it without a lawyer, it's not much harder than filling out immigration paperwork. But that really only works if they don't fight about kids or money.

Thanks for the advice... and the winking face is completely unnecessary. Benjamin and I are not married yet, as much as I would love to be. Unfortunately, he is still in New Zealand. You may think what you want; I need not tell you my personal life. She does have a daughter, but I'm sure they can work something out as far as she is concerned. Again, thanks for your help... and I'll pretend like you weren't accusing me of lying. ;-)

Edited September 30, 2012 by BSquared

[BSquared 9]

Regarding the grounds for divorce in NC (Where I live and have been divorced)

You do not need to be separated for one year but rather you can get divorced if you live separate and apart for one year. Most go this way because its easy.

Below is NC general statute regarding grounds: Check out #6

§ 50‑7. Grounds for divorce from bed and board.

The court may grant divorces from bed and board on application of the party injured, made as by law provided, in the following cases if either party:

(1) Abandons his or her family.

(2) Maliciously turns the other out of doors.

(3) By cruel or barbarous treatment endangers the life of the other. In addition, the court may grant the victim of such treatment the remedies available under G.S. 50B‑1, et seq.

(4) Offers such indignities to the person of the other as to render his or her condition intolerable and life burdensome.

(5) Becomes an excessive user of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and the life of that spouse burdensome.

(6) Commits adultery. <a name="HistoryNote">(1871‑2, c. 193, s. 36; Code, s. 1286; Rev., s. 1562; C.S., s. 1660; 1967, c. 1152, s. 7; 1971, c. 1185, s. 22; 1979, c. 561, s. 5; 1985, c. 574, ss. 1, 2.)

Thank you so much for the post. I will be sure to let her know. :-) I'm sure she will be relieved that she won't need to wait the year. Thanks again.

[BSquared 9]

It's unlikely she would be denied, but it's still possible. Here's a memo about it: http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/2009/i-751_Filed_%20Prior_Termination_3apr09.pdf

she would have 87 days from the RFE to supply it. If she doesn't have it in time she would be denied and sent before an immigration judge who would order USCIS to wait until the decree is available and then process her ROC once it's available. Not really as scary as it sounds (so I'm told).

she should be okay as long as she has relationship evidence and all that. She's not the first, nor the last to be in this position.

Sounds like something I would never want to experience... (although, I am the USC). She is scared of a denial and not being able to take her daughter, so I'm sure she'll feel better knowing that there is a chance either way. Thanks.

[AF-Wife 181]

Thanks for the advice... and the winking face is completely unnecessary. Benjamin and I are not married yet, as much as I would love to be. Unfortunately, he is still in New Zealand. You may think what you want; I need not tell you my personal life. She does have a daughter, but I'm sure they can work something out as far as she is concerned. Again, thanks for your help... and I'll pretend like you weren't accusing me of lying. ;-)

I have you advice and you attack me. That's not how you talk to people that are trying to help you. I have a lot of insight information on cases like this, but I decide to not interact with you any further because of your rudeness! Sitting in the glasshouse and throwing stones ... Look at your smiliyface. You read way to much into mine!

[Sandra G. 5,016]

Adultery can serve as grounds for divorce in North Carolina(North Carolina Statutes - Chapter 50 - Sections: 50-5.1 and 50-6).

Edited October 3, 2012 by sandranj