pregnant, and complicated- need advice abt K-1

[KittyPollitt 284]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

[ak3 0]

it wont hurt or help you. I dont think they will see it as proof either. It takes much more than that

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I'd hardly call it proof that you are serious... all it proves is that you didn't use effective birth control. And that you are a huge RISK TAKER, poor planner, and a bit gutsy creating PROOF that you committed adultery in a Muslim country with someone you just met..... against the morals and values, of his culture and yours.

Can't figure out how it will get you "in trouble" IF you stay here. There you are guilty of adultery and if they had sharia law you couldbe in DEEP YOGURT. And even if they don't enforce sharia law (death penalty for your little tryst), you've shamed yourself, your child, and the child's ENTIRE FAMILY, on the father's side at least....

I don't think I'd be asking if the CHILD is "helping or hindering" you... I think I'd be asking "What did I DO to the future of my child?????? Allah help this poor innocent child....

Sorry but I don't really care much about how children affect the lives of their parents... they didn't ask to be born... this was your choice and now the CHILD has to live with the consequences... NOT FAIR AT ALL...

Hasbi Allah wa namal wakeel

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I don't even know where to start with this one, but, no, being pregnant and married to a man not the father doesn't constitute proof of a serious relationship. I do appreciate that you are not considering abortion. I can't say that I think much of the character of the man you are "in love" with, and don't see much success for such a hedonistic beginning. Sorry, to be so blunt. Insha'allah, I'm wrong; Allah knows best.

[Dakine 26]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

Getting pregnant just shows you made a BAD decision not being more careful. Easy to get pregnant! You don't get points for that.

Hopefully you made a correct judgement about the guy! Doesn't look that way as he was stupid enuf to knock you up.

LOTS of males looking for green cards in Morocco. Hopefully you are not older then your boyfriend.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

It will either make no difference, or hinder you given the traditions and laws in Morroco. The child proves only two had sexual intercourse without birth control, they both have functioning reproductive organs, and non-functioning thought processes. Pretty solid primary evidence of two people meeting in person, but beyond that, nothing. One could argue it proves not one, but TWO people are NOT serious, only careless. In my opinion (and it is just that) serious people do a little "family planning". I don't think anyone will buy the story that getting pregnant proves seriousness of anything.

Since your child, born here, is a US citizen there is even no need to mention the child in the process. It will not do you any good and could hurt you. Is having sex against the law or having children against the law?

I would try to present other evidence that you have met in person and have an ongoing relationship. I also would suggest NOT taking your child to Morroco before your visa is approved and your fiance comes here and you are married.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

Getting pregnant just shows you made a BAD decision not being more careful. Easy to get pregnant! You don't get points for that.

Hopefully you made a correct judgement about the guy! Doesn't look that way as he was stupid enuf to knock you up.

LOTS of males looking for green cards in Morocco. Hopefully you are not older then your boyfriend.

Um, there was also a Poster here, from Morocco, asking how to get his "citizenship" since he knocked up an American woman and was sure that was the "path to citizenship". No kidding. Seems to be a common mis-conception (pardon the pun) throughout the world.

[KittyPollitt 284]

wow, thank all of you for your prejudgements. its so good to see how many people on the internet have such high moral standing. as far as whats best for MY CHILD, i think being with both it's parents is on that list. and perhaps i should have gotten into further detail about my 4 month marriage that ended in LEGAL separation because my husband decided he was a homosexual. in a forum where EVERYONE faces scrutiny about the legitimacy of thier relationships, i expected far more compassion and understanding... and i suppose i'm much better off contacting an attorney than listening to the advice of "online counsel". good luck to you all.

[msheesha 548]

If you have any of the red flags going against you and the K1 is not approved, you will have an uphill battle getting married in Morocco under the circumstances of being pregnant with the Moroccan man's baby while you were still married to someone else. It's likely they wouldn't marry you at all based on those circumstances. Do you really even know this guy in Morocco? What does he do? And, what could have possibly been a good enough reason not to use birth control????

I agree with KH Perfect Match - starting out by thinking about how the baby will help you or not isn't the best welcome for the baby.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

PS - I didn't catch this late last night, but you can't marry him when your divorce is final, and then file for a K1. Also, it is a red flag at the Moroccan consulate to marry soon after a divorce to a man you don't really know. It was also wise consul not to return to Morocco with the baby while not married to the father. If you return while you are obviously pregnant, that may cause embarassment for the family, creating resentment and conflict.

You didn't say where he is from in Morocco, or where you hung out when you were there, but smaller, more traditional areas are gossip mills where an out of wedlock pregnancy brings dishonor to a family. On the other hand, if you are just to be used for a green card, that won't matter much to them. Solid relationships are battered by the kind of pressures that the immigration process produces. When coupled with an unintended pregnancy in a developing relationship, that's a basis for increasing tensions.

May God be with you.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

wow, thank all of you for your prejudgements. its so good to see how many people on the internet have such high moral standing. as far as whats best for MY CHILD, i think being with both it's parents is on that list. and perhaps i should have gotten into further detail about my 4 month marriage that ended in LEGAL separation because my husband decided he was a homosexual. in a forum where EVERYONE faces scrutiny about the legitimacy of thier relationships, i expected far more compassion and understanding... and i suppose i'm much better off contacting an attorney than listening to the advice of "online counsel". good luck to you all.

Sorry, some responses are rough, but most who have been here a while know what lies ahead for you. It's frustrating to know how many obstacles you have created for yourself, and I think the responses reflect that exasperation. Women in your situation have come here before. Most end badly. No one likes to see that.

[Ihavequestions 419]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

Set everything else aside and deal with the issues at hand first. You're married and you are pregnant. You're going to have to figure out a way to make the biological father of your child its legal father. That's pretty hard in a country that assumes a child conceived during a marriage is the husband's child. It looks like the baby will be born this summer; your divorce won't be final until October. That's a big problem. Very big.

[MrsRowe 2]

So, I met him on Facebook last year (while in a short-lived, miserable marrige) fell in love online, separated from my husband, and last month travelled to Morocco to meet him. We had a wonderful time, and we plan to marry when my divorce is final (which will be October). I got back to the US and discovered I am pregnant. This goes against Moroccan tradition, and Moroccan law. I'm having the baby, inchallah, and plan to file his K1 in November. Will our child help us or hinder us in any ways? Its certainly proof that we're serious, lol.. but I worry it may get us in trouble. Any advice?

Sarah

I do not think it will hinder you at all. Just make sure that as soon as you have the baby, be sure to have his name added to the birth certificate. My daughter was born before my husband and i got married and they would not allow me to add his name because he was not here as yet. You will have to have him fill out a notarized form to add his name to the birth certificate. Good luck to you.

As for others, while i understand that it is bad as a muslim what happened, i find that some of your responses were very harsh. We are all humans and that's the way it is. They love each other, they consumated that love and though God forbids those that fornicate, he is more than willing to forgive once you repent. Judge not lest you be judged. She is asking for advice, not judgement. I believe that is what VJ is for. For us to ask for and recieve advice.

[AlHayatZween 2]

Dear Squeaky,

As far as K1 is concerned, just make sure you divorce is final, and then start the visa application. From USCIS standpoint, the baby won't be considered either way in the issuance of the visa. More troubling is how to prepare for the visa interview considering your possible red flags, but we all have issues we have to prepare for and negotiate when it comes time for the interview w/ the consulate in Morocco.

But for now, one step at a time...

Good luck!

hz

[Sandrila 1]

I dont think it will either hinder or help you, sorry that you will probably be alone delivering your baby.

Good Luck and I hope when you do file, it goes smoothly for you.

What is your fiance's take on the whole thing? Is is family supportive? Could you go to there and marry and stay a while so you dont have to be alone and could expedite your filing?