How is having a baby when you're older?

[Apple & Wil 0]

I wanted to ask all the guys who have had a baby when they were in their late fifties or in their sixties.

What is your full experience with having a baby at that age? I want to know the good, the bad and the ugly.

Is it that rough like people say it is? Is it worth having a child even at this age? Would you do it again or never again? I am 63 years old and my fiancee, 34 yrs old, wants to have a baby. She already has a 7 year old duaghter that will be living with us in the Hawaii. I have not been married before and I never had a child before. No experience whatsoever on this. Can you give me your experience on this please? I want to make sure we know all that we can before doing this so we can make a informative decision so that we can't say that we didn't know about this or that. Luckily she already has a child so she knows what it will posssibly be like having another one. Financially, we will be able to afford the baby but is that all there is - what else should I know. I know that I would need to have my sperm tested because of my age and also we will do the Invitro Fertilization method. Have anyone done the testing and do all the doctors do it? I would think so. I have frozen my sperm but someone told me that genetically damaged sperm swim faster than the good ones. Any experience in doing genetic testing? Thanks.

Wilfred

[garfield529 47]

I am a father in my 30s so I can not answer the age related questions, other than to tell you that you will be sleep deprived as newborns eat about every 2 hours (24-7) for the first couple months.

You have the cultural considerations regarding the pregnancy. There are many superstitions that some Chinese woman follow that could really have your head swimming. Depending on her family and education, she may strictly follow some of these thoughts. Find out about this now.

Why have you already decided you need to have in-vitro? Have you had a sperm count performed and found the number is low? If not, you might be just fine to go the natural route.

"I have frozen my sperm but someone told me that genetically damaged sperm swim faster than the good ones. Any experience in doing genetic testing?" Who told you this??? A doctor? You need to speak with your wife's OB/gyn and he/she will tell you about testing that is available for the baby in-utero and can also give advice regarding what steps you should take preconception (e.g. have her on prenatal vitamins for a few months beforehand).

As a species, we have been having children for thousands of years, so don't sweat it too much. If you want a child, then have a child and enjoy the blessing. My only real concern would be to think about the future. Your age puts you at greater risk that this child may not have a father as his/her college graduation, BUT that could also happen to any of us regardless of age. Plan for the future, is my point. Good luck!

[Shenzhen 34]

I wanted to ask all the guys who have had a baby when they were in their late fifties or in their sixties.

What is your full experience with having a baby at that age? I want to know the good, the bad and the ugly.

Is it that rough like people say it is? Is it worth having a child even at this age? Would you do it again or never again? I am 63 years old and my fiancee, 34 yrs old, wants to have a baby. She already has a 7 year old duaghter that will be living with us in the Hawaii. I have not been married before and I never had a child before. No experience whatsoever on this. Can you give me your experience on this please? I want to make sure we know all that we can before doing this so we can make a informative decision so that we can't say that we didn't know about this or that. Luckily she already has a child so she knows what it will posssibly be like having another one. Financially, we will be able to afford the baby but is that all there is - what else should I know. I know that I would need to have my sperm tested because of my age and also we will do the Invitro Fertilization method. Have anyone done the testing and do all the doctors do it? I would think so. I have frozen my sperm but someone told me that genetically damaged sperm swim faster than the good ones. Any experience in doing genetic testing? Thanks.

Wilfred

I am 47 and my wife is 30 we plan on having kids probably next year. I know we won't be getting much sleep. A friend of mine had 2 kids at 62 then again at 64. Both kids are in good health and doing great they are in their teens now.

[Sam and Fen 41]

You might not have much choice in this case.

This an Asian thing, get married and have a baby.

A month after my wife came to the US I was looking for something in the kitchen (she had moved everything around) and in some of the cabinets I found these tiny plastic bags with something in them.

Upon questioning her a few times she came clean, They were meant as good luck to help us get pregnant and have a baby.

I am 48 and she is 37. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and she has a son who is in China.

I explained to her that I really do not want to be changing diapers again and we could not financially afford it at this time.

If at some time in the next few years our finances become stable she is going to be hounding me for a baby.

I am going to ask her to sleep with the plastic bags to see if they can get her pregnant.

[^_^ 5,021]

Any experience in doing genetic testing? Thanks.

All pregnant women can get their first trimester screens done, which is non-invasive and estimates the probability of certain trisomies.

At my wifes OB, women who will deliver over 35 are required to get amniocentesis done which will definitively tell you if those trisomies exist with a slight risk of miscarriage due to the procedure.

[Apple & Wil 0]

Thanks to all of you for taking your time to give me advice and knowledge. i will take and think about all of your information when deciding about getting a baby and doing the prcedure.

Wilfred

[Dan and Judy 614]

My first advice would be don't do it. My second advice would be live with the 7 year kid for 2 years to get a general idea of your tolerance. As a matter of fact now would be a good time to start

babysitting if you can find someone who will let you. One or two hours in the afternoon is not enough unless of course that is enough to convince you that you don't want a baby. Im 10 years younger

than you and I know I absolutely don't have the energy to start over again. I have a 24 year old stepson who presented significant challenges. I have a biological son who is 15 who was an angel until

his hormones kicked in a couple years ago.

Kids can be very rewarding and a big pain in the butt at the same time. Some kids are just a big pain in the butt. What have you been doing for halloween the last few years? Loading up on candy

and enjoying the company when trick or treaters come to your door. Or turning out the lights and hoping they don't bother you.

Little kids leave things laying around on the floor for people to trip over. When youre 40 and trip over that babies toy you are sore for a week. If youre 65 you are more likely to break your hip. Kids need to be carried a lot of time. How is your back?

Kids can break anything and everything you own and kids like company so if you have a boy by the time he's 3, Billy and Johnny will be coming over to visit. If little Billy knocks over your $1000 tv and breaks his arm. Guess who can get sued. If little johnny hits your dog with a bat and the dog bites him. Guess who can get sued.

I looked out the window last week at My kid playing basketball with his friends, One of the kids takes out a knife and stabs the basketball just for fun

How's your memory, I know mines going downhill fast. How cool would it be for your 18 year old son to have a dad that can't remember his name.

Im sure you've got life insurance or enough money set aside that your wife would be alright but how well equipt is she to raise a son by herself if you left the picture entirely.

Of course that can happen at any age but it is more likely to happen to us than a 30 year old.

Invitro Fertilization, isn't that ending up with lots of twins and triplets

Im sure there are some Guys that can pull it off and enjoy it , but not me

[Golden Gate 530]

I always enjoy reading your posts. Informative, yet hilarious

Edited August 9, 2011 by Golden Gate

[rika60607 215]

Disagreement over desire of one party to have a baby and another party's refusal to have a baby usually ends either in divorce or unhappy marriage.

She is 34, so she will not wait for much longer - she'll choose one of the two above mentioned paths soon.

[Fandango 1,439]

You really have to come to this choice on your own, so take everything said here with a grain of salt.

That being said, I think you're going to have quite an adjustment to even just married life...let's face it, at 63 and never married, you're not the norm. So you are going to have someone in your space 24/7, also with a small child. Your life is not truly your own anymore. What kind of lifestyle do you have? Are you the get up and go on vacation type? Cos all that stops with a baby.

Edited August 9, 2011 by Anita Cocktail

[nane1104 146]

Disagreement over desire of one party to have a baby and another party's refusal to have a baby usually ends either in divorce or unhappy marriage.

She is 34, so she will not wait for much longer - she'll choose one of the two above mentioned paths soon.

I was thinking the same. And don't agree to a baby just to make her happy either, that would only end in misery for all of you.

It's a tough decision, I hope you can make the right one for yourself and your family!

[Apple & Wil 0]

Hi Everyone!

Thanks so much for all of your inputs. Wow, much to think about. There will be some who say "NO, it's a bad idea to have a kid at my age." No problem, I understand what you are saying. I have been told that by many. But I want to ask you another question. For all you who have or had children and told me all the work and frustrations that wil come with having children: DO YOU REGRET HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE OR YOU WOULD STILL DO IT AGAIN?

Please tell me your age and if your children are still young or adults already.

THANKS to all of you for telling me your advice. I want to hear both sides of this wonderful new adventure in life!!!

Wilfred

[rika60607 215]

It is not a bad idea to have a kid at your age.

It is a bad idea to have a kid if you do not want to have a kid and are not willing to invest time and thought into raising it and meeting its needs. If you have the money, a kid can be really easy on you

As for having regrets, someone told me that in anonymous poll (in the US) 50% of parents admitted that they would not have kids again if they could have a do-over. Openly, almost nobody will admit to regret having their children.

As for you, your experience will be what you make of it, do not look into stats for indications on that one.

Hi Everyone!

Thanks so much for all of your inputs. Wow, much to think about. There will be some who say "NO, it's a bad idea to have a kid at my age." No problem, I understand what you are saying. I have been told that by many. But I want to ask you another question. For all you who have or had children and told me all the work and frustrations that wil come with having children: DO YOU REGRET HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE OR YOU WOULD STILL DO IT AGAIN?

Please tell me your age and if your children are still young or adults already.

THANKS to all of you for telling me your advice. I want to hear both sides of this wonderful new adventure in life!!!

Wilfred

[nane1104 146]

Hi Everyone!

Thanks so much for all of your inputs. Wow, much to think about. There will be some who say "NO, it's a bad idea to have a kid at my age." No problem, I understand what you are saying. I have been told that by many. But I want to ask you another question. For all you who have or had children and told me all the work and frustrations that wil come with having children: DO YOU REGRET HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE OR YOU WOULD STILL DO IT AGAIN?

Please tell me your age and if your children are still young or adults already.

THANKS to all of you for telling me your advice. I want to hear both sides of this wonderful new adventure in life!!!

Wilfred

I really don't think that age really matters all that much. Of course, at a younger age you will probably running around with the child some more than when you have a child later on in life...and there is alwys the argument that you might not see your child becoming an adult, but really, that is a reality all parents have to live with.

I had my first baby when I was 33 and now I am 36 and expecting my second. My husband is turning 39 right around my due date so we both are no spring chicken anymore either and my husband is already joking he has a hard time keeping up with our very energetic little toddler.

BUT...what counts is your attitude towards the idea of having a child. Yes, it is tough at times, the first year was so exhausting for me and now I am facing the same again and I wonder sometimes if I am insane to have another baby, I just love that I can finally enjoy sleeping through the night (most nights) and another baby will totally change everything again. But I also see how awarding it is to have children, how much joy our son gives us.

I have never been a shallow person anyway, but our son definitley lets us see the world in an entirely different light. As much work it is to raise a child, I never regretted it and I wouldn't go back in time and "undo" him for anything in the world.

Your situation is different though, you have been living alone for a much longer time and after your wedding, I'd strongly advise you to NOT have a baby right away (let's say your wife is really eager to have a baby right after). Enjoy time as a couple and see how things develop. Maybe you will develop a really strong desire to have a child with your wife. My husband just said a few nights ago how happy he is to have our son...someone who will remember us, who will carry on traditions we started in our family, carry his name on, all that good stuff.

Don't get caught up in numbers and people judging your abilities to be a great father by your age or your history as a "bachelor", but at the same time, don't let anybody talk you into having a child if you are not ready to.

Listen to your heart...if you are ready, you will know!

[Fandango 1,439]

DO YOU REGRET HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE OR YOU WOULD STILL DO IT AGAIN?

I highly doubt you will find a parent who would actually say they regret having children in his/her life.