Should we get divorced?

[Ban Hammer 12,876]

one post removed that adds nothing to the topic.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Personally it sounds to me like you're not ready to be "truly" married.. "truly" being the way the government expects it to be.

I agree with a previous post that said if you file joint taxes and share a bank account and all that you stand a CHANCE... albeit I believe a small one.

Bear in mind this decision (to divorce) also affect the period for when she can apply for USC (5 years as opposed to 3 years).

The best way to determine whether you're going to successfully ROC jointly is to look at a list of "joint" documents that you have.

- Joint address? No

- Married filing jointly taxes?

- Joint bank accounts?

- Wills naming each other?

- Joint health insurance?

- Joint bills?

- Evidence of trips together?

- Anything else joint?

I do recall at least one couple on VJ successfully ROC'd together even though they were separated and I tried to find the thread but I couldn't sorry. It's up to you to decide which way you want to go. If you're okay with divorcing then do it. YOU know it's not the end of your relationship, it's just the termination of a marriage which you've admitted isn't working too well at the moment anyway and you've gone back to "dating". Nothing wrong with that. You can just re-marry when you're ready to fully commit to each other, or not! Whatever you want to do.

Personally I would divorce and ROC separately. It's the safest choice.

[ISIS AND TROY 5]

The marriage was definitely in "good faith.". We were married and lived together for over a year, but needed some time apart. We still want to be together - we just don't want to live in the same physical space at this moment. We plan to do so again in the future. This is a personal decision that fits what we both need emotionally and mentally right now. The question is, will immigration authorities see this as an "acceptable" marriage as we do, or will they see it as fraud? We want to play by the books, but we don't want playing by the rules to mean that our case is not believed.

We can't really say what will the immigration officers think about it, there is a lot of fraud going on, the most important is NEVER LIE to them, so that is really something you and your wife should figure out together. Just stop and think, you asked for a visa to live together with your spouse, but now you found out that you both need some time apart, that's ok, it's your decision, but from the immigration perspective (asking for a visa and waiting a long time to have it issued just to be together), it doesn't make sense, so unfortunately my guess is the officers would have a red flag. We as humans can understand we might have some hard times every once in a while, but then there are more things involved in your case right now...I wish the best for you and your spouse, I hope you can find a reasonable way through this!

[modmodgirl 2]

Legal Separation? I think it's the only option, maybe.

[Sandra G. 5,021]

I saw a few cases the couples were living apart and the USCIS approved their GC. The couples were able to prove they were apart due circumstances beyond their control .The adjudicator said to one of the couples that he was approving the guy GC, because he proved he was in another State clearly for work purpose. The USCIS adjudicators use to pay attention how serious is the couple relationship. If the couple need to be apart for a while due work or education purpose, and since the marriage it not seems secondary to education or employment, then it's ok. I don't think your relationship fits the kind of relationship the USCIS consider "continuous". Good luck.

Edited March 18, 2012 by sandranj

[Sandra G. 5,021]

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Edited March 18, 2012 by sandranj

[Xanax 349]

Do you have joint assets of any kind? Are you maintaining a joint bank account? Are you filling taxes together? If yes, these things may help you show you are still committed to the marriage. If you are essentially living seperate lives in different states, you may be in for an unhill battle. But its really impossible for us to say how USCIS is going to interpret your marriage.

I certainly would not rush into a divorce because it may be better when filling for ROC, not if you believe you may be able to work things out. January is still a long ways away, your life may be different then. Good luck to you both.

I agree with this.

[troutcat 41]

The phrase that keeps ringing in my head is that your marriage does not have to be any more successful than anyone else's - our government does not, as a matter of law, demand that immigrant/USC or immigrant/resident marriages be any more successful than USC/USC marriages. Not all of us are good at being married. The government only requires that your marriage be entered into and lived with genuine marital intent, not for ulterior purpose, i.e. not for the purpose of obtaining an immigration benefit. If USC/foreigner marriages were held to a higher standard as a matter of law, then it would not be permitted to remove conditions following a divorce, which one may.

The burden of proof remains on you as a couple to demonstrate that your marriage was entered into and conducted as a genuine one, a bona fide one. A conditional green card is premised on this anyhow - if you are divorced or separated, you may just face closer scrutiny, rightly or not - but of the same sort everyone removing conditional status faces.

If there are not a bunch of people on this site who have successfully gone down this path, then if you can find an immigration attorney with a really stellar track record, this might be a good time to pay for some advice about how best to demonstrate that you are acting in good faith, whether or not you ultimately divorce. Good luck to you both.

[Adriene H 89]

The phrase that keeps ringing in my head is that your marriage does not have to be any more successful than anyone else's - our government does not, as a matter of law, demand that immigrant/USC or immigrant/resident marriages be any more successful than USC/USC marriages. Not all of us are good at being married. The government only requires that your marriage be entered into and lived with genuine marital intent, not for ulterior purpose, i.e. not for the purpose of obtaining an immigration benefit. If USC/foreigner marriages were held to a higher standard as a matter of law, then it would not be permitted to remove conditions following a divorce, which one may.

The burden of proof remains on you as a couple to demonstrate that your marriage was entered into and conducted as a genuine one, a bona fide one. A conditional green card is premised on this anyhow - if you are divorced or separated, you may just face closer scrutiny, rightly or not - but of the same sort everyone removing conditional status faces.

If there are not a bunch of people on this site who have successfully gone down this path, then if you can find an immigration attorney with a really stellar track record, this might be a good time to pay for some advice about how best to demonstrate that you are acting in good faith, whether or not you ultimately divorce. Good luck to you both.

Well said!

[Meg and Nigel 21]

Not speaking from experience here, and I will say that the government doesn't always side with common sense, but...

If you can marry in good faith, get divorced, and still be eligible for ROC, then I don't see why you can't marry in good faith, get separated and still be eligible for ROC. Plenty of people successfully ROC while divorced so if you have the same evidence of entering the marriage in good faith, I don't see how it matters what your relationship status is now.

Just a thought, not something I would advise simply for ROC, but if you wanted to explore couples counseling or even individual counseling to work on your relationship, it might help you show some evidence that you are committed to improving the relationship in your ROC case.

I can't say that I understand the situation you are in, but I can certainly empathize. People that have the luxury of living close often date for a very long time after realizing they love each other before they move in together or get married. I am sorry to hear that you have had challenges in your relationship after all you went through to be together, and I hope you are able to find your way back together.

[True Love at Last 15]

I'm not really sure about specifics but I think if you also have good communication that is documented about your relationship you may help prove that you did not commit fraud. My ex-husband and I lived separate for over 6 months but we communicated on a daily basis. Maybe this is something that you could look into versus divorce which is pretty expensive being that you want to at this point try to keep your marriage alive, just not physically at this time. I wish you both good luck and appreciate your honesty.

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

My Wife will be up for removal of conditions in January. We are currently living in different states but see each other almost every weekend. She has not officially changed her address to her new address because we fear that the immigration interviewers will not believe we have a bonafide marriage. She also wants to get a job on the books in another state while I remain here. Will this set off a red flag? We want to keep our relationship as it is now. We love each other but living together did not work out. Is it better for us to get a divorce and have her apply separately? Is it better to stay together and explain the situation? Or is it better to keep her address and mine the same and wait until January for her to get a job?

I cannot provide any legal advice on this situation, but IMO it sounds like you have a bonafide marriage. In today's economy, it is normal for couples to live and work in different states as you have to go where the jobs are. And it's obvious from your posts that you both do love each other. If you didn't, you wouldn't be seeing each other every weekend. So unless either of you want a divorce, I would suggest to not divorce. This process is expensive enough without piling on those legal fees.

Just keep those tickets and receipts showing the frequency that you are together, and answer any questions that USCIS ask honestly. As to not being able to stand being together for a long period of time and the statement that you both plan on reconciling, it sounds like both of you have not made up your mind about being together or not. For this I would suggest not volunteering this as the reason for seperate addresses, but that your respective jobs are keeping you seperate at this time.

Just my 2 cents,

Dave