RUB Jokes

[slim 1,514]

I told him all sales are final. He said he understands and that's life but he needs the money. And the pawn shops would just rip him off anyway and it's either sell to me or the pawn shop. I offered him $250 for the Glock. It's 10mm.... I already have a few handguns but I know the Glock is good stuff. I keep thinking of that movie, US Marshalls where Tommy Lee Jones tells Robert Downey to get rid of that sissy gun and get a Glock.

Glock is a fine sidearm. But if you google the picture "exploded glock" you'll see why I personally don't prefer it.

As far a hunting big game, I'm stuck on on my .30-06.... I used it in Alaska for 17 years and never had one issue with it. It will take down a 1,000 moose first shot. And you feel safe with it in bear country. I don't know yet if the .223 would make me feel safe with 9' brown bear on my butt. May piss off the bear

I saw a Remington 700 in .30-06 for sale yesterday for $300. I almost bought it. I'll probably have one some day.

As for the .223, I'll tell you like I tell all those guys who say the .223 doesn't have enough stopping power on the battlefield and/or can't penetrate body armor, car doors, etc. (Even though it CAN do all of those things.) "When you can actually aim and fire multiple shots rapidly, it doesn't matter how hard it's hitting because of WHERE it's hitting."

Would I prefer a .30-06 (or 12ga.) for bear? Sure. But, I wouldn't feel inadequate with a .223, especially in something like an AR.

[~Johnny~ 27]

As for the .223, I'll tell you like I tell all those guys who say the .223 doesn't have enough stopping power on the battlefield and/or can't penetrate body armor, car doors, etc. (Even though it CAN do all of those things.) "When you can actually aim and fire multiple shots rapidly, it doesn't matter how hard it's hitting because of WHERE it's hitting."

Slim, That may just be an old wives tale as far I know. I've never had to shoot at a charging bear in 17 years of playing in Alaska wilderness. Just moved south last year. I usually have a Ruger P95 9mm as a sidearm and had to use it once to scare off a brown bear that got close to camp, but I just popped a few rounds over his head and he wandered away. Probably didn't like the noise as he was just eating berries and minding his own business. I was ALWAYS told by the old timers that my little pee shooter 9mm would just piss off a brown bear. I always wondered if a bear was that mean where 14 rounds of 9 couldn't bring it down.

Anyway, in Alaska the bears usually go after unarmed joggers, hikers and tree huggers... not well armed hunters..

Edited February 26, 2011 by ~Johnny~

[amberdima 6]

I remember I made a Russian joke here once, and was immediately barked at for stereotyping.

So just where is the line? Really? Must we bend to PC Police, or can we just have a few laughs at the Human Condition for what it is?

How about the one about the Drunk Russian Coalminer? Would it get laughs or get reported, Sheesh!

don't hate

[amberdima 6]

In English, please!

Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

[amberdima 6]

There is no line. This is the RUB forum. Period.

word. gosh- where have i been? although i drop by monthly or so, i love this place!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Slim, That may just be an old wives tale as far I know. I've never had to shoot at a charging bear in 17 years of playing in Alaska wilderness. Just moved south last year. I usually have a Ruger P95 9mm as a sidearm and had to use it once to scare off a brown bear that got close to camp, but I just popped a few rounds over his head and he wandered away. Probably didn't like the noise as he was just eating berries and minding his own business. I was ALWAYS told by the old timers that my little pee shooter 9mm would just piss off a brown bear. I always wondered if a bear was that mean where 14 rounds of 9 couldn't bring it down.

Anyway, in Alaska the bears usually go after unarmed joggers, hikers and tree huggers... not well armed hunters..

OK so I got TV recently and there was a show on one of the channels (I think "Discovery") about wild hogs. As they are depicted they are raoming the country killing and eating children and dogs while neighbors throw rocks at them.

I grew up in an area that had a lot of wilds hogs (and wild goats) and we hunted them for fun. Between my friends and I, I was 2in on" the killing of hundreds of them, seriously. In all that time I know of only one case wherew a friend got "run over" by a big hog. I hestitate to say he was "charged" because it was heavy nrush and IU think he was just in the way. The hog was escaping the dogs that-a-way and he was unfortunate enough to get trampled (no serious injury except to his pride ) I used to come home all ripped up from thorn brush, but nary a hog bite ever. They CAN be dangerous to dogs, that I will agree with.

I think all this "defense from animals" is a bit (a lot) overblown but then our hog hunts wouldn't have made good TV shows, as exciting as they were for us. My cousin lives in Eagle River, AK and when I have been there to fish with him he carried a short barrled Marlin lever gun in .45-70. There were bears around, but we never had any problem with them.

The best part was, between the hogs and wild goats, we had lots of "deer sized" game to test rifles on and that we did.

My favorite, by far, hog gun was a 12 ga, short barreled pump gun with slugs. (M870 Express, 20" barrel, bead sight) At those ranges (measured in feet) there is nothing more effective. I killed a lot of hogs with handguns. Favorites were large bore, .44 and .45 caliber handguns. I killed several with the .45 Auto and .45 Colt. I killed a couple with a .357 mag. I preferred large bore handguns, but best by far was the slug.

don't hate

I wish I could sy so much with so few words.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Russian Short Story

Fireman Prokhorchuk

A novice woman writer enters the office of a Moscow publishing house and shyly approaches the editor

Woman: Pardon me, please excuse me, You are the editor aren't you?

Man: Yes, that's right.

Woman: My name is Krapivina. I have written a little story for your magazine, I was wondering whether I could get your opinion of it right away. If you will permit me, I will read it to you. It will not take more than 3 or 4 minutes. May I?

Man: All right, read it.

Woman: It is entitled "A Noble Deed".

It was the middle of the night, 3AM. Everybody in the town was asleep. Not a single electric light was burning. It was dark and quiet. But suddenly a gory tongue of flame shot out of the fourth floor window of a large grey house. "HELP!" someone shouted "We are on fire!" This was the voice of the careless tenant that had forgotten to switch off the electric hot plate when he went to bed and was the cause of the fire. Both the fire and the tenant were darting around the room. The siren of a fire engine wailed. Firemen jumped out of the engine and dashed into the house. The room where the tenant was darting around was a sea of flames. Fireman Prokhorchuk, a middle aged Ukrainian with large black mustachios, stopped in front of the door. The fireman stood and thought. Suddenly he rushed into the room, pulled the smoldering tenant out and aimed his extinquisher at the flames. The fire was put out, thanks to the daring of Prokhorchuk. Fire Chief Gorbushin approached him. "Good boy, Prokhochuk" he said "You have acted according to regulations!" he added "You may not have noticed it, but your right mustachio is aflame" Prokhorchuk smiled and aimed a jet from the extinquisher at his mustachio. It was dawning.

Man: The story is not bad. The title is sutiable "A Noble Deed". But there are some pasasges in it that must be revised. You see, it is a shame when a story is good and you come across things that are different from what you'd wish. Let's see...how does the story start?

Woman; It was the dead of night, 3AM, everybody in the town was asleep.

He: See, no good at all. It implies that the police were asleep and those on watch are asleep, and...no, won't do at all. It indicates a lack of vigilance. Tnat passage must be changed. Better to write it like this..."It was the dead of night, 3AM. No one in the town was a sleep"

Woman: But that's impossible! It's nighttime and people DO sleep.

man: I suppose you are right. Let's say "Everybody was asleep, but at their posts"

Woman: Asleep at their posts?

Man: No, that's nonsense. Better write "Some people slept while others kept a sharp lookout" what is next?

Woman: Not a single electric light was burning

Man: What's this? Sounds as if that in our country we make light bulbs that don't work.

Woman: But it is night, they are turned off.

Man: It could reflect on our bulbs. Delete it. If they are not lit what need is there to mention them?

Woman: (continuing to read) But suddenly a gory tongue of flame sho tout of the fourth floor window of a larg grey house. "Help!" someone shouted "We're on fire!"

Man: What's this? Panic?

Woman: Yes.

Man: And it is your opinion that panis ought to be publicized in the columns of our magazine?

Woman: No, bu tthis is fiction...a creative work. I'm describing a fire.

Man: And you portray a man that spreads panic as civic minded? I think we should replace the cry of help with a rallying cry.

woman: For instance?

Man: For instance..."We don't give a damn! We shall put it out!" or even "Nothing to worry about, there is no fire!"

Woman: What do you mean "there is no fire" ? There IS a fire.

Man: No, I mean in the sense of "we shall put it out, there is nothing to worry about"

Woman: Impossible

Man: It's possible. And then you can do away with the cry.

Woman: (reads on) This was the voice of the carelss Tenant who, when he went to bed had forgotten to turn off the electric hot plate

Man: The what tenant?

Woman: Careless

Man: Do you think that carelessness should be popularized in the columns of our magazine? It is not educational to speak of not turning off the hot plate.

Woman: I didn;t intnd this to be educational, but without the hot plate, there'd been no fire.

Man: And would we be much worse off?

Woman: No, better, of course

Man: Well then, that's how you should have written it. Away with the hotplate! And then you do not have to mention the fire. Go on. Read.

Woman: Fireman Prokhochuk, a middle aged Ukrainian...

Man: Nicely stated

Woman: ...with large black mustachios, stopped in front of the door. Th efireman stood there and thought.

Man: Bad. Firemen must not think, they must put ou tthe fire without thinking.

Woman: Bu ####### is a fine point of the story

Man: It is a fine point in a story but not in a fireman. There is no need to bring the fireman into the house.

Woman: But then what about his dialouge with the chief?

Man: Let them talk at the fire house

Woman: (reads) Fire Chief Gorbushin approached him. "Good boy, Prokhorchuk. You have acted according to regulations" Whereupon the fire chief smiled and added "You may not have noticed it bu tyour right mustachio is aflame"

Man: Why must we have that?

Woman: What?

Man: The burning mustachio?

Woman: I pu ####### in for the humnor of the thing.

Man: Believe me. Delete it. Since thre is no fire, the house is not burning no need to burn any mustachios

Woman: And what about the element of laughter?

Man: There will be laughter. When do people laugh? When things are good for them. Isn;t it good that there is no fire? Its very good, so everyone will laugh. Read what you have now

Woman: "A Noble Deed" It was the dead of night, 3 AM. Some people slept while others kept a sharp lookout. From the fourth floor window of a large grey house somebody shouted "We are not on fire!" "Good boy Prokhorchuk!" said Fire Chief Gorbushin to fireman Prokhorchuk, a middle aged Ukrainian with large black mustachios "you're following the regulations" Prohorchuk smiled and aimed a jet of water from his extinquisher at his mustachio. It was dawning.

Man: There! NOW we have a good piece of writing!

[slim 1,514]

Slim, That may just be an old wives tale as far I know. I've never had to shoot at a charging bear in 17 years of playing in Alaska wilderness. Just moved south last year. I usually have a Ruger P95 9mm as a sidearm and had to use it once to scare off a brown bear that got close to camp, but I just popped a few rounds over his head and he wandered away. Probably didn't like the noise as he was just eating berries and minding his own business. I was ALWAYS told by the old timers that my little pee shooter 9mm would just piss off a brown bear. I always wondered if a bear was that mean where 14 rounds of 9 couldn't bring it down.

From what I've heard, the only time bears "charge" is when mama bear is protecting her cubs. The males will run at you to intimidate you but it's not something that they'll continue if faced with a hail of bullets. It's one of those things where they're showing off and then say, "oh sh!t, he's shooting at me!" They decide to go the other way after that whether it's a 9mm handgun, 12ga. slug, or simply the really loud popping sound of any firearm. Scary stuff for most bears.

For mama bear, it's kill or be killed. Now that's scary stuff!

Anyway, in Alaska the bears usually go after unarmed joggers, hikers and tree huggers... not well armed hunters..

Kind of like the criminals around here.

Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

Smells like Bigfoot's ####.

[slim 1,514]

My favorite, by far, hog gun was a 12 ga, short barreled pump gun with slugs. (M870 Express, 20" barrel, bead sight) At those ranges (measured in feet) there is nothing more effective.

I love the 12ga.

One of these days I'm going to save up and buy a super nice one. AA-12, maybe?

[james&olya 1,121]

From what I've heard, the only time bears "charge" is when mama bear is protecting her cubs. The males will run at you to intimidate you but it's not something that they'll continue if faced with a hail of bullets. It's one of those things where they're showing off and then say, "oh sh!t, he's shooting at me!" They decide to go the other way after that whether it's a 9mm handgun, 12ga. slug, or simply the really loud popping sound of any firearm. Scary stuff for most bears.

For mama bear, it's kill or be killed. Now that's scary stuff!

Kind of like the criminals around here.

Smells like Bigfoot's ####.

When I lived in Fairbanks the stories popular around there talked about how you didn't want to shoot the bear if he knew where you were before you shot. Seems if you shot, even with a lethal chest shot, you would just anger the bear and he would kill you before he realized he was dead! Maybe a little exaggeration but apparently grizzlies have an anaerobic metabolic capacity that does not depend on oxygen delivery to remain conscious and functioning for up to several minutes. What was needed was a shot with 3000 or more foot-pounds of force to a front shoulder to cripple the bear first, then take the shot that would be finish him off. Most of the time a grizzly will turn and go the other way when encountering a human. Key word being 'most'! To me grizzly hunting is the closest to real sport since the grizzly is far from helpless and the hunter could very well fall victim to the bear!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

When I lived in Fairbanks the stories popular around there talked about how you didn't want to shoot the bear if he knew where you were before you shot. Seems if you shot, even with a lethal chest shot, you would just anger the bear and he would kill you before he realized he was dead! Maybe a little exaggeration but apparently grizzlies have an anaerobic metabolic capacity that does not depend on oxygen delivery to remain conscious and functioning for up to several minutes. What was needed was a shot with 3000 or more foot-pounds of force to a front shoulder to cripple the bear first, then take the shot that would be finish him off. Most of the time a grizzly will turn and go the other way when encountering a human. Key word being 'most'! To me grizzly hunting is the closest to real sport since the grizzly is far from helpless and the hunter could very well fall victim to the bear!

This is the typical reaction of any heart shot animal, James. Usually "no reaction". A deer or hog or goat will simply either bolt out running or just stand there like nothing happened and a few seconds later, fall over dead. The first few times I heart shot an animal I thought I had cleanly missed. After a while, if my hold was good I knew..."heart shot". Animals do not "know" they have been shot, they do not "know" they are supposed to fall over dead. So they just use their instinctive defense mechanisms, fight or flight. A heart shot animal can do either for a short time before the oxygen in the blood is exhausted. It is not anything particularly related to bears. Other animals are far from helpless. Deer can run 45 miles an hour in thick brush and barely make a sound, can hear you and smell you long before you can see them.

A clean heart shot, particularly a broadside, does very little other damage, structurally speaking. Breaks a rib maybe, so what? It does not even transfer much energy to the animal because there is little resistance to the bullet which just zips through and crashes into something on the other side. All the potential energy of a bullet is not delivered unless it stops within the target.

A shoulder or spine shot breaks things that the animal needs to function (move) A shoulder shot will usually keep an animal in one place until they die or you shoot them again. Shoulder shots often result in "secondary projectiles", bone fragments, that damage lungs, heart, arteries, etc. There is a lot of that stuff in the shoulder area.

Energy, if delivered, does a couple of things. It provides a huge "shock" which can simply stun the animal and render them temporarily out of order. If that "temporary" time is enough for the other damage to kill them...job done. It can also cause a temporary wound channel, secondary projectiles, etc. But kinetic energy is largely over-rated. A .30-06 and a .300 Wthby Mag both shoot the same bullet. The .300 mag has more potential energy because of higher initial velocity. The dirty secret is that an animal hit by the SAME bullet in the SAME place offers exactly the SAME resistance to penetration and the bullet will actually deliver the SAME energy to the TARGET. The .300 magnum will hit the ROCK on the other side of the animal harder than the .30-06, but the animal will never know the difference. The magnum's advantage comes in a flatter trajectory over a longer range AND being able to deliver the same energy as the .30-06 (or standard cartridge of the same caliber) at longer range.

[slim 1,514]

even with a lethal chest shot, you would just anger the bear and he would kill you before he realized he was dead! Maybe a little exaggeration but apparently grizzlies have an anaerobic metabolic capacity that does not depend on oxygen delivery to remain conscious and functioning for up to several minutes.

This is a pretty common story from the battlefields as well. "I shot him several times but he kept coming."

Bears, like people, have to be shot in the right place in order to stop functioning. Nervous system shots (cerebral core, spinal cord, etc.) and/or shots to "moving parts" have to be hit in order to render the shooter (or charging bear) incapable of continuing.

This is why I like the .223/5.56 so much. It doesn't have the same "punch" the others have, but it's a lot easier to aim and hit what you're shooting at.

A .30-06 and a .300 Wthby Mag both shoot the same bullet.

Add the .308 in there as well. My buddies are always trying to sell me on this one too. "Every real American should own a .30cal battle rifle."

Yeah, but they're heavy!

[~Johnny~ 27]

Do you guys' RUB mates freak out on the passion for guns?

[slim 1,514]

Do you guys' RUB mates freak out on the passion for guns?

Nope. Other than the occasional, "why you waste money on your stupid zombie sh!t" it's actually quite easy to justify the purchases to women from the FSU. They know, probably better than most women, what personal firearms guarantee. There's no reason to "sell" it to them that we need a gun in the house, should have personal arms for govt. tyranny checking, and "just in case" a rainy day comes along. They're quite familiar with what guns are for.

Monetary issues are about the only "selling" I have to do with my wife. "But, hon... of course you need your own flak jacket and gas mask. You also need your own AR and 50 extra mags. Why? Because you can't use mine - I'll be using it!"

My wife doesn't look at it in terms of guaranteeing our freedom during an economic crisis (nothing moves quicker than guns and ammo) she looks at it in terms of "weeks I'm not in the Caribbean." However, when she sees things like what's going on in Libya on TV, she doesn't give me a hard time at all. In fact, she says, "show my friends what you bought me." She is the first girl on her bloc to be kitted-up. HUZZAH!

And, as others will probably chime in, there's nothing sexier than seeing your wife wield an AK-47. Well, nothing except seeing her make hits at 300 yards!

[baron555 934]

This is why I like the .223/5.56 so much. It doesn't have the same "punch" the others have, but it's a lot easier to aim and hit what you're shooting at.

Huh? My M1 or my M14 or even my Rem 700 is easy to aim.....so are my M1 Carbines.

Add the .308 in there as well. My buddies are always trying to sell me on this one too. "Every real American should own a .30cal battle rifle."

Yeah, but they're heavy!

You're a wuss! After days of popping heads that "heavy" rifle, absorbing all that recoil, will be a reward.

....