I am heartbroken tonight

[RANNK1 8]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

Im so sorry this happend to you. But it seems to me he just used you to get to the US and if he wants to keep on looking for other women after you went threw hell (NVC And the whole visa prossess is hell) to get him the american And he is not thankful and he keeps doing this even when he is with you. It like he knows you will forgive him cuz you did so many times before He just keeps doing it expecting you to forgive Him. The K-1 visa is for him to come to america and marry YOU not be a child and go around on the computer looking for chicks. Can you see yourself forgiving him and giving him yet another chance? I Wont tell you what i think you should do this is your life and you have to choose. BUT if this was my husband (God bless my Hubby he is so sweet) He would be on the first plane back to His country the first time i found him doing this #######.

You seem like a very nice and bright girl and deserve so much better dont ever let a guy treat you anything less then Great. Dont even let him make you fell bad.

[Calypso 464]

It's time for you to stop making excuses to let him pass. I am not an advocate of divorce but it seems that's the best resort right now. From the moment he said that distance was too stressful so he fooled around and hit on other women, that would have been the time for you to dump him immediately. Heartless people don't grow hearts in the passing of time.

Well, as of now, you can watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Here are some noteworthy quotes from that film:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/quotes

Do you really think that guy is worth your tears and insomnia?

FAE

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

It's time for you to stop making excuses to let him pass. I am not an advocate of divorce but it seems that's the best resort right now. From the moment he said that distance was too stressful so he fooled around and hit on other women, that would have been the time for you to dump him immediately. Heartless people don't grow hearts in the passing of time.

Well, as of now, you can watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Here are some noteworthy quotes from that film:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/quotes

Do you really think that guy is worth your tears and insomnia?

FAE

Amen. If he loved you the distance should be easy. When my hubby misses me too much he calls ME and talks to ME as do all other Guys. But this one Dont let him play you. I also am not An advovate of divorce and think it should be the last resort. My resones for devorce are

(if he cheats on you if he hits you or if he is emoitonaly abussive)

But again i am in no way telling you what to do just giving you My honest Opinion

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I just checked your time line and see you are not yet married. It is time for a really hard look at things. If he is behaving like this and only here for a month you have to ask is his heart in the relationship. I have a few years on you and can tell you a man predisposed to wandering , mentally or physically , is not apt to change. They may be sorry when caught but the flaw is part of their makeup. You have a chance to walk away now. I have seen this type of man before and you are probably looking at a lifetime of catching him and forgiving him and you deserve better.

[George and Movi 1]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

Hi,

Im sorry to hear about this. I felt bad while reading your post. Let me tell you something. My fiance and I met in 2002 and he comes here in the Philippines every 4 or 6 months to spend 3 months with me. The last time we were apart for 13 months. For the past 7 years, we texted everyday, we talked online when i wake up in the morning and before going to bed. Indeed the separation was tough but NEVER NEVER did i ever thought of looking for someone else to talk to nor visit any dating sites during the past 7 years. It was because I love him so much and he trust me a lot .

The separation is not an excuse to go to dating sites. Besides at this time, you are already together so no more separation but he has the nerve to do that. And to make it worse, he does it again and again. Personally i can say that he does not care about you. he does not care if you were hurt.

The decision is all yours, are you willing to live with this kind of person, a liar?( he promised not to do it again but then he did). If this continues, you will eventually lost your trust on him. Are you already married? if not then you still have a lot of time to think it over.

Goodluck!!

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

Also if he can go to sleep and leave you alone unable to sleep and crying he is not worth it realy he should be with you. He has NO EXCUSE to be angry that you did not forgive him please he is trying to turn the tables on you, and make you the bad one which you are not.

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

Hi,

Im sorry to hear about this. I felt bad while reading your post. Let me tell you something. My fiance and I met in 2002 and he comes here in the Philippines every 4 or 6 months to spend 3 months with me. The last time we were apart for 13 months. For the past 7 years, we texted everyday, we talked online when i wake up in the morning and before going to bed. Indeed the separation was tough but NEVER NEVER did i ever thought of looking for someone else to talk to nor visit any dating sites during the past 7 years. It was because I love him so much and he trust me a lot .

The separation is not an excuse to go to dating sites. Besides at this time, you are already together so no more separation but he has the nerve to do that. And to make it worse, he does it again and again. Personally i can say that he does not care about you. he does not care if you were hurt.

The decision is all yours, are you willing to live with this kind of person, a liar?( he promised not to do it again but then he did). If this continues, you will eventually lost your trust on him. Are you already married? if not then you still have a lot of time to think it over.

Goodluck!!

Amen with everything mostly the bold part this is like me and my hubby he is in palestine and he calls texts everything "destance" is not excuse

[Midnight-Sun 0]

Hi!

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear what you are going through! If there is something I know about very well it's infidelity! My fiance and I had problems with that earlier in our relationship, he acted like a teenager and cheated on me with another woman that he was seeing for 2 years back and forth. I forgave him for the same reason, due to the distance and well.. I haven't forgiven him for everything, all I know is that though what happened I still want to be with him because I know he wouldn't have cheated if I was there with him, not across the Atlantic Ocean. It doesn't make it okay, but he changed and now he's loyal and faithful to me, he want to prove it to me and that is a sign that he changed his mentality and understand the situation.

I hate when people tell me "oh he's no good for you etc", well to be honest coming from a very similiar situation myself (me and my fiance been separeted for 3,5 years, soon to be 4 years if we get the K1 visa this summer, we didn't get married because the first two years I was under 18 and the rest 2 because we had some issues and he wasn't ready), you fiance has no plan of changing or does not even care about that he's hurting you.

Why? Because of the simply fact that he is doing this to you over and over again. First in his hometown, then he changed to local women where you are living. If he is flirting with women localy, isn't it obvious that he will cheat when he will get the chance?

I can't tell you what to do, I went against my friend's advices and I think I did the right thing, but I also took a huge emotional risk, I could easily have been hurt really bad instead of being pretty happy right now. I agree with the previous post about that you have to decide on your own. I can't tell you to leave him or not forgive him, that'd make me a hypocrite.

Just remember that you are in control, if you never want to see him again you can put him on the first plane back to Nigeria, don't take ####### from someone that has intentions of hurting you. And also, he can only hurt you as deep as you let him to. You are stronger than you think you are, whatever decision you'll make, I hope it'll work out in your favor.

Please let us know how it'll go, contact me if you want to talk. It feels better when you have someone that gone trough the same thing as you, my mail is midnight-sun89@hotmail.com

Take care!

Edited December 23, 2009 by Midnight-Sun

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

Hi!

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear what you are going through! If there is something I know about very well it's infidelity! My fiance and I had problems with that earlier in our relationship, he acted like a teenager and cheated on me with another woman that he was seeing for 2 years back and forth. I forgave him for the same reason, due to the distance and well.. I haven't forgiven him for everything, all I know is that though what happened I still want to be with him because I know he wouldn't have cheated if I was there with him, not across the Atlantic Ocean. It doesn't make it okay, but he changed and now he's loyal and faithful to me, he want to prove it to me and that is a sign that he changed his mentality and understand the situation.

I hate when people tell me "oh he's no good for you etc", well to be honest coming from a very similiar situation myself (me and my fiance been separeted for 3,5 years, soon to be 4 years if we get the K1 visa this summer, we didn't get married because the first two years I was under 18 and the rest 2 because we had some issues and he wasn't ready), you fiance has no plan of changing or does not even care about that he's hurting you.

Why? Because of the simply fact that he is doing this to you over and over again. First in his hometown, then he changed to local women where you are living. If he is flirting with women localy, isn't it obvious that he will cheat when he will get the chance?

I can't tell you what to do, I went against my friend's advices and I think I did the right thing, but I also took a huge emotional risk, I could easily have been hurt really bad instead of being pretty happy right now. I agree with the previous post about that you have to decide on your own. I can't tell you to leave him or not forgive him, that'd make me a hypocrite.

Just remember that you are in control, if you never want to see him again you can put him on the first plane back to Nigeria, don't take ####### from someone that has intentions of hurting you. And also, he can only hurt you as deep as you let him to. You are stronger than you think you are, whatever decision you'll make, I hope it'll work out in your favor.

Please let us know how it'll go, contact me if you want to talk. It feels better when you have someone that gone trough the same thing as you, my mail is midnight-sun89@hotmail.com

Take care!

I agree with you, But your FI did i once correct? This guy has done it over and over and while in the same house. But as i said before she has to make the decision. But great points!

[Midnight-Sun 0]

I agree with you, But your FI did i once correct? This guy has done it over and over and while in the same house. But as i said before she has to make the decision. But great points!

Depends on how you see it, he cheated on me with ONE woman but during a long period. I caught him serveral times, he didn't have any intentions to change at first. I left him 2-3 times, I didn't speak to him and I dated others. Then he'll come back running after a while and so on. I think when he started to get closer to 30 he realized that he wasn't 26 with a fit body and could play around with that skanky woman because she would and will never be a woman he'd settle with. Sometimes you got to loose what you love the most to appreciate it. I can't say that I did right or wrong, I did many mistakes with my fiance. I do believe things are different now. But even for me her fiance sounds very fishy, I'm pretty sure he's using her. She derserves better.

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

Depends on how you see it, he cheated on me with ONE woman but during a long period. I caught him serveral times, he didn't have any intentions to change at first. I left him 2-3 times, I didn't speak to him and I dated others. Then he'll come back running after a while and so on. I think when he started to get closer to 30 he realized that he wasn't 26 with a fit body and could play around with that skanky woman because she would and will never be a woman he'd settle with. Sometimes you got to loose what you love the most to appreciate it. I can't say that I did right or wrong, I did many mistakes with my fiance. I do believe things are different now. But even for me her fiance sounds very fishy, I'm pretty sure he's using her. She derserves better.

I agree about he Fiance, But im glad everything worked out for you at the end.

[Rito 28]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time.

Hello RANNK1. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. But I did want to mention that when I checked your timeline and saw that you are not yet married, I drew a huge sigh of relief for you. This man seems to be using you for immigration to the US, but the power is in your hands because now you can refuse to marry him. I know the visa process is painful, long, and expensive, but I assure you that an unhappy marriage and divorce will be moreso. I'm glad you have time to get out of this, and move on with your life.

Good luck to you.

[sachinky 464]

Honey, he is using you. Don't let yourself get played.

He's not worth your tears and recrimination. Not worth it--no man who claims to love or respect you will do such despicable things that hurt you. Dump his sorry butt and move on. Don't look back. You haven't married him yet--thank God for small favors.

Five years ago when I hit rock bottom a friend told me the following--I'll quote her here: "You are not a dust bin with USE ME written on your forehead in bold letters. So behave like it is?" I still remember it, to this day.

Good luck.

Cheating--potential, emotional, physical--all unforgiveable, and practically criminal in my book. I don't forgive or forget. Been there, done that.

Edited December 23, 2009 by sachinky

[Chris_Жанна 11]

He is using you. Cut your losses with him now and have a clean break.

If he is looking to talk to other women and then is disappointed you are not cooking for him you should kick him in the nuts to boot.

I hope you find resolve to your problem, sometimes as much as we want to believe a person is good and loves us, we have to accept they are no good.

Stay strong, kick his ####### out to the curb.