really pissed and hurt:(

[babybunny 2]

I just got off the phone with my husband. He is such an a## today. So we are actually having a big fight right now, because he wants me to ask for his permission if we can discuss a problem or not. What the #### is going on here???? I thought it is part of being married to talk about problems. I am so pissed right now. So I actually decided to take a break for at least a week. If he wanna have his precious time on his own, FINE he can have plenty!

Im so hurt Why is he doing that to me?

Isabel

is your husband military? I am guessing because you say duty station.

my advise was given above. let me add. alot of times military members are placed in

some really stressful situations. when my ex husband use to come home from flying.

he was very tense. one thing I always knew never over load him with issues. I would allow

recovery and adjustment time. maybe this is what he is saying- but. the words are comming out

harshly.

[CanGal 1]

don't think that men like to have a 'problem' come at them out of the blue.

I think his use of the word 'permission' might have been a poor choice.

But I kinda believe that you are better off to ask a man when would be a good time to talk about something that's on your mind. If he says 'now' well then go for it. And if he says now isn't good because of XYZ, well then trust him that it really isn't a good time. If you don't have his full attention you will be wasting your breath anyway.

Thumbs up to this!

[Karen_L 1]

I just got off the phone with my husband. He is such an a## today. So we are actually having a big fight right now, because he wants me to ask for his permission if we can discuss a problem or not. What the #### is going on here???? I thought it is part of being married to talk about problems. I am so pissed right now. So I actually decided to take a break for at least a week. If he wanna have his precious time on his own, FINE he can have plenty!

Im so hurt Why is he doing that to me?

Isabel

You have every right to be pissed off! I definitely would be too! But, I sense that maybe he just meant, as others have suggested, that before you launch into a serious discussion, you ask him if it's a good time or not, not necessarily that you need "permission" as though you were a baby, though I can see how it would have come off that way. Have you been discussing lots of problems and issues lately and having lots of serious conversations? Maybe he feels overcome by numerous problems-related discussions one right after another and doesn't want to discuss anything serious for a little while. He came off really bad, I agree, but could that possibly be a reason?

As for it being a "man-thing"... I *do* think that most men would rather skip the long (and probably, to them, boring) relationship discussion, but that most will also just sit without (much) complaining and have the conversation if their wife/fiancee needed to talk to them.

Ugh, in any event, I hope this gets straightened out, Isabel!

[Isabel 0]

Hi guys thanks for all the answers. He just apologized. He said he is so scared to loose me now that everything is so close for us. And he just realized that. He said he tried to blame me for that. And that was wrong. It was out of line and usually he doesnt do that. But now I feel alot better

Isabel

looking at some of your past topics, over 50% have negative connotations ... i really think you need to sit down with your husband and have some heart to hearts. i know that it's extremely difficult being so far apart but you guys are young and newlyweds ... it's sad to see you going through so much so soon ...

really pissed and hurt:(

I feel distant ....

do you fight over calls and stuff?

how do you deal with you emotions?

Strip bar- how would you react??

Need advice on this emotional/logical conflict

Hi that is true, We are both not made for long distance relationships. And we both know that. I am a very emotional person ...and am not used to all that stuff here. I also have a lot of issues with my own family and all together is just a little too much sometimes. The other thing is...I have also gone through very good emotions...but usually I dont post them...dunno why actually

Greets Isabel

I just got off the phone with my husband. He is such an a## today. So we are actually having a big fight right now, because he wants me to ask for his permission if we can discuss a problem or not. What the #### is going on here???? I thought it is part of being married to talk about problems. I am so pissed right now. So I actually decided to take a break for at least a week. If he wanna have his precious time on his own, FINE he can have plenty!

Im so hurt Why is he doing that to me?

Isabel

You have every right to be pissed off! I definitely would be too! But, I sense that maybe he just meant, as others have suggested, that before you launch into a serious discussion, you ask him if it's a good time or not, not necessarily that you need "permission" as though you were a baby, though I can see how it would have come off that way. Have you been discussing lots of problems and issues lately and having lots of serious conversations? Maybe he feels overcome by numerous problems-related discussions one right after another and doesn't want to discuss anything serious for a little while. He came off really bad, I agree, but could that possibly be a reason?

As for it being a "man-thing"... I *do* think that most men would rather skip the long (and probably, to them, boring) relationship discussion, but that most will also just sit without (much) complaining and have the conversation if their wife/fiancee needed to talk to them.

Ugh, in any event, I hope this gets straightened out, Isabel!

we dont have serious discussions so far lately...but the time comes close that I return to him. He says that is the reason. Usually we talk through issues and never fight really serious, but this time it was different. I just hung up on him because i couldnt stand that. And besides he had a real bad day before I called. And the funny thing is I ASKED if it is a good time to talk....well. Emotions going weird sometimes. We are very well being together but we both are screwed when seperated.

[Karen_L 1]

Hi guys thanks for all the answers. He just apologized. He said he is so scared to loose me now that everything is so close for us. And he just realized that. He said he tried to blame me for that. And that was wrong. It was out of line and usually he doesnt do that. But now I feel alot better

Isabel

So glad everything worked out!!

[Carola 0]

Hi guys thanks for all the answers. He just apologized. He said he is so scared to loose me now that everything is so close for us. And he just realized that. He said he tried to blame me for that. And that was wrong. It was out of line and usually he doesnt do that. But now I feel alot better

Isabel

So glad everything worked out!!

Thank goodness it was just something temporal

[VetsWife328 7]

I hope this is going to be helpful for you:

Jim and I have (when it comes to talking about problems and emotions,not Strip Bars-I'd kick his butt for that one!) the same problem.

We have a lot to deal with at the moment which is affecting our relationship and for quite some time I made the BIG mistake of wanting to discuss those problems all the time,trying to find a solution.Well let me tell you,it only added more anger on my side and more stress on his.

I couldn't understand why he wouldn't talk to me about problems and he couldn't understand why in the world I'd have to discuss the same problems over and over again.

Fortunatley he is staying with his best friends right now and his best freinds wife has become one of my closest friends since she actually sat down with him and had several conversations with him telling him (from a womans point of view) how the way he's acting and kinda pushing me away is making me feel.

And since miracles DO happen he actually told her what bothered him and why.

And ever since we got our "translator" things are working fine.

It's just that men sometimes have their heads full with all kinds of stuff and dont want to or cant sit there and discuss problems.

And thats not because they dont love ya,but because it adds too much stress for them and they feel pushed ino a corner.Well when someone feels that way,they'll get aggressive about it and (verbally) attack.

He misses you and wants to be with you ,yet that is not possible right now,so that alone adds stress for him and when on top of that there's other problems then things start getting difficult.

Just back off for a while,let him calm down and then try to NOT talk about problems for a while.It works with my man and me.We decided to not talk about problmes all the time since we damn near forgot our relationship since all we ended up doing was talking about things that we at this point in time can not change anyways.

Good luck to you and pm me if you feel like talking.

Nat

[Isabel 0]

May I say Men are weird? How the hell am I supposed to understand a Man's mind???? We just laughed about the fact that we just have the simple Woman-Man problem....communication and the different way of dealing with stuff. Women always talk and wanna find out whats wrong bla bla...and Men just wanna fix it and go on. I would love to just being able to overcome a problem that fast like my hubby can.

But still I really think a marriage is based on communication. I cant smell when he had a crappy day....I cant sense that something else is bothering him over the phone when he doesnt tell me, right?

Puh....keeping relationships up and healthy is hard work sometimes isnt it?

Isabel

Edited July 23, 2006 by Isabel

[rebeccajo 14]

Puh....keeping relationships up and healthy is hard work sometimes isnt it?

Yes it is.

You just gave yourself the key. Work. Constructive problem resolution doesn't magically happen and you have to work at it.

When you realize that you are working productively for the health or your marriage, it no longer seems like a struggle.

Mutually respect one another. BOTH OF YOU. It's hard work. It takes resolve. It shows commitment.

It reveals itself later on. You might see it in the eyes of your grandchildren.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

May I say Men are weird? How the hell am I supposed to understand a Man's mind???? We just laughed about the fact that we just have the simple Woman-Man problem....communication and the different way of dealing with stuff. Women always talk and wanna find out whats wrong bla bla...and Men just wanna fix it and go on. I would love to just being able to overcome a problem that fast like my hubby can.

But still I really think a marriage is based on communication. I cant smell when he had a crappy day....I cant sense that something else is bothering him over the phone when he doesnt tell me, right?

Puh....keeping relationships up and healthy is hard work sometimes isnt it?

Isabel

Think more like a man and let the small stuff roll off your back. I sure wouldn't want to be a man with a woman constantly nagging about little things all the time. One of the reasons I don't keep other women close at hand, the b*tching so many do drives me crazy! Sometimes it is best if the other person simply sais, "I have had a bad day, and don't want to talk about it right now", works for us.

Maybe I get this mentality from having so many males in my house *shrug*, they don't hold stuff bottled up inside they say what they need to say and let it go. My husband: "I said what I said, and I meant it when I said it otherwise I would have never said anything to start with"!!!!!! This way there is nothing to read into, no worrying over it and absolutely nothing to argue about!

[camaleon 0]

I think like Donald Trump

"If u have to come back home and work on your relatitonship then u've got problems"

c u later.

[ChristinaM 0]

I think like Donald Trump

"If u have to come back home and work on your relatitonship then u've got problems"

c u later.

Then I feel sorry for your other half.

[sparkofcreation 0]

I think like Donald Trump

"If u have to come back home and work on your relatitonship then u've got problems"

c u later.

Because Donald Trump has proven himself to be so good at establishing stable, long-term relationships?

In all seriousness, perhaps that philosophy is the reason he's on wife No. 3?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Think more like a man and let the small stuff roll off your back. I sure wouldn't want to be a man with a woman constantly nagging about little things all the time.

I have a theory about why that is so. Most women were raised and encouraged to be the nurturers - to show sympathy, compassion and console or confront someone when they sense something is wrong. Men have been taught to persevere even when they get hurt - be tough, be strong. Those traits are in essense good traits that both men and women should have interchangeably. The problem is when they are taken to an extreme - the woman MUST know what is wrong and do whatever she can to remedy the problem, while the guy will keep taking it on the chin proudly even if his jaw is broken until he makes it to the finish line.

So the secret for the woman is to know when he's made it to finish line so she can tend to his wounds and the man just needs to know where the finish line is.

Edited July 23, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[camaleon 0]

My friend when i come back home my wife and I start talking about problems how we gonna fix it, and then we go happly to bed watch some TV, have good sex and then sleep.

If u are telling that u have come back home everyday to star fighting with your girls then u have say am sorry or she says am sorry and then u have a good night "FOR ME THAT IS NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP".

c u later.