Irritated

[TiklingGuy 211]

Since Monreal got here i have tried to get her to try new things and meet new people. Not forcing anything on her, just always keeping the door open for new things. I know in good time she will be completely out of her shell. Monreal's cousin is here in the same town we are in and she is married to a close friend of mine, which through marriage makes him my cousin. My friend has sisters that are in business together and are very well off. Since Monreal got here they have been trying to be a really good friend to her. They will spoil her every time she goes over to their house. They are much older than her and they just love to do it because their hearts are huge. Monreal is not the type of woman that needs anything from anybody, however she knows what blessings are and graciously accepts it. This weekend my friends sisters (which are friends of mine also) are trying to invite Monreal and her cousin to a big girl weekend getaway to some fancy resort in Kansas City. This place has an indoor water park, probably hair and nails and all that ####### women due. Monreal's cousin said no and because of that Monreal said no. They were wanting to pay for everything for Monreal and her cousin. They did not say no because of the money, but because her cousin says that she feels lazy and so does Monreal. This really irritates me because i feel like it is an insult to my friends sisters who are only trying to be their friend and give them an exciting weekend. IMO its like spending all day helping someone move their home for free and then at the end of the day they tell you that you did a terrible job.

Monreal and I have an awesome relationship. I am just frustrated because she doesn't see that when somebody wants to do something special for you, the appropriate thing is to greatfully accept it. And if you cannot, then be respectfull enough to offer the person a good reason why you can't.

I am sure i have some spelling errors on this, but i am to lazy to correct them.

[Ron and Rhea 42]

Since Monreal got here i have tried to get her to try new things and meet new people. Not forcing anything on her, just always keeping the door open for new things. I know in good time she will be completely out of her shell. Monreal's cousin is here in the same town we are in and she is married to a close friend of mine, which through marriage makes him my cousin. My friend has sisters that are in business together and are very well off. Since Monreal got here they have been trying to be a really good friend to her. They will spoil her every time she goes over to their house. They are much older than her and they just love to do it because their hearts are huge. Monreal is not the type of woman that needs anything from anybody, however she knows what blessings are and graciously accepts it. This weekend my friends sisters (which are friends of mine also) are trying to invite Monreal and her cousin to a big girl weekend getaway to some fancy resort in Kansas City. This place has an indoor water park, probably hair and nails and all that ####### women due. Monreal's cousin said no and because of that Monreal said no. They were wanting to pay for everything for Monreal and her cousin. They did not say no because of the money, but because her cousin says that she feels lazy and so does Monreal. This really irritates me because i feel like it is an insult to my friends sisters who are only trying to be their friend and give them an exciting weekend. IMO its like spending all day helping someone move their home for free and then at the end of the day they tell you that you did a terrible job.

Monreal and I have an awesome relationship. I am just frustrated because she doesn't see that when somebody wants to do something special for you, the appropriate thing is to greatfully accept it. And if you cannot, then be respectfull enough to offer the person a good reason why you can't.

I am sure i have some spelling errors on this, but i am to lazy to correct them.

No worries on the spelling, there were a few, ironically the use of the word, 'to' to explain that you were 'too' tired, was one, haha...just messing with you...Are you a Marine? Noticed your 'signature', I am one.

But I digress.....

I think your post contains a lot of feelings from you Dex. I know you love your wife and want her to get out and become more acclimated, and in time she will. You have provided the path for her, however she has to be willing to walk it.

As for the invite to KC, maybe your wife feels awkward now that the other Filipina isn't going? I assume the other gals are all Caucasians...? Maybe she feels awkward or uncomfortable at this stage of her being here to go off to another state doing a GNO, 'girls night out'...? Maybe it would help if you pictured yourself in the Philippines, with the same thing going on....? Seeing from her eyes?

Thats just my opinion Dex, you seem to have a loving relationship, so it is just a bump in the road, it will work out. Maybe you can explain to your friends why your wife doesn't want to go.

Good luck.

[Samantha78 117]

Well, from a woman's perspective....I would absolutely appreciate the gesture but I also may not take the offer to go....as luxurious as it sounds. Your woman sounds like she likes a simple life and maybe it will take her a while to warm up to anyone, especially people living a lifestyle she isn't accustomed to. I would apologize to those lovely ladies and explain that maybe its too soon for a weekend getaway...but that maybe in the near future it could happen. I also think that her being away from you for a weekend may be a factor in her turning down the offer.

Give her time....when she starts to trust people and their intentions, she will take party in more things. Also....watch out for her friend....don't let her start running the show. Talk to your lady and explain to her that it's important she makes decisions for herself.

[Tim/Mav 305]

I don't know what to say Dex.

I'm MOVING your Post to: The Honeymooners Section. Oh, I guess there is'nt one. VJ should make one...

The only thing I can really say is talk to eachother about your feelings. And Wear a Football Helmit and other protective gear as well!

Edited January 6, 2012 by Tim/Mav

[Dan & Jenni 457]

if she isnt working and everything is provided for her then it sounds like a bit of pride to me. you just need to talk to her

[F & J 21]

Hi! I can kind of relate to your wife. My in-laws once invited me on a weekend getaway but I didn't feel comfortable accepting - this was just a few months after I came here to the U.S. and still adjusting. I don't know if it's a Filipina thing or it's just me but it just didn't seem right to accept. To tell you the truth, I felt like they felt obligated to take me with them just because I was there when they were planning the trip. I also didn't want to be away from my husband and I was still getting to know his family. We've been married for over 2 years now and I'm very comfortable with his family to the point that I hang out with them even without him. His mom even went with us to the Philippines when we came home for my brother's wedding. ^___^

Be patient! Just give her time to warm up to them... She probably didn't feel right accepting because your friend's sisters are her cousin's in-laws, not hers. Just try to see it from her point of view.

Edited January 6, 2012 by Fatima and Jim

[Hank_ 9,173]

I read one other post that mentioned "a simple life" and that is what popped into my head when I read your post. I know Amy enjoys a simple life, too much running about makes her pull back, she will be polite of course. If I plan too much to do I can almost feel Amy backing up. So it may be she is uneasy - give her time. It may be to "busy" for her and makes her feel uncomfortable.

Lots of maybes... best bet grab a cold one ask her to talk to you about it, then lean back sip on your brew and listen... the real reason will reveal itself.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Monreal and I have an awesome relationship. I am just frustrated because she doesn't see that when somebody wants to do something special for you, the appropriate thing is to greatfully accept it. And if you cannot, then be respectfull enough to offer the person a good reason why you can't.

John,

IMO, It's often easy (when frustrated) to be focused on the negative and not the solution. I was given a piece of advice (that has worked for me). Maybe it will help you too.

1) Help ease your feelings of frustration by burning some calories and releasing endorphens.

2) Remind yourself of all the good qualities (in this case) you love about your wife.

3) Focus on yourself. Why do you feel frustrated? Remember..thinking and feeling are two different processes.

4) Once you identify the thoughts that are causing your feelings. Organize them. Be Honest! Be accountable! Own your feelings.

5) Find a way to express your thought driven feelings with "I" statements. (this way you express yourself w/o "pointing the finger" I wrote the finger..not the bird. )

P.S. Don't expect someone else (your wife) to be responsible for your feelings and don't expect someone else (your wife) to automatically agree with your POV. Caring about your feelings is not the same as taking responsibility for them. That's your job.

Hope this helps.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Monreal and I got into it earlier today about it. I was extremely proud of her because she usually just shuts down and won't talk to anyone for a couple of hours. But earlier today she got back in my face! She gets the for it! She doesn't feel comfortable going without her cousin. After venting a little frustration and reading your helpful replies, i did put myself in her shoes and can understand why. I didn't earlier and i guess i was getting pissed because of it.

Monreal is one of the funniest girls i have ever met! We both keep each other laughing the majority of the time! You should see her WWE Triple H impersonation! I will have to video tape it!

We have mis-understandings just like every couple does, and i am happy to say that it doesn't happen very often. I just want to be able to understand why she feels a certain way about something. Sometimes i have to dig for it and it can be frustrating.

[TiklingGuy 211]

John,

IMO, It's often easy (when frustrated) to be focused on the negative and not the solution. I was given a piece of advice (that has worked for me). Maybe it will help you too.

1) Help ease your feelings of frustration by burning some calories and releasing endorphens.

2) Remind yourself of all the good qualities (in this case) you love about your wife.

3) Focus on yourself. Why do you feel frustrated? Remember..thinking and feeling are two different processes.

4) Once you identify the thoughts that are causing your feelings. Organize them. Be Honest! Be accountable! Own your feelings.

5) Find a way to express your thought driven feelings with "I" statements. (this way you express yourself w/o "pointing the finger" I wrote the finger..not the bird. )

P.S. Don't expect someone else (your wife) to be responsible for your feelings and don't expect someone else (your wife) to automatically agree with your POV. Caring about your feelings is not the same as taking responsibility for them. That's your job.

Hope this helps.

Thats good advice, I like it!

[TiklingGuy 211]

No worries on the spelling, there were a few, ironically the use of the word, 'to' to explain that you were 'too' tired, was one, haha...just messing with you...Are you a Marine? Noticed your 'signature', I am one.

Loud and Proud till the day i die, Motivated and Semper Fi!!

Thanks for your reply!

[TiklingGuy 211]

I don't know what to say Dex.

I'm MOVING your Post to: The Honeymooners Section. Oh, I guess there is'nt one. VJ should make one...

The only thing I can really say is talk to eachother about your feelings. And Wear a Football Helmit and other protective gear as well!

We were goofing off earlier and i had her on the ground tickling her stomach and she accidently kicked me in the Nuts! So protective gear will be worn next time!

[Hank_ 9,173]

We were goofing off earlier and i had her on the ground tickling her stomach and she accidently kicked me in the Nuts! So protective gear will be worn next time!

You only think it was accidental! That'll teach ya!!

[TiklingGuy 211]

You only think it was accidental! That'll teach ya!!

No kidding! She is a more skilled grappler than i thought she was!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Monreal and I got into it earlier today about it. I was extremely proud of her because she usually just shuts down and won't talk to anyone for a couple of hours. But earlier today she got back in my face! She gets the for it! She doesn't feel comfortable going without her cousin. After venting a little frustration and reading your helpful replies, i did put myself in her shoes and can understand why. I didn't earlier and i guess i was getting pissed because of it.

Monreal is one of the funniest girls i have ever met! We both keep each other laughing the majority of the time! You should see her WWE Triple H impersonation! I will have to video tape it!

We have mis-understandings just like every couple does, and i am happy to say that it doesn't happen very often. I just want to be able to understand why she feels a certain way about something. Sometimes i have to dig for it and it can be frustrating.

I'm glad you guys talked it out. I was going to say that perhaps she's not totally comfortable with them yet. I don't know how good her English is but that could have been part of it. Also maybe she would have felt too much like a "side-show". I know that sounds bad but when you're the different and new one in a group you tend to be focussed on more which is great for some people and not for others. Also "going away" with people you're not totally comfortable with is nerve-wracking! There's no escape. Anyway, I'm glad you guys sorted it out