new life not wat she expected

[pwayne 0]

Hi! almost the same thing happened to me. My wife's father got sick , she was home sick for thailand, we married started the aos did the biometrics and she left before green card. when she arrive home after a couple day she said I make mistake I want to come back. Now she can't I am doing visa processs all over again. I did make an appointment to go to uscis in LA calif to talk to officer there my options. I did not do the advance parole for travel either. They said they can do an emergency travel there, and she could have came back. U might talk to them she might change her mind again once she goes back. my wife talked with family everyday, I took her and introduced her to many thai friend I have here. she was worried about father and home sick I let her go now I am bringing her back LOL! I hope your wife doesn't get home and say " I make mistake I want to go back" Good luck I think there is a few here with the same problem you are not alone

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

It depends on if she wants to come back to the US on if she needs AP. AP is a document that authorizes a resident to return to the USA if they are out of the country for over a year. If she has no intention of ever returning then she wouldn't need an AP. All you would have to do is get divorced and she can fly back home.

You're getting confused between AP and a re-entry permit. AP is for people who want to be able to leave the US while their AOS is pending. A re-entry permit is for people who already have a green card, and want to be able to leave for more than a year without abandoning their residency.

The OP's wife entered on a K1, and has not completed AOS. She would need AP to get back into the US if she left for even 1 hour.

She also doesn't need to get divorced to leave the US. She can return home anytime she wants, as long as she's got a valid passport from her home country. She just can't return to the US without a document authorizing her to do so; green card, AP, visa, whatever.

As far as some of the other comments in this thread, there's no doubt that a USC has to invest a considerable amount of time, effort, and money into getting their fiance/e or spouse to the US. However, I don't think it's fair to minimize what the foreign fiance/e has to go through. As the USC, I don't have to dredge up police reports from every country I've lived in the for more than six months, nor travel halfway across my own country for a medical exam and interview. I also don't have to go into an office of a foreign government, and have some foreigner subject me to a 3rd degree interrogation while being required by their own country's laws to presume I'm a fraud. All this, just for the "privilege" of abandoning my life, family, and friends, and moving forever to a country that I may never have even seen, knowing that once I arrive I won't be able to work or even drive a car for months.

This is very tough on a foreign fiance/e or spouse. When they arrive in the US they are probably going to be bored, lonely, insecure, afraid, and miss the the life and home they left behind. "Think about everything I went through to get you here" is NOT an attitude that's likely to help them adjust. When they feel like their world is crumbling around them, you can't expect them to be very sympathetic to everything you did to help make that happen. They need comforting, reassurance, regular contact with family and friends back home, and time with people of their own culture in the US. They'll feel better when they see others have done it and have happy lives.

[Jonara 0]

As far as some of the other comments in this thread, there's no doubt that a USC has to invest a considerable amount of time, effort, and money into getting their fiance/e or spouse to the US. However, I don't think it's fair to minimize what the foreign fiance/e has to go through. As the USC, I don't have to dredge up police reports from every country I've lived in the for more than six months, nor travel halfway across my own country for a medical exam and interview. I also don't have to go into an office of a foreign government, and have some foreigner subject me to a 3rd degree interrogation while being required by their own country's laws to presume I'm a fraud. All this, just for the "privilege" of abandoning my life, family, and friends, and moving forever to a country that I may never have even seen, knowing that once I arrive I won't be able to work or even drive a car for months.

This is very tough on a foreign fiance/e or spouse. When they arrive in the US they are probably going to be bored, lonely, insecure, afraid, and miss the the life and home they left behind. "Think about everything I went through to get you here" is NOT an attitude that's likely to help them adjust. When they feel like their world is crumbling around them, you can't expect them to be very sympathetic to everything you did to help make that happen. They need comforting, reassurance, regular contact with family and friends back home, and time with people of their own culture in the US. They'll feel better when they see others have done it and have happy lives.

I see what you're saying and perhaps the role of beneficiaries in the K1 process is equally difficult. But at this stage of the journey when she's not pulling herself together after what they both went through, I can't sympathize with her either. When people decide to marry in general, what comes with it is a lot of self-reflection too. Am I ready? Where are we gonna live? Do we want children? I can imagine how it becomes more complicated if your future spouse doesn't live in the same country. More reason to think about how your life will change tremendously. No one can anticipate an abusive spouse but certainly you can anticipate loneliness, homesickness and all when you move to another country. You have to have a plan for this. If the hard journey to get to where they are doesn't matter to her at all, I will assume that she's being selfish and no clear and serious thought process ever occured from the get-go.

[KarenCee 3]

"This is very tough on a foreign fiance/e or spouse. When they arrive in the US they are probably going to be bored, lonely, insecure, afraid, and miss the the life and home they left behind. "Think about everything I went through to get you here" is NOT an attitude that's likely to help them adjust. When they feel like their world is crumbling around them, you can't expect them to be very sympathetic to everything you did to help make that happen. They need comforting, reassurance, regular contact with family and friends back home, and time with people of their own cultre in the US. They'll feel betteer whmen they see others have done it and have happy lives."

This is what I mentioned earlier. This should have been discussed before she even got here. If more couples did this then their "expectations" would be more realistic in nature and the homesickness that might occur wouldn't be so overwhelming.

[thepizzadude 26]

You're getting confused between AP and a re-entry permit. AP is for people who want to be able to leave the US while their AOS is pending. A re-entry permit is for people who already have a green card, and want to be able to leave for more than a year without abandoning their residency.

The OP's wife entered on a K1, and has not completed AOS. She would need AP to get back into the US if she left for even 1 hour.

She also doesn't need to get divorced to leave the US. She can return home anytime she wants, as long as she's got a valid passport from her home country. She just can't return to the US without a document authorizing her to do so; green card, AP, visa, whatever.

As far as some of the other comments in this thread, there's no doubt that a USC has to invest a considerable amount of time, effort, and money into getting their fiance/e or spouse to the US. However, I don't think it's fair to minimize what the foreign fiance/e has to go through. As the USC, I don't have to dredge up police reports from every country I've lived in the for more than six months, nor travel halfway across my own country for a medical exam and interview. I also don't have to go into an office of a foreign government, and have some foreigner subject me to a 3rd degree interrogation while being required by their own country's laws to presume I'm a fraud. All this, just for the "privilege" of abandoning my life, family, and friends, and moving forever to a country that I may never have even seen, knowing that once I arrive I won't be able to work or even drive a car for months.

This is very tough on a foreign fiance/e or spouse. When they arrive in the US they are probably going to be bored, lonely, insecure, afraid, and miss the the life and home they left behind. "Think about everything I went through to get you here" is NOT an attitude that's likely to help them adjust. When they feel like their world is crumbling around them, you can't expect them to be very sympathetic to everything you did to help make that happen. They need comforting, reassurance, regular contact with family and friends back home, and time with people of their own culture in the US. They'll feel better when they see others have done it and have happy lives.

Amen Brother

[STEPHnRIA 2]

It's not just talking about the visa process. Everyone of us (foreign spouse) goes through the homesickness, boredom. I am sure a lot of us did not expect things to be the same. When you get married (visa or no visa), its all about change and adjustment. You don't just say, hey I am not liking this so let's get a divorce then oops I changed my mind...let's get married again.

[STEPHnRIA 2]

As far as some of the other comments in this thread, there's no doubt that a USC has to invest a considerable amount of time, effort, and money into getting their fiance/e or spouse to the US. However, I don't think it's fair to minimize what the foreign fiance/e has to go through. As the USC, I don't have to dredge up police reports from every country I've lived in the for more than six months, nor travel halfway across my own country for a medical exam and interview. I also don't have to go into an office of a foreign government, and have some foreigner subject me to a 3rd degree interrogation while being required by their own country's laws to presume I'm a fraud. All this, just for the "privilege" of abandoning my life, family, and friends, and moving forever to a country that I may never have even seen, knowing that once I arrive I won't be able to work or even drive a car for months.

This is very tough on a foreign fiance/e or spouse. When they arrive in the US they are probably going to be bored, lonely, insecure, afraid, and miss the the life and home they left behind. "Think about everything I went through to get you here" is NOT an attitude that's likely to help them adjust. When they feel like their world is crumbling around them, you can't expect them to be very sympathetic to everything you did to help make that happen. They need comforting, reassurance, regular contact with family and friends back home, and time with people of their own culture in the US. They'll feel better when they see others have done it and have happy lives.

I see what you're saying and perhaps the role of beneficiaries in the K1 process is equally difficult. But at this stage of the journey when she's not pulling herself together after what they both went through, I can't sympathize with her either. When people decide to marry in general, what comes with it is a lot of self-reflection too. Am I ready? Where are we gonna live? Do we want children? I can imagine how it becomes more complicated if your future spouse doesn't live in the same country. More reason to think about how your life will change tremendously. No one can anticipate an abusive spouse but certainly you can anticipate loneliness, homesickness and all when you move to another country. You have to have a plan for this. If the hard journey to get to where they are doesn't matter to her at all, I will assume that she's being selfish and no clear and serious thought process ever occured from the get-go.

you said it better

[TBoneTX 43,194]

...certainly you can anticipate loneliness, homesickness and all when you move to another country.

You can anticipate until the cows come home, but even if you think that you're fully prepared for it, it's often not enough in the slightest. Even people who have traveled overseas before can go to live in another country, fully anticipating loneliness & homesickness, and still be overwhelmed by it weeks or months later -- because you think that you had it all figured out, but it strikes you that you really don't. Far, far easier said than done.

[Jonara 0]

...certainly you can anticipate loneliness, homesickness and all when you move to another country.

You can anticipate until the cows come home, but even if you think that you're fully prepared for it, it's often not enough in the slightest. Even people who have traveled overseas before can go to live in another country, fully anticipating loneliness & homesickness, and still be overwhelmed by it weeks or months later -- because you think that you had it all figured out, but it strikes you that you really don't. Far, far easier said than done.

Tough it out and suck it up. There are certain things in this world that we can't leave out to trial and error. Not especially if it is a situation that can be controlled. Presumably, you married an adult so things can be reasoned out and negotiated. We can overcome loneliness with time... or at the very least GIVE it time as opposed to bailing out right away. Their VJ took longer than the whole togetherness #######... again to me what a waste.

I bet t when that beneficiary goes back home, her mother will grab her by the ear or a what-the-heck-where-you-thinking pinch from grandma.[ok it's a joke].

Although some can understand what she's going through, the solution to me is unacceptable. Don't give up that quickly.

[TBoneTX 43,194]

Although some can understand what she's going through, the solution to me is unacceptable. Don't give up that quickly.

Granted that perhaps the solution is unacceptable (to you), yet everyone's reaction is individual and personal. I would not want to say "you can't go home -- that's unacceptable" to someone who is inconsolable and in absolute torment. Your opinion is yours, and we are free to disagree.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I admit it!

I'm homesick, I miss my family and friends, I feel isolated because I dont have a job and cant drive at the moment and my husband works long hours (oh yes, look at me sat at home on my own for the next few days, just me and the cat)

My husband couldn't even begin to understand the things I am experiencing at the moment, and he is the 1st one to admit that. All the things the petitioner goes through, the beneficiary goes through too.

On top of that the beneficiary is likely to experience all of the things I have listed above. The petitioner is likely to feel a helplessness that the beneficiary cant understand.

It's all very well telling someone to "suck it up" but I think David cant walk in my shoes and I cant fill his. The only thing keeping me here right now is my love for my husband, my hunger to begin my new life and my attitude towards challenges (I am a stubborn cow), but if all the elements dont meet up and you aren't a strong individual....well put it this way, I can understand why someone would want to go home.

Apparently the first year of marriage is the most difficult for a lot of couples. Then add to this the loneliness and complete isolation you feel when the dust settles....and you have one heck of a battle on your hands.

I have a feeling I might win my battle, but the people who lose the fight have my respect for loving someone enough to put themselves through this process and the transition in the first place.

Jonara: You may feel differently when you actually have experience of the end result of the process. At the moment you are dealing in expectation....and not reality.

Edited September 6, 2009 by Ellie-and-David

[Jonara 0]

Jonara: You may feel differently when you actually have experience of the end result of the process. At the moment you are dealing in expectation....and not reality.

Have you noticed my avatar lately? A looooonnng time ago, I came here alone, yes alone without the kind of instant support that most K-1 beneficiaries would have when they enter the US. I know what it's like to feel isolated and not being mobile for a while, I know how it is to struggle to get credit and even understanding how things work in general. The odd part is I still am isolated today from immediate family and trusted friends. What kept me going all these years is the fact that it was I who made that decision to move. Back in those days, the internet was at its earliest stages. There were no Skypes, YMs and things like that to make communication easier, cheaper and quicker. So imagine the challenge of trying to keep in touch with people when I badly needed to hear from them and vice versa. I can even recall waiting 20 days + just to get a snail mail from people. Mobile phones were rare in the U.S. while my family and friends overseas would say "mobile what?". It was very easy to go insane back then but you have to truly believe that it's only temporary. And indeed I was right.

Having been through all that and seeing what others are experiencing now, I can't help but let out a "pffffffff". So yeah, let's talk about reality. I can write a book about it.

Edited September 6, 2009 by Jonara

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Jonara: You may feel differently when you actually have experience of the end result of the process. At the moment you are dealing in expectation....and not reality.

Have you noticed my avatar lately? A looooonnng time ago, I came here alone, yes alone without the kind of instant support that most K-1 beneficiaries would have when they enter the US. I know what it's like to feel isolated and not being mobile for a while, I know how it is to struggle to get credit and even understanding how things work in general. The odd part is I still am isolated today from immediate family and trusted friends. What kept me going all these years is the fact that it was I who made that decision to move. Back in those days, the internet was at its earliest stages. There were no Skypes, YMs and things like that to make communication easier, cheaper and quicker. So imagine the challenge of trying to keep in touch with people when I badly needed to hear from them and vice versa. I can even recall waiting 20 days + just to get a snail mail from people. Mobile phones were rare in the U.S. while my family and friends overseas would say "mobile what?". It was very easy to go insane back then but you have to truly believe that it's only temporary. And indeed I was right.

Having been through all that and seeing what others are experiencing now, I can't help but let out a "pffffffff". So yeah, let's talk about reality. I can write a book about it.

I would NEVER make assumptions about who you are from a picture. Ever.

If you have been through this then surely you would have compassion for those who struggle. No? Because you survived your experience does not mean you have any idea how other people cope. We are all put together very differently. Just because you can do it doesn't mean everyone can. Good for you!

And for the record I am sure a few years down the line I will be able to look back at this and wonder how it all worked out, but i know something. I will never forget how hard it was leaving my close knit family and friends, my career and a place that has been my home my whole life and I'll always extend my sympathy to others who are struggling to cope, even when my own immigration journey is long over.

So yeah, your experience aside, I would never tell someone to "suck it up" regardless of my own successful immigration experience.

And that's what I mean about people being put together differently.

[KarenCee 3]

Jonara...honey...there are lots of us on here who could write a book about life. One thing I have realised is this...not everyone will react the same way as I do. Nor will everyone react the same way as you. Compassion for others who aren't as strong as you or I goes a long way in this life...and guess what...IT'S FREE!

I still stand behind my original thought that this is something to be dicussed seriously BEFORE the big move. And no, even if it is talked about until both are blue in the face, it still might not prepare one for the gut wrenching emotions that might follow such a huge move.

Just my thoughts.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Jonara...honey...there are lots of us on here who could write a book about life. One thing I have realised is this...not everyone will react the same way as I do. Nor will everyone react the same way as you. Compassion for others who aren't as strong as you or I goes a long way in this life...and guess what...IT'S FREE!

I still stand behind my original thought that this is something to be dicussed seriously BEFORE the big move. And no, even if it is talked about until both are blue in the face, it still might not prepare one for the gut wrenching emotions that might follow such a huge move.

Just my thoughts.

I agree, we talked about what this would be like from day one. And I didn't have any illusions that this would be easy. I consider myself a resilient and very self-reliant individual (yeah there is "life story" about that) but I still couldn't prepare myself for the reality of how torn I feel sometimes.

The isolation and my current financial and emotional reliance is alien to me and it especially hits me when my husband has to go away for work for 2-4 days at a time sometimes - like right now. I am a few miles from a store, what if the cat gets sick and i need to get her to the vet, what if my ATM card stops working because he is the primary applicant on the account and I forgot to get cash out and it's a holiday weekend, what do I do if the air conditioning goes down (and in Fl that IS a major consideration). BLA BLA BLA on and on and on are the worries - none of these things were things I thought about when I was on my own stomping ground.

That isolation is something that crept back up on me when the realities of life kicked in. Not a thing more i could do to prepare.

The only thing that keeps me sane is the endless love and support of my husband. I have to be honest, if he had played the "suck it up" card with me, I'd have been furious and have a "well f**k you" attitude. After all....and as BertieMae says....compassion is free. I dont need a lot from him, but he always gives me more than I need and this goes a long way to making me realise.....I made some sacrifices for a very good man.