Questions to Ask BEFORE you get married

[Jasman0717 8]

This was something that was passed down from my grandmother to my sister. It isn't a joke, it is the way it was:

Instruction and advice for the young Bride:

Printed by Spiritual Guidance press in 1884

To the young woman who has had the benefits of a proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and the most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrifible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure. Beware such an attitude! One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex, at best, is revolting and, at worst, painful, it has to be endured, and has been endured by women since the beginning of time.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by, she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among the bride's best friends. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering also prove effective, if used about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week at the end of the first year and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage. By their tenth anniversary many wives have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. She can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced clothed and only in total darkness. Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bead and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him. She should let him grope in the dark. When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible.

As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace for him to enjoy.

One heartening factor is the fact that the husband's home, school, church and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings. The wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband'' desire for sexual expression.

Edited December 24, 2009 by Jasman0717

[Jasman0717 8]

Interestingly enough I found this link: http://themediadesk.com/newfiles2/youngbride.htm

It says the previous post was a hoax and was writting during the sexual revolution. When was that, in the 60s? I know this was around before that becuase my Grandmother gave it to my sister when she got married and that was in 1947. My Grandmother passed away in 1958 well before the sexual awaking of the 60s.

In my mind I can't be sure if it was met to be a joke for my sister or if she was serious because of how mean my Grandfather was. I am believing it was my Grandmother's sense of humor, it is obvious she had to have some sort of sense of humor living with my Grandfather for 64 years.

[Lia792 5]

Always find out if the person has an unnatural interest in cats......

Hey! I resemble that remark...in a non-zoophilic way

Speaking of cats, my ex really hated them and used to separate my cat from her kittens so she started attacking him. They say pets are a test for having children...

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Another question to ask:

Do you want to have children?

I see many couples go koo-koo divorce over that.

There, fixed.

[Nessa 23]

lol

[sachinky 464]

This is just me and only my opinion, but this is why I've avoided LDR's like the plague in my short dating life. Not to say it can't work and more power to those who CAN make it work--maybe it's just me. Look, asking questions is fine and dandy. But until you're there in that situation, it's hard to predict how one will act. I always say -- watch your SO in their natural environment. That is a much better indication than what someone tells you over the net. Sure, you can be blind to their faults, whether virtually or in person, but being with them physically gives you a better understanding of who they are and whether you want to be with that person or not.

SEE how they spend/manage their finances rather than what they SAY about how they will manage your co-mingled finances post-marriage.

SEE how they interact with your ex-es/kids/family rather than what they SAY about how they will interact with them.

Marriage is a life-long, profound decision. Far too many people make/take it lightly. A leap of faith is not the same thing as what might seem as an acceptable risk at a particular moment in time. Ask questions, communicate, but it's always best to OBSERVE. And always remember, people CHANGE. Personality-wise and they also change their minds.

Personally, I waver on the issue of kids. I've always wanted them since I was a little girl. But that was way into the future and not a serious possibility. Now that I'm married and kids are actually an issue that might crop up in the near future, I freak out at the very THOUGHT of it. Fortunately, it's not a deal-breaker for either one of us. I mean, we're too young anyway, right now. And who knows how I'll feel five-six years down the line? Or how he'll feel?

Edited December 25, 2009 by sachinky

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Always ask these two questions, Do you swallow, and do you like it in the butt.

[NickD 202]

With bad marriages and as a guy, can only wonder if being raised and taught by women the first 14 years of my life until it finally tapered off just a tad had something to do with being conned into my first, bad marriage.

If you don't succeed the first time have two options, either say screw it or try again. Did the latter, but knew I had to raise my marriage IQ a tad, a marriage IQ of 1.012 is not high enough. This time, no pushing, no rushing, just let our relationship occur naturally and noted her interest in me as well as my interest in her, it developed at a very slow pace and most important, it didn't die.

At times when we have problems, tend to get too strong, but have to back off and state, merely proposing the options we have for this problem, the final decision will be ours. See the odometer on the new car I purchased has 70,000 miles on it already, most of it, we were riding together with plenty of time to talk. She has been a very good friend and that's how we started. Ha, also helps that she really has a nice a$$ and she feels very secure in walking with a 6' 2" 210 pound guy. I feel we were made for each other, those are not easy to find.

[thongd4me 69]

With bad marriages and as a guy, can only wonder if being raised and taught by women the first 14 years of my life until it finally tapered off just a tad had something to do with being conned into my first, bad marriage.

If you don't succeed the first time have two options, either say screw it or try again. Did the latter, but knew I had to raise my marriage IQ a tad, a marriage IQ of 1.012 is not high enough. This time, no pushing, no rushing, just let our relationship occur naturally and noted her interest in me as well as my interest in her, it developed at a very slow pace and most important, it didn't die.

I too embarked on a long "learning experience" which did NOT involve intimate contact - you've got to understand what's between the ears before you start exploring between the legs

At times when we have problems, tend to get too strong, but have to back off and state, merely proposing the options we have for this problem, the final decision will be ours. See the odometer on the new car I purchased has 70,000 miles on it already, most of it, we were riding together with plenty of time to talk. She has been a very good friend and that's how we started. Ha, also helps that she really has a nice a$$ and she feels very secure in walking with a 6' 2" 210 pound guy. I feel we were made for each other, those are not easy to find.

[Nagishkaw 510]

There is only one question. Are you a virgin?

[Ladylethal 12]

And even in all that, know that you won't always agree on every matter, but ask yourselves if you respect the different PoVs between you two, and if anything that he/she thinks is a dealbreaker.

[alienlovechild 75]

SEE how they spend/manage their finances rather than what they SAY about how they will manage your co-mingled finances post-marriage.

SEE how they interact with your ex-es/kids/family rather than what they SAY about how they will interact with them.

Solid advice as actions speak louder than words. People can claim a lot on the Internet but some can't keep it up in reality. Finances as are a secondary issues as it the number one cause of divorce in the U.S.. You may not marry for money but you can divorce for that reason.