Thinking of a divorce after his Visa approval a week ago.

[Adriene H 89]

This is sorta nonsensical. What are you trying to say?

Maybe they meant have a 'frank' conversation

And the other part .. maybe let him come to America,

see how men in America treat their wives, and guage

his attitude and actions, then decide to stick with it

or sever ties?

[Visitor 90]

WHOA back up here.....he's complaining about your American way of doing things but he wants to come to America??? Major red flag!!! If he doesn't like your American side, ways and culture then he doesn't like YOU and that's not going to change.

He's just using you to get here but for what reason? He speaks about America in a derogative manner so his reasons for wanting to come here can't be good at all. Red flag!!!

Why would HIS family tell you NOT to go there? Another RED FLAG!!! Yeah right!! "We don't want you but we want your money"! Unbelievable!!

This guy has an agenda. DO NOT send him money. Get a divorce and cancel his petition BEFORE he gets here.

So many times I read here in these forums about men who do this to American women yet the woman still doesn't want to "hurt him" or hinder his green card process. (OK sometimes it happens the other way around too where the man is used by a woman)

I ask WHY??? Why do these people who are being used still want to help these people?? The mind boggles. The man obviously doesn't have feelings for you and only wants money sent. You even said the only thing he even talked to you about on the phone was his paperwork or wanting money and tickets sent to get him here. Don't do it!!!

Don't let him manipulate you! If he gets here you AND your parents will be responsible for him financially. You want to prevent that.

Get a divorce, Don't send money! Don't send a ticket and Don't tell him anything! Don't tell your parents either. Just do it!

I wish you the strength to do what you know is right for YOU. You don't owe him (or his family) anything!

Strength and courage to you.

[Darnell 8,478]

I don't think I-134 means anything. It just shows them you pass the money test. I-864 on the other hand is legally binding.

only after the beneficiary arrives in the USA.

EITHER can be withdrawn prior to arriving in USA.

Withdraw the Affadavit of Support prior to a plane ride? The Visa is cancelled by the IV unit in Islamabad.

Edited April 28, 2012 by Darnell

[Mike & Mila 5]

I got married in October of 2010 in Pakistan and even stayed in Pakistan to wait for my husbands visa. I am a US born citizen, lived in Pakistan from 2000-2006 for medical school and had come back to get married as my parents wished. I said yes to guy who wrote a love letter to me in 2006 saying he was interested in me. I had informed him that if he still loved me that this is the time to ask my parents for my hand. (Dont know why Im crying for being so submissive to my parents.) Well despite my sacrifice, I thought this man would love me. Maybe I dont know what love is but he hardly spoke to me the whole time I was there. Two weeks after my marriage, I started working in a hospital. I would be weirded out when I would be on call and he wouldnt even call me. Even If I would no be on call, I would wait for him to have dinner together only to find out he already ate. We hardly had intimal relationships. He laughed when I said when people who get married do it every day. Its not like I even want it. Well, I worked there until November 2011. He apparently resigned his job in April 2011 after they merged and offered less. He hasnt worked since. Without trying to cause any fight, I tried looking for jobs myself near the end with better pay as I realized how expensive it is living there with my low paying job. After getting severely depressed and crying so much alone. Him not saying much I decided that I needed to go back to the USA. I left again around November, still sending different forms back to the Embassy. He just got his visa about a week ago.

Being depressed there and without really even fighting I asked him if I could get a divorce several times. He never responded. I asked him a month after my marriage, another month later and several times after that. I would simply say that I think we are very different people and I dont think we have a connection. This guy has never been lustful towards me. I know there is nothing wrong with me since many guys wanted to marry me and my friends do say Im attractive. Im not overweight, have a fair complexion and love going to the gym. I believe, Ive done my best for this marriage by sticking around in the heat and the bitter cold of the country. I had to buy an AC and heater myself. I hardly fought-- probably because I got so depressed and thought what was the point. I believe I turned into a zombie living there. No friends, only the hospital and patients to talk to.

After moving to the US, i thought perhaps he will miss me. Since then I think hes only called about 20 times and 75% of the time about paperwork that was filled wrong or how i would send the papers.

I feel like my life is ruined. Im 32 and not happy at all. If this guy has not changed in the one and half years of or marriage, how will he change when he comes here. My depression slowly lifted after moving back and now I fear I will be depressed knowing that this man will not really show the love that you would normally expect from a man.

I was even stupid enough to purchase tickets for his brothers wedding which are non refundable for next week. He and his mom tried to convince me not to come. How depressing is that? He had told me after I had bought the tickets that if he gets the visa hes coming here right away. I told him him the tickets are non refundable. He doesnt even want to attend his brother's wedding second week of May.

I'm thinking if I do go, can I file for a divorce there? I dont have anyone three to help me. He had told me if I wanted to get a divorce, that I should find out myself. I spent hours looking for info but maybe im not looking in the right place. I dont think i can afford a lawyer. Im just too depressed thinking about this whole situation it makes me numb and zone out.

Any advice.? What is the cheapest solution? I live in MA. No kids. (He told me a week after getting married he doesn't want kids until 2 years later and last week says until 3 years more until we are more settled. He apparently thinks I can have normal babies until 40. The irony is that when he sees kids he thinks they are soo cute.)

Need urgent help before my tickets expire incase I need them.

[Adriene H 89]

What is a CR-1?

CR-1 and IR-1 are both spousal visas

CR-1 is given when you're married less than 2 years

IR-1 is given when you're married more than 2 years

[dwheels76 5,463]

Okay I have been reading this and how in the world did this relationship get pass the CO? I mean what proof did you show? Cuz you both from the same country? You a doctor?

Girl pull that AOS(affidavit of support) immediately. Otherwise your parents will be on the hook who knows how long for this man if he ever made it here.

Seems he needs your income to get things done including a plane ticket. So please don't buy him one.

Do as the former poster said be nice when he calls not letting him know what is up. First thing monday morning make the calls send that fax. Stop this now.

Get your self respect and confidence back.

You need not import lovelessness, abuse or being ignored. You owe him nothing. And what I have read its not their culture to be so standoffish. Look at EAbbas post her man WOW.

Anyway please follow what Darrell has laid out for you step by step. We are all here for you and rooting for peace and joy in ypour life.

[redwhiteblue 6]

Ah, so he's not got any tickets yet. That's a plus.

A K-3 visa holder has 6 months to come into the USA, from the date the VISA is issued,

but it may be less IF there was any AP or AR at Islamabad IV. ----------------------------------> whats an AP and AR?

A K-3 visa holder isn't granted a green card on entry into the USA - a CR-1 or IR-1 visa holder, OTOH, is.

They are given, instead, an I-94 with a duration of 2 years, at the POE. ----------------------------> I-94. ok.

For a K-3 visa holder to get a green card, an adjustment of status casefile has to be filed after they arrive in the USA.

Thanks for all that info! Got this from Wiki:

An I-94 is a form denoting the Arrival-Departure Record of particular foreigners used by U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP). U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) uses Form I-94 also. Form I-94 must be completed at the time of entry to the United States by foreign citizens that are being admitted into the United States in a nonimmigrant visa status.[1] While citizens of the countries in the U.S. Visa Waiver Program list,[2] who are entering the United States via an air or seaport for 90 days or less and who are not U.S. citizens or permanent residents are required to complete an I-94W ("Nonimmigrant Visa Waiver Arrival/Departure Form"), these visitors must now also obtain an Electronic System for Travel Authorization (ESTA) prior to traveling to the United States. The I-94W form requirement has been dropped during Summer 2010, after a transitional period, for VWP applicants.[3] [4]

[Mike & Mila 5]

Plymouth: Take it from me-- I'm older than you. Know this "live your life while you're alive". Very simple prescription to "cure yourself"--read what you've written--then in a completly unswerving manner leave all connection to this man at "yesterday".. You start a new life tomorrow.. Try your best to actually forget his name. Find a new man or several men and go have the best time that you can possibly have. Make new friends in USA. Party--be a woman--be a girl. Remember this Never never never look back. Never.

[Karee 4,189]

only after the beneficiary arrives in the USA.

EITHER can be withdrawn prior to arriving in USA.

Withdraw the Affadavit of Support? The Visa is cancelled by the IV unit in Islamabad.

Can't you just withdraw the entire visa at the IV unit in Islamabad? I usually only see withdrawing I-864 after arrival on a K-1 and then once adjustment of status is filed something blows up.

Sounds like the guy already has the visa in his passport anyway, so I'm not sure how Islamabad is even relevant.

[EAbbas 213]

Can't you just withdraw the entire visa at the IV unit in Islamabad? I usually only see withdrawing I-864 after arrival on a K-1 and then once adjustment of status is filed something blows up.

Sounds like the guy already has the visa in his passport anyway, so I'm not sure how Islamabad is even relevant.

I think the point to that is to withdraw the i134 asap and the IV unit in ISlamabad will cancel the visa and then if he continues to try to gain entry at POE will be turned away with a canceled visa without ever entering.

[redwhiteblue 6]

do not take his visa. once he get here have a french conversation with him.

because like youn said he could be his culture and ways that make him behave that way. give a couple months so he can see your side of way of life your cultre see how people live and act over here. the you will see his reactions. if you have to leave him do not hesitate.

Something to consider.

[Darnell 8,478]

Can't you just withdraw the entire visa at the IV unit in Islamabad? I usually only see withdrawing I-864 after arrival on a K-1 and then once adjustment of status is filed something blows up.

Sounds like the guy already has the visa in his passport anyway, so I'm not sure how Islamabad is even relevant.

yup, is possible to withdraw the visa at the IV Unit in Islamabad.

The easiest way to do it, I've already outlined.

There is more than one 'entry point' for withdrawing an affadavit of support, and it's all based on where the beneficiary is, and what process the beneficiary is currently in.

for you to 'usually see' that one entry point, makes sense to me. I know of other entry points, and have outlined (to the OP) how to handle all based on HER situation, HIS entry point.

Hope that makes sense to you? You use words 'think', 'usually', here in an attempt to be helpful, but I've outlined the exact steps on 'how to do'. Whats the issue, really? I've given the OP the exact steps on what to do, how to do, but you seem to be having questions and also seem to be veering off point. What's up?

Edited April 28, 2012 by Darnell

[redwhiteblue 6]

no no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no man should treat any woman like that... it will hurt YOUR future if you have him come to you and his intentions are all wrong.. YOU end up paying the price for that... IM damn lucky that my husband was brought up in a home in karachi full of unconditional love was taught respect and what love was and how to take care of his wife even if it meant cooking or cleaning and ironing... yes he was taught ironing...

No you should NOT worry about his future... you should be worried as hell about your own right now.... do what protects you... otherwise you are responsible for him for a very very long time....and btw mental and emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse...

Do u think its mental abuse though? Hes never physically abused me. I dont think he mentally abuses me though if he hardly talks to me. Even if we are in the same room for hours.

[dwheels76 5,463]

Also for that ticket talk to a manager at Onetravel. I got a refund minus the penalty. Got $794 back off of $1300 ticket. My husbands Visitor Visa was denied (after they first said it was approved) so we faxed that letter to United Airlines and I got refunded. Its worth a shot.

After you stop his Visa if you choose to do so you can use that letter and say we had Visa but it was than denied. Who knows you may get it all.

It took a few months from January to finally like March or april but do call them. They are very sympathetic on these things.

Wish you the best.

[EAbbas 213]

Do u think its mental abuse though? Hes never physically abused me. I dont think he mentally abuses me though if he hardly talks to me. Even if we are in the same room for hours.

thats only for you to say not me... you said hes never hurt you physically but my first marriage was similar to this and he was American... i nearly died in that marriage due to the mental and emotional abuse... thank god i came out of my depression put my big girl pants on and got divorced.... I have never had these same issues with my husband from pakistan...

But you must consider... your husband was way more comfortable in his own home so he definitely treated you the way he probably will if not worse later... if thats what you want in your marriage that is totally up to you and i can't say it either was or wasn't.. im just saying from experience... my first husband never hit me but the emotional hurt was excruciating....