Just a vent/ pity post... sorry

[Naijabound 1]

I swear it feels as if this process is never going to end. I’m so tired of waking up every morning realizing that he still is not here, and then the depression kicks in. Why does this have to take THIS long? Mentally, this process will take out the best of them. I want to be happy. I want to not worry anymore when and if he will be here. Some are able to move to their SO’s country through this process and/or if it doesn’t work out at the embassy. Me? I have two sons from a previous marriage that I could not uproot and move there. Also, I have a medical condition that would prevent me going there to live (diabetes). So then I worry about what if the interview is not successful, then what? Am I just supposed to forget him- move on with my life? I can’t do that. I just feel as if I’m in the mercy of people’s hands that I don’t even know and they don’t know us. I’m so tired of all this. Some day’s I feel as if I just cant mentally go on anymore. I guess the fact that I feel that I have had so many bumps in the road I just don’t have much hope anymore. First, I had to get my senator’s rep involved to get my NOA2 just two days shy of five month filing mark. Then, I get stuck in AP at NVC- another hold up. Now, just one day before my SO was going to pick up his packet and interview date at the consulate they started a new rule for no more walk in visa inquiries due to construction?!?. So here we are again waiting, waiting, waiting. And have no clue as to the process. DOS finally said that the embassy mailed out packet 3 on Monday July 27th and that my SO will have to complete the forms and return it to the embassy then they will mail out an interview date. This embassy has never followed that process. You bring all forms back to the interview. When I tell the lady at DOS this she then acts clueless as what to tell me. What DOS tell me contradicts what procedures the embassy follows and what the embassy has responded to me in a generic email- that “once a interview date is set then a packet will be sent to my SO.” Okay, so a packet was sent out on July 27th, but DOS says was just packet 3 and not packet 4 which contains the interview date. He doesn’t need packet 3 as he has downloaded all forms at the embassies website as per instructed in another email from them. Sorry folks… I know I may be rambling.. I just hate not knowing what is going on or when we can expect anything and how no one can ever give me the same info so it makes me wonder if the embassy even mailed anything out. DOS can’t even tell me who will be delivering the package that they mailed out- like will it be via DHL, FEDEX, or regular mail.

And for those who have been waiting much longer than I have- no disrespect to you guys- I’m just getting mentally drained from all this not knowing and the people who are suppose to know, don’t know.

[attaya_girl 1]

I'm sorry I hope that you receive an interview date quickly.

[reeses16 8]

Sorry, you're having a rough time. I think its a much easier process if you think positively and creatively. Instead of roadblocks, see a chance to make other choices.

If you SO can't make a walk in inquiry at the consulate its not a big deal- he can call or you can call

Packet 3 & 4. Some consulates do things different. In Ethiopia all you receive is packet 3, the materials from 4 are completed the day of the interview at the Consulate. Perhaps Nigeria changed their policy, if they didn't the worst thing that would happen is they give him packet 4 and will ask him to complete it. Also, don't call DOS, if the application is in Nigeria now, you'll get better information from the Consulate.

Getting stuck in AP at the NVC level was unfortunate. But maybe that satisfied whatever they were concerned about. Maybe no AP later

Having diabetes and worrying so much will not help your condition. Its difficult, but try not to be stressed about the situation. Things will workout somehow and there are many alternatives. Unless your diabetes is advance, you could work to control it with diet and exercise- it wouldn't prevent you from living in Nigeria. And Depending on the ages of your kids you might not have to wait that long or perhaps you can arrange a new custody agreement. Either way, I'm sure there are good schools in Nigeria.

As a K1 applicant, if he doesn't get the visa I think you're next step is probably to apply for a spousal visa. Also you have the option of moving to a different country together.

Its an overwhelming process with a lot of what ifs. Just try to relax. There is no reason you have to make all those decisions today or run through all the scenarios. Just focus on the task at hand.

I hope your day gets better!

Edited July 29, 2009 by reeses16

[Naijabound 1]

Thanks guys....

Reeses: I have had diabetes since i was 15, now 37. To date has always been controlled by pills. They note it as type II. My sons? Custody issues are not a problem considering their father is not in their lives. Im thinking more of a shock value on their end, lol.

Im just having a bad day I guess. I know things will come to pass either way it goes. Im just not a patient person and I have been praying on that issue. Not to mention not knowing the process now is not helping. We have called the embassy, no luck at all. Only got someone to answer the phone once and the guy kept putting me back to the same automated msg, lol. My SO went there once and of course was told they will contact him with the date, but that is all they said basically.

[Boundless 0]

Sorry, you're having a rough time. I think its a much easier process if you think positively and creatively. Instead of roadblocks, see a chance to make other choices.

If you SO can't make a walk in inquiry at the consulate its not a big deal- he can call or you can call

Packet 3 & 4. Some consulates do things different. In Ethiopia all you receive is packet 3, the materials from 4 are completed the day of the interview at the Consulate. Perhaps Nigeria changed their policy, if they didn't the worst thing that would happen is they give him packet 4 and will ask him to complete it. Also, don't call DOS, if the application is in Nigeria now, you'll get better information from the Consulate.

Getting stuck in AP at the NVC level was unfortunate. But maybe that satisfied whatever they were concerned about. Maybe no AP later

Having diabetes and worrying so much will not help your condition. Its difficult, but try not to be stressed about the situation. Things will workout somehow and there are many alternatives. Unless your diabetes is advance, you could work to control it with diet and exercise- it wouldn't prevent you from living in Nigeria. And Depending on the ages of your kids you might not have to wait that long or perhaps you can arrange a new custody agreement. Either way, I'm sure there are good schools in Nigeria.

As a K1 applicant, if he doesn't get the visa I think you're next step is probably to apply for a spousal visa. Also you have the option of moving to a different country together.

Its an overwhelming process with a lot of what ifs. Just try to relax. There is no reason you have to make all those decisions today or run through all the scenarios. Just focus on the task at hand.

I hope your day gets better!

All of what she said is true and it seems that only her and I are going through this at the Lagos Embassy (well at least on VJ), according to the DOS our packet was mailed on July 21st, it has been a week now and he hasn't receivedit yet.....and I know it doesn't take a week to get to him when he's in the same city. So It is actually a big deal of not being able to walk in at this embassy, because you Can't call as well. They never answer the phone and if they do they send you to an automated voice mail. And After the 10th time of us emailing for information, we can't get a response, only an general auto response. So it's hard not to focus on the road blocks when they are at every mile of your run. This is all just a mess and relax? That's something that is hard to do. But we are trying to stay positive, but easier said than done.

Edited July 29, 2009 by Boundless

[momov31 2]

Oh boo hold on. Remember not in our time but in his time. I know its hard and very stressful, but hold on to GOD's unchanging hand.

[Boundless 0]

Oh boo hold on. Remember not in our time but in his time. I know its hard and very stressful, but hold on to GOD's unchanging hand.

Thanks, that was sweet of you. Are you and your SO together? I was unable to see your timeline.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I remember going through those days. They suck. Thats all I can say about it.

There's nothing to say to make you feel better other than, you arent alone in this. There are people who understand exactly how it is. The feeling of powerlessness is overwhelming at times.

So, how long is this construction supposed to last guys? I will say that our consul said they mailed Y the packet and it took a couple weeks. We already had everything ready though. Have your SO's done the medicals yet? Do you have all of your proof together?

That was one thing that helped me stay busy...OCD'ing out on evidence and organizing folders full of proof of ongoing communication. I know mstamiz2much has had plenty of time for that waiting on AP at NVC but maybe take another look and see if there's anything you missed.

I dont know what else to say other than...I know how you feel and when your guy gets here, this will all seem like some strange bad memory that goes away as soon as they arrive. Take this time to prepare your proof, and have faith that you havent been brought this far to dropped on your @ss.

I hope you guys get your interviews very soon.

[Brian&Naty 0]

I swear it feels as if this process is never going to end. I’m so tired of waking up every morning realizing that he still is not here, and then the depression kicks in. Why does this have to take THIS long? Mentally, this process will take out the best of them. I want to be happy. I want to not worry anymore when and if he will be here. Some are able to move to their SO’s country through this process and/or if it doesn’t work out at the embassy. Me? I have two sons from a previous marriage that I could not uproot and move there. Also, I have a medical condition that would prevent me going there to live (diabetes). So then I worry about what if the interview is not successful, then what? Am I just supposed to forget him- move on with my life? I can’t do that. I just feel as if I’m in the mercy of people’s hands that I don’t even know and they don’t know us. I’m so tired of all this. Some day’s I feel as if I just cant mentally go on anymore. I guess the fact that I feel that I have had so many bumps in the road I just don’t have much hope anymore. First, I had to get my senator’s rep involved to get my NOA2 just two days shy of five month filing mark. Then, I get stuck in AP at NVC- another hold up. Now, just one day before my SO was going to pick up his packet and interview date at the consulate they started a new rule for no more walk in visa inquiries due to construction?!?. So here we are again waiting, waiting, waiting. And have no clue as to the process. DOS finally said that the embassy mailed out packet 3 on Monday July 27th and that my SO will have to complete the forms and return it to the embassy then they will mail out an interview date. This embassy has never followed that process. You bring all forms back to the interview. When I tell the lady at DOS this she then acts clueless as what to tell me. What DOS tell me contradicts what procedures the embassy follows and what the embassy has responded to me in a generic email- that “once a interview date is set then a packet will be sent to my SO.” Okay, so a packet was sent out on July 27th, but DOS says was just packet 3 and not packet 4 which contains the interview date. He doesn’t need packet 3 as he has downloaded all forms at the embassies website as per instructed in another email from them. Sorry folks… I know I may be rambling.. I just hate not knowing what is going on or when we can expect anything and how no one can ever give me the same info so it makes me wonder if the embassy even mailed anything out. DOS can’t even tell me who will be delivering the package that they mailed out- like will it be via DHL, FEDEX, or regular mail.

And for those who have been waiting much longer than I have- no disrespect to you guys- I’m just getting mentally drained from all this not knowing and the people who are suppose to know, don’t know.

Your burned out on the process, it happens to all of us. It does end and as huge as this seems right now? Its not, in the grand scheme of life. this will seem so small in hindsight. I did a post on that a few hours ago. hang in there ok?

[Boundless 0]

I remember going through those days. They suck. Thats all I can say about it.

There's nothing to say to make you feel better other than, you arent alone in this. There are people who understand exactly how it is. The feeling of powerlessness is overwhelming at times.

So, how long is this construction supposed to last guys? I will say that our consul said they mailed Y the packet and it took a couple weeks. We already had everything ready though. Have your SO's done the medicals yet? Do you have all of your proof together?

That was one thing that helped me stay busy...OCD'ing out on evidence and organizing folders full of proof of ongoing communication. I know mstamiz2much has had plenty of time for that waiting on AP at NVC but maybe take another look and see if there's anything you missed.

I dont know what else to say other than...I know how you feel and when your guy gets here, this will all seem like some strange bad memory that goes away as soon as they arrive. Take this time to prepare your proof, and have faith that you havent been brought this far to dropped on your @ss.

I hope you guys get your interviews very soon.

Thanks guys for the encouraging words. Also to answer the question about have our SO done their medical? In Nigeria, the doctor willnot do your medical without your appointment letter, you have to have that with you so you can see why we really need this packet and interview letter so we can press forward.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I remember going through those days. They suck. Thats all I can say about it.

There's nothing to say to make you feel better other than, you arent alone in this. There are people who understand exactly how it is. The feeling of powerlessness is overwhelming at times.

So, how long is this construction supposed to last guys? I will say that our consul said they mailed Y the packet and it took a couple weeks. We already had everything ready though. Have your SO's done the medicals yet? Do you have all of your proof together?

That was one thing that helped me stay busy...OCD'ing out on evidence and organizing folders full of proof of ongoing communication. I know mstamiz2much has had plenty of time for that waiting on AP at NVC but maybe take another look and see if there's anything you missed.

I dont know what else to say other than...I know how you feel and when your guy gets here, this will all seem like some strange bad memory that goes away as soon as they arrive. Take this time to prepare your proof, and have faith that you havent been brought this far to dropped on your @ss.

I hope you guys get your interviews very soon.

Thanks guys for the encouraging words. Also to answer the question about have our SO done their medical? In Nigeria, the doctor willnot do your medical without your appointment letter, you have to have that with you so you can see why we really need this packet and interview letter so we can press forward.

Aha. I guess some are like that... thats really frustrating. Some Panel MD's will let you do it with just the NOA2.

[RANNK1 8]

hello, I have a fiance in Nigeria too and sent out petition in June

I am waiting anxiously for the NOA2

He is a patient man and feels like I need to just relax and have faith. I am in the same boat as you- as i have a daughter joint custody- so can't move to Nigeria. Plus we have white skin and would be in a lot of danger over there. So better that he moved here. Anyways: I know how you feel. I am aching for my Nigerian too!!! Sometimes i can't sleep at night and everyday i check online and the mailbox to check for any new information about the petition. I love him so much and it hurts to not be with him and not know for sure if he is going to be granted a visa. you are almost there- try to hold on and try to focus on enjoying your kids. I am trying to spend lots of time with my daughter now , as once my fiance gets here my attention will be split. Plus am trying to clean up and organize my apartment and life more so when he gets here all will be ready for him. Best wishes- let me know how the interview goes. Rebecca and NNamdi

[Naijabound 1]

Oh my goodness!!!!! I just got a email from the Lagos Consulate. My fiance's interview date is September 9! Thank you Lord God Almighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Boundless 0]

Oh my goodness!!!!! I just got a email from the Lagos Consulate. My fiance's interview date is September 9! Thank you Lord God Almighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATS! I am SOOOOOO Happy for YOU and even happy for myself as well because if you got yours....I KNOW OURS IS SChEDULED AS WELL!!!!!

[cdneh 3,112]

Oh my goodness!!!!! I just got a email from the Lagos Consulate. My fiance's interview date is September 9! Thank you Lord God Almighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations!