Tuesday

[Muh and me 18]

Well I am having a great day Boss called this morning and said work from home till the afternoon and just do the deposits. oh yeah answer the phone and do the deposits it is a great day. Think I will make hubby enchiladas today.

I went to buy some pants and the 2nd hand store since my pants and shorts are falling off me and I took some 14 and 12 in the dressing room, I wanted to see how much I had to go to fit in the 12 and they fit, snug but great.I was so excited. since it has been about 10 years since I have worn a 12. My husband said good but only buy a few cos I am only 2 1/2 months since surgery and I have went from 18-20 to now a 12. This Saturday I wore a size large dress and looked great and felt like a million bucks.

Nagi

That's awesome Nagi!!! Mabrook!

Wow Angie, thats wonderful. I wish I could get down to just a 14. I'd be so happy.

[Ihavequestions 419]

I went to buy some pants and the 2nd hand store since my pants and shorts are falling off me and I took some 14 and 12 in the dressing room, I wanted to see how much I had to go to fit in the 12 and they fit, snug but great.I was so excited. since it has been about 10 years since I have worn a 12. My husband said good but only buy a few cos I am only 2 1/2 months since surgery and I have went from 18-20 to now a 12. This Saturday I wore a size large dress and looked great and felt like a million bucks.

Nagi

Multiple mabruks!

Of course you look better. That's a given. But don't you feel so much better, both physically and in terms of your own self-confidence, etc.? I certainly hope so.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Afternoon MENA!! Hope all are well!

Question: Has anyone had a problem with "motivation" in their SO? When I say "motivation" I mean everything from housework, taking some of the lead, consideration of others, employment etc ... If so, how did you handle it?

Thanks everyone....just trying better to understand things with my SO & keep my cool in check at the same time.

Take care

If you want specific answers, you're going to have to give specific scenarios. True, you don't have to get too detailed, but it's hard to tell what you're talking about.

Housework? Is he doing it all? Won't do any? Criticizing your housekeepiing skills? Exactly what's going on?

Taking the lead? Do you mean in termsof making decisions or what, exactly?

Consideration of others? Is he too considerate, putting himself last all of the time? Inconsiderate? How's this?

Employment? Working two jobs during the week and a third on weekends, so he's never home? Happier playing W o W than hitting the streets looking for one job? Is it too much employment? Not enough?

Details, sister. We need details.

[Sandrila 1]

Thanks Maureen. I went to the local Child Support Enforcement Agency a couple of weeks ago, paid them a fee and they were supposed to take my case from the court (they told me the court doesn't enforce the order, but they will). They were supposed to mail my ex a statement saying that he owes $$$ and that if he doesn't pay it by a certain date that they would take him to court. I thought for sure my ex would go up in flames once he heard from the CSE Agency screaming at me "why did you do that?" but I guess they haven't contacted him yet because he hasn't said anything. I tried calling the agency but I can't get anyone on the phone and they haven't returned my calls. I am getting frustrated because meanwhile, he just moved to a new apartment this past weekend. I let him see our daughter usually when he wants so I dropped her off this morning at the new place. Super nice, sure its 3 bedrooms (he lives with his sister & brother). They moved from a 2 bedroom to a 3. He told me the other day that he was moving just wasn't sure when because he had their old apartment paid until the end of August....yet he can pay deposit and first month's rent at a new place but can't pay a smidge of what he owes in child support? When I filed the case with the agency he owed 3 months worth, now we are in August and it makes 4...another month and he will owe me close to $2000...I could really use that right now until my husband finds a job. I feel like I'm loosing it....finally get the love of my life here with me and then all this #######. Not to even mention the discrimination issue that happened at work a week before hubby got here...

Congrats on your quitting GG...I know that is not easy

Soon you will be flying into the blue

Amanda I'm surprised, I tell ya, over here if you get behind they let it slide up to 500.00.

Once you hit 500.00 and you don't pay you are going to get your tax refund zapped of whatever you owe, even if it leaves you with NO return.

Also for those men or (some women) who are say...over a few thousand dollars the put huge layout in our local paper for deadbeats...you won't believe how much some owe!!! Also, once you get a job or your SS # is registered, it won't be long before they wage attach you, it is only a matter of a month or two before domestic relations catches on.

Edited August 18, 2009 by Sandrila

[~Jess~ 0]

Woohooo my flight is showing up again LOL and there is only 17 seats actually reserved---i know that means there is at least 60 ppl on the flight because some ppl dont pick seats before check in. I sent George to the travel agent and he said that there is still plenty of room but not to worry anyway because we are confirmed, he just needs to go when the manager gets back the 23rd to take care of the extra fees for changing the date.

[Amoon 0]

Thanks Maureen. I went to the local Child Support Enforcement Agency a couple of weeks ago, paid them a fee and they were supposed to take my case from the court (they told me the court doesn't enforce the order, but they will). They were supposed to mail my ex a statement saying that he owes $$$ and that if he doesn't pay it by a certain date that they would take him to court. I thought for sure my ex would go up in flames once he heard from the CSE Agency screaming at me "why did you do that?" but I guess they haven't contacted him yet because he hasn't said anything. I tried calling the agency but I can't get anyone on the phone and they haven't returned my calls. I am getting frustrated because meanwhile, he just moved to a new apartment this past weekend. I let him see our daughter usually when he wants so I dropped her off this morning at the new place. Super nice, sure its 3 bedrooms (he lives with his sister & brother). They moved from a 2 bedroom to a 3. He told me the other day that he was moving just wasn't sure when because he had their old apartment paid until the end of August....yet he can pay deposit and first month's rent at a new place but can't pay a smidge of what he owes in child support? When I filed the case with the agency he owed 3 months worth, now we are in August and it makes 4...another month and he will owe me close to $2000...I could really use that right now until my husband finds a job. I feel like I'm loosing it....finally get the love of my life here with me and then all this #######. Not to even mention the discrimination issue that happened at work a week before hubby got here...

Congrats on your quitting GG...I know that is not easy

Soon you will be flying into the blue

Amanda I'm surprised, I tell ya, over here if you get behind they let it slide up to 500.00.

Once you hit 500.00 and you don't pay you are going to get your tax refund zapped of whatever you owe, even if it leaves you with NO return.

Also for those men or (some women) who are say...over a few thousand dollars the put huge layout in our local paper for deadbeats...you won't believe how much some owe!!! Also, once you get a job or your SS # is registered, it won't be long before they wage attach you, it is only a matter of a month or two before domestic relations catches on.

I wish it were that easy...my ex-husband is here in the US illegally (Mexican) and does not have a social security number, driver's license is expired, owes more than $500...so I don't know what they will do to get him to pay. He uses a tax ID number to work and usually gets paid by personal check...I'm pretty sure he still owes the IRS from last year's tax return and I doubt he will even file this year....

[Nagishkaw 510]

I think I will take a little nap. The dog went peacefully.

[prince+angel 3]

Thanks Ihavequestions - you did make me laugh I needed that! I guess what I mean is when it comes to “motivation”, I’m taking a look at the entire picture - all you do & don’t do. After being here for nearly 2 mos, I expect my partner to be able to take a look around, assess his environment & say (even if its to himself) where can I help?

Granted I’ve done it all on my own before we met & married, however, we discussed this til we were both blue in the face.

Household:

If you don’t have clean undies - wash a load

If its 95 degrees, you know I worked in 2 different counties, drove nearly 100 miles in 1 day - can you initiate making dinner, I don’t care if its crappy grilled cheese - at least you tried instead of waiting for me to do it when I get home.

You take showers - would it kill you to clean out the tub....ONCE?

Your home all day - introduce yourself to the swiffer wet jet

Do I honestly have to tell you to take the garbage out - u see its overflowing ...

By all means, I’m not saying take over but help out a little. I appreciate more that he at least try and not get it right vs. not doing anything at all.

Employment:

I truly think he thinks a job will fall outta the sky & into his lap. Ok there’s not much you can do with out the EAD & its coming. However, instead of spending 12 -14 hours in bed a day & still wanting to relax when you do get up - do something. I feel I’ve truly done all I can do short of taking to employers for him about possible employment options. He does have some goals such as wanting to apply for his CDL license in hopes of getting a driving position ...but I don’t see any effort to realize that goals either.

So I guess I’m feeling frustrated with how some of things are going or not going. Thanks for listening ...

[Sandrila 1]

Well I am having a great day Boss called this morning and said work from home till the afternoon and just do the deposits. oh yeah answer the phone and do the deposits it is a great day. Think I will make hubby enchiladas today.

I went to buy some pants and the 2nd hand store since my pants and shorts are falling off me and I took some 14 and 12 in the dressing room, I wanted to see how much I had to go to fit in the 12 and they fit, snug but great.I was so excited. since it has been about 10 years since I have worn a 12. My husband said good but only buy a few cos I am only 2 1/2 months since surgery and I have went from 18-20 to now a 12. This Saturday I wore a size large dress and looked great and felt like a million bucks.

Nagi

Angie that is wonderful

Keep up the good work.

My hubby is tickled to death....he has lost about 15 lbs in 2 1/2 months, granted he is working extremely hard.

He looks better than ever and has gone down 2 pant sizes!

Now if I could only get on this horse

[Sandrila 1]

Thanks Ihavequestions - you did make me laugh I needed that! I guess what I mean is when it comes to “motivation”, I’m taking a look at the entire picture - all you do & don’t do. After being here for nearly 2 mos, I expect my partner to be able to take a look around, assess his environment & say (even if its to himself) where can I help?

Granted I’ve done it all on my own before we met & married, however, we discussed this til we were both blue in the face.

Household:

If you don’t have clean undies - wash a load

If its 95 degrees, you know I worked in 2 different counties, drove nearly 100 miles in 1 day - can you initiate making dinner, I don’t care if its crappy grilled cheese - at least you tried instead of waiting for me to do it when I get home.

You take showers - would it kill you to clean out the tub....ONCE?

Your home all day - introduce yourself to the swiffer wet jet

Do I honestly have to tell you to take the garbage out - u see its overflowing ...

By all means, I’m not saying take over but help out a little. I appreciate more that he at least try and not get it right vs. not doing anything at all.

Employment:

I truly think he thinks a job will fall outta the sky & into his lap. Ok there’s not much you can do with out the EAD & its coming. However, instead of spending 12 -14 hours in bed a day & still wanting to relax when you do get up - do something. I feel I’ve truly done all I can do short of taking to employers for him about possible employment options. He does have some goals such as wanting to apply for his CDL license in hopes of getting a driving position ...but I don’t see any effort to realize that goals either.

So I guess I’m feeling frustrated with how some of things are going or not going. Thanks for listening ...

Angel...I hear ya!

Hubby been here 9 months now and like the first month I would come home to a straightened apt and dishes all done and put away....now that he works....fogeddaboudit

It all falls on me and you know what? I went on strike.

I do household tasks when I feel like it.

I make dinner IF I feel like it.

We put in the same amount of time working and you can go way back to my post, months ago about the dinner situation and having to actually get up of bed just to warm it up for him....I don't do it anymore.

You can win me with honey, not vinegar.

I just want to say what man do you know that actually looks around and says "what can I do to help?"

I know there are a few but the rest of us, just have another child to pick up after.

[Ban Hammer 12,875]

I think I will take a little nap. The dog went peacefully.

> : D <

[Staashi 371]

I think I will take a little nap. The dog went peacefully.

Nagi - may you two meet again someday in Heaven.

[Nagishkaw 510]

We will, Staashi. He promised.

Thank you all.

[prince+angel 3]

Thanks Sandrila! Nice to know I'm not alone with these kind of experiences. I hate for him to perceive me as mean and/or hard & we both want a loving, committed relationship, which we have in the marriage sense. I worry about the growth of a loving, committed relationship if my husband thinks/feels that just being married is all a marriage is. Does that make sense?

I try to pick & choose my battles, however, I do think its fair for us BOTH to have what we want in partner ... maybe not all the things but at least some. Your definitely right about the honey/vinegar analogy - I have to just be able to remember that when I'm seeing red Looks like I'm going to have to try yet another approach with him & pray for strength & guidance. Thanks again

Thanks Ihavequestions - you did make me laugh I needed that! I guess what I mean is when it comes to “motivation”, I’m taking a look at the entire picture - all you do & don’t do. After being here for nearly 2 mos, I expect my partner to be able to take a look around, assess his environment & say (even if its to himself) where can I help?

Granted I’ve done it all on my own before we met & married, however, we discussed this til we were both blue in the face.

Household:

If you don’t have clean undies - wash a load

If its 95 degrees, you know I worked in 2 different counties, drove nearly 100 miles in 1 day - can you initiate making dinner, I don’t care if its crappy grilled cheese - at least you tried instead of waiting for me to do it when I get home.

You take showers - would it kill you to clean out the tub....ONCE?

Your home all day - introduce yourself to the swiffer wet jet

Do I honestly have to tell you to take the garbage out - u see its overflowing ...

By all means, I’m not saying take over but help out a little. I appreciate more that he at least try and not get it right vs. not doing anything at all.

Employment:

I truly think he thinks a job will fall outta the sky & into his lap. Ok there’s not much you can do with out the EAD & its coming. However, instead of spending 12 -14 hours in bed a day & still wanting to relax when you do get up - do something. I feel I’ve truly done all I can do short of taking to employers for him about possible employment options. He does have some goals such as wanting to apply for his CDL license in hopes of getting a driving position ...but I don’t see any effort to realize that goals either.

So I guess I’m feeling frustrated with how some of things are going or not going. Thanks for listening ...

Angel...I hear ya!

Hubby been here 9 months now and like the first month I would come home to a straightened apt and dishes all done and put away....now that he works....fogeddaboudit

It all falls on me and you know what? I went on strike.

I do household tasks when I feel like it.

I make dinner IF I feel like it.

We put in the same amount of time working and you can go way back to my post, months ago about the dinner situation and having to actually get up of bed just to warm it up for him....I don't do it anymore.

You can win me with honey, not vinegar.

I just want to say what man do you know that actually looks around and says "what can I do to help?"

I know there are a few but the rest of us, just have another child to pick up after.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Thanks Ihavequestions - you did make me laugh I needed that! I guess what I mean is when it comes to “motivation”, I’m taking a look at the entire picture - all you do & don’t do. After being here for nearly 2 mos, I expect my partner to be able to take a look around, assess his environment & say (even if its to himself) where can I help?

Granted I’ve done it all on my own before we met & married, however, we discussed this til we were both blue in the face.

Household:

If you don’t have clean undies - wash a load

Been there. Done that. Trust me, it could be worse.

My husband will not put dirty clothes, except for his undies, in the laundry hamper. Instead his clothes, a mix of clean, dirty, and in between, are strewn throughout the bedroom, living room, and dining room, stacked, hung, and piled on every surface, including the ironing board. I used to sort through it all but I don't anymore. In fact, I just don't look at it anymore. When he had the audacity to say something about it, my retort was, "I'm not a nanny (maid)." Either he likes it and lives in it, or he doesn't like it and does something about it.

As for the undies, he knows how to operate the washing machine. He found himself fresh out twice in, oh, the past month before he figured out I'm not the Undie Nanny.

If its 95 degrees, you know I worked in 2 different counties, drove nearly 100 miles in 1 day - can you initiate making dinner, I don’t care if its crappy grilled cheese - at least you tried instead of waiting for me to do it when I get home.

Have you told him it's okay to cook, that it won't emasculate him? Does he even know how to cook? Not every man does.

You take showers - would it kill you to clean out the tub....ONCE?

Is he used to it all magically disappearing down a floor drain, never to be seen again? Maybe it's the difference in the bathrooms that's the problem. Take him on a "This Is How We Use The Shower" tour, ask him if he has any questions, and expect he'll clean up after himself when he's done from then on.

Your home all day - introduce yourself to the swiffer wet jet

Oh. The Swiffer Wet Jet? What will his friends say? Instead of fighting that battle, I make my husband leave the house every Friday afternoon for two hours. I pile all of his clothes onto a chair, dust, polish, run the sweeper, and voila!, it looks as beautiful as it's gonna get until the hurricane strikes.

Do I honestly have to tell you to take the garbage out - u see its overflowing ...

One of my friends (here, in Egypt) solved that problem by tossing it out the window. A little shame from the neighbors went a long way.

By all means, I’m not saying take over but help out a little. I appreciate more that he at least try and not get it right vs. not doing anything at all.

I say it's time for a sit down, heart-to-heart talk. It's only been two months and you're still trying to figure out how to live together. If you don't settle these things now and come up with a reasonable solution you both can live with, it will just fester and get worse. You really don't want that.

Employment:

I truly think he thinks a job will fall outta the sky & into his lap. Ok there’s not much you can do with out the EAD & its coming. However, instead of spending 12 -14 hours in bed a day & still wanting to relax when you do get up - do something. I feel I’ve truly done all I can do short of taking to employers for him about possible employment options. He does have some goals such as wanting to apply for his CDL license in hopes of getting a driving position ...but I don’t see any effort to realize that goals either.

Of course that job is going to fall out of the sky! He's in AMERICA now, and in AMERICA it's sooooooooooo easy.

Do you think maybe he's a little depressed? That's waaaaaaaaay too much sleeping.

So I guess I’m feeling frustrated with how some of things are going or not going. Thanks for listening ...