Getting a guilt trip from my fiancee...

[Operator 1,925]

I know she wants me to be there and I want to be there badly too, but I need to think about how we are going to pay rent and utilities when she gets here. What good is me going there if we end up homeless here? I feel quilty because I told her I would have enough to go but then realized that the paperwork is going to cost much more than I anticipated. I wish I had made better decisions and graduated college 11 years ago when I should have but I didn't. When we met, I was working full time and everything was fine, but then I was let go and I decided to go back to college to make something of myself. I do admire her for staying with me even though she knows of my financial situation. I just need her to understand that just because I am getting a paycheck every two weeks right now until December, doesn't mean I can just spend that money without consequence. I need to get caught up on bills and save for next years expenses, which will increase when she gets here. I want to be there to hold her hand at the embassy and tell the interviewer that we are madly in love, but I just don't know if it can happen because of lack of money. I am getting no help from ANYONE at this point. I am doing it all on my own and I have to anticipate that I will continue to do it all on my own. I think she is having trouble looking at the big picture in the grand scheme of things. We have to make choices as to what we can and cannot do right now. With that being said, however, I want to badly to be there. I miss her and I miss The Philippines. I want to meet the rest of her family. I am so torn and broken hearted and sad. Sorry for rambling.

Tell her what you just told us...especially the bold part.

She's nervous and she's throwing it on you, be strong for her. I couldn't be there either and she wasn't happy about it but she came around.

Hang in there!

[i see you 0]

Don't be guilty..Just explain everything..I am a filipina also, heck got to pay lots of bills in here, I'm pitty with my husband..huh and I need to wait for the processing to be approve before I can work. she will realize more when she will be here soon!hehehehehhehehehehe money doesn't grows on trees!!!!!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

In addition, I am living off my student loan refunds and the money I make from my internship, which this semester is my last semester of interning. I still also have to pay for books and tuition. Why doesn't she understand this?

Simple. She wants to be the most important in your life. She should be. But you just told her books are more important and student loans are more important and tuition is more important.

She wants you there, borrow the money and go. Make her the priority in life and you will always be happy.

One day you will have a heart attack and then have to have bypass surgery and if you live through it you will wake up and your WIFE and children will be there and the nurses will tell you that you have a remarkable wife and she has been sleeping in your bed with you since you have been "out" for nearly two days and refused to leave when they told her she couldn;t do that because she said "this is my husband and I sleep with my husband" and your boys have come from all over the country and half-way round the world. If you are lucky and you have made them number 1 in your life.

Or...you could buy books.

FYI I did go to our interview and did not wait to be asked, I just planned on it from the start.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[luckytxn 2,263]

She is just disappointed. She is lashing out because of this. She is also stressing. You did tell her before you would go and now you say you can't. Girls lash out when disappointed sometimes. She should get over it. Hopefully she will. If not then your future is screwed.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

She is just disappointed. She is lashing out because of this. She is also stressing. You did tell her before you would go and now you say you can't. Girls lash out when disappointed sometimes. She should get over it. Hopefully she will. If not then your future is screwed.

I will not ask my wife to "get over it" if I do not do something I said I would. I would not "get over it" I would find a way to do it and never mention the difficulty, if any, to her

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Don't get married. Run.

[luckytxn 2,263]

I will not ask my wife to "get over it" if I do not do something I said I would. I would not "get over it" I would find a way to do it and never mention the difficulty, if any, to her

I wouldn't tell her to get over it either and didn't tell him to tell her that.

[MyLittlePony 340]

If i asked my wife to get over it she beat the ### out of me.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

If i asked my wife to get over it she beat the ### out of me.

I wouldn't tell her to get over it. I would ask for understanding.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I wouldn't tell her to get over it. I would ask for understanding.

She will understand (correctly) that her husband to be, the man she trusts above all others told her he would do something and DID NOT. And she will understand (correctly) that the reason was he needed to buy books.

IF she still goes through with this, this will happen again, because he "got away with it" before and she "understood" before, but she will not forget.

She will "understand" (correctly) that her husband is NOT willing to do everything he CAN do for his wife. Sleep well.

Sorry, but I have no other advice on how to disappoint the person that is supposed to be the most important aspect of your life.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I wouldn't tell her to get over it. I would ask for understanding.

50% of marriages in this country fail within 10 years. Which 50% do you think fails? The guy that borrowed some money to keep his promise or the guy that asked for "understanding" that he didn't do what he promised?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Soooooo...OP, Who is doing the better job of making you feel guilty? Your fiancee or Gary?

Subjectively speaking...reading his posts..I think Gary is an azz kicking guilt machine. A veritable guilt trip extraordinaire. He's doing such a good job... I think... I'm starting to get pissed at you for not going.

I would like to match him up against my mother. I'm not sure who would win.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Soooooo...OP, Who is doing the better job of making you feel guilty? Your fiancee or Gary?

Subjectively speaking...reading his posts..I think Gary is an azz kicking guilt machine. A veritable guilt trip extraordinaire. He's doing such a good job... I think... I'm starting to get pissed at you for not going.

I would like to match him up against my mother. I'm not sure who would win.

Your mother expects you to do all you CAN do for wife? Good for her. MY mother would loan me the money to buy books or to go be with my wife if I needed it. Imagine that, someone who expects people to DO THE JOB they volunteered to do.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

50% of marriages in this country fail within 10 years. Which 50% do you think fails? The guy that borrowed some money to keep his promise or the guy that asked for "understanding" that he didn't do what he promised?

I could swear I read somewhere the money problems are the biggest cause of marital strife....

[Craneman 2]

RUN