I figured out why USCIS takes so long!!!

[Bosco 1]

Love just isn't about being together. I don't think the people who come on VJ and talk how they cannot function without being near their partner and describe how it impedes with their normal functioning love their partners any more than I love my husband - or any of the other people who handle it without drama. My husband stayed two months after getting his visa to take care of things. I respected him all the more for it and supported him.

Love is caring enough to want what is best for your partner too - and not making them feel like ####### about it.

[Kirsten L 0]

Good luck in whatever you choose, Soni

But if this is a case of you speaking in anger...perhaps you should wait until you are more calm & make sure you don't act in haste.

I'm with LisaD on this one, SonicLiz...I'd wait till things cool down a little so that you can be sure you're making a rational, right decision. Me, I'm in love with a rather impatient and stubborn Frenchman. I've learned that I just have to not let myself be bothered when he gets himself in a tizzy. If I don't react, if I stick pleasantly and lovingly to my guns, he calms down and gets on board with me. Works pretty much every time. Taming lions is a difficult process, but it works...

Edited August 20, 2006 by Kirsten L

[Alex+R 0]

Good luck in whatever you choose, Soni

But if this is a case of you speaking in anger...perhaps you should wait until you are more calm & make sure you don't act in haste.

I'm with LisaD on this one, SonicLiz...I'd wait till things cool down a little so that you can be sure you're making a rational, right decision. Me, I'm in love with a rather impatient and stubborn Frenchman. I've learned that I just have to not let myself be bothered when he gets himself in a tizzy. If I don't react, if I stick pleasantly and lovingly to my guns, he calms down and gets on board with me. Works pretty much every time. Taming lions is a difficult process, but it works...

My fiance is really similar! Some days he sends me little emails telling me how the K1 will take too long, I should give up, and just move to Brazil with him. But he does not say "if you don't move here, despite the fact that you have no money right now and don't like my city, we are over." That is controlling. It can get BAD. SonicLiz is the only one who really knows, but I suspect if she's throwing out her relationship over this, it's not the first time she's felt trapped by this relationship.

[Fandango 1,439]

VP that was SO inappropriate. Leave her alone. It's not your problem she doesn't want to be in a controlling relationship where her partner can't respect the practicalities of HER life as well. Ultimatums ARE controlling behavior and a sign of future abuse. We all want to be with our respective SOs, but obviously most of us can't be. Don't you love yours enough to move over there RIGHT NOW?

Absolutely and if I could I would board the plane tonight!

But you can't, right? Yeah. Well, neither could Sonicliz. A mature SO would respect and understand that. Hers didn't.

She is the one to cancel the petition and call it off right? I mean did he really try to come over and force her to leave?

My husband has begged me to come to him before and I think it's sweet... not controlling.

first of all, BRAVO to Alex for the checkmate of VP here...but your point is obviously beyond her grasp.

Secondly, VP....begging to go is one thing, but did your hubby give you an ultimatum? NO! Putting a loved one in a 'that or me' situation is wrong, horrible, unsympathtic, controlling, etc....it's a total refusal to see things from Sonicliz's POV...and how much of a partnership IS that? And that doesn't mean I'm completely bashing him, because we're all people & say things we don't mean out of frustration, but if he sticks to this ridiculous ultimatum, then she prolly is best taking a step back to decide if she can live with behavior like this.

'I want what I want and you either give it to me or I don't want you anymore'

Yeah, I see your point, that is soooo sweet!

Edited August 20, 2006 by LisaD

[Ban Hammer 12,863]

Methinks this might wind up being a long thread.

Mature or not, this IS Off Topic. As you've seen, anything and everything can and most likely WILL get posted.

It doesn't matter where on the forum she posted it... just the fact that she posted it in a public forum at all shows her own level of immaturity while she's here whining that her man is so immature for wanting to be with her.

i'm sure many will remember that statement of yours if and when you run into trouble

and if you're having trouble with the plane fare to get to your so, vp, i'm sure many here will donate. i know i would

Edited August 20, 2006 by charlesandnessa

[StupidJourney 0]

Good luck in whatever you choose, Soni

But if this is a case of you speaking in anger...perhaps you should wait until you are more calm & make sure you don't act in haste.

I'm with LisaD on this one, SonicLiz...I'd wait till things cool down a little so that you can be sure you're making a rational, right decision. Me, I'm in love with a rather impatient and stubborn Frenchman. I've learned that I just have to not let myself be bothered when he gets himself in a tizzy. If I don't react, if I stick pleasantly and lovingly to my guns, he calms down and gets on board with me. Works pretty much every time. Taming lions is a difficult process, but it works...

I think I am going to wait until things cool down a bit before officially withdrawing my petition, but just so you know VP he actually asked me to cancel the petition. It was his idea, not mine, even if I am the one who actually has to do it (even though, like I said, I'm going to wait to see if he cools down some.) So it's not like I'm dumping him because of his ultimatium, it's more like he's acting on his words. And I did offer the compromise of coming over there in december, because i don't want to wait a long time without him either, and the praciticalities of my situation don't allow me to just jump on the next plane, but he was unwilling to wait until december. and i thought it was sweet for like the first 2 days, and then it turned into 6 hour daily video chats that consisted of "come back. please. please." "well, there's that whole issue of money." "all you care about is money." "no, that's not what I mean, I mean I have maybe 1/3 of the plane fare in my checking account, so it's kind of impossible." "well, can't you ask your parents, you know the people who refuse to speak to me?" "Umm, probably not such a good idea." and this goes on for 6 hours, only to be repeated the next day. and that's been going on EVERY DAY since I got back july 26.

anyway, thanks everyone for all the advice.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Good luck in whatever you choose, Soni

But if this is a case of you speaking in anger...perhaps you should wait until you are more calm & make sure you don't act in haste.

I'm with LisaD on this one, SonicLiz...I'd wait till things cool down a little so that you can be sure you're making a rational, right decision. Me, I'm in love with a rather impatient and stubborn Frenchman. I've learned that I just have to not let myself be bothered when he gets himself in a tizzy. If I don't react, if I stick pleasantly and lovingly to my guns, he calms down and gets on board with me. Works pretty much every time. Taming lions is a difficult process, but it works...

I think I am going to wait until things cool down a bit before officially withdrawing my petition, but just so you know VP he actually asked me to cancel the petition. It was his idea, not mine, even if I am the one who actually has to do it (even though, like I said, I'm going to wait to see if he cools down some.) So it's not like I'm dumping him because of his ultimatium, it's more like he's acting on his words. And I did offer the compromise of coming over there in december, because i don't want to wait a long time without him either, and the praciticalities of my situation don't allow me to just jump on the next plane, but he was unwilling to wait until december. and i thought it was sweet for like the first 2 days, and then it turned into 6 hour daily video chats that consisted of "come back. please. please." "well, there's that whole issue of money." "all you care about is money." "no, that's not what I mean, I mean I have maybe 1/3 of the plane fare in my checking account, so it's kind of impossible." "well, can't you ask your parents, you know the people who refuse to speak to me?" "Umm, probably not such a good idea." and this goes on for 6 hours, only to be repeated the next day. and that's been going on EVERY DAY since I got back july 26.

anyway, thanks everyone for all the advice.

First thing is first...to the OP...you have no reason to justify yourself to VP. THat was completely ignorant..You are doing the right thing. It does show a sign of immaturity on your SO's part...if you are having financial troubles now, and just go off without taking care of them..how is that going to help the two of you in the long run??? Surely it will only make matters worse...and for what?? Just so you can be together during the process..instant gratification? You do what is best for you. And no, it wasn't imature of you to post in here. And no you didn't give your whole life story..that is a major exaggeration on VP's part. You told us what is going on with you and ur SO...big deal...u needed to vent...you know who are your true friends on here.

Good luck with whatever you decide...

LJ

Edited August 20, 2006 by Laura_and_IanM

[sarah and hicham 3]

I agree with Lisa and others here... VP has no right to say what she did, and it was totally ignorant.

Not everyone has just the most perfect little relationship like she does I guess.

Good luck to the OP... men are stubborn and when he cools down he will realize he made a mistake.

Sarah

[onwa 6]

When my husband (Then fiance) and I were seperated we were once in a similar situation. He said if I didn't come by Christmas then it was over. Well, I didn't come by Christmas and by that time he had calmed down and was able to be more realistic. He's now been here over a year and he thanks me for having the patience for the both of us for that short period of time. However, I want to note that he did start exhibiting patience and did stop begging me to come and see him.

[KarenCee 3]

It's not a matter of maturity. It's a matter of the fact that I alienated my whole family and rriends by daring to love someone from halfway across the world that now I have no one to vent to. I'm sorry if I offended you, but I just needed to post this somewhere. In the future, I'll create a blog somewhere since I'm so offensive. Sorry. Sheesh.

I am not offeneded I just commented on your post, which you should have expected when you decided to post it here.

OK let me try my hand at this 'supportive thing'...

I am sorry that you found a man who loves you so much that he wants to be with you immediately and is saddened at the thought of spending a year or more away from you while waiting on this hellish process.... I'm sorry that his lack of patience to begin his life with you has given you the idea that he's not mature enough for you or that he wants to control you.

sheesh, where have all the good men gone?

Personally, giving the one you supposedly love an ultimatum...basically being the one in control...is what got to her. Did you not read that? Is that acceptable behaviour for you? Maybe to your frame of mind posting her personal issue was not appropriate...dare I mention some inappropriate comments you've made...but at the same time her ex fiance should have been VERY understanding of her situation and shown LOVE instead of selfishness in demanding that she choose between her responsibilities or him.

As hard as it was to be apart from my beloved neither of us gave ultimatums. That shows a level of selfishness combined with a control issue. How can you seriously see his demands as "one who loves you so much that he wants to be with you immediately" as love? Lack of patience? Try control. If he were truly mature then he would not have leveled the demand that he did. True love isn't like that. Maybe where you come from, or how you believe, that is acceptable...but for the most part, it isn't.

I speak from experience too...as one that was in a controlling situation. Trust me...that isn't love. Not one bit.

[Ban Hammer 12,863]

It's not a matter of maturity. It's a matter of the fact that I alienated my whole family and rriends by daring to love someone from halfway across the world that now I have no one to vent to. I'm sorry if I offended you, but I just needed to post this somewhere. In the future, I'll create a blog somewhere since I'm so offensive. Sorry. Sheesh.

I am not offeneded I just commented on your post, which you should have expected when you decided to post it here.

OK let me try my hand at this 'supportive thing'...

I am sorry that you found a man who loves you so much that he wants to be with you immediately and is saddened at the thought of spending a year or more away from you while waiting on this hellish process.... I'm sorry that his lack of patience to begin his life with you has given you the idea that he's not mature enough for you or that he wants to control you.

sheesh, where have all the good men gone?

Personally, giving the one you supposedly love an ultimatum...basically being the one in control...is what got to her. Did you not read that? Is that acceptable behaviour for you? Maybe to your frame of mind posting her personal issue was not appropriate...dare I mention some inappropriate comments you've made...but at the same time her ex fiance should have been VERY understanding of her situation and shown LOVE instead of selfishness in demanding that she choose between her responsibilities or him.

As hard as it was to be apart from my beloved neither of us gave ultimatums. That shows a level of selfishness combined with a control issue. How can you seriously see his demands as "one who loves you so much that he wants to be with you immediately" as love? Lack of patience? Try control. If he were truly mature then he would not have leveled the demand that he did. True love isn't like that. Maybe where you come from, or how you believe, that is acceptable...but for the most part, it isn't.

I speak from experience too...as one that was in a controlling situation. Trust me...that isn't love. Not one bit.

maybe she likes being controlled. giddyup!

[sarah and hicham 3]

HEY! I say giddyup!

[Sinergy 3]

Methinks this might wind up being a long thread.

Mature or not, this IS Off Topic. As you've seen, anything and everything can and most likely WILL get posted.

It doesn't matter where on the forum she posted it... just the fact that she posted it in a public forum at all shows her own level of immaturity while she's here whining that her man is so immature for wanting to be with her.

Maybe she just needs some people to talk to, and get some feedback, I dont see immaturity in that. Maybe she needed reassurance she did the right thing.

Oh i forgot this is a forum, DUH, we are allowed to post whatever we want right?

[iceyspots 0]

oh no... im gone for one weekend and come home to utter chaos lol

[Melo 1]

I cannot understand why people feel it is necessary to be so uncaring... but it no longer surprises me... for people seem to thrive on that here... one reason why I spend less and less time here... this is no longer a place where one can feel supported... there is always someone trying to drag another person down... and it is sad.