RE- Marriage blues

[Captain Oates 910]

I love re-marriage stories although the 'happily ever after' kind don't seem to figure much.

ok here goes with number one : Hope you can add to the store of human experience with your own:

Jim was middle aged and divorced and met Met Mary who was similar. They got on well and she was a wonderful cook.

They decided to marry. Jim sold his house and they married and he moved in to her house. She had a 15 year old boy.

Sunday lunch was over and it was just great - what a cook. Then she brought out a plate of biscuits. On the top was

a 'jammy dodger' - Jim's favourite (favorite). Everyone's favourite.

Nobody moved, so after a minute or so, Jim leaned forward and took the jammy dodger and put it in his mouth.

The 15 year old boy, who up to now had eaten in silence, turned to Jim and said:

"You greedy old #######, I had my eye on that"

The marriage started it's inevitable downward spiral from that moment....

[TBoneTX 43,020]

The married couple had argued, and they now sat in stony silence. Trying to lighten the mood, the husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "They have new evidence that man sprang from the apes."

"I doubt that," said the wife. "YOU certainly didn't spring very far."

[Captain Oates 910]

The married couple had argued, and they now sat in stony silence. Trying to lighten the mood, the husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "They have new evidence that man sprang from the apes."

"I doubt that," said the wife. "YOU certainly didn't spring very far."

I bet that wasn't long after he signed on the dotted...

[TBoneTX 43,020]

I bet that wasn't long after he signed on the dotted...

The most dangerous food is Wedding Cake.

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. Bigamy is having one wife too many, and monogamy is the same thing, si man.

[Captain Oates 910]

ok story number 2:

A guy who worked for a friend found his soul mate.

They went to watch rugby league games every Saturday. They would have Saturday lunch and then get their colors on - long scarves, gloves, the lot - and go to watch the match.

She knitted him some fantastic scarves and they never missed a game

They got married. First Saturday, he had his lunch then got his scarf and gloves etc on and said " Looking forward to the match today"

She said " Where do you think you are going"

He said " Its Saturday - you know - the match"

She said " Sit down. You are married now - we are going shopping"

His heart fell to his knees as he realised what he had done

another true story.

Edited September 8, 2011 by Alan the Red

[TBoneTX 43,020]

The Arkansas policeman hauled the suspect before the court judge. "This man has committed bigotry, yer Honor!" the policeman said. "He's got two wives!"

"Two wives?!" thundered the judge. "You birdbrain! That ain't bigotry; that's trigonometry!"

[Captain Oates 910]

The Arkansas policeman hauled the suspect before the court judge. "This man has committed bigotry, yer Honor!" the policeman said. "He's got two wives!"

"Two wives?!" thundered the judge. "You birdbrain! That ain't bigotry; that's trigonometry!"

That's a good one but it doesn't depress and elate me (that it's not me) like a true story would...

The two so far were of innocent men looking for a quiet life who didn't get it. I would like a come-uppance story where they did deserve it and lived in misery forever more

I love those stories

Edited September 8, 2011 by Alan the Red

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The most dangerous food is Wedding Cake.

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. Bigamy is having one wife too many, and monogamy is the same thing, si man.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Women have many faults

but men have only two.

Everything they say

and everything they do.

[Captain Oates 910]

Women have many faults

but men have only two.

Everything they say

and everything they do.

Women get married hoping he will change but he doesn't

Men get married hoping she won't change, but she does

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Women get married hoping he will change but he doesn't

Men get married hoping she won't change, but she does

[NickD 202]

How about having saying I do, when walking down he aisle, your new wife starts telling you what you can and cannot do. Could be a partial explanation why she is my ex. Oh, this new one is a honey, but wasn't born here, so came with plenty of BS from the USCIS. A guy can't win.

[Captain Oates 910]

How about having saying I do, when walking down he aisle, your new wife starts telling you what you can and cannot do. Could be a partial explanation why she is my ex. Oh, this new one is a honey, but wasn't born here, so came with plenty of BS from the USCIS. A guy can't win.

Thing is they are all stories told by men. Where are the "I was conned" stories by the ladies - only insofar as marriage is concerned coz its taken as a given that men weave deceptions to get their wicked way before then

Perhaps not deceptions, but manipulations such as getting a Mercedes for other than the driving experience - or buying a van with smoke glass windows.

I went to a charming funeral of a lady I worked with a couple of years ago. She met her second husband on a dating site. He gave a speech at the funeral and said she had told him she was in her 40's and a blonde and he later found out that neither was true

My daughter seems to have the process reversed, she divorced her husband who was the father of her two children and was a multi millionaire and owned 28 building companies - and got with a kid out of the remedial class with convictions for arson, robbery, burglary, grievous bodily harm and kidnapping ! He beat her to a pulp and went to prison.

My dad gave up on the craziness of the world and just laughed at it all - he was a very happy person - so perhaps that is the answer

[misterbigtoe 45]

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

George Carlin

[^_^ 5,021]

Any relationship with another human being is going to have episodes of sorrow and sadness. Why would marriage be any different/