So confused...

[aphrodite 2]

My husband has been unemployed for almost a year now. He quit his job last December of 2010 because he "hated his boss" and he said that he "couldn't take it anymore". He said he was gonna start his own business and find another job if it doesn't work out. Well, it's been almost a year. I was very much against his plans because I realized how hard it is to find a job in this economy. We have lots of bills to pay specifically almost $700 a month of child support amongst other things. On top of that, I was just starting nursing school. I begged him to wait 9 months until I finish school and we should be fine. I told him that he can quit his job by then. But he did anyway. He just texted me one night in December and told me that he already put his 2 weeks notice. I was so disappointed. Sure enough, three months later, I had to quit school to get a second job so we could stay afloat. We couldn't afford to pay child support anymore so his driver's license has been suspended since May this year. I am working two full-time jobs as a CNA. Right now, he's still looking for a new job. He tried to start a new business but it didn't work out and I just can't help getting upset about all of it. I offered to get him a job where I'm working but he said he "does not like wiping poop". He said he has done that before and he didn't like it. I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. Our bills are piling up. I'm worried about the car getting towed.

Despite all of this, I do love my husband. I wouldn't be married to him for almost 7 years if I don't love him. I am just really frustrated and I just don't know what to do anymore. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

[Britt♥Marco 9]

I'd kick him to the curb.

No joke, I don't really understand when people say the job market is so terrible that they can't find a job. Yes you can! It just may not be a job that you like to do. Places are ALWAYS hiring janitors, you can always substitute teach, get a CDL and drive big rigs or even a school bus. McDonalds is pretty much always looking for people.. as well as other fast food chains and the like. I know that once I've got my degree in my hand it doesnt mean i'm going to get a job that i like... but im okay with that because i need to make ends meet for my fiance to come over.

that being said, if i were you, i'd think long and hard about a man who refuses to take any sort of responsibility on and pay his child support/get a job/etc. What does that truly say about him? Not sure if you have kids or not, but I'm not sure I'd want him as a role model for my children...

Good luck and I'm sorry that this is happening to you... hopefully you can either A. find someone better for you or B. he will shape up!

Just my thoughts. Hope they're not too harsh

[aphrodite 2]

I really needed another person's perspective on my situation so thank you for your honest response. And no, we don't have kids yet. That being said, I don't really think it's a good idea to have children at this time either. For now, I am hoping that he will shape up...

[Ban Hammer 14,287]

how old is your husband?

[aphrodite 2]

how old is your husband?

He's 40.

[luckytxn 2,265]

He needs the 'tough love' method. I seen this many times before and you are enabling him. Until you act nothing will change.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. He's drowning in his own quicksand and he wants to pull you in with him. That's not love - that's possession. Get away from him and take care of yourself first. If you stay, he'll drag you down with him,

[Alex & Rachel 78]

He needs the 'tough love' method. I seen this many times before and you are enabling him. Until you act nothing will change.

Agreed.

I do sympathise. I had a bit of a similar situation last year with my husband (he quit his job and was unemployed for a few months, and didn't seem to be looking terribly hard in order to help us out). He is much younger, though, and we weren't in desperate need of the money. But of course it wasn't just about the money. It was that it put enormous pressure on me, and it also seemed to demonstrate a lack of respect for me.

Have you talked to him about the effects it is specifically having on you? If he loves you as much as you love him he should at least care a little that you are feeling so frustrated.

Are you providing him with any kind of money? The first step is probably to stop this. Buy all of the food and pay the bills yourself. If he has any form of pocket money, cut it off.

Kick him out. No, seriously. If he didn't have you, how would he be paying for housing, food, his bills?

[Moomin 292]

You don't have any kids yet pay child support. Is it for his kids/your stepchildren? He is putting his burden on you by the luxery of being picky about jobs. He is 40 - about time he participates in taking responsibility for his own actions.

[kytwell 179]

You've got to get rid of him. He's what we refer to as a leach. Leaches need to be cut off. Like a parasite and you're the host. My gut says he's part of the population that feels the world owes him something. The 99% or what have you. When and only when he straightens out his life on his OWN, should you even consider getting back with him. Life is too short to give up your own dreams and aspirations for the sake of your marriage if they aren't willing to do the same in return. You've learned this lesson now. If he wanted for you two, to better your situation, he would have toughed it out for the 9 months until you were done your schooling. What you need to do now is start forming your exit strategy and by all means do not get pregnant with the deadbeats kid. And speaking of that, if he's out of work, he should be able to get a reduction in his monthly support payments. Chin up and good luck.