=(((((( Fiance just found out he has cancer

[Lyric 0]

Lyric,

I offer you my sympathies and hope things get better soon for your SO.

However, I think you are going about this the wrong way.

He should NOT be coming to the US. You should be immigrating to Canada.

When he is most in need of medical insurance, you want to bring him over to the US where he will get no coverage? You need to see him through the national health care system of Canada.

I'd get on the next flight to Canada and be with him. US citizens can visit Canada no problem. You should be with him in Canada, not trying to find ways to bring him into US faster. Will his cancer magically disappear once he's in the US? No. How will you get medical insurance for this pre-existing condition? It'll be practically impossible. A real solution is for you to go to Canada.

Best wishes on his recovery.

Believe me, I've thought of this as well. However, I can't just pick up and go live with him. He is in a cramped apt. with a roommate and it's not an ideal situation for me to just go into, at all. Not only that but how are we supposed to afford to live up there as well? I won't be able to just start work there. He's not going to be able to work before long and we will have no way to pay living expenses. We really have no one to lean on up there, exept maybe one friend. At least here I have some family and friends. Even though they all live two or more hours away from me. they're sitll here and I still have a job.

I just don't know what to do. I'm frantically researching cancer hospitals and possible assistance. I'm just really, really stressed. But I do appreciate any and all suggestions.

[phatmadame81 0]

I am so sorry to hear about you and your beloved. Please put everything in God's hand and he will take care of it. Things will work out great. Hold on to love and god.

Sorry I can't be of any other help.

Edited October 9, 2006 by desperatewife

[john_and_marlene 162]

Immigration and everything else should take a back seat to getting treatment for the cancer. It won't matter how close you are to friends and relatives or how comfortable you are with the living arrangements if the cancer doesn't get the treatment it needs. Top priority here has to be staying alive. I very much doubt you'll get better treatment for it here without insurance even if you find some type of assistance.

[Lyric 0]

Immigration and everything else should take a back seat to getting treatment for the cancer. It won't matter how close you are to friends and relatives or how comfortable you are with the living arrangements if the cancer doesn't get the treatment it needs. Top priority here has to be staying alive. I very much doubt you'll get better treatment for it here without insurance even if you find some type of assistance.

I agree that treatment for the cancer and staying alive is the top priority. However, I know for a fact that me being with him during all this is going to be key in his treatment and hopefully recovery I just don't know how we're supposed to do that and still be able to have the financial means to survive. I guess we may have to see about him finding some sort of living accomodations there that the Canadian governent would assist him with. Seeing that he won't be able to work and if I can somehow come up there and marry him and try to adjust status while being there. I just don't know. Either way we go, we're screwed in the finance department and trying to have the money to pay for food and any other necessary expenses.

[KaiserD 12]

I am really sorry to hear of your situation I hope your SO makes a full recovery and that things work out for you

[cshell 0]

Lyric,

I haven't read all the posts - but I see that there is discussion of if you should go to Canda or if he should come here. Also health insurance is being discussed. I would like to address US health insurance. Back 5 years ago I was engaged to a lovely man. After we were engaged and before we were married, he was also diagnosed with cancer. He had health insurance that he paid for individually (not through work) and I had health insurance from my employer as an individual. My company also offered family plans. We decided to marry. The same day that we marryed I called to my health insurance carrier told them I was married and changed my plan from individual to family. My husband was covered from the day of our marriage, pre existing condition did not matter as we were married. He made the decision to keep his insurance which was considered "primary" and my insurance became his "secondary". If he was in the hospital at the time of our marriage as an inpatient then my insurance would not of covered him until he was discharged from that hospital visit. I knew all of this as I called to my insurance company and asked specific questions about coverage prior to us marrying. My husband lived for just over 2 years. I loved and supported him as I knew he would of done for me. I was blessed with having him in my life. It was very difficult working, seeing doctors and caring for him. But the strain was reduced as I had support from my employer when I needed to leave early or go late to work due to numerous doctors visits and hospital stays. Insurance - his and mine was never a problem. As I said he was covered with my insurance from the moment we married as he was not within the hospital. But for example, say we married on day 1 of a 4 day hospital stay. His insurance from my company would of began on day 5 - the day after he was discharged. From that day 5 into the future he would of been covered for all the future health care, tests and hospital stays. The pre existing for him only mattered in the fact that there was no existing hospital stay. I hope that this is helpful to you and your fiance as you make the decisions that are best for the both of you for the journey that has been put before you. I wish you both the very best in every way imaginable with much strength, love and faith in each other.

[Lyric 0]

I don't think there is any way for my insurance to cover him now. I assume he will have to get surgery and start treatment, very soon. I don't know why they would wait. I don't even know that we could afford to live once extra money is taken out of my paycheck for his portion of the health insurance. This is all a horrific nightmare. It would take nothing less than a miracle for him to be able to come here, now. I've pretty much come to that realization today throughtout all the posts here.

The main thing is that he recovers. I pray that he will. It's just that I need to be with him, one way or another to care for him and be his support. I'm all he has and he is my world.

[Karen_L 1]

::hug:: I'm sorry you and your fiance' are facing these challenges. I realize that immigration denial is probably the least of your fears right now, but my understanding is that they probably won't deny the visa because of his illness, as it is not communicable. I will keep you two in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you the best of luck in this difficult time

[rebeccajo 14]

cshell is correct. Don't assume that your health insurance coverage won't cover your husband due to a Pre-X. Do you work for a large company who is in a large group? Or even a small company who is in a large group? The larger the group, the less likely they are to care about pre-existing conditions.

You sound like you are looking for a way to sort this logically. As John said, health concerns come first....but maybe you're the kind of person who needs to solve a problem from a logical standpoint. If that's the case I might suggest this:

Make two lists: one pros and one cons.

Put down known facts on each side. Not suppositions, conjecture or things you are unsure about. I'd suggest this list include what social benefits may be available to your fiance in his country. There may be a 'safety net' in Canada for people in need....I don't know but I bet he will.

Maybe preparing the list will help you see a horrible emotional situation more clearly.

I understand where you are coming from and can empathize with you. And I wish you peace with your decision.

[sjoefl01 1]

I put Lucero on my insurance and there were no questions about preexisting conditions. I think that is the beauty of being part of a group health care plan. I have known others that married pregnant women and had the birth covered. I really don't think this is an issue.

From the little that I know you might still be better off in Canada. Even with insurance the American medical system can be quite cruel.

[Lyric 0]

I work at a very small office. Four full time people and 2 part time. I know one company we USED to have when I started working there would not cover anything to do with my back because I had been hurt in a car accident in 2004. I thought that was beyond rediculous. My boss actually sells health insurance and I have always heard her tell potential clients that if a woman is pregnant and trying to buy the insurance they will not cover. As far as what we have now? I'm not sure about pre-existing but I'm fairly certain they're pretty strict about it. Maybe I should just ask my boss about it. Then again I hate talking to anyone about this yet as I don't know even know all the details at present time. I'm going to try and find out more today as to what he and I are dealing with.

[maya62 7]

Lyric, my heart goes out to you and your fiance.

Rebeccajo has made a very good suggestion. You need to learn the facts and sort out your options. I know, I know... easy for me to say... I'm sure it is tremendously difficult because right now you just want to be there for him. But taking care now may make the next few months/years more manageable in the long run.

Although it sounds scary to move and not be able to earn money, you may be in a situation where it is more practical to think in terms of minimizing debt. For example, if your fiance will be "covered" medically in Canada and not in the US, it may be much better for you both financially to move there even if you can't work (at least not for a while).

What others are saying about policies covering new spouses may be true of yours, too. My insurance covers both my husband and my stepson. Both have had substantial dental work done in the past year, and our son had surgery this summer for a pre-existing condition. They were covered for all of that at the same level I would have been, with no questions asked. I was very surprised and happy. Please do check into your coverage yourself. No offense to your boss, but this information is WAY too important not to talk to the insurance company yourself.

Best wishes!

Maya

[Lyric 0]

I did check directly with my health insurance carrier. They don't have issue with pre-existing condition afterall. However, there is no way I can afford to pay the extra money per month to add him on. It's just not possible. Always something.

[indianalady06 0]

Lyric, I don't mean to sound rude, but even before you found out your fiance has cancer, weren't you considering additional expenses, like medical? I know that finding out information like a loved one having cancer is such a burden, but you have to go through the hard times, knowing what the worst scenario is but looking forward to the best.

Also, I'm guessing you have a cosponsor? Could your cosponsor help you out until things become a little more settled? That's what they're there for, afterall.

You're in my thoughts and prayers and I hope everything turns out ok without too many hard decisions to make.