Please tell me this didn't just happen

[diadromous mermaid 36]

From the little you've shared about the specifics, it's hard to know what her intentions were from the start. My hunch is that it was a genuine relationship between two people that grew apart during the years. You say you had a lot going against you. Perhaps it is the result of that and othe day-to-day issues. We can't know.

What I can share is that it is unlikely that someone that was only interested in being able to move and reside in the USA would have been able to maintain a facade for 8 years. Nor would an individual that had ulterior motives either encourage or go along with a spouse adopting her child if she knew that within a matter of years the relationship would no longer serve a purpose. I think you need to let the news settle in a bit before you jump to any conclusions like that.

To the rest of the people that responded to this thread with sarcastic comments or troll alert claims:

Please resist the sick temptation. I don't know from one post whether a member is genuine or not. And I suspect neither can you. If you think a member is a troll, please wait until it becomes patently obvious before having your fun. The hazards of that behavior to what might very well be a legitimate plea for help could be dire. Please use common sense.

Hello everybody,I googled- my wife just got her citizenship and left me. (I also adopted her son 6 months ago BTW) I was directed to this website with a somewhat similar case. My wife did not get mean and say it was business. She did say it was a bad time in her life when we met and she still sees what a wonderful person I am after about 8 years of marriage... That being said and done when you enter into a relationship you must look at things for what they are. I'm babbling, it's only been a few days and I am drunk. I don't hate her just wish she would have been more honest with me from the beginning. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad after living a fairy tale. Nobody I know understands. Just thought I would post on here because it sounds like some of you here have had similar problems. She realized that she can't be who she was for me any more and doesn't want to take everything from me. It's just sad. I feel like this could happen to anybody, please tell me that nobody can put on such an act after so long. There was so many things going against us and it just didn't work. I really want to beleive that

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The behaviour of the first few respondents in this thread was inappropriate and irresponsible. There is nothing in this post to suggest a troll and your comments may well have made a bad situation for him worse. This is the type of behaviour Captain Ewok referenced in his letter to the membership: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=207663. If you haven't read it yet, read it now. 4 hours suspensions are being given out to those who have earned them for OT behaviour in non-OT forums.

To the OP, I agree with Diaddie in her post above - I think it would be very difficult for someone to keep up a false front for 8 years. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but I agree, it does appear that you had a real relationship and unfortunately, it ran into problems. I compliment you on your attitude and behaviour about not seeking 'revenge', and hope you are able to find some healing for your pains soon.

[Carol and Bruno 0]

The behaviour of the first few respondents in this thread was inappropriate and irresponsible. There is nothing in this post to suggest a troll and your comments may well have made a bad situation for him worse. This is the type of behaviour Captain Ewok referenced in his letter to the membership: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=207663. If you haven't read it yet, read it now. 4 hours suspensions are being given out to those who have earned them for OT behaviour in non-OT forums.

To the OP, I agree with Diaddie in her post above - I think it would be very difficult for someone to keep up a false front for 8 years. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but I agree, it does appear that you had a real relationship and unfortunately, it ran into problems. I compliment you on your attitude and behaviour about not seeking 'revenge', and hope you are able to find some healing for your pains soon.

[j and c 8]

be careful if you are drinking, what are you drinking?

tell us more.

[lost in Egypt 4 u 0]

Hello everybody,I googled- my wife just got her citizenship and left me. (I also adopted her son 6 months ago BTW) I was directed to this website with a somewhat similar case. My wife did not get mean and say it was business. She did say it was a bad time in her life when we met and she still sees what a wonderful person I am after about 8 years of marriage... That being said and done when you enter into a relationship you must look at things for what they are. I'm babbling, it's only been a few days and I am drunk. I don't hate her just wish she would have been more honest with me from the beginning. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad after living a fairy tale. Nobody I know understands. Just thought I would post on here because it sounds like some of you here have had similar problems. She realized that she can't be who she was for me any more and doesn't want to take everything from me. It's just sad. I feel like this could happen to anybody, please tell me that nobody can put on such an act after so long. There was so many things going against us and it just didn't work. I really want to beleive that

You all ................open ur eyessssssssss yessssssssssssss they all want their green cards, don't you get it ??????

All you out there going for this love on line ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,its bull.........u can;t love somebody over the net ,u need to live with them and see their action before u spend all the time and money to let them come over here.

if the US gov takes its time to approve it let them go , there is something wrong if u like it or not !!!!!

[DanielParul 50]

You all ................open ur eyessssssssss yessssssssssssss they all want their green cards, don't you get it ??????

All you out there going for this love on line ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,its bull.........u can;t love somebody over the net ,u need to live with them and see their action before u spend all the time and money to let them come over here.

if the US gov takes its time to approve it let them go , there is something wrong if u like it or not !!!!!

And you are on VJ because....?

[Kathryn41 3,205]

You all ................open ur eyessssssssss yessssssssssssss they all want their green cards, don't you get it ??????

All you out there going for this love on line ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,its bull.........u can;t love somebody over the net ,u need to live with them and see their action before u spend all the time and money to let them come over here.

if the US gov takes its time to approve it let them go , there is something wrong if u like it or not !!!!!

Perhaps you should read more carefully. They have been married and living together for 8 years. If all she wanted was her green card she could have left years ago. Nowhere does it say he met his wife online either. Perhaps he was working overseas in her country. Perhaps she was already in the US and they met here. I also object to your statement that you can't love somebody over the net - that is how my husband and I met and we love each other very much.

Your post adds nothing to this discussion. Please refrain from posting if you have nothing useful to say.

Edited July 19, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Jauque 1]

She did say it was a bad time in her life when we met and she still sees what a wonderful person I am after about 8 years of marriage... She realized that she can't be who she was for me any more and doesn't want to take everything from me.

It sounds to me like she felt like she needed to be somebody else to be with you. Maybe if you still have the oppurtunity to speak to her you should let her know that she can be whoever she really is and that's okay with you.

Also, as you mentioned that you adopted her son, you still have parental rights as a father so while your family may be 'broken' right now, you still have a family. You have every right to enforce your legal rights as a parent. No one would look on it as being vengeful or wrong of you to do so.

Best of luck to you!

[scandal 951]

Perhaps you should read more carefully. They have been married and living together for 8 years. If all she wanted was her green card she could have left years ago. Nowhere does it say he met his wife online either. Perhaps he was working overseas in her country. Perhaps she was already in the US and they met here. I also object to your statement that you can't love somebody over the net - that is how my husband and I met and we love each other very much.

Your post adds nothing to this discussion. Please refrain from posting if you have nothing useful to say.

No, it doesn't say they've been "married and living together for 8 years". It says they've been MARRIED for 8 years. There are many cases here on VJ of couples married and separated for years, waiting for visas and circumstances to permit them to be reunited. It's entirely possible that the OP married a foreigner years ago who only relatively recently came to the US. The OP also states that the adoption of the child happened VERY recently - 6 months ago. Meaning that the spouse was perhaps biding her time to get her child's status taken care of (e.g. under Citizenship Act of 2000, an adopted child immediately can gain US citizenship upon entry to the US) before walking away from a marriage that was always in her mind intended as a sham.

Not that I know the OP's situation better than any others here. All just to say it's quite possible OP did get taken in - the 8 year relationship proves nothing.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I smell troll!!

I don't smell troll here. I think the guy was talking from his broken heart, and was slapped in the face by some insensitive, agressive sarcasm. I thought some folks were better than this. Sucks!

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

I smell troll!!

I don't smell troll here. I think the guy was talking from his broken heart, and was slapped in the face by some insensitive, agressive sarcasm. I thought some folks were better than this. Sucks!

Agreed and disgusted by peoples nastiness (also in his defense he did say he was drunk).

OP sorry for your loss although I hope you can keep a relationship with your son.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

She has to be a permanent resident and living with her US husband for at least 3 years to qualify for citizenship. She just became a citizen so they have been living together in the US for at least 3 years, and add another 6 to 8 months on top of that for processing and getting her citizenship oath. They may have been living apart prior to that but the marriage is at least 8 years old according to the OP and she does need to be living with her husband to get citizenship. If she waited for the 5 year citizenship she wouldn't need her husband, but then she could have left him after getting her green card, which she didn't. According to him, she just left.

[nurse1967 287]

Hello everybody,I googled- my wife just got her citizenship and left me. (I also adopted her son 6 months ago BTW) I was directed to this website with a somewhat similar case. My wife did not get mean and say it was business. She did say it was a bad time in her life when we met and she still sees what a wonderful person I am after about 8 years of marriage... That being said and done when you enter into a relationship you must look at things for what they are. I'm babbling, it's only been a few days and I am drunk. I don't hate her just wish she would have been more honest with me from the beginning. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad after living a fairy tale. Nobody I know understands. Just thought I would post on here because it sounds like some of you here have had similar problems. She realized that she can't be who she was for me any more and doesn't want to take everything from me. It's just sad. I feel like this could happen to anybody, please tell me that nobody can put on such an act after so long. There was so many things going against us and it just didn't work. I really want to beleive that

You all ................open ur eyessssssssss yessssssssssssss they all want their green cards, don't you get it ??????

All you out there going for this love on line ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,its bull.........u can;t love somebody over the net ,u need to live with them and see their action before u spend all the time and money to let them come over here.

if the US gov takes its time to approve it let them go , there is something wrong if u like it or not !!!!!

You are wrong. Maybe this is the case for you. I would argue that there are many many cases on VJ where people met online and are very happy. I happen to be one of them.

[Jeanycnd 0]

Not all fairy tales end with Happy Ending.Who know shes not really the women that meant for you.I know you can find better woman than her...

[Kathryn41 3,205]

OT type comment inappropriate for this forum has been removed.