Jealousy

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Oh I didn't even THINK til now..we had a similar situation(but different too you'll see what I mean) Before Craig came over(to meet up even, but we already KNEW we were going to be together) there was a guy that lived *across the road from me *and I had seen on and off for about 3 years*(so there's your (major) difference..and I know that) but anyway...we had been friends before anything happened between us, and by the time I met Craig it had been THREE years since anything had happened. He wasn't currently with anyone(in between girls) a lot of that time, and I was with Craig at the end of that time. Craig wasn't jealous, but not entirely comfortable with all of those facts put together so I stopped seeing him. Not because he said I HAD to, because I didn't want to make him feel bad. He was a good friend tho, and Idid/do miss his friendship as that's ALL it was for some time before that...but I wouldn't do anything differently either if it would have made my fiance on the other side of the world uncomfortable. Different people, dif. things but I also knew that if the situation were completely reversed, I wouldn't have been happy with it either...which, ultimately, is why I discontinued the friendship. In some ways it stinks, and we both still say hi to him and his girlfriend now when we're outside and see them,etc. but I totally understand as well. If anything, I'm more jealous than Craig is! Sooo.my story! Michelle

[kc456 0]

I think you are being jealous, but for a good reason -- these guys are DATING, even if your fiancee does not see it that way....

[MrMrsKnight 1]

Well, Dave went back to the US last June after living with me here in Brazil for two years. We were like a "married" couple you know... so we've learned how to work things out from the few mistakes we've made.

I would get jealous too if I were you but I'd just talk to my fiance and explain why I don't feel comfortable with that situation. I trust Dave with my heart, he knows that. But I just wouldn't like the idea of him going on a date with some other girl and I'm sure he wouldn't like that either.... not at all.... hehe

She doesn't HAVE to do (or stop doing) anything she doesn't want to but you don't have to put up with this kida thing either so just try to work something in the middle.

Just talk to her and explain everything.... try to make her see how uncomfortable she'd feel if it was the other way around. I'm almost sure it'll work as I know South American girls are usually jealous. don't ask me how I know that.....

[denali_1963 0]

I LOVE threads like this because you always get to see who actually reads threads and who just reads a few and makes their comment!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah: Some of us are busy. Bite me!

some of us have ADD and can't pay attention to what we have read.

[MrMrsKnight 1]

LOL..... you caught me on that one!!!

I didn't see he had already talked to her...... ahhhhhhh shoot me! hehe

I'm glad it's all good now though.... really!

[ChristinaM 0]

How are things now, Mercury? Has the situation sorted itself out?

Enquiring minds want to know!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

mercuryroad,

I'd be jealous too.

[CarolineM 0]

I would be jealous.....

and I will not call you crazy.

[tsunamihart 0]

Ok (vale) you're crazy... ok that being said, you wouldn't have any male testosterone if you weren't a little bit crazy...of course I read that stuff the other day about your little food quirks... What's up wit dat!??? Just kidding, glad you worked it out it's all just the stupid long distance stuff... worry not.

[Moldovandish 0]

I think that trust is really important. With my hubby, when we spent 2 years apart, I knew I could trust him and that's all that mattered. Of course I'd get jealous sometimes and talk to him about it and everything worked out fine. I trust him and that's a great feeling!

I've had a past experience back home though that was really bad. The guy had cheated on me multiple times and I couldn't trust him anymore.... That's so hard to deal with.

I also think that culture differences sometimes account for some of the relationship issues as well. In some cultures having male friends is fine for an unmarried woman, but I personally have never really been close friends with a guy that didn't flirt or try to show at least some kind of interest etc.. There is always this "dating" game going on.. Only when I came to the States I was able to actually have male friends and enjoy the type of completely platonic friendship. My American hubby on the other hand has always had real good and trustworthy female friends, along with his guy friends.

Anyway, I guess I had to put in my few cents-worth of stuff

[m_and_m20 0]

Mercury...

you had mentioned in one of these posts (and im too lazy to go back and look for it now) that your fiancee has mostly male friends and you have mostly female friends, right?? well, before things get out of hand or more uncomfortable, why don't you innocently suggest that she introduce this man to her other male friends???? That way, he probably wont feel like she's abandoning him or his friendship but they would be hanging out in a larger group of mostly males, and her real male friends can keep an eye on him so that he doesn't try anything with her... and maybe, just maybe, he might make some other new friends and cling on them......

I mean, it is really nice of her to become friends with him, but too much one on one time might make him think that he may actually have a chance with her and try something. and then we will be reading in the news about some hot-headed irish man going down to Peru to beat the sh*t out of some guy hitting on his girl.

nip this in the bud before we read about you in the news!

[SOlcayto 0]

Meruryroad,

I think you are crazy and a complete ####### for acting like you own her. #######? I mean come on, you're acting like such a ####.

lol, jk. I read the whole thing, it's all good. My husband goes out with his friends that are chicks one on one but I've met them and they have no interest in him. I think you are right to be worried about the predator bc some guys don't take no for an answer and don't care at all that you're married. I was recently hit on by one of my "Friends" the same way, which totally pissed me off but what can you do? The world is full of a$$holes.

Good to hear you talked to her and that both of you are mature enough to sort it out. Aren't you glad you have her for a wife? I'm happy for both of you, sounds like you have a healthy relationship and that's a good thing.

SOL

P.S. My husband lands in Austin tomorrow night, yay me!

[Kajikit 65]

What matters is HER intentions... I told my fiance that he was allowed to hang out with whoever he wanted because I trusted him... but he chose not to. I had male friends and I'd go out and do things with them and he got jealous, but it would have never EVER crossed my mind to do anything remotely inappropriate. There is such a thing as a platonic friendship...

To my mind if they stayed in a public place together that's not inappropriate... it's not inappropriate unless he invited her back to his place for a nightcap (or vice versa...)

[mercuryroad 0]

Meruryroad,

I think you are crazy and a complete ####### for acting like you own her. #######? I mean come on, you're acting like such a ####.

lol, jk. I read the whole thing, it's all good. My husband goes out with his friends that are chicks one on one but I've met them and they have no interest in him. I think you are right to be worried about the predator bc some guys don't take no for an answer and don't care at all that you're married. I was recently hit on by one of my "Friends" the same way, which totally pissed me off but what can you do? The world is full of a$$holes.

Good to hear you talked to her and that both of you are mature enough to sort it out. Aren't you glad you have her for a wife? I'm happy for both of you, sounds like you have a healthy relationship and that's a good thing.

SOL

P.S. My husband lands in Austin tomorrow night, yay me!

First off, congrats on the Austin landing!!! I got great news last night myself that packet 3 had arrived and they also scheduled the interview for March 15th.....beware the ides of March!

Back to topic.....

You made a very good point. I think it is different when you know the people and have met them personally. It is much easier to get a feel for intentions and subtle body language etc. I leave for Peru next week and I'm probably going to meet this guy. I'm sure I will be able to tell right away what kind of situation it is.

I have a friend that I usually get lunch with after church on Sunday. She has been a co-worker and friend of mine for about 5 years now. She is single, but pregnant right now. I think about me going to lunch with her and it is TOTALLY plutonic on both sides. Anyone that knows us, knows there is nothing going on. But it is different when you are miles away. Lu will sometimes ask about her, and I think to myself.....when you meet her, you'll totally understand. When you don't know the person that they're hanging around with, it can be very difficult...your mind can go a little crazy. That doesn't mean you don't trust them, it's just a bi-product of a tough situation.

The more interesting part for me is that this guy gets back in town today (he has been in Lima for the past few days). Lu and I had the conversation the other night that I was uncomfortable with the situation (not lack of trust, but concerned). We have not discussed it since then so it will be interesting to see if she adjusts her behavior at all. He called the other night while I was on the phone with her. He was at a sporting event and a police horse steped on his foot and he was in some pain apparently. He asked if she was talking to me and then said that he can call back another time (Lu makes a point of staying on the phone with me while she is taking calls on her other phone and tells me what happened).

In regards to the suggestion about other guy friends......well, he has gone out with Lu and her group of friends several times. I would think he would have an opportunity to make some other friends, but I don't know....I'm not there to see. When they are out in a group he tells the guys that express interest in Lu that she has a boyfriend with big muscles so they shouldn't try anything.

Kajikit - I totally agree taht plutonic relationships do exist, and she has many! This one just smelled a little different and it's like I stated before, there is a fine line between trust and stupidity. If there are warning signs or anything like that, then it must at least be discussed.

At the end of the day I trust mi amor very much and I know that she is compassionate and considerate of other people. People will be drawn to that.....of course that is one of the many reasons why I love her so much. I don't want to change her, but I do need her to recognize when I am uncomfortable because I would not bring it up unless it really bothered me. In this case I made my feelings known so we will see how it progresses from here.

[Kajikit 65]

I'm glad you could talk to your fiance about the situation rather than forbidding her to contact the guy... I hope that you're wrong and the guy is only interested in being friends, but it does sound like he's a bit dependant on her and that's not a good thing... I understand why you're concerned - you're not worried about HER, you're worried about HIM.