Mother in law can't stop calling her son

[confussedwife 0]

Hi, everyone,

I am having a problem and would like to discuss it with everyone here in the forum so that I can know if it's me who is over reacting or something else.

My mother in law lives in Europe, she will call her son every weekend ( saturday + sunday ) and every holiday. At the beginning it was fine, but over time it has become a hugh issue for me. Because when she calls, she always repeating herself with the same thing, weather.... and her leg ( she recently got injured)...... always repeating. She has 3 sons, but she only calls my husband because he is responsive to her, the other 2 borthers don't want to talk to her.

My husband is fine with the repeating topic and the phone calls ( because it's her mother), but I am not. I feel very annoyed. If we are out, she will call 6-8 times a day, every hour to check if we are home. I start to feel that there is an issue with her, it's not normal like this, is it???? or me not normal feeling annoyed??

We are fighting a lot over this, and he thinks that it's his mother so he should talk to her no matter what, and I agree on this, but there is a limit. For example, if we are not home, just leave a message instead of calling so many times. Calling one day a week is enough, not 2 days in a roll and repeating the same thing.

I don't know what to do.... I know I shouldn't be concerned at all, I should just let her call and speak with her son, but I don't want her to feel that talking to her son is the highlight of the week, she should get up and do somthing for herself........

I know by writing this I sound like a bad wife, but I just don't feel this is normal.........

Help...... please give me some of your insight.....

Thanks.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Calling 2 days a week isn't extreme. She's calling for his company on the phone so it matters not what the subject matter is. She's probably very lonely and misses her son. If the weekend calling is interfering with your plans of doing things together on the weekend, then maybe ask your husband to call her ahead of time to let her know you two have plans and will not be home to answer her calls?

Have you guys thought of bringing her over for an extended visit?

[Malrothien 6]

Two times a week is normal - some people talk to their parents on a daily basis!

The poor woman sounds like she is lonely and considering you said that two of her sons don't talk to her - she has only one left!

[Ban Hammer 14,820]

Two times a week is normal - some people talk to their parents on a daily basis!

The poor woman sounds like she is lonely and considering you said that two of her sons don't talk to her - she has only one left!

exactly.

[Danno 1,228]

When an old lady calls her son, the topics are often a rerun of the last conversation or at least that how it works with my mom too.

Two phone calls a week is not "a lot" really, I bet a lot of people call back home a lot more than that here at VJ.

WHy it bothers you so much is meaningful.

I don't say this to be critical but I really think this is "your issue".

How we look at any situation shapes our opinion of it, right now you view her as in intrusion in your lives; without her ... your life with your husband would not even be possible.

Two calls a week is not such a large payment for finding a good man is it?

[*JG* 2]

While 2 times a week is not overly much, I think it depends on what you are doing. Is she infringing on family time or things you have planned? If so, maybe the issue is setting a time and day of the week that might be convenient for her to call.

They miss each other, I am sure. Try and come to some compromise on the issue that benefits everyone.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Sounds like you have the problem.

Not your Mother in law.

Not your Husband.

But you.

You should look into that angle.

If it doesn't bother your Husband - then let it go...

[FortLaudy 10]

I don't think she deserves to be attacked... a little pang of jealousy is very normal when the one you're crazy in love with is spending some of his love/time with someone else...

To the OP: remember your Mother-in-law is far away from the only son she still has contact with... the phone is her only source of contact with him, she's not trying to steal him away from you, lol... she's just a lonely old lady who needs some company, have some sympathy, include her in your life and call her more often or work on getting her over here for a visit...

[Malrothien 6]

I don't think she deserves to be attacked... a little pang of jealousy is very normal when the one you're crazy in love with is spending some of his love/time with someone else...

It's his mother, not some random woman, not a friend, not a coworker. If you're jealous over your spouse spending time with their parents, you have major issues.

[nowhereman 1]

For the most part I agree with the other posters... twice a week is not a big deal. If the repetition of the topics annoy then go do something else during the phone calls. The part about the mother in law calling every hour if you aren't home is a bit much, but like others have said she is probably lonely. Make light of it with your husband & joke about it if you can, but don't make a big deal out of it.

[ValerieA 350]

Two days in a row seems a bit much, and the calling every hour seems a little obsessive. Can you not set up a time to call twice a week - say, Wednesday mornings (afternoon in Europe) and Saturday mornings? This will space the calls out a little. And make sure that you keep to the schedule, or, if there is an event that precludes the call, set up an alternate time in advance. Other than that, remember how lonely she must be for her sons, especially since 2 of them don't talk to her (maybe because they could not find a compromise B) )

[Darnell 8,480]

if it seems to be too much for you, maybe is time to put on the headphones when she calls, listen to music or yer favorite podcast.

Don't have headphones? Get Some.

I look at it like this - ALL MOTHERS do this, regardless of 'where' they live.

[FortLaudy 10]

It's his mother, not some random woman, not a friend, not a coworker. If you're jealous over your spouse spending time with their parents, you have major issues.

I still think just a pang of jealousy is normal... no matter who he's spending time with, it's about the time & attention spent away from her that she feels threatened/annoyed by.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I still think just a pang of jealousy is normal... no matter who he's spending time with, it's about the time & attention spent away from her that she feels threatened/annoyed by.

I agree. Especially if she feels it is interfering with their together time on the weekends.

[confussedwife 0]

I tried to get involved in the conversation, but she doesn't want to talk to me, she wants to talk to her son.......if he is not available at the time when she called, 5 mins after talking to me, she will call him again to say exectly the same thing.

Since her leg injury, she can't fly. On top of this, she thinks that she still need to take care of her husband and her son ( my husband's brother who doesn't work, staying at home, taking the parents' money). They were planning a visit this summer, but his father doesn't want to come since they've already visited last year.

I know somehow it's my problem that I need to work on, but I think maybe what my husband did also affect me alot, whenever his mother calls, he will run to the room and close the door.......that makes me feel that they are talking something bad behind my back.... I've asked him don't do that.... but he is still doing it.... maybe that's the reason why I am so annoyed.

Thank you very much for your reply.....I'll try to calm down and stop taking it so hard.......I'm working on it now.....