cooking

[Philwithlove 17]

Darren, my husband loves to cook on weekends as his way of being "sweet and loving husband" to me. Consider it and for sure, gretchen will love you more.

When visiting with other filipinas, although we dont talk tagalog that much, talking in any dialect/languages is no big deal for my husband. It's my bonding time with fellow filipinos and it's a break for "nose-bleeding talking in full english". LOL. Besides, American husbands of filipinas have their own crowd too. They go visit, have some beer and talk about their filipina wives too. LOL.

Next time you go visit with the visayan friends of gretchen, visit with the american husband, offer him some drink and with that, problem solved!

[JoBri 545]

I do all the cooking. My wife doesn't know how to cook much and doesn't like to cook. She does cook Curry Chicken occasionally, and she makes egg rolls occasionally, but we are talking about maybe half a dozen times in a year, if lucky. And she makes oatmeal for all of us for breakfast on the rare times in the summer when she is home for breakfast. Other than that it is ME who does the cooking, and we are both happy with that. And, I might also add, it is me who cleans up all the mess afterward, which is fine with me since I am the one who seems to be the clean freak.

When she was pregnant, odors of food really nauseated her, so give her a break during pregnancy at least.

Otherwise, cooking is not a big issue...... So many more serious things in life to be concerned about.... especially for you with a new baby on the way.

I should stress the reasons I post on here are to help me with my wife. the cooking and throwing out of food bothers me (besides reading with the kids at night when we have them here).... cooking very, very much (just one of those childhood things)

the cooking bothers me because of my ex, and how II had to make my own meals with my ex the last few years of marriage.... it sometimes had me "feeling" like I am still married to my ex. I am trying to get over this by reminding myself of other things with asawa ko. Plus trying to find a way to talk it over with her, realizing this may just be pregnancy related right now, or may be something I need to deal with.... but don't know how much relates to pregnancy since I do not know how much American food she likes.

I am drifting back to watching more cooking shows again... I just don't know if it is for her benefit or for mine.

I notice a LOT of visayan conversation at the family home to the point of exclusion of the Americans there. (there are just 2 Americans there, me plus the other guy.) I know he gets extremely frustrated because of it. Me, I am learning visayan so they cannot shut me out of the conversations....

[gretchen_darren 67]

AS some have pointed out on here, the cooking may just be odors she does not like, or things she has not yet learned to cook. I have tried to cook meals for her, but a lot of times she just turns it down. I don't know if it is because of pregnancy or just adjustment. She has her own food she cooks. I used to cook meals for both of us, hoping she might try it, like it, or whatever... now I just basically cook for me and the boys. I try to learn what she is cooking as well, but most of the time it makes me sick to my stomach just to smell it which may also be the same with American food to her.

I am not asking her to submit to me like someone asked.... submission is not what you ask of your spouse. (I just don't want to go into that ....too many opinions without anyone being right)

I am not stressing the cooking, I am stressing mostly the "raw" uncooked food or food left in the fridge not eaten.. being thrown out... Maybe because of her never having a fridge before...or knowing how to store food...I do help out. I try to point out food being thrown out, but also not "rant and rave" about it either. I just make a note to buy less, or keep in the freezer until I am certain to need it. I do try to cut down on food being purchased. Yes, I am going nuts from missing the "oven cooked", "pressure cooker" and "crock-pot foods"....If I made a meat loaf, pot roast, etc.... most of it would go to waste if I did not eat it daily after making it....

I do cook a lot of food. How much did she cook at home, I just don't know. Her mom did much of the cooking from what I remember. Did she help out? I don't know because in the beginning the kitchen was outside and small, then the next 2 times, the kitchen was another room where lots of Filipinas gathered.

Learning the language is for the family home and back home in the village. I don't mind them speaking visayan when they want to. But I don't want to go back to visit her area without being able to communicate well. There is only one other american in the family home... there are many, many filipinos...I know he tries to have them speak english as much as possible, but they continue speaking visayan anyway. There are very, very, very few group gatherings I go to where there are "other" American husbands. (some I may not know about because they tell my wife, and she does not inform me she wants to go.)

[aaydrian 479]

AS some have pointed out on here, the cooking may just be odors she does not like, or things she has not yet learned to cook. I have tried to cook meals for her, but a lot of times she just turns it down. I don't know if it is because of pregnancy or just adjustment. She has her own food she cooks. I used to cook meals for both of us, hoping she might try it, like it, or whatever... now I just basically cook for me and the boys. I try to learn what she is cooking as well, but most of the time it makes me sick to my stomach just to smell it which may also be the same with American food to her.

I am not asking her to submit to me like someone asked.... submission is not what you ask of your spouse. (I just don't want to go into that ....too many opinions without anyone being right)

I am not stressing the cooking, I am stressing mostly the "raw" uncooked food or food left in the fridge not eaten.. being thrown out... Maybe because of her never having a fridge before...or knowing how to store food...I do help out. I try to point out food being thrown out, but also not "rant and rave" about it either. I just make a note to buy less, or keep in the freezer until I am certain to need it. I do try to cut down on food being purchased. Yes, I am going nuts from missing the "oven cooked", "pressure cooker" and "crock-pot foods"....If I made a meat loaf, pot roast, etc.... most of it would go to waste if I did not eat it daily after making it....

I do cook a lot of food. How much did she cook at home, I just don't know. Her mom did much of the cooking from what I remember. Did she help out? I don't know because in the beginning the kitchen was outside and small, then the next 2 times, the kitchen was another room where lots of Filipinas gathered.

Learning the language is for the family home and back home in the village. I don't mind them speaking visayan when they want to. But I don't want to go back to visit her area without being able to communicate well. There is only one other american in the family home... there are many, many filipinos...I know he tries to have them speak english as much as possible, but they continue speaking visayan anyway. There are very, very, very few group gatherings I go to where there are "other" American husbands. (some I may not know about because they tell my wife, and she does not inform me she wants to go.)

I was correct. So okay you have realized that she absolutely refuses to to eat American food but why then buy steaks and make meat loafs then complain it's because of her why you're loosing all this food and money? You need to go buy some cook books, learn how to make well seasoned baked/grilled meat, find a good staple you both like and go eat some vegetables/fruits (everybody loves mangoes, go buy some for Gretchen at the Asian Market).

As for the language, your new family may not find the need to speak English around you and the other guy because it's their relaxation time and it's just the 2 of you and it may seem like a waste of energy esp if they don't speak English well. I understand not wanting to feel left out of convos but if you really want to pick up on this 'secret language' you will, and if they really want you to be a part of the family they will do things to ease you into understanding what they're saying. If you're confident in who you are, trust your wife and have faith in your marriage there will be no need to be paranoid about what they might be talking about.

[B_J 2,752]

I'm starting to think that a lot of these issues should have been realized/discussed before beginning the visa process and getting married.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Really! Want to elaborate!!?

[B_J 2,752]

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

OK, you said you don't know if she cooked before she came here.

I think you should find out.

Because this pretty much explains things.

[moonandsun 16]

My wife ate shrimp heads for 3 months lol. Ate the heads and gave the bodies to the dogs. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I found it odd but funny. Now that she's not prego anymore, she is eating more things here. In fact she will eat just about anything.

I'm supposed to learn Visayan, so I can speak to papa next time we go back to the Phils. Aint gona happen lol. My 1 year old son will know more than me. I have a hard enough time with my own language.

[JoBri 545]

About the only thing I say in Tagalog anymore is "mahal kita", and that is only when we are in public and I try not to embarrass her by saying "I love you" in front of everyone. hehe...

My son is learning more German (from me) than he is learning her language, and I don't speak very good German anymore either. She never speaks to him in Tagalog, but I wish she would. In fact, the only word of Tagalog that I know he knows is "Tita" because we have a bedtime ritual of saying goodnight to all the people in the pictures on the wall down the hall, including her aunt "Tita Eida" who passed away, and when he sees that picture he says "tita, tita".

I'm supposed to learn Visayan, so I can speak to papa next time we go back to the Phils. Aint gona happen lol. My 1 year old son will know more than me. I have a hard enough time with my own language.

Edited June 19, 2012 by Brijo

[Krikit 1,163]

Two violations removed and members banned from thread.

[gretchen_darren 67]

most of the meat is from the freezer. Things I need to use before the time is up on them. Also, when we got here she used to eat steaks, pork, etc. Since being pregnant she has refused many times. I don't understand why, but it is something she is choosing to do, probably based on superstitions. Might be the red meat and complexion thing. I just try to go along with it. Sometimes I find thing strange like eating french fries but not mashed potatoes. The doctor put her on a strict diet regarding fish. She is only allowed 16 ounces per week. (This is due to the mercury contamination in the fish which affects pregnant women with birth defects..) Cole slaw and potato salad she does not like. A lot of this is probably the pregnancy.

the language is to help me the next time we visit... most likely there will be times when I am alone in the house or hotel or the family wants to talk with me and Gretchen will not be around because of visiting friends or because of the baby.... we watch a few hours of TFC a week. normally 1 or 2 hours per day. (Gretchen will watch a whole lot more and has some shows to record.) The family loves that I am making the effort to learn. It impresses them how much I have learned already. All I know is when they start the karaoke, it is never too hot or too cold outside on the porch for me....

[MuDelphi 159]

Maybe she just doesn't like food with mayonnaise slopped all over it.

[kev_n_jena 89]

most of the meat is from the freezer. Things I need to use before the time is up on them. Also, when we got here she used to eat steaks, pork, etc. Since being pregnant she has refused many times. I don't understand why, but it is something she is choosing to do, probably based on superstitions. Might be the red meat and complexion thing. I just try to go along with it. Sometimes I find thing strange like eating french fries but not mashed potatoes. The doctor put her on a strict diet regarding fish. She is only allowed 16 ounces per week. (This is due to the mercury contamination in the fish which affects pregnant women with birth defects..) Cole slaw and potato salad she does not like. A lot of this is probably the pregnancy.

the language is to help me the next time we visit... most likely there will be times when I am alone in the house or hotel or the family wants to talk with me and Gretchen will not be around because of visiting friends or because of the baby.... we watch a few hours of TFC a week. normally 1 or 2 hours per day. (Gretchen will watch a whole lot more and has some shows to record.) The family loves that I am making the effort to learn. It impresses them how much I have learned already. All I know is when they start the karaoke, it is never too hot or too cold outside on the porch for me....

It's very understandable that she refuses some food that she ate before. My wife's tastes changed during her pregnancy too. The thing I don't understand is you say "I don't understand why, but it is something she is choosing to do, probably based on superstitions" Don't you guys talk? You know what happens when you ASSume right? Assuming is a dangerous thing in a relationship. I prefer to have adult discussions, especially when it comes to taking care of our child.

[Shawn C 11]

During pregnancy everything is off the table. The hormones are kicking their #### so bad they don't understand what is going on either. When my ex was pregnant with my daughter she only liked the smell of tuyo (sp?) (which if you've ever smelled it, you'll know how crazy that is). When she was pregnant with my son we were in Rome and she would ONLY eat spinach and brie sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

Completely not in control by either of you. Outside of the pregnancy part lots can be done. I am very fortunate that I am a good cook and make great Philippine food and other cuisines. My ex loved my cooking and I still think only her pancit is real pancit (much like in the Philippines many only think their mother's pancit is the only real pancit ~LOL).

My fiancee a great cook and her Philippine style spaghetti is simply amazing.

If you have steak you want to cook, try making bisteak. Chicken or pork, make adobo or sinigang or arroz caldo.

I would wait until she gets through this part of the pregnancy (I'm guessing her food cravings are changing as she moves through the trimesters) before becoming too frustrated about this.