I am heartbroken tonight

[ms_jinga_lala 0]

I just checked your time line and see you are not yet married. It is time for a really hard look at things. If he is behaving like this and only here for a month you have to ask is his heart in the relationship. I have a few years on you and can tell you a man predisposed to wandering , mentally or physically , is not apt to change. They may be sorry when caught but the flaw is part of their makeup. You have a chance to walk away now. I have seen this type of man before and you are probably looking at a lifetime of catching him and forgiving him and you deserve better.

I agree with this 100%. This man could have used you, or he could just have a sickness that he can't stop doing this. Either way, it doesn't sound like you can live with it. And you shouldn't have to, nor should you choose to. You didn't mention the messages were explicit or that any plans were being made so it's likely he is just a massive attention #######. As for the messages being emotional, they are just text. You can't project emotion into text, it can only be what the reader feels it is. To him, they may not have been emotional. You also didn't mention that the messages were from him, so I'm assuming you read his inbox and these women were writing to him their feelings (like he's leading them on). Maybe to him it's just a sense of the power he has over women. This is a MAJOR RED FLAG for future abuse. If he loses that sense of power or you limit his outlet to practice it on other women he could very well end up abusing you in ways you won't see coming. I know because I'm a survivor of this myself. These types of people will say and do whatever they need to in order to keep that feeling of power and superiority.

If in fact you are not married yet, I would definitely consider getting out. Don't think about using marriage as an ultimatum. You can't tell him to change or you won't marry him because he will only get better at hiding this, find new ways to do it, or stop for a short time to give you false hope. If you are married, consider having the marriage annulled or get divorced. You entered into this in good faith, he did not. He was a liar and a cheat and misled you, that usually qualifies for annulment as if the marriage never happened. The last option would be counseling. It could help, but it would be a long struggle for you both. Do you really want to start your new life and marriage that way? If you have problems before you are ever together, they won't get better just because you are married.

[zaytoona 8]

I can imagine how you feel. I am sure we all have an opinion of what you should do but ultimately the decision you make will determine how you will feel in the end. God bless and I hope all goes well.

[Midnight-Sun 0]

Where is your boyfriend now???

My fiance is in New York, we are about to start the K-1 journey

[JamilahAM 0]

Ask yourself...Do you deserve this? Are you not a phenomenal woman? Would you let your daughter settle for this?

The petitioning process is murder and I am not saying the foreign spouse or significant other should kiss your #### everyday but there should be respect, honor and sincere appreciation. People are not flocking to Nigeria to live. He is well aware of the life that awaits him at home and he choose this direction. You are worth more than this. Don't say anything to him just contact the USCIS near you and let them know you are not getting married. You do not have to provide him a ticket home. As for dinner tell him to make fufu (sic).

Seek out some girlfriends to yell, cry and laugh with they will help you get through this. But the VJ board also seems like a wealth of information as this type of behavior is NOT unique.

[Peace be still 6]

He is a true blue scam artist that manage to scam his way into your heart. Cut your loses now, or you may find yourself in a place of no return. Such as Idenity theft, your bank account empty ect... Call USCIS ASAP and have him sent back on the first thing smoking. You need to love you first and realize that you're so worthy of having true love. Stop selling yourself short and begin to realize that you are precious and worthy of the love that you are willing to give. SISTER he is treating you less then a $5 #######. You brought him here to a land of oppertunity, and he has the nerves to come into your home and email other women. Ask yourself this question: Do you like supporting other women? Is it ok for him to sleep with different women in your bed? If the answer is H E L L NO the he has to GO.

[FortLaudy 10]

Where's the OP? Hopefully you all gave her a good wake up call... and she's doing what's best for her, getting rid of this son of a gun...

Sounds like she was a desperate woman in search for love and will take whatever slim pickings are out there for her, good or bad... "at least having bad is better than nothing" is what I think goes through some people's minds who accept this kind of behavior from their partners...

These professional, extremely intelligent conmen are sitting in Africa typing away all day and night at their computers looking for woman who are desperate for love and companionship in the US, perfect targets! Their goal is to woo them with promises of "happiness ever after" companionship and love and get that K1 visa (she probably paid for the whole process too!!) if he gets to stay with her for free for a while just to get the 2 year GC that's great but he really doesn't care as all he wanted was to be here and now he is, that's why he is so blatant... he might not even be looking for those woman for himself, but chatting pretending to be another guy, for other members of his fraud ring in the hopes of getting them over here...

You need to gain some strength from within and realize that you deserve better than this, forget about the money you spent on getting him here, it's down the drain and in the past... Do not let him tug at your heart strings or intimidate you... DO NOT MARRY HIM !!! You still have the option to have him out of your life and cut all ties, which is what you need to do... it's hard to accept but this skunk is just using you, blatantly to your face, it's very obvious he has alterior motives for coming over here on a K1... he took you for a fool who is so soft-hearted that you'll put up with anything he does... Put all his belongings out on the curb next time he goes out of the house... lock the door and if he starts going crazy about coming inside call the cops.

Work on your own self confidence before going out and trying to find a partner... especially if it's going to be someone from a different country and you're not 100% about their motives for being here...

[FortLaudy 10]

Just wanted to add: I know it's VERY embarrassing to realize that the relationship is not working out shortly after a marriage or having your fiancee over here... and having to deal with friends and family asking out about how things are going and not wanting to sound like a failure, but you could be in some serious danger here and you Must get this guy out of your life... so what if you're going to be a little embarrassed to your friends and famiy??

I remember a good friend of mine crying her eyes out the night before her wedding day telling me how she knows her marriage won't last and that she's not happy with her husband, but all of her and her husband's family and friends were there for the wedding and she had planned and they had paid for the whole thing so she was just going to go through with it ... Of course I tried to convince her to not go through with it if that's the way she felt, it's about the Marriage afterall, not the damn wedding day!! I tried to tell her that her happiness is far more important than being embarrassed and having people talk about her doing a runner before the wedding day, but she didn't listen and just went through with it... I kept her confession to me a secret and didn't tell a soul but of course was not surprised when 6 months later they were divorced, she later told me she should have listened to me and cancelled the wedding as those 6 months were the hardest 6 months she's ever had to live...

"saving face" to your friends and family by staying in an unhappy relationship is just not worth it! suck it up and be humble and just accept it for what it was and walk away, there are plenty of fish in the sea, local ones aren't bad either!

[Darnell 8,478]

Well, OP - you haven't posted back in this thread, but I notice you've logged in since posting.

I strongly suggest you not follow through with the marriage, for January 2010, at all. If you care to be 'nice' then scrape together enough monies for him to return to Nigeria, but you buy the ticket, walk him through to first security check point.

Good Luck to you - I have strong sense he'll never stop his 'actions' , regardless of how many times you've caught him. IMO, to continuously catch him, will help him to learn to be more crafty , so is longer amount of time between 'you catching him' , from one time to the next time.

[TheCockyLockies 2]

I sure do want to know what happened next. ...

[Nlove 0]

I symphathize with you and I'm sorry that this has happened. Thank God it is not K-3 or CR-1, therefore it's not too late for you to do the right thing. You have 90 days to determine what you are going to do. It's very important not to let your emotions override the wisdom and knowlege you were able gain at this point. It is evident that you love this man with the whole of your heart, but do not allow your heart to suffer. It is not worth a second.

[♥Muslimqueen♥ 2]

What happend to the OP, Keep us updated. I wanna make sure she is ok.

[urch 0]

Hi dear,

I guess its very difficult for you, but pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee for your own sake, get rid of him ASAP. All nigerians are not like him but trust me, this guy is just using you, PERIOD.

Sorry u had to go thru all of this

Take care and wish you the best.